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Why Do Christians Judge Divorced

I am divorced for abuse and adultry. It affects you physically, emotionally, and mentally. What is just as difficult is the way Christian people look down upon you because you are divorced. He remarried 6 weeks afterward. That's been 10 years. It's still painful. Why are people so harsh in judgment?

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 ---Linda on 4/10/05
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Revelation 19 :9 Blessed he said to me Write blessed are called unto the marriage supper of the lamb And he said unto me These are True saying of God

{ Marriage is a unbreakable union between God and his elect also symbolic in this world }
---RichardC on 1/20/16

Linda, who is looking down at you? Get better friends.

No one said you can't get a divorce esp if he is abusive.

You just CAN'T remarry.

Because you are truly only separated even if he remarries he is isn't real married to her but still to you.

Marriage is a Sacrament.

God combine you and you can't undo what God combines.
---Nicole_Lacey on 1/17/16

Because God said so
---Doug on 1/14/16

Matthew 19 is the reason one can not get a divorce.

No one is asking anyone to stay in an abusive marriage.

But, you are still married.

That's why the Pastors or Priests can not marry you to another person.

Remember in Genesis God said "LET NO MAN SEPARATE"

You can separate yourself, but you can not ask a Minister to marry you to another.
Sin will fall on his head if he does so.

He is the man God is speaking to when God said No.

So, don't blame the Preacher.
Read and Study the Bible.
---Nicole_Lacey on 11/2/15

There isn't a holy person on earth. I think divorce is better than marriage. Most marriages are unholy and divorce is more kind. Marriage shows how far we are from being a new creations in Christ. Wives hate their husbands and husbands hate their wives, yet they know we are Christians.
---yon on 11/1/15

Because those judgemental Christians are convinced that they know more about what went on in another couple's marriage than they actually do know.

I know a woman who was snubbed by 'Christians' in town for quite some time because they assumed that she had committed adultery when the fact is that she left her adulterous husband and set up home by herself elsewhere to preserve her sanity.

They might have now learnt the truth as they suddenly began speaking to her again. I hope they felt suitably ashamed of themselves if that were the case.
---Rita_H on 3/26/15

---GINA_BRUT on 3/25/15

I think it is ignorance or lack of experience that the divorced have had that makes them to judge others badly. Some of them assume the divorced had not done somethings right. They also limit God to certain prescriptions that He had made for men in certain parts of the Bible forgetting to embrace the whole Bible in their judgement. No other party but God can really know what a couple had experienced but God. All others know in part 1 Cor.13:9, if we Christians remember this verse, we should be leaving a space for God in our judgement of others OR judge based on what God reveals about a particular situation and not assume.
---Adetunji on 11/4/09

They do not know the facts, and so their misjudgment is in error. But if they knew the facts, then their misjudgment of you should be corrected.
---Eloy on 11/1/09

WHY are people so harsh in judgement? The people who are, perhaps shouldn't claim to be Christian. Ignore (and try to forgive) these self-rightous souls. Look for genuine Christians who will appreciate you for what you are, not condemn you for the past. If you are a Christian yourself, rely on the Lord Jesus for strength... and don't let yourself fear the critics. Keep on moving forward.
---Donna66 on 11/1/09

the only grounds for biblical divorce is adultery, but thats is, what i dont get is why would go bring anyone together knowing it would end this way, keep this about god and leave poeple out of it!!!!! if god knows all things and promises not to harm, hmm harm comes and please no excuses, this one is about god!!!!!!! god knew this would happen or did he????? sorry to use he god is not human nor gendered so its actually god
---kathryn on 11/1/09

What is the judgment where Divorce is concerned? If you get out of hurtful marriage you are not judged by God if you get into an Adulterous marriage you are judged for that sin!

However I see your point about being judged by people who think one should not divorce period. I don't think that is bible scripture you are to live in peace and if that peace through the bibles definition is broken you can separate and live as unto Christ unmarried.
---Carla3939 on 6/29/09

Those Christians that judge you are simply not true Christians.
Its not our place to judge anyone else.
Thats why I find churchs so off putting, full of little cliques that congregate and think that just because they attend church once a week they are 'good christians' whilst the rest of the week they gossip and live their lives being totally unsupportive of others.
Dont close your heart to these people just recognise them for what they are. Sometimes the 'truest' Christians are found outside of church !
---Jan on 6/27/09

Some people are harsh in judgment because they are ego driven. Some feign superiority, while attempting to cover up their insecurity. They will frequently tell you that you are not a real Christian because of X, Y and Z, when the reality is that they are not acting Christ-like in their judgments, but in their blindness they can't see this. Eventually, He will tell them to depart from Him. The bottom line is that you have to be confident in who you are in Him and forgive their judgments of you. Help others as you can and appreciate when people bless you with their kindness, but never expect it. Do as Messiah would do and just remember that He was misjudged long before you ever were.
---AlwaysOn on 6/8/09

I just make sure that people know that my husband divorced me. After that I couldn't care less what people think. I was willing to try and work it out even though I thought the guy was a jerk, but he went ahead with it anyway. It was hard at first, not because he obviously didn't love me, but because I wasted my first marriage on him. I was his 5th.... what did he care?

