Young Women Marrying Older Men
Why do people think men and women are at the same place at the same age? Ancient societies had young women marrying older men, and the divorce rate was zero. So why can't we return to the way things should be?
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---curt on 4/9/05
Helpful Blog Vote (109)
Because women are no longer slaves who must marry who their fathers command them to marry or be beaten and abandoned. You're right about one thing though, men and women are not at the same place at the same age. Men cannot keep up sexually with a woman 10 years younger, much less 20.
---Cheryl on 6/6/09|
Anon ... listen to what Frances says!
The same would apply even if the boy was about your own age.
You are really too young to make up your mind yet, and have not had sufficient experience of meeting different men.
In fact, you are only a girl yourself, and have probably only met boys, and this guy is the only man you have met.
I pray that he is honest and honourable enough to kjnow thatr you can't yet be ready to make a commitment, and allows you freedom to grow up fully
---alan8566_of_uk on 5/25/09|
Tina, congratulations. Having a baby does all kinds of strange things to your body and chemical balances etc. Fear is not a healthy way to live. You need to find out the source of the fear. Is your husband giving you enough support, or are you too tired looking after your baby, and this is affecting your emotional health? I would seek support, and/or counselling and/or some medication to get you over this temporary blip in your life. Make sure the medication suits you, and stop immediately if it has bad side effects like making you suicidal as some drugs can, other drugs are miraculous and should be used to get back your chemical balance. Drugs are better than living in misery.
---frances008 on 5/24/09|
anonymous~ You are so young, and it would probably be most wise if you met a solid Christian guy much closer to your age to date. If later on down the road once you've matured more mentally, emotionally etc. and you meet a man who's fairly older than you and you two are completely compatable, then perhaps dating/marriage to him may be a wise decision.
I'm unbelieveably surprised that your parents would allow you to date a guy that much older than you when you are only 16. When I was 16, that was when I could first start to date, and I think that was a wise decision of my parents for me. Above all, make sure you choose someone who passionately loves the Lord with all His heart and obeys Him and loves Him. God bless
---Anne on 5/24/09|
16 year old, you are very young to make a lifetime's committment to someone. Why not just be good friends for about four years. If he loves you, he will wait for you to get over your teens and have some fun with people your own age. Maybe you don't like people your own age, but still you are very young to decide about marriage yet.
---frances008 on 5/24/09|
i'm probably too young to be on this website, but i am 16 and all i'm going to say is that i love someone who is 29. he's not the most attractive guy out there, and he's not married. but i'd like to marry him. is it wrong for a 16 year old to be in love with /want to marry a 29 year old? i'd rather marry him than some hot guy my age.
---anonymous on 5/24/09|
Hi Tina~ Congratulations on your baby! What a blessing. I am like you and my husband is 23 years older than me. We have been together for 20 years and married for 17 years. Our children are ages 14 and 11. He's very youthful and the best husband I can imagine. As long as the two of you strive to love, respect, and honor each other that is what matters most. I never really thought about age as being an issue. I believe there are much more important things to consider than age differences. God bless you and hope this has been of encouragement to you.
---Anne on 5/19/09|
There are some advantages for a young woman marrying a much older man. But there can be pitfalls. A woman who is quite young and naive can be taken advantage of easily by sociopathic types.
That's what happened to me. He was 20 yrs older. Neither of us were Christian at the time. But it was an unheathy, abusive, and very manipulative relationship. He frequently threatened to kill me in bizarre ways.
I escaped with minor injuries. But if I had been older or more experienced, I might have seen through his deceptively charming ways in time to avoid marriage to him.
---Donna66 on 5/18/09|
Hi Tina, congratulations on the new baby! :) Yes, I can imagine you must need encouragement too, this must be a very challenging time in your life, God bless you dear. What are your fears you've been dealing with about the future? Praying for you tonight, God bless you, Mary
---Mary on 5/18/09|
hi my name is tina and i am married to a man who is 24 years older than me .we have been together 5 years married 2 we have so much in common but here lately i have been stricken with fear about our future by the way we just had a baby .could anyone give some encouragement.
