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Husband Has Nudes and Love

How do you handle a husband who talks to, emails exgirlfriends, has love letters, cards, nude pictures of those in his past? I discovered this when he moved in (newlyweds). I stopped communicating w/my ex's, my ex's understand, commenting that they respect my commitment to my husband and marriage.

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 ---irene on 4/6/05
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Katie, are you still married?
---Shiela on 8/8/07


When I had a similar experience, I talked to my husband first. Then, when the items didn't disappear, I got an apartment, packed my belongings, and told him that I would not live with an adulterer. Things changed right then. He now respects me for my strong beliefs in the sanctity of marriage.
---Annie on 8/8/07


Dear, Don is right. Your husband is committing adultery. You need to tell your parents and his parents too, as well as the rest of his family. Perhaps he will accept their rebuke. He is either a) not a Christian, or b) he is a back-sliding Christian who needs to repent. Bringing all of this out in the open may bring about "b". You're going to need a lot of grace and family support in order to solve this problem.
---Bryan_Shaw on 8/4/07


Tell him what you have said on this blog about your ex's. You stopped communicating with them etc... A short talk and airing your concerns maybe all that's needed. I hope so. If not, you could be walking on shaky ground. I pray things get better for you.
---Robyn on 8/4/07


Is your husband a Christian?
Christian, or not he should give more respect to you than to keep up these activties. If he won't take your advice, seek professional help together.
He has a serious problem, and now so do you. God bless, you will be in my prayers.
---NV_Barbara on 8/4/07




Sister, I am sorry you are going through this. I believe that everyone's case is different and its hard for you to follow someone's advice cause it might be wrong. Only you know how things are at home and only you can make the decision for you and your family. You cannot change him to think and see things as you see them, Only God can. But you can act for yourself and family. Our prayers are with you.
---Lupe2618 on 5/17/05


I am the one who posted the original question, so thank you for all your prayers and for your wisdom. I have gotten a little confused with alot of the responses as some have posted their issues so I am not really sure which were responding to the original post. But, thank you and god bless.
---irene on 4/18/05


Sorry, but this is adultry and mental abuse. He is not honoring you or Christ. You need to leave until he confesses his sins and gets right with the Lord. You should also pray and ask Christ to place a Hedge of Thorns around him to keep out the work of the destoryer and bring your husband to repentance. Donald3251
---Don on 4/9/05


No, my husband is not a christian. I have talked to him till I am blue in the face. I have asked him to go get help or to talk with our pastor. He says there is nothing wrong with him. He came into the world necket, why not walk around this way. He see's nothing wrong in it.I believe in marrage vales hole heartly.
---Lois on 4/8/05


Sorry, to here of this. Just pray for them. Not to much you can do.Pray for them. Once they start its like a never ending battles. I have a husband that likes to walk around the house nude. In front of my girls and freinds. Does not care. But I do as it really makes me mad. I have talked to him many times about this matter. He tells me this is his house, pays the bills. He'll do what he wants. But I leave it at that. Its in God's hands. He'll have to answer to God for all his doings.Pray, Pray
---Lois on 4/8/05




Mathew5:28 But I say unto you,That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath commited adultery with her already in his heart.Matthew19:9 read this it shows you can put your spouse away/divorce for fornication/adultery and the above verse shows adultery isn't always a physical act in the eyes of God.He married you under false pretenses by making you think you were the only one in his life,as you should be.He lied and committed fraud.Two make up a marriage.Do you want to live one of many?
---Darlene_1 on 4/7/05


I agree with other replies, in that your husband needs help.

At the same time, I don't think being his wife means you put up with that sort of behaviour. To be the 'suffering wife', doesn't mean you 'put up and shut up'. I believe that the Lord certainly can use you to help, but I also believe that He didn't mean for you to be put down either.

