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No Obeying In Marriage Vows

Is it wrong for a woman to say that she wouldn't say she would obey her husband when she says her vowes.

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 ---derrick on 4/5/05
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In reply to the view that a woman should promise to obey her husband in her wedding vows I disagree strongly. I would not expect any wife to promise to obey or submit to me, it denotes inferiority and demeans and degrades her. She is saying "because I am a woman, my views and my judgment are less valid and less sound than yours." Once this principle is established, it would be easier to take away women's other rights eg the right to vote, which is the fundamentalists' not-so-hidden agenda.
---jonathan on 1/19/08


Homeless again, if your wife has been deprived of sleep for five months after giving birth to your child, how is it her fault that anything went wrong in your marriage? You were supposed to love her as Christ loved the Church, and be her strength during this difficult time. Between the hormones and the lack of sleep, your wife was not in any position to "obey" you. I have had four children and my husband faced extreme mood swings and foolishness, but he gave me the strength to endure.
---lorra8574 on 5/28/07


If my wife, who hasn't had any sleep to speak of in the past 5 months due to a new child, had of obeyed me when I SUGGESTED a small change - life would be good. Instead I was the recipient of an over emotional meltdown in a public place on our wedding anniversary day in which she pretty much broke our marriage and trust for each other.
---Homeless_Again on 5/28/07


In first corinthians 7 I believe the bible says to submit to our husband so i believe the word obey should be in wedding vows
---sandra on 4/16/07


Hello Dee :: you are picking at an old scab.Genesis 3:16 should point the way."Rule" is a broad word & has to be accomplished with Love as God is love.Misconstruing a word of God is man's folly guess we all need an education .
---Emcee on 4/16/07




Funny story: when I got married the judge wanted me to repeat what he said, "...I promise to be dutiful..." I thought he said I promise to be beautiful..so thats what I said...."I promise to be beautiful.." and that was just fine with my husband!
---sue on 4/16/07


Bride: I,_____, take thee,_____, to be my wedded Husband. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance. I didn't vow it, but my wife wanted to and seems to be very happy 'obeying' me. It's all about love and i'm more than happy doing the things she wants me to and she's always happy to do what i wish her to. I love her and it has never been a problem.
---DAM_UK on 4/15/07


I do not believe that the word "obey" should be included in marriage vows. A wife is not the property of a husband, nor is he her father. A marriage is one of unity, love, committment, and compassion. For a man to require that his wife pledge to be submissive and subserviant is wrong. A man should cherish his wife as she should cherish her husband. To become one means that you will support your spouse and be a positive part of the marriage. Do not undermine or belittle each other. You have but one father, Our Father. Obey him and you will find happiness.
---Dee on 4/10/05


"Wives, be "subject" to your own husbands" isn't obedience, is the Greek "hupo": "to arrange under" & isn't in the Classical Greek. It's "yielding one's preferences to another". Jesus was "subject to His parents," yet He didn't consult them when He was "about His Father's business,". "Wives to your own husbands," shows the verb for v. 22 in v. 21.
---Luz on 4/8/05


Ann ... it is nice to have that in the vows, but nice to think it is not needed!

In a way:
If your potential husband insists on you promising to obey
or
You refuse to promise to obey,
then
One or other or both of you are insecure in your love for each other, and the marriage should be reconsidered.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/7/05




I've never been married (hope some day tho), but I do not want "obey" in my vows..love, honor and respect, yes- absolutely- but I am not about to say "obey" to any man. I obey God, and Him alone will I serve. I know this is a controversial subject, and everyone here seems to think it's a good thing to have it in the vows...me- no. "Obey" to me signifies subjugation, servitude, loss of rights, lack of ability to make decisions- but I know I'm in the minority here. Maybe I'll change my mind, but now..uh-uh.
---Ann on 4/7/05


There's also a clause along the lines of the guy giving all his money, etc. to the wife. They can both be looked at negatively. This world sure has preached that! The goal behind it is not to make the other miserable or a doormat, but to learn how to serve eachother with complete unconditional love; to put eachother's needs above your own, and to live a godly, righteous, fruitful life. It sounds like she could use a different perspective/description on the words obey and submit. Hope this helped!
---Katie on 4/7/05


This has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way for years. I believe it is because of the way some men use that scripture to abuse their wife, but the answer comes from both parties being, first of all, truly saved, not just "surface" salvation, and be truly in relationship with the Lord and also having the ability to rightly divide God's Word. There is no need for a woman to feel if she is joined with a man of God who has the spirit of God to understand that it is pleasing to the Lord to be in submission and that they should lead their wife in the things of God.
---Janice on 4/7/05