---tina on 5/16/09|
Honestly, if you are having all these problems with the age gap, you need to break up. Age gap relationships are not for everyone.
You start by listing some good qualitites. If you can't handle the view of 'society', you owe it to this man to end the relationship ASAP.
---RJ on 4/28/09|
I am seeing a man who is 20+ yrs older. He is caring,kind and devoted. He has children older than me, and if we marry and have kids, his grandkids will be older than ours. People think he is my father. That's very unsettling to me and downright creepy. I can't understand why age doesn't matter. I don't like this age difference at all. So why should I not care? He doesn't care at all. Doesn't anybody feel the way I do?
---mandana.alia on 3/29/09|
I believe that God has the one person for each of us that we are meant to be with...soul mates. Age doesn't matter (as long as both parties are consenting adults), race, nor religion. You don't know what package your soul mate will be in when he/she is delivered to you.
Women mature faster than men.
I am 32 and my love is 59. We're both compatible, we have common interests, he makes me feel protected and secure and I make him feel young and vibrant. We both love each other. Money is NOT an issue. I didn't even know how old he was until 8 months into the relationship. Age is just a number.
---Jacinta on 3/9/09|
age of man or woman has NOTHING to do with the divorce rate.
It is usually one or the other or BOTH that just do not understand what they are getting into when they marry.
My real dad was 3 years older than my mom, he was an alcoholic and beat her. They divorced. When I was 8, my mom married my step dad(he is 4 years younger than her)
He has done an excellent job in raising us(there are 5 of us, 1 girl and 4 boys).
I know with me, it has taken time for me to learn and grow and mature.
I have met some younger men that are way more mature than older men.
I agree with Rhonda, age has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH.
---miche3754 on 12/3/08|
I would not say things should be this way(society) but we should be free to make our own choices. This type relationship may work for some but not for everyone. If you are faced with this decision, you will have to decide for yourself, what will work for you.Experience is still the best teacher.
I married a man 21 1/2 yrs older. I am not really happy now. To be honest. I would like to see those beautiful teeth again(they are gone) that wonderful physique,he's retired ( sits around now)virility is gone. The list is too long to put here.
I feel sad sometimes. The memories are not enough.
---anonymous on 12/1/08|
Hi Gary, this one sweet guy I know is wise for the age of 27--he's been through a lot already and I think he'd make a great father--he is very loving and compassionate. Not that I want to have children with him--I'm over 40 anyway but it's taken me a lot longer to learn my lessons than it has him lol! I respect him, age or no.
---Mary on 11/29/08|
...You are 22 years old , the day will come when you have children you love like nothing else before. Will you want a 22 year old man guiding them or 42 year old man?
Hmmm now I'm unsure about this logic ...a bit wayward and inept
my father was 22yo with 2 sons ...my Mom was 2 years older ...all of us kids guided by my Dad never in trouble ...my older brothers went to Ivy League schools all my brothers served in military ...are you implying my Dad was incapable of having children?
guy in my neighborhood is 47 with 3 children under 12 ...NO CLUE how to guide his children who are ALWAYS in trouble
guidance is taught ...some learn early ...some never learn
---Rhonda on 11/26/08|
okay, what about a 33 yr old and a 59 year old man?
---rw on 11/25/08|
I think it is good for young women to marry older men, because women are usually 15-20 years ahead of men in maturity.
---Deb on 8/8/08|
A man should be both older in years and of mind.
He is to0 lead , Its always better that a young woman marry an older man.
Let me ask you this ...You are 22 years old , the day will come when you have children you love like nothing else before.
Will you want a 22 year old man guiding them or 42 year old man?
the only way age matters is that the man who will lead you and your children's life be old enough of mind , there is no such thing as too old and most culture understand this since time began.
---Gary on 8/7/08|
I have recently fallen in love with a man that I want to marry more than anyone in my life previously. He is 12 years my senior (he is 34, I am 22) and we both wonder what others will say...but at the same time, wonder if this is something God could really have plotted? He just came out of a divorce, and I out of an engagement....