I'd encourage both of you together, if that is possible, to go to your pastor about this.
---Robert on 4/7/05


Tina, Your husband is caught in bondage and you need clear answers of real help. I have a great solution!It's very rare that male or females are ever taught true biblical sexuality. As we grow we enter into intimate 'relationships'long before marriage and when we do marry often we find dissallusionment and frustrations from lack of open communication. The best possible place to turn would be Song Of Solomon ministries.We learned how to view each other sexually the biblical way,and to find fullfillment in our marriage. Message me if I can pray for your needs in any way. God bless....Yvette
---Yvette on 4/7/05


May I respond to Becky's question to Deborah without starting WWIII? Honeslty, Becky, that is a marriage! LOL. She has taken her vows seriously, for better or worse, and I commend her for it. I realize you just want her to be happy, but sometimes God allows us to suffer in order to strengthen and bless us in the end. Deborah, God is going to bless you far more than he has already, and you just keep on with that advice girl! Your loyalty and godly love for your husband could be the way to his salvation and deliverance!
---Katie on 4/7/05


My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. We love each other and do not look lustfully at other people, nor do we keep in contact with ex's. Flirting is cheating's ugly cousin, and we do neither, nor do we want to. When you're in love with someone, why look (lustfully) at anyone else? I will pray for your husband.
---Tina on 4/7/05


Cliff ... I have started a new blog suggesting that we all add that something extra to our "name", to avoid confusion between different people of the same name.

Some though may not want their Penpal identity broadcast, so could do something else, as I have.

When I first did this, I showed my country, to explain why I might have a slightly different dimension on things such as the Presidential election, or some other secular issues.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/7/05


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Matthew 5: 27-28

Jesus said, " Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
---Paula on 4/6/05


This could be confusing....we have "another" CLIFF on here.I'll have to distinguish by adding 1st. 1st cliff
---cliff on 4/6/05


Dorothy you say you have been through it all with your hubby and it has been 19 years. But didn't say if he is repentant and if he has forsaken those things. We can read all the books we want and forgive and put up with all we want but is that a marriage? I truely hope your husband had repented and forsaken those things.
---becky on 4/6/05


All I can say is. That is a two way street. Both parties have to depart from there previous lives to truly enjoy their current life. Why would God ask you to leave your parents and cling to each other and not mean for you to leave all that other mess behind too! Believe it or not, I had the same problem, but it was the woman that could not leave ex's behind. Stay prayful, and have faith. But, things are accomplished by works. Don't just sit back. Stay in the fight, if that is the man god has given you. If he is not, and he has adultered on this. You know what you must do.
---Lester on 4/6/05


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I will be as kind as possible in this 2nd reply & hopefully not offend 1 of the responsees. Read Malachi 2:16. It says that God hates divorce. He intended 4 1 man/1 woman 4life. Doesn't anyone listen 2/take their vows seriously? It's a vow 2 ur spouse & b4 God. 4 better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness & in health until death do they part. Why do so many Christians ignore the worse, poorer, sickness & death part of their vows? This disturbs me greatly. I know adultery is grounds 4 divorce, but shouldn't we strive 4 the higher calling of God's plan? Again, read Malachi 2:16.
---Dorothy on 4/6/05


Having read all your replies. This is a sickness of his soul, Lust like drugs & alcohol is a sickness cured only by ones desire to make ammends contrition & seeking guidance of the Holy spirit in short he must make the change or else no dice. My prayer is with you Irene.God Bless you.
---Cliff on 4/6/05


Pray & ask God 4 help. He knows what is going on & He can change your husband's habits. There's a wonderful book called The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I have gone through everything with my husband (abuse, affairs, porn, etc.). This year marks our 19th anniversary. It hasn't been easy but I have trusted God to change him in the areas needed and I stayed faithful to both God and my husband. God will bless you and help you. Trust in him. Remember, for better or for worse. It seems a lot of people forget the "worse" part of their vows.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 4/6/05


I cannot pretend to have an answer for this, but if I were you, I would talk to him about it and then maybe talk to your preacher or a Christian counselor.
---Anissa on 4/6/05


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I say speak to him about it and show him how you feel about the situation. Although it seems that he should automatically know that this behaviour is not right. He simply may not know. Also pray for for wisdom and guidance on approching the situation. There is also a book called "The Power of a Praying Wife". Take care and God Bless
---Joynette on 4/6/05


Are either of you Christians? Have you talked to him and told him how this makes you feel? This is adultry in my book. You need to talk to him and need counseling. And tho it is passed I'll say it again as I always do......... PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELING can help uncover these things as can a good length of time before marriage.
---becky on 4/6/05


It sounds to me that your husband has a spirit of lust. He needs to be set free. First I would try to find help for him. Ask your pastor, or anyone who prays for this kind of deliverance to help you in this matter. And if he refuses, get rid of him. What he's doing is wrong, it's adultry!
---calvin on 4/6/05


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