If you are right before God I would not worry about it.
---Melanie on 6/8/09

I am divorced, I did not want it at all. I do not believe that divorce is necessarily wrong or a sin. However, I do believe relationships outside of that marriage are a sin. I believe God's word directs us to make every effort to reconcile, and with Him we should be able to, but if we don't,our choice should be to remain single. Relationships outside of marriage, even after divorce, are sin according to what I see in God's word.
---jerry on 6/8/09

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The only reason the Bible gives for divorce is when one partner commits adultry. And Jesus said that God only gave this excuse because it was what He considered a sin.
My son is a minister. He is only 45. But he won't marry anyone who has divorced for any reason except adultry. And only then if the one wanting to marry has remained single. Also, those who live together before marriage are finding it hard to get a preacher to marry them. People these days don't stop to realize that fornication is a sin according to God.
---Digimom on 6/8/09

Some christians are so harsh in their judgement.But when these same sins hit home they want to justify it and place themselves above these sins. But if you read your bible and you should. You will see where God says:He hates divorce. Many christians have read this and use this scripture against others. This is wrong. I think we all should be careful in juging others. We never know when we may be facing this same dilemma. The same thing that happens to others, happens to christian,too. We are not above sin.Some christians( or wannabes)feel they are. This is not so.
I have never divorced but I am sure it is painful,especially when kids are involved. Try to move on and pray for this bloke. He married in 6 weeks. This is not good,at all.
---Robyn on 6/8/09

You have discovered that Christians are often NOT loving or forgiving as Christ would have them to be. Many are as self-righteous as were the pharisees. I found this out many years ago in situation similar to yours.

Your marriage and divorce were do not need these people to add to the pain. Your healing from the past is a priority.

You must either learn to ignore their attitudes (Jesus can help you) or find some Christians (perhaps in the same church or perhaps another) who accept you and and care for you. I'd avoid "singles" groups though. That's just my opinion, as I've never attended one that promoted spiritual growth.

Remind yourself frequently that Jesus NEVER hurts and is ALWAYS faithful.
---Donna66 on 6/8/09

I am also divorced and felt like I was being judged at my former church. I felt like I was looked upon like I had a scarlet letter branded on my chest instead of a breastplate of rightousness. Some of those men with their ego problems apparently thought I was lusting after them, and not realizing it, by just being friendly I could have opened myself up for criticism. How ridiculous because they weren't the type I would have looked twice at in the first place. I was led to another Bible-Believing church that is supportive. Brothers and sisters in Christ are supposed to be Christ-like and church should be a place of healing...and a safe haven, not a place for more hurt. I am glad Jesus will ultimately do the judging and not a group of Baptists!
---Alexis on 6/6/09

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regardless of what we say the word is the perfect example of judgment, not us mere mortal human beings. To steal is sin, murder lie, backbite,and many other things but the word said for a man/woman to sin sexually he/she does so against Her/Hiself own body. Your body is the temple of the HOLY GHOST.

Thats something thats don't need judgment, your judged already.
---Carla5754 on 3/31/08

Just as people sometimes cannot see the wedded bliss on the obverse side they cannot see the adversity,and how you face it.The transgression is against you as wellas God, done by the perpetrator.There are many emotions involved Its how you as an individual deal with it that counts.A simplistic answer is get up again and walk,easier said than done.But the Truth is LIFE GOES ON.Count your losses but continue to do what is RIGHT Best solution and wise.Don't look over your shoulder all you see is the mess.
---Emcee on 3/29/08

No true christian should judge you.Only God is the judge.Also most churches permit divorce for adultry.Maybe you should change churches.Ideally a person shouldn't divorce but no one is perfect.Try to forgive your ex and move on with your life.
---shirley on 3/28/08

Because people do not know. And people do not see their own sins. These are your Hypocrites. My situation is not just like yours, but I obey God in everything. Yet, wicked family judges me harshley. The wicked man, the devil can use in this. Makes the wicked feel so good about themselves.These are the same wicked people who loves to quote scripture Judge ye or be judge or something like that.
---catherine on 3/28/08