Andrea, what is it like to have someone a decade your senior as your husband? Are the problems faced something that should be taken into more serious consideration?
---Lisa on 8/6/08|
I believe that age should be your least concern when wanting, for a better way of putting it, a husband. However, too young or too old should be of careful consideration.
---catherine on 7/23/08|
Curt...Our society allows for age differences and greater age differences and other deviations are occurring all of the time. Unless you are talking about relationships with minors I do not understand your question. As far as minors go, we as a society must draw the line. It has become so perverted and abusive the law MUST protect our children.
---jody on 7/22/08|
I was married to a man for 19 years who was 21 years older then me and we had the most loving relationship I ever been in.The lord took him home this last march and I truly miss him
---tonya on 7/22/08|
My first husband and I were married for 21 years. It ended badly. After several years of being on my own I have fallen in love with a man 21 years my senior. I have known him for many years but never considered that we might fall in love. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. I am 50 and he is soon to be 72. I feel God has brought us together and I couldn't be happier. I should have considered a older man years ago. teri
---teri on 7/20/08|
Recently married I 53 she 24.She Fijian Indian converted Hindu to Christianity.I spent 8 long lonely years on my own and prayed to God to find someone.I was married before so was she. She has two children who call me dad after their own father kicked them out.They have all been horrifically abused.I can provide her a more stable and loving life here in Aus and I believe God will watch over us.I was very concerned about the age difference initially and I have experienced the sneers but I thank God for bringing this beautiful soul into my life.I learn something every day from my beautiful wife, she may be young but God has given her great wisdom through the adversity she has experienced. Will it work? With God in our lives anything is possible
---John_doe on 7/19/08|
I have no problem with it. My mom was decades younger than my father and they had a wonderful life together while god allowed. I have much more faith in older man and younger women than I do the other way around. Women decided centuries ago they were going to always call boy toys "perverts" and "dirty men" when boy toys get older and date younger women. That behavior has kind of ruined any chance of older woman younger male being a serious mainstream union. As for older man younger women, It seems to work. And its not just about money either. Wealthy women also marry men 20 years their senior.
---Seemo on 7/14/08|
One thing I found interesting is that older man and younger women are, according to sciencific research, good for human longevity genetically. Go to google and research "older man young woman lifespan". God must know this (he knows everything). In biblical times , humans lived to 120 or more. Now its 70 or 80. Obviously god wants us to increase our lifespans to 120 again. Older man younger woman is his mechanism and tool for achieving that goal. That is why he programmed males to reproduce with females younger than us by and large. Older man with younger woman is good for the lifespans of future generations.
---Seemo on 7/14/08|
Generally speaking anything beyond a 10 year age difference either way poses many serious issues ...if your age difference is within this limit then the only limits are in your mind and holding yourself hostage to the opinions of others
it is integrity, honesty, and many other characteristics that BOND a union ...look to those ...not the pety responses of people who are fixed on a number
...however when the age difference is greater than 20 years ...one must ask why the are seeking a "parental figure"
---Rhonda on 7/4/08|
Hi, no Andrea, I'm not married. :)
---Mary on 7/3/08|
I guess a very Old man in Christ would have more wisdom than to try make a go of a relationship with a girl too young his senior? is that senior or junior lol anyway this man I know keeps complaining about being too old to be running around his young family and how his wife 25/30 younger should be doing the school runs not him.
I just wondered what his chap up line was before he married, I bet it never included the fact that he'd be too old to manage the kids!
---Carla5754 on 7/2/08|
Are you married, Mary? If so, I can't enable a boyfriend, no matter how young or cute or whatever.
---Andrea on 7/2/08|
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Hi, I've "gone astray"? Mostly what I adore about this man is that he is soooo gentle and kind and growing in the Lord as far as I can see--and yeah, he happens to be cute as can be too, but I don't think that's why I'm so drawn to him. I've been abused a lot, mostly verbally and emotionally, and I think I'm really drawn to his gentleness and godliness. :)
---Mary on 7/2/08|
I hear physical lust in your reply. that is not a basis for marriage. Those thing are only for procreation anyway.
