ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

Girlfriend Won't Give Up Smoking

My girlfriend won't give up smoking. Today she got into a conversation with a friend while babysitting my daughter. She was waving her arms around while holding a cigarette and she burned my 5 year old's arm. Now she has a bad burn. It's the cigs or me, I told her. Too harsh?

Join Our Christian Singles and Take The Obedience Bible Quiz
 ---joeyboy on 4/8/05
     Helpful Blog Vote (11)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog

no harm, no foul. I've been known to miss some small nugget in a person's post, which affected my perception of what was written.

Follower (part 1),
you have missed some very crucial aspects of this discussion. The Original question had to do with an accident, and an ultimatum concerning the activity which caused the accident.

It was others, starting with the first reply, that turned it into a health issue.

That's why I offered the satirical BBQ sauce account - to highlight the issue of the accident.

If the girlfriend had been gardening, and accidentally stabbed the child in the leg with a spade, should there be an ultimatum of "gardening or me" ?
---James_L on 8/19/12

Follower (part 2),
What if the child was injured in a car accident because the girlfriend was applying makeup while driving?

We might concoct a thousand other scenarios where a child can be injured because of adult negligence.

The issue is not the activity, but the lack of good judgment in not being careful with her cigarette. And EVERYBODY is subject to a lapse in good judgment.

But everybody wants to focus on the activity, and how evil it is. And nowadays, 9 times out of ten, the only reason that the activity is looked on as evil is because society has told us it's evil.

If you think the activity is evil, call it sin. Stop calling it evil on the basis of health, simply because society has deemed it so.
---James_L on 8/19/12

James I know it is a sin to smoke as many Christians understand holy scripture, however the question was not about sin. You introduced the health issues with your far-out comparison of fat people. I introduced the truth about what smoking does to the person and the people around them which goes beyond the posters questions however if the poster were leaving due to cigarettes I offered additional information to consider for his daughters sake or anyone for that matter. You are the one who turned this into health crusade verses sin. Smoking is still a sin and it is amazing the facts support its sin.


~humble follower of the Rock and lover of The Eternals truth (KJV) Matt 16:18, Corin 10:4, 2 Thess 2:10 1 Pet 2:21
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/19/12

\\james you stated society finds nothing wrong with smoking.\\
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/18/12

That's not at all what I said. I said that society FOUND nothing wrong. Past tense, like 50-80 years ago. Cigarette ads were on billboards, in magazines etc

At that time Christians called it sin, thinking of the body as a temple

But now that society hates smoking for health reasons, Christians now hate it for health reasons. In other words, they stopped thinking about it as bad (sin) as if from God's perspective. Now they think of it as bad (unhealthy) from society's perspective.

Aside from that, the original poster's ? had nothing to do with health issues. It was: should he leave her because of an accident
---James_L on 8/18/12

James: Please forgive me. When I first read your barbecue comparison, I totally missed where you said it was satirical.

Let me say, I do not oppose someone smoking. Just like I do not oppose someone overeating. The difference is that the smoker's smoke pollutes the air I breath. The obese person's fat does me no harm. I have asthma, and I can't even be in a room where someone had been smoking and then stopped while I was there. An obese person is not doing me any physical harm with her overeating.

If a smoker is smoking around their children, they are damaging that child's lungs. Obese mom's personal food choices do not harm her kids. What she chooses to feed them has the potential to.

I hope this makes sense.
---Trish on 8/18/12

james you stated society finds nothing wrong with smoking. Maybe in your part of the world.

More than 500,000 people die each year from legally killing themselves with cigarettes

More than 6 million smokers experience major health problems every year costing tax payers and insurance untold billions of dollars for their care.

50,000 die every year from second hand smoke

Are you that ignorant to the truth or is your childish attempt to introduce another health issue to divert attention away from the health issue of smoking more important than the facts?

leaving God and sin aside the American society forbids smoking in most buildings and tobacco companies have warnings on their labels
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/18/12

are you the stick in the mud who never finds humor in my humor? Maybe not, could be someone else.