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Who is judging you? What about the woman that was stoned, Jesus said let you who are perfect cast the first stone.I don't feel that people should judge you for leaving for that reason. I wasn't physically abused but I was cheated on for our whole marriage just about, which did a number on me. I really don't believe in divorce, and he wanted me to stay. I was asked why I stayed so long. I think that it is healthy to leave a relationship that is filled with abuse. God says that we are wonderfully made in His image and we are His children. We DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED in any fashion.
---Janice on 3/28/08

I find it odd, Marcia, that you are going back and answering your old blogs.
---Crystal on 8/16/07

I don't know many divorced people. If I do know them. I guess I figure its none of my business so I never know. If I found out someone was divorced it wouldn't affect the way I see the person. I don't understand why it would be such a big deal. I guess I'm to young to understand divorce. However I think the problem lies within your heart. Maybe you haven't forgiven yourself for letting go or for staying to long etc. Once you fully heal inside it won't matter what other people think.
---Marcia on 7/31/07

lee A leblanc>>>What you said is so true. And we are to beg God for forgivenss continuously. Does not mean non-stop. Also, if you wish not to be angry with your enemies, continuouly ask God to forgive them. You might be surprise how quickly bitterness, resentment will leave your heart. Only for born-again believers. Also, bare in mind, the only way a person receives forgiveness from God is through the Blood of Christ. Because we, believers, pray, we are off the hook. The rest is up to God.
---catherine on 7/31/07

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Too many christains are using the excuse of forgiveness as an excuse to amass a lot of sins thinking that all is well and there are no consequences., but the word says that God is not mocked but you will reap what you sow.I think that people(especially christians) who cause others to bleed emotionally should pay in full and after you've paid then God forgives you.Can a woman who commits abortion 6 times do so with impunity? saying that God will forgive me no matter how many babies I kill?
---lee_a._leblanc on 7/30/07

The innocent party should never be judged adversely like this. Also, biblical law (and Jesus Himself with the aduleress) was even-handed with males and females, so Christians need to be just as even-handed.
---Ktisophilos on 7/24/07

I am divorced. My husband left me. I have not experienced any judgment from the Christians I know for my divorce. My pastor is very supportive of me in my work at the church I attend.

I think some people don't have compassion on people who suffer, especially those who don't fit the stereotype of a "Perfect Christian." That does not really exist, but there is an ideal in the minds of a lot of Christians.
---Madison on 7/23/07

May because they are prejudice and do not take time to find out the circumstance of the divorce, but to be fair, how do you ask someone that has committed Adultery re-married and claim that God is the author of their sacred marriage, even if it has been several times that they have married? Difficult!
---Carla5754 on 2/21/07

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Why are supposed christians so quick to judge others. simple, they are so self righteous that they have never heard of the spirit of the law. They only live by the letter of the law. They cannot see the mote in others eyes because they have a huge one themselves. They love to praise God in name only, but their hearts are far from Him. You see that daily. They love to condemn, mock and ridicule others because they exalt themselves above God himself.
---Dave on 2/21/07

I'm sorry Christians have judged you. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin as many so called christians would have you believe. A true Christian will not judge you, but will have studied beyond Matt. 19 by reading Paul's writing on the subject. As Jesus spoke--he was aware of Yon Keppar, Day of Atonement--ALL sins were forgiven.
---Jerry on 2/20/07

Divorce (ie: forced division) happens from "hardness of heart". Because of freedom of will to choose to be righteous or sinuous, no one can make a person be faithful or obedient to their vows, nor keep the wedlock when one decides to be an infidel and break it. You are not really judged by other people, for God alone judges or else justifies each one of us. Don't seek approval from others, but from God, and pray for your healing that God will heal you completely.
---Eloy on 2/20/07

Because divorce is not praise-worhty or commendable to God or his family. There are many whom repeat the same vows in front of God and man promising to stay together "for better or for worse, and till death do us part" for 9 and 10 or more consecutive times, making sacred matrimony a disgrace. You should not be judged by others for your divorce, but neither should you expect praise for something that causes sorrow. What God has joined together, let not a human break apart.
---Eloy on 2/20/07

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"And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife." 1 Cor. 7:10-11
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Mat. 19:9
---Porter on 2/20/07

Many people frown on Divorcees because of old church rules instituted years ago; But God is forgiving and changed them.God did put a certain Biblical standard, that it was okay to divorce On Occasion of Adultery.