Pray on it. You have gone ashtray.
---CrystalClear on 7/1/08|
Okay, what do you guys think about an older woman with a younger man--honest, I would like to know. :) Yep, I'm the woman rather interested in a younger man, been struggling within myself and scolding myself for it, yet I've heard "cougars" can work it out well with the right guy, so I'd love some opinions--hopefully I'll get some here--kind ones lol! :D
---Mary on 6/30/08|
What if the older man (let's say in his early 30's) knew the woman when she was around 10 years old and then 10 or so years later, married her? What do you think of that?
---Annette on 6/30/08|
Are you only basing your decision on marrying him if he is a good provider?
If so , I know a lot of men who are very wicked that make a lot of money but would make misrable help mates.
Stay close to the Lord and look to Him...
---Daniel_48 on 3/24/08|
When I was 21 I married my husband who was 32. That was 31 years ago. I'd do it again.
Mom doesn't have to live with you and you need to be grown up enough to make your own decisions
---Andrea on 1/22/08|
I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now and my mom just told me she cannot support our relationship anymore because she thinks the age difference is to great. I am 23 and he is 33. We are both Christians and we love eachother so much and are alike in many ways. He decided to go back to school so that he could have a career in writing/editing and will be done in May. My mom thinks he should already be established and doesn't think he'll ever provide for me. I beleive he will. Any thoughts?
---Lauren on 1/21/08|
I dont know why people think that men and women are at the same place at the same time. I am engaged to a man who is 24 years older than me. We get along great. We love all the same things, most of all each other. He does not support me, so no one can say I am just out for his money. He came after my heart and he got it ALL of it. I just wish society and my parents could understand that nothing can change the way i feel. I have never felt this way about anyone before in my life. He is perfect.
---surviving on 1/10/08|
The Lord formed Eve after the man. She was created in a mature state and her maturity surpassed the man's as today, girls mature much faster than boys. When my 18 yr old daughter's 19 year old BOYfriend spit in her face, I told her "honey, you need a man 28 to 48." Jewish parents always picked a groom for their daughter that was 10-30 yrs older. Mary was around 13 and Joseph was 30-40. Today, however, the law is 18 for the woman so the man should be 28-48
---douglas on 1/9/08|
My girlfriend is 32 years my junior and has childen..I am in love with her and she with me. It is hard for some folks to see us together. I'm in my 60's. We are very happy and feel secure about most things. yet there are worries..Help
---tom on 12/14/07|
I recently met a man who has all of the important qualities that I prayed for. we hav been dating for 2 mos and the subject of marriage has come up. However, he is 21 years my senior. i am 32 yrs old. we have so much in common and the conversation is excellent. We really get along great and our views on religion and life are the same. i know most people will have a problem with our relationship strictly bc of the age difference. but i cnt live for them i can only live for Jesus.
---heather on 11/1/07|
God bless you Victoria. The troubles of this world.
---Robyn on 8/8/07|
I am a born again Christian, and my husband walked out on the kids and I 1 year ago. I'm 2 yrs younger than he, and I'm his second wife. Our divorce is not yet final, but he is already communicating with a 19 yr old girl from the Phillipines, and plans to bring her over to the United Sates and marry her. He says he does not feel his age, and wants a young wife. He knows in his heart that this girl is THE ONE, even though he's only been communicating with her for 2 months.
---victoria on 8/8/07|
1 Kg 1:1 Now king David was old and stricken in years, and they covered him with clothes, but he got no heat.
2 ..servants said to him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in your bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.
3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.
God did not rebuke this.
---a_servant on 7/13/07|
I do feel a younger lady could marry an older man and be happy with him. It depends on your understanding and maturity level,also. If you are a person, in your own right, it will be much easier to make your marriage work. Sometimes we bring the wrong attitudes into our marriages and look for the other person to answer all of our needs. One person cannot take care of all our needs. Only Jesus can do that.
