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Can't Trust My Pastor

There is a brick wall between my pastor and me. I cannot trust him because of things in the past. How can I respect him again and get the wall torn down?

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 ---wilma on 4/7/05
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Wilma is probably gone by now but I will answer acknowledging that Elder comments are perfectly correct. There was a youth pastor that had build a wall between him and I, that I did not even realize was there. And one day he approached me to talk to me. He confessed to me that He had taken some matters in the past wrong and since then he had build a wall, and now had many convictions about his actions, and wanted to tell me he was sorry that he had done that. He wanted me to forgive him. I never realize that he had that problem. Anyone who builds a wall should confess and this way you can move forward with a pure heart.
---Mark_V. on 6/12/11


this has been the Most Humbling.. Really serious exp. me too! been thru some similar exp. God heard my cry ! Finally found a church"home" , I agree with much said here.. Go on/stay n prayer but,don't be a loner too lg. Forgive n Let God lead you! I love those who persecuted me and Truly,forgave them... I hold no more bad feelings! It is such a relief!They are human too! not divine...May God bless you to go on & Let God!
---ELENA on 6/9/11


Elder: After reading your post I am assuming you are a pastor,minister or something to that nature. If this be true, then my post does not apply to you. But I know what I said is true of some pastors and ministers in the church.It happened to me. And as far as forgiving the pastor and congregants. I did. And I did remove that weight,too. I left that church and never looked back. No church is perfect. I know that, but some churches are better than others. The pastor is not the most important person in the church.Jesus Christ is! He is a servant that should be serving the congregants. Most people do not understand this!This is why they wanted me away from there. I knew the truth.
---robyn on 5/24/11


To Mima:Well praise God. It brings me no joy to know you agree with me on this one,either.Matter of fact. I am not looking for agreement from anyone on these blogs. I share what the Holy Spirit leads me to say. Sometimes tempered with my own opinions and experience. So that keeps me on my knees and always in the state of confession and repenting. What I share is not written in concrete. No one person here,has all of the answers. But I try to do all things in love and to the honor and glory of God.
---Robyn on 5/24/11


Robyn maybe you are/were in the wrong church.
I have always encouraged people to question me if they dont understand something. There is wisdom in a multitude of Godly counsel.
Next, I dont look at the Church members as subjects but as co-labors in the vineyard.
It is apparent that you suffered a bad time somewhere but all Pastors are not as you described. Get over your anger and forgive so the weight of what happened to you will not destroy you. Remove that weight and get relief from your pain.
---Elder on 5/24/11




I once attended a church where the pastor got by with some things that were judged illegal and who seemed more interested in 1st class lighting for the church than for souls. I was not in a position to leave. It was a very large church (a mega church by today's parlance).

For a while,I had trouble even listening to his sermons. But the insight I got was that the power of God is in His Word.
I should listen to HIS Word, no matter who speaks it.

I was later able to to move to another church. But I still put my faith in the WORD... not the pastor, who is merely a messenger and often a flawed one.
---Donna66 on 5/23/11


You dont' have to "respect" that pastor and certainly DONT "trust" him.

Just forgive the pastor. He's a flawed person given the position of pastor by misguided churchgoers.

Instead put your trust in your one true pastor Jesus Christ. He's the only pastor you can trust.
---Haz27 on 5/23/11


It brings me no joy to agree with---Robyn.
---mima on 5/23/11


A GOOD FIRST STEP!!!
---John on 5/23/11


It probably won't happen.Pastors are arrogant things who don't like their subjects, confronting them about anything. Steeped in pride and sometimes,unforgiveness. Most have a lot of work to do on themselves but you better not let them know how you feel,about that.Once you cross a pastor, the rest of the congregation will go aginst you and treat you like a leper. Been there. Its ugly. I eventually moved on.
---Robyn on 5/22/11




...I finally stood up to corruption and deceipt of the Senior Pastor and his wife. ...
struggled in my faith ever since.
actually closer to God today and finally have a "voice". ... finding total peace again in the midst of great loss?---Chris on 1/8/11

Chris, as noted above...you found peace in what is right. Regardless of cost....you chose to stand.
The struggle is the test and tempering of GOD. Your experience should enable you to recognize Lost Sheep from wolves. Some crave sheep control on this blog....but, scripture deals with periphery wolves. Always circling looking for the weak.