I wonder why is it - when society found nothing wrong with smoking, many Christians called it sin. But now that society rails against smoking as harmful, Christians have jumped on the health bandwagon?

Is the church led by society?

And why is it that smoking is such a bad thing, yet there is no outcry against the fat lady who feeds her kids foods that are high in sugar and cholesterol, causing obesity, diabetes and heart problems?

When is somebody going to jump all over those fat people, for the sake of the kids?
---James_L on 8/18/12

James L: Your comparison is horrible. The smoking girlfriend BURNED the child with her cigarette. This is not to mention exposing the child to second hand smoke.

There is a statistical correlation between children who are constantly in the presence of second hand smoke and asthma. I have asthma, and it is a dangerous, potentially fatal disease.

Don't make light of the physical damage this girlfriend did to the poster's child.
---Trish on 8/18/12

I guess instead of "my way or the highway" I would offer to pay for her to be on the patch for however long it takes for her to kick the nicotine addiction. I did this for one of my friends and to this day he remembers whom cared enough for his health to help him stop.
I also lost my father to lung cancer, so I do have some very strong feelings on the matter.
---Chip on 8/18/12

My girlfriend has an insatiable appetite for BBQ chicken. Today, she was eating in front of my son. She was waving her arms around and slung BBQ sauce on his favorite pants. Now the stain won't come out, and he's scarred for life. I told her it's either the chicken, or me. Too harsh?

By the way, this is a satirical rendition of the original poster's account.

Some of the comments on here display an immaturity that is beyond belief.

Stop looking at externals, like smoking, or BBQ chicken. Stop focusing your moral compass according to the whims of society.

good grief
---James_L on 8/17/12

She won't give up smoking because evry male wants a smoking hot girlfiend
---francis on 8/17/12

Becky you are correct it's perfectly legal to smoke no matter what the consequences are for smoker or those around them. Smoking is a very slow painful suicide for many that do not care about themeselves or people around them. More than half a million people die each year from legally killing themselves with cigarettes. more than 6 million smokers experience major health problems every year costing tax payers and insurance untold billions of dollars for their care. Only 50,000 die every year from second hand smoke so maybe the person who posted this blog his little girl won't be one of them and the burn will heal hopefully not scaring her too badly. Your conditions are not harsh enough leave and don't let her back until she has quit.
---Follower_of_Christ on 8/17/12

Look, your girlfriend has every right to smoke as many cigarettes as she wants. Its perfectly legal and there is nothing wrong with her continuing to smoke, whether she only smokes a pack a day or 3 packs a day. You need to accept that fact and be supportive of her and accept her for who she is, a christian smoker.

But for her part, she should try to be more careful around your daughter.
---Becky on 8/6/12

If you love your child the way you should, you wouldn't even need to ask this question. children are innocent and helpless. they depend on their parents or other adults to keep them safe. this is a red flag if ever I saw one.
---shira4368 on 7/24/12

My girlfriend won't give up smoking.
Can you give up girlfriend who smokes and burned your child?

I think you are the one with the bigger problem.
---francis on 9/29/10

For once I actually agree with Francis. You won't give up your nasty girlfriend to protect the safety and health of your own daughter, and yet you come down on her for not giving up smoking for a boyfriend. You have the bigger problem.
---Jed on 7/23/12

joyboy, why would you even be giving her a choice after she burned your daughter? If it were me, she would be gone just for smoking in front of my child at all, let alone burning her. The burns are the least of the harm she is doing by smoking in front of your daughter. You knew that she would smoke in front of your daughter before you left your daughter with her? If so, then you are more responsible for what happened if you allowed her to smoke in front of your child. Now you have a choice, her or your daughter's health? Why would you even date someone who smokes, especially when you have a child to protect?
---Jed on 7/23/12

Read These Insightful Articles About Eating Disorders

Sheesh, just tell her to be more careful with her cigs so nothing like that happens again. It's her body, and if you can't accept the fact that she has every right to be a smoker that's your problem, not hers.
---Anon on 7/23/12

You are not too harsh...She needs to know how you feel.
But don't be surprized if she chooses her cigarettes over you! I know you are protective of your child. It's only natural. But it was an accidental injury. Your little girl will recover quickly if you don't make a big deal of it. If you have trouble forgiving your girlfriend for this, she is certainly better off without you.
---Donna66 on 9/29/10

My girlfriend won't give up smoking.
Can you give up girlfriend who smokes and burned your child?