---Robyn on 7/12/07|
my hubby is not born again,we were both lost when we met.i repented 3.5 yrs. ago.he begrudged my dedication to God at first but now his is more respectful.i continue to pray that God save him soon.
---kim6437 on 7/12/07|
To Kim: You are born again. Is he? I have the same situation. We were both backsliders when we married. I have come in and given my heart back to Christ. He did but is now stagnant. He does not attend church and so on. I have been married almost 30 yrs. Happy with spouse but in the sight of God, that is another story. I don't have a Christian marriage. That makes a big difference.
---Robyn on 7/12/07|
i once read a business card that said,if an old man loves a young woman that his business and if a young woman loves an old man thats her business, read other side of card thats our business (had name of business). my hubby is 22 yrs older than i 2 kids and still in love,been married 15 yrs.I am a blood bought child of the king! kim6437
---kim on 7/11/07|
Charles-I believe that what she should be doing if she is a believer is not to pray of how she is going to respond to you but to pray to God to give her direction in her life. The bible said in Philippians 4:6,7, to be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your request to be known to God, and the peace of God which surpassess all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."
---Jay on 7/3/07|
You are wrong. The unbelievers are the ones that judges on things that they know nothing about. And don't you know, God's people will one day judge the angels.
---catherine on 7/1/07|
You christians are a hoot!! Judge not, lest you be judged. And yet you are the most judgmental lot on the earth! WWJD? If the bible is to belived, he would not hold to your hateful and spiteful judgments.
---ez on 7/1/07|
Dan_Walker: You are right. Financial security is heaven on earth with an older man. I married an older man, my marriage is working. But I wish I had the wisdom then, that you have now. Money is not everything but it sure makes the ride much softer and enjoyable. I am thankful. I found true love.God bless you my friend.
---Robyn on 5/29/07|
I don't agree, ashley. Men may never mature at all. I've seen 12 year olds in 50, 60, 70, 80 year old bodies. I've watched 80 year old men play with miniature airplanes, boats, you name it. I've watched 50 year olds buy a new red "chick magnet", so that their spaghetti twirled hairdo (covering the SPOT) can blow in the breeze.
---BillyGoat on 5/29/07|
Old goats will always tell young chickadees it's better marry a geezer.
Talk to those same chickadees (with the exception of our friend Robyn) about 10 years down the road. Some are packing their suitcases as fast as they can pack. Some are feeding the old goat - large steaks, taters, gravy - hoping he kicks the bucket,so they can take the money and run.
Old goats, beware.
I just saw a roadrunner.....Beep beep.......
---BillyGoat on 5/29/07|
people forget the fact that women mature a lot earlier than men do. for most men, they are not at a 21 year old ladies maturity level until they reach forty. that is why women marrying older men works better than women and men their own age. men are still rebellious children, no morals, no goals, no nothing. they are tied to their mothers apron strings. men who are older have careers, goals, ambitions and make great fathers and husbands. most but not all are now adults in every sense of the word.
---ashley on 5/26/07|
The good ole steve/curt chronicles.
Those were funny, weren't they.
Steve backed up curt, viceversa.
We have something very similar, today.
---Bob on 5/27/07|
Want get in 2008
---William on 5/26/07|
Fair call Thomas, we should consider our lives Christ's and not our own. I think the intention of the feminists was/is to get away from the idea that a woman's life is not her own, nor Christ's, but her man's; feminism, or at least not Christian-influenced feminism, isn't intended to take away from submission to Christ! If you think a woman should consider her life YOUR own, then I can see you could have a problem with the feminists but then you wouldn't be living up to Biblical standards, either.
---Ben on 5/9/07|
I do agree with Rachel. I, too, married an older man(21 1/2 yrs) my senior. He had been married before with three kids from a previous marriage. I had no children, never married. We will be celebrating 26 yrs of marriage next month(June),2007. I have been blessed in my marriage. It has worked so far but I would not recommend a May/December marriage. It can work but there are many problems to overcome, as there are in any marriage.