Matthew 15:24
But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of
---Trav on 1/11/11


Chris,
in 1999 I had a locking of the horns with my pastor.

The pastor seemed to want control of the people, and deviated from sound truth to gain control through fear. When I challenged him on the basis of scripture, he made it clear that there was no place for me there. I struggled for a couple of years, blaming God and that church. God knows you inside and out, it does good to get it off your chest with Him.

One thing I learned is that I need the rest of the body of Christ. I don't do so good flying solo, and neither does anyone else.

You can write me at my Christianet username - jamea3384 (notice the 'A' before the numbers instead of an 'S') if you need somebody to stand next to you (so to speak).
---James_L on 1/10/11


Chris I Empathize with you and there are others who are True Christians. Very few indeed.
Nearly ALL churches (99.999%) are Not Christian, but simply Social Clubs that entertain the Bourgeois Carnal Pseudo Christian. The Save by the 1 minute Sinner Prayer (get out of Hell ticket)lets eat the fatted Pig of Potluck. They neither know, nor do they care about Christ. So they attend these clubs to hear Heresy "That tickles their ears".

The ones who sell Jesus like Laundry Soap or slip him in like bitter medicine in Rock/Praise sermons.
These made a decision (Approval) for Jesus. (SICK!)
You might want to click my name to see other post of mine.
Many will say LORD LORD but few will enter Heaven.
---John on 1/9/11


I was an Assistant Pasor who left my church, the ministry and every Christian relationship I had when I finally stood up to the corruption and deceipt of the Senior Pastor and his wife. This was in 2000 and I have struggled in my faith ever since. Although I have moved on in my life since this trauma, it cost me my marriage and a great deal of confidence regarding the church, Christianity and formal religion. I am actually closer to God today and finally have a "voice". Are there are specific blogs that deal with betrayed ministers/Christians and finding total peace again in the midst of great loss? I am not looking for a counselor, just some moral support and encouragement, as I will also offer to others. Thank you
---Chris on 1/8/11


the brick wall is your feelings preventing you from listening to your heart. remember when jesus told peter that he would betray him 3 times and after he did he was very angry with himself? well, that anger was replaced with love. love that he had built up so much inside that it overcame that anger.but the truth was revealed on that night when christ was taken by the romans and the samheadrun. take a look at your wall and let jesus take them down. open yourself up to him and let him show you your true love. let him show you peace.
---William_Bates on 3/9/08


I don't know what the guy done in the past but you have to realized it is the past..and the past is dead..The wall is your protection against what has happened in the past, but the wall can cause you alot of problems in the future, you need to tear it down, which is a hard thing to do by yourself, ask God to help you tear it down.Good Luck and God Bless mary4964
---mary4964 on 4/4/07


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The two most important factors here: "brick wall" and "wall torn down." I can identify with the problem. Jesus Personally identifies with our weaknesses. How I handle things, is I deal with my heart. I pull out weeds in my heart until it is finished, also I guard against poisonous seeds. As we can come from a hurt position. Suggestion: Deal with your wall,let him deal with his own, Jesus wants to heal you personally so you can heal others.
---kaye on 4/3/07


Not knowing any of the "things in the past" you mention, realize that your pastor is a sinful person like you. He is not perfect and has the same struggles that you have. Forgive for the past.
If there's something that you cannot get over, then do yourself and the pastor a favor and find a new church.
To get a glimpse of what it is like to be a pastor, read "Confessions of a Pastor" by Craig Groeschel. It will give you a new understanding and respect for all pastors.
---Tim on 1/1/07


I agree with many on here it may be time to move on. If U can not do it at this church w/this pastor then you may need to find one U can. I would talk to him first though and be honest w/him and open.
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


It may be time for you to find another church. Let's face it, if you can't trust your pastor, how can you be sure the spiritual information he gives you is accurate? (I'm not stating he is innocent or guilty, only that if you can't trust him, for any reason, it time to move on.)
---WIVV on 11/15/05


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Forgive men regardless of their sins as God forgive us many times.When you go to a church ...you go there because of God and nothing else.Look up to Our Lord Jesus not men when you go to a church.
---maria on 4/18/05


Been there done that..I am still looking for a good church to go to..I do see that they are only humans but to me this seems like a cop out..It is hard at times to see God when you know the background of the man of God..I went to other churches and realized that it is the same everywhere..Then I started to ask God to change me and I see that it is I who stands in the need of prayer..Pray for him and if you feel led to leave trust god to show you where to go..He listens and will lead down the right path..
---linda on 4/16/05


