Girlfriend Won't Give Up Smoking
My girlfriend won't give up smoking. Today she got into a conversation with a friend while babysitting my daughter. She was waving her arms around while holding a cigarette and she burned my 5 year old's arm. Now she has a bad burn. It's the cigs or me, I told her. Too harsh?
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---joeyboy on 4/8/05
Helpful Blog Vote (6)
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We have a 6 month old little girl.
We are not married yet and She quit during the pregnancy and for 2 months after we had her.
Now she is bumming from people and smokes an average of 2-3 a day and now she wants to buy a pack! She owes over 13 thousand in child support and we cannot afford to buy cigs. I want to tell her to choose, but then I loose my baby girl if I loose her. She says that I am too controlling. |
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---Eric on 1/13/10 |
No, that is not too harsh at all. You are protecting your own child. |
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---Helen_5378 on 8/17/07 |
wow, it's been a long time since I posted on this blog! Since then, I've quit smoking! Praise God! It was the hardest thing to do, but I now have 2 grand babies and I dont want to smoke around them. BUT smoking or any other addiction has NOTHING to do with whether the smoker loves you enough to quit or not. Never say to a person, 'if you love me enough, you'd quit'. Addictions have nothing to do with love. |
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---sue on 8/17/07 |
I am an ex smoker. Smoking is horrible. If you like smoke and everything smoky around you then continue on with her. If not, let her go...Cigarettes are too dangerous,risky and down right stinky. When she gets sick, you will too, right along with her. Poor little kid. Kids suffer at the hands of such selfish adults, sometimes. |
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---Robyn on 8/16/07 |
No way! You haven't committed yourself to her in holy matrimony, therefore are free to make that decision. |
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---Katie on 8/16/07 |
This question was asked over a year ago. It would be good to have an update if Joeyboy is still reading the answers. One of my biggest worries is the health risks to father and daughter from passive smoke. Non-smokers have died of cancer caused by inhaling the smoke around them. A person's own back yard is the only place where smoking should take place i.m.o. but stopping completely is a far better alternative. I don't condemn though as addictions are not easily stopped. |
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---M.P. on 7/13/06 |
Tara ... no time will feel right.
But no time can be too soon. |
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---alan8869_of_UK on 7/12/06 |
i think she is being unresonable and if she wants to smoke go outside im trying to quit at the moement but is very hard i get added pressure from my boyfriend cause he,s ashamtic it is so hard but i dont think the time is right |
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---Tara on 7/12/06 |
No it's not too harsh. If she thinks so little of you that she puts smoking ahead of your relationship - than say good-bye. It's been shown that second hand smoke is also very dangerous to your health - so she is saying, (in her actions), my desires come first, even if it's a potential danger to the health of your family.) If she says she will give it up after you are married, don't believe her. If she gives it up before marriage, you might want to reconsider. |
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---WIVV on 4/11/06 |
I think smoking is unhealthy and defiles our bodies which are temples of the Holy Spirit, who dwells in us. Anyone can be delivered and I said to a friend once " How would you like to kiss a smelly ash tray?" Enough said. |
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---Dennis_Z. on 4/26/05 |
I started smoking at age 16.(it was the cool thing to do).After the kool thing went away the addiction set in.I never thought about quitting.I loved to smoke I thought it keeps my weight down and calms my nerves but the truth is.Someday it will catch up with you.CANCER. Look at your daughter and think. Do you want your daughter to see you dying in a hospital bed to were you cant breath..I quit smoking a year ago cause I almost died from a blood clot.I overcame the blood clot but you cant over come cancer.once they say you have it your done.Do it for the little girl!! |
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---Dawn on 4/12/05 |
I think in all likleihood you will decide it IS the cigs or her.
You need to talk .. perhaps on the basis that you cannot envisage a relationship (marriage?) with someone who was killing herself by smoking.
Say you love (if you do that is) BUT. Maybe that would shock her into realising the damage she is causing herself.
BUT DON'T SAY THE BABY INCIDENT IS THE REASON ... that could make her feel too guilty and she would not love you for that |
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---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/9/05 |
I smoked 3 packs a day for 13 yrs.(I also accidently burned my child)I didn't go anywhere I couldn't smoke..a total addict.Tried to quit after becoming a Christian & failed.BUT THEN,God delivered me INSTANTLY with no withdrawal.I've been free 28 yrs.He will do the same for her if SHE sincerely asks Him.I have prayed with several & seen them set free.Bless yall. |
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---lovable_linda on 4/9/05 |
When I need to smoke a cigarette I go outside. Thats what your girl friend needs to do. |
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---sue on 4/9/05 |
I half disagree with Elder. yes, Joeyboy, your demand is too harsh. First put limits that no smoking is allowed around your child, secondly, talk nicely to her and talk her into quitting. She can use Zyban which are good to help get rid of the habit. |
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---Albert on 4/9/05 |
I think there is an alternative to the all or nothing idea of cigarettes or you. That would be for you to insist that she not smoke in the presence of your child and you. Plus, not to smoke inside your home. Smoking is the hardest addiction to quit, some say it is harder than heroin. A person won't quit till they are absolutely motivated, and then it sometimes involves some relapses before it is completely broken. |
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---Madison on 4/8/05 |
You know, if you made that ultimatum, something will happen as a result. That was the right thing to say to a babysitter, but if you say that you have to do something, like get another babysitter. 'Cigs or me' to your girlfriend is another story. Still you have to do something. Apologize or find another girlfriend. |
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---gregg on 4/8/05 |
Your request is not harsh at all. Anything else would be compromise. This "girlfriend" has made her choice.
When people say it was just an accident ask why she was so selfish that she had to smoke around the child to start with.
You have a responsibility to protect your child. You saw what the cigarette did on the outside I wonder what it is doing on the inside?
The smoking is an outward sign of an inward weakness. She will choose smoking over you and if she does it is best for you and your child. |
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---Elder on 4/8/05 |
Yes, I think You're being too harsh. If she burned your little girl on purpose then it'd be a differant story, but accidents happen ALL the time. Instead of the ultimation of her ciggs or you, I'd try to help her quit this nasty habit. |
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---sue on 4/8/05 |
"It's the cigs or me" is a bit too harsh, and you know that already! You need to be more patient with her. If you really love her let her know KINDLY that for your relationship to become permanent she would have to be willing to quit smoking. If she accepts your condition tell her how much you appreciate her and let her know that
you will stand by her, knowing that it will take some time. As long as she is making progress towards her goal, and even if she slips along the way, coontinue to love and support her. |
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---Pierre on 4/8/05 |
Absolutely not! Yours and your daughters health is more important than her addiction. As an ex-smoker myself, be prepared for her to chose the cigarettes. It's a tough addiction to break (not that any are easy). Also be prepared for her to say she's going to quit, but doesn't. She'll smoke behind your back. I don't mean to paint a harsh picture of her, it's just I had done these things myself until I took it to the Lord. That was, I think, 2 years ago. |
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---Becky_S on 4/8/05 |
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