I think you are the one with the bigger problem.
---francis on 9/29/10

Congratulations to both Sue and John on quitting smoking! :) That is awesome! I can hardly wait till my husband quits, we are struggling for money at times and yet he smokes $5 a day in cigs--ugh! Worse than that, of course, is the damage it's doing to him. But I'm praying.
---Mary on 9/26/10

Read These Insightful Articles About Travel Packages

Hi this John burns first of all i used to smoke a lot when i started smoking my fingers pretty nice and dint got stained after some days my fingers got stained and it doesn't moved out from my fingers after all my co gave me a idea to smoke electronic cigarettes. i started smoking electronic cigarettes now its not hurting and its not getting stain. after all i went for a deep prayer and admitted myself to Jesus now quit smoking. now cool and smooth life is going
---John on 9/24/10

We have a 6 month old little girl.
We are not married yet and She quit during the pregnancy and for 2 months after we had her.
Now she is bumming from people and smokes an average of 2-3 a day and now she wants to buy a pack! She owes over 13 thousand in child support and we cannot afford to buy cigs. I want to tell her to choose, but then I loose my baby girl if I loose her. She says that I am too controlling.
---Eric on 1/13/10

No, that is not too harsh at all. You are protecting your own child.
---Helen_5378 on 8/17/07

wow, it's been a long time since I posted on this blog! Since then, I've quit smoking! Praise God! It was the hardest thing to do, but I now have 2 grand babies and I dont want to smoke around them. BUT smoking or any other addiction has NOTHING to do with whether the smoker loves you enough to quit or not. Never say to a person, 'if you love me enough, you'd quit'. Addictions have nothing to do with love.
---sue on 8/17/07

Send a Free Christmas Ecard

I am an ex smoker. Smoking is horrible. If you like smoke and everything smoky around you then continue on with her. If not, let her go...Cigarettes are too dangerous,risky and down right stinky. When she gets sick, you will too, right along with her. Poor little kid. Kids suffer at the hands of such selfish adults, sometimes.
---Robyn on 8/16/07

No way! You haven't committed yourself to her in holy matrimony, therefore are free to make that decision.
---Katie on 8/16/07

This question was asked over a year ago. It would be good to have an update if Joeyboy is still reading the answers. One of my biggest worries is the health risks to father and daughter from passive smoke. Non-smokers have died of cancer caused by inhaling the smoke around them. A person's own back yard is the only place where smoking should take place i.m.o. but stopping completely is a far better alternative. I don't condemn though as addictions are not easily stopped.
---M.P. on 7/13/06

Tara ... no time will feel right.
But no time can be too soon.
---alan8869_of_UK on 7/12/06

Read These Insightful Articles About Credit Repair

i think she is being unresonable and if she wants to smoke go outside im trying to quit at the moement but is very hard i get added pressure from my boyfriend cause he,s ashamtic it is so hard but i dont think the time is right
---Tara on 7/12/06

No it's not too harsh. If she thinks so little of you that she puts smoking ahead of your relationship - than say good-bye. It's been shown that second hand smoke is also very dangerous to your health - so she is saying, (in her actions), my desires come first, even if it's a potential danger to the health of your family.) If she says she will give it up after you are married, don't believe her. If she gives it up before marriage, you might want to reconsider.
---WIVV on 4/11/06

I think smoking is unhealthy and defiles our bodies which are temples of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us. Anyone can be delivered and I said to a friend once " How would you like to kiss a smelly ash tray?" Enough said.
---Dennis_Z. on 4/26/05