Layne, The word in Titus 2:5 is best translated, "Subject", wives are to be 'subject' to their own husbands, which can be equivalent to 'obey'. In Ancient Greek= "ypotassomenas" (hypo= under, beneath + tasso= put in order), and "ypotasso"= place under, subject. And the Greek word for obey is "ypakouo". I Peter 3:6. Just as the Christian is subject to and obedient to Christ, so too the wife is subject to and obedient to the husband. The man was never made for the woman, but the woman was made to be a helpermate for the man. Genesis 2:18.
---Eloy on 4/7/05


Continue: In the Bible it states, What ever you do , do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men.Submitting to ones husband (or obeying) , is sweet. Meaning to honor him, respect him,kind words are more soothing, and not talking your man down.God did not mean for a husband to be bossy, but head over the home.This never came easy for me in the beginning, but knowing it is God's will made me try harder, and now I enjoy looking to my husband. God always knows whats best. :o)
---Sherri on 4/6/05


Ephesians 5:22 says," Wives, submit to your own husbands. Submission ( hupotasso) is actually a military term meaning to rank ones self under some one else, in the heart of this meaning is subjection to & obedience to this person, to look to them for their opinion or authority.The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.Submission really has more to do with God than your husband, because this was God's plans & His ways. Sherri
---Sherri on 4/6/05


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Dorothy ... it is sad to see you have never seen a biblical marriage. But, I think there are many marriages where the couple never make the claim, because their relationship goes beyond following the rules.

By which I mean that the husband truly loves and gives his all for his wife, not because he is instruted to by the bible, byut because he wants to. And the wife obeys, because she wants to not because she has to.

And of course now the wife often makes certain decisions ... I would say that is not unbiblical, where both agree that she has the greater competance in that area.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/6/05


Dorothy Miller you said you know no one who has a biblical marriage. Well, I do know some and it is awesome to see and to be around them. The one couple that comes the first to mind. that young man would never say he had sacrificed or died to self or given up anything for his wife. It is such a joy to serve her because of his love for her it doesn't seem like sacrifice.And I am sure his wife never feels like she HAS to obey him. It is awesome.
---becky on 4/6/05


A woman marrying a husband should be happy to have a husband as her leader, just as the church is a happy church to let Jesus be the head. Else the church wouldn't even be a church if we decided not to listen to Jesus, and obey his commands, and instead do it our own way. How sad, America use to have the lowest divorce rate, now i think it is the highest for broken homes.
---Eloy on 4/6/05


It is her choice to edit the vows. The husband may agree. She may have a different word instead of 'obey.' But the fact of her getting married is an agreement and to stay married she has to obey the terms of the agreement.
---gregg on 4/6/05


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Christians, whether male or female, are to obey God above all else. He is the author of marital relationships. The wife is to respect and obey her husband and he in return is to love her the same way Christ loves the church. It is sad because I don't know of anyone who has such a relationship.

God bless.
---Dorothy_Miller on 4/6/05


My Bible does not use the word obey in Titus 2:5. It says subject.
---Madison on 4/6/05


The Bible reads, "wives are to be obedient to their husbands." Titus 2:5. So if she doesn't want to obey her husband, then it shows obstinance and rebellion at the start, and in the long sight it looks unstable for their marriage and probable candidates for divorce court.
---Eloy on 4/6/05


"Submit" may be a better word than "obey." Keep in mind that it may be hard to accurately translate the original Bible's Greek or Hebrew into today's English. Of course, a wise husband will be Godly and worth submitting to; the Bible says that. God gave man and woman unique giftings, of which to bring to their marriage. I, being female, will submit to my wise, loving, and Godly husband; he in turn, will be the priest of the house, his divine role. Praise God for His ultimate wisdom in making us a team!
---Layne on 4/6/05


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If men would love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, they would probably love to be obedient to their husbands. I would.
---shira_5965 on 4/5/05


Submission is not the equivalent of obedience. It is perfectly acceptable to not say obey. My daughter didn't. When I got married, my pastor made me say obey. It took years to learn the difference between the two word. Scripture says to submit to the husband. Not to obey.
---Madison on 4/5/05


you should consider the fact that refusing to "obey" a husband is a symtom of a larger issue, rebellion against all others including our creator. think about why you have this problem with vows and pray about it and talk it over with your husband.
---curt on 4/5/05


I didn't use the word obey. We wrote our vows. What did it matter he broke them ALL regardless of what we said and the marriage ended in divorce. It matters less what you say than what you mean and what you do. God says let your yes be yes. Next time think that's all I'll say is yes.
---becky on 4/5/05


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