What are the reasons from the past that have cause you to not trust or respect him? NO matter what it might be, for YOUR sake, you have to forgive him. Beyond that, if the issues are serious enough, you may need to change churches.
---Anthony on 4/13/05


Change churches, find a pastor you do trust. You are probably not hearing the word.. You are out of fellowship with God. I have been there.
---Janice on 4/10/05


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In what way are you wanting to be close to your pastor? If you want to have private sessions with him, that's not permissible. You should shun the appearance of evil at all times. There should always be another person, preferably his wife present. There're too many ministers whose lives, ministries and marriages have been destroyed because of sweet little girls/women who wanted a close "friendship" with their pastors. I know because I WAS a preacher's wife.
---Hilda on 4/8/05


Confront the issue. Go to him. Ask for forgivenesss for your part in it. See if you can hash things out with eachother in love. Ask God to mend the relationship and bring healing to both of you. If he is unreasonable or unwilling to let bygones be bygones, you may have to release him to the Lord and move on with your life.
---Katie on 4/8/05


Sometime as lay member we get to close or as the world say let your hair down when dealing with a pastor or leaders you must keep thing spiritual and christ-like
---Min_Cedric_Kyle on 4/8/05


Once bitten twice shy --- He who kicks you in New York will kick you also in San Francisco. We were betrayed by our Pastor and we cut all ties with him. You should do the same and find another church or Pastor whom you can trust.
---Albert on 4/8/05


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The first step in maintaining your personal relationship with the Lord is to genuinely forgive your pastor; give him the benefit of the doubt, e.g."he's human too." Then continue to pray for him, as you purposefully put on the mind of Christ. Stay with the flock and commit yourself to grow above this desert/valley situation. If you have to move, let the Lord tell you; not a prophet or a friend - let Jesus, the chief shepherd tell you clearly and audibly during your private meditation, when to leave.Note, Tares are unavoidable, but they can be managed through the wisdom from above.
---lionel on 4/8/05


Wilma, Your too vague here. What exactly did he do or not do? I would not want to give you the wrong advice.
---John on 4/8/05


What kind of relationship did you have with your pastor? What did he do to destroy the trust? What actions has he taken to rebuild trust? Building trust takes time and effort. You are not obligated to trust people who are not trustworthy. However, we respect authorities: parents, bosses, government offials, and elders not because they deserve it (some do) but because the Lord has given them that position. Your pastor may not earn your respect; however, if the Lord puts him in that position, you may need to learn to respect his position though you don't need to trust him for what he did.
---Seble on 4/8/05


The issue is clearly something that only you can choose to do or not to do. If you can't trust him why are you there?

You know, people make mistakes, even Pastors. Sometimes Pastors are blamed for others mistakes.

Examine your own heart as it is the only one you can control.

What we do is what we want to do in most cases.
---Elder on 4/8/05


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Have you tried to talk it all over with him? Sometimes things are not really like they seem. Communication is the key!
---Jan on 4/8/05


You too are a bit vague about the facts. I am going to assume that the pastor did or said something which makes it impossible for you to trust him. My advice is first to re-
member that your pastor is a sinner like you and me who deserves forgiveness. So take a friend along or a deacon and visit with the pastor, tell him about how he upset you. If he is repentant, offer him forgiveness and put the matter behind you!
---Pierre on 4/8/05


You didnt specify WHAT things in the past..was it his or yours? all sin , we all sin, no one is perfect. but when someone breaks our trust, its hard to get that trust back , until we know they are sincere in their repentance. Is there anyone else you can trust besides the pastor to talk over things with?......Jan4876
---Jan on 4/8/05


Your pastor is human, Rom.3:23 and is sinful with sin nature till he dies or till the Lord returns. Yet if he is born again and had the call of God in his life, either he is not faithful to His God or you are not. Ask God to help you and show you. Either way you are responsible for this problem to be cleaned up through God's help. I will sincerely pray for you and your pastor. The Lord is faithful ! To Him be all glory an honor.
---Chakravarthy on 4/8/05


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Remember the past is the past. If it is under the blood then why fret about it? If he asked God to forgive him, then why can't you? You have to want to forgive him, in order for the walls to come down. If you don't want to then God can't help.
---Rebecca_D on 4/7/05




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