I started smoking at age 16.(it was the cool thing to do).After the kool thing went away the addiction set in.I never thought about quitting.I loved to smoke I thought it keeps my weight down and calms my nerves but the truth is.Someday it will catch up with you.CANCER. Look at your daughter and think. Do you want your daughter to see you dying in a hospital bed to were you cant breath..I quit smoking a year ago cause I almost died from a blood clot.I overcame the blood clot but you cant over come cancer.once they say you have it your done.Do it for the little girl!!
---Dawn on 4/12/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Products

I think in all likleihood you will decide it IS the cigs or her.

You need to talk .. perhaps on the basis that you cannot envisage a relationship (marriage?) with someone who was killing herself by smoking.

Say you love (if you do that is) BUT. Maybe that would shock her into realising the damage she is causing herself.

BUT DON'T SAY THE BABY INCIDENT IS THE REASON ... that could make her feel too guilty and she would not love you for that
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/9/05

I smoked 3 packs a day for 13 yrs.(I also accidently burned my child)I didn't go anywhere I couldn't smoke..a total addict.Tried to quit after becoming a Christian & failed.BUT THEN,God delivered me INSTANTLY with no withdrawal.I've been free 28 yrs.He will do the same for her if SHE sincerely asks Him.I have prayed with several & seen them set free.Bless yall.
---lovable_linda on 4/9/05

When I need to smoke a cigarette I go outside. Thats what your girl friend needs to do.
---sue on 4/9/05

I half disagree with Elder. yes, Joeyboy, your demand is too harsh. First put limits that no smoking is allowed around your child, secondly, talk nicely to her and talk her into quitting. She can use Zyban which are good to help get rid of the habit.
---Albert on 4/9/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Divorce

I think there is an alternative to the all or nothing idea of cigarettes or you. That would be for you to insist that she not smoke in the presence of your child and you. Plus, not to smoke inside your home. Smoking is the hardest addiction to quit, some say it is harder than heroin. A person won't quit till they are absolutely motivated, and then it sometimes involves some relapses before it is completely broken.
---Madison on 4/8/05

You know, if you made that ultimatum, something will happen as a result. That was the right thing to say to a babysitter, but if you say that you have to do something, like get another babysitter. 'Cigs or me' to your girlfriend is another story. Still you have to do something. Apologize or find another girlfriend.
---gregg on 4/8/05

Your request is not harsh at all. Anything else would be compromise. This "girlfriend" has made her choice.

When people say it was just an accident ask why she was so selfish that she had to smoke around the child to start with.

You have a responsibility to protect your child. You saw what the cigarette did on the outside I wonder what it is doing on the inside?

The smoking is an outward sign of an inward weakness. She will choose smoking over you and if she does it is best for you and your child.
---Elder on 4/8/05

Yes, I think You're being too harsh. If she burned your little girl on purpose then it'd be a differant story, but accidents happen ALL the time. Instead of the ultimation of her ciggs or you, I'd try to help her quit this nasty habit.
---sue on 4/8/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Christian Marriage

"It's the cigs or me" is a bit too harsh, and you know that already! You need to be more patient with her. If you really love her let her know KINDLY that for your relationship to become permanent she would have to be willing to quit smoking. If she accepts your condition tell her how much you appreciate her and let her know that
you will stand by her, knowing that it will take some time. As long as she is making progress towards her goal, and even if she slips along the way, coontinue to love and support her.
---Pierre on 4/8/05

Absolutely not! Yours and your daughters health is more important than her addiction. As an ex-smoker myself, be prepared for her to chose the cigarettes. It's a tough addiction to break (not that any are easy). Also be prepared for her to say she's going to quit, but doesn't. She'll smoke behind your back. I don't mean to paint a harsh picture of her, it's just I had done these things myself until I took it to the Lord. That was, I think, 2 years ago.
---Becky_S on 4/8/05

Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.