---Robyn on 5/8/07|
there is no bible against it ..that i have ever read correct me if i am wrong...
---dee on 5/8/07|
Marrying an oler person is allowed in this society as long as the man or woman is of legal age.sometimes it is good for the woman to be the younger spouse in the relationship. The problems begin when the older spouse begins to lose interest in his/her looks and so forth. People mistake your husband for your daddy or worse, your grandfather. I married a man much older. I wish he would take interest in his teeth, clothes, hair as he use to when we met. Otherwise, we get along fairly well.
---Robyn on 5/8/07|
we should have never messed with things it worked back then and we should have keepted things that way. i mean i am 22 male and i cant find a desent woman my age who has not be messed up with ideas of HER life what ever happend to belonging to christ and her mind is filled with dumb ideas that feminist have put there also the age that should be able to marry is when you hit pubirty things should go back to the way they should be
---thomas on 5/8/07|
Yes, but remember, there are young women that marry old men for the money, big money.
So that would be young women robbing old men.
It is a two-way street.
---Goldie on 5/2/07|
I disagree with very old men marrying young women say 60 with a 17year old woman..this robs the young woman of her young life, to experience life as a young woman..a 60 year old man to marry a 17 year old woman is just selfish and inconsiderate of the young woman's young life. Yes,Sarah n Abe were like this..but life today is different...thats my opinion.
---jana on 5/2/07|
"Why do people think men and women are at the same place at the same age? Ancient societies had young women marrying older men, and the divorce rate was zero. So why can't we return to the way things should be?"
Amen! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with a young woman marrying an older man. Look at Ruth & Boaz or Abraham & Sarah. If God approves of it, why can't everyone else?
---Kay on 4/30/07|
I think you may have a issue here with Older men and younger women. It's Okay I do too, but not when it comes to old fashion sober, decent, Christian love. Our opinions is for helping folks from getting into danger not endangering other peoples love lives(in Christ)
---Carla5754 on 3/10/07|
Give me a break...In biblical times why did men have many wives but women had only one husband? (somethings just not right about that) . The day WILL COME when he'll start looking more like your grandaddy than your love daddy. Look for a relationship where both of you will grow and explore life through mutual respect and experiences. And GROW OLD TOGETHER. Tell that old man to keep his hands on his viagra and off you.
---sword on 3/9/07|
A man (36+/-) married a teenage girl most people thought wrong, big time. Mature, knowledgeable folks said "mind our business". I saw her some years later (schoolmate), expecting a baby Still happy. I joked, "I thought you gave that up", we both laughed. They never divorced or had problems to my knowledge.
Older men, you're in a 'marathon', pace yourselves, work wise! Younger ladies, enjoy your ride! "IT'S A PERSONAL THING"!
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 12/29/06|
Age does matter with wisdom one knows that Maturity/Age is the real issue not necessarily the focus on Age alone since there is no way I would allow my Daughter to marry a man if she was not of good maturity and made a consience decision to marry a man Older than her General years and experience.
---Carla5754 on 12/27/06|
It doesn't matter what age a person is when they are married as long as it lines up with the word of God. The bible says that you should follow the law of the land (unless of course it is against God). As long as a person is of age legally they can marry anyone they like. I am married to a man 29 yrs older than I. Age doesn't matter...just make sure he desires you for the right reasons. Older men are much wiser than younger woman, so be careful of a possible taking advantage situation.
---Rachael on 12/26/06|
The divorce rate was 0 because in most ancient societies most women "did not" exist! The family bull or goat had more say lets be real. But all kidding aside each relationship is totally different & cant be judged if U are both on the same page, adults, and same belief system. Oh as a female I dont "want" to return..thanks but nah I pass.
---Jeanne on 11/6/06|
he has so much more than that.. im not only attracted to him physically but as a person too. he has a wonderful personality, he knows when im hurting. he cares for me so much and i get lost in his eyes when i look at him. i may be only 19 yrs old but i know what love is and i have it with this man. he is a godly man and a loving man and i will be honored to be his wife
---tonya on 10/20/06|