The stigma people adhere to divorcees is that they are not "Pure" or "Holy". But God redeems us(read John13:8).Through Faith and Trust in Him,we are called His "Children of Light"
---rosem4839 on 2/19/07

Because the so-called Christian people who are dissing you are not really Christians, but instead they are the children of the devil, else they would be like Christ rather than the enemy of Christ. Tell them Eloy says, "Obey the 2nd Command, to Love your neighbor as yourself. And you need to get get saved from this sin: stop dissing God's children; and start edifying them."
---Eloy on 5/29/06

what i can share with you is that people will always Judge, Do not lose focus and continue in Prayer and in God "Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. "Isaiah 49:16 "See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me"
---ZIMBABWEAN on 5/29/06

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"What is just as difficult is the way Christian people look down upon you because you are divorced."

To some degree you are a threat as your sexual and social needs are not met and there is a fear among other women that you may pouch.

Also what has happened to you could happen to others; particularily those that already have martial problems and thus you serve as a reminder.
But you will find non-Christians may have the same attitude as Christians do.
---lee on 5/28/06

linda, I think you should explain exactly who and what church and area these so called christians are you say are hard on divorceds..many many churches help church might have done that to you it does not mean all churches are like that ... so please state who and what church and area has done this to you...remember, one error of one church mars the whole kinder to all churches.
---jana on 5/27/06

The type of so called christians who judge, first do not understand forgivness and mercy, but to pass harsh judgment on the innocent victim of divorce, have denyed their faith. those who are quick to judge are normaly the married ones, its a selfish case of i'm alright never mind about you sure that if their marriage broke up they would be the first to fall into fornication, adn realise the nessesity of having to remarry
---susanna on 11/10/05

The type of so called christians who judge, first do not understand forgivness and mercy, but to pass harsh judgment on the innocent victim of divorce, have denyed their faith. those who are quick to judge are normaly the married ones, its a selfish case of i'm alright never mind about you sure that if their marriage broke up they would be the first to fall into fornication, adn realise the nessesity of having to remarry
---susanna on 11/8/05

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Because so many Christians judge everyone!
---drea59002 on 10/20/05

Years ago I married because I was pregnant. After a few years I divorced because my husband left me for an other woman. The Lord has forgiven me because I have confessed it to Him. 1 Jn 1:9 I am not proud of my sin but I have forgiven myself and I have forgiven others who have done and said things that hurt me. It is a really big step on the road to healing emotionally.
---Ulrika on 4/30/05

You need to forgive yourself and others. No one can make you feel bad by what they say without you letting them. That said, it is not easy to forgive. Maybe that is why the Lord said to do it so many times, he knows those feelings will keep coming back.Eph 4:32 Col 3:13 MT 6:12.
---Ulrika on 4/30/05

Curt don't be so quick to judge Linda or others in her position,Linda let go of the pain and bitterness forgive and move's too short,let God deal with him,God has a plan for your life,concentrate on that.God bless you.
---RUSSELL on 4/26/05

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I am a divorced Christian..I truly believe that if a person had a "true" marriage there would be no divorce. In these days so few are true...I believe that the whole of the picture must be looked at before saying no divorce.
---shira4965 on 4/26/05

The Bible says that because we love the Lord, we will be persecuted by others. It also says judge not lest you be judged. I live on Malachi 2:16, but I do not judge those who have chosen divorce for adultery. Though God's perfect will is for one man and one woman for life, the Bible does say that adultery is the only reason for divorce. The next time someone judges you, simply protect yourself with the word. Tell them, "Let ye without sin throw the first stone." This is one of my favorite scriptures because there is truly no defense to it.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 4/13/05

As you can tell from the prior posts. ALL Christians don't look down on you (or me for that matter. I left a pretty abusive marriage several years ago). Some of us actually do what the Bible commands us to do. The Bible clearly states, "Love thy neighbor". It doesn't say "Love thy neighbor unless they are divorced then drop 'em like a hot potato" My church has a divorce recovery group. Everyone I come into contact with knows I'm divorced and I never once felt like I was less than them. Please know that I love you. God bless.
---Becky_S on 4/12/05

I believe that God is a God of a second chance. Christians are afraid to deal with this sort of matter because a lot of them are not familiar with dealing with this sort of pain. Also, some are in denial that this happens to Christians. We are to ask God to treat the innocent like David and the Shew Bread. It was forbidden to be eatten, God allowed it, and no one died. God cares and the innocent party does not pay for the sins of the guilty. All are to answer to God for what was committed by them in their own body. May God place people around you who refuses to judge you but comfort you.
---Debra on 4/12/05

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Curt ... it would be interesting to have a poll of Bible believing Christians to see whether yuo are correct about the majority view.

I the ex spouse has married again ... is the first marriage still in existence at all. From a worldly point of view it clearly is not. I wonder if God regards it still to be a marriage when one party has totally abbrogated it?

And does God want the deserted and abandoned party to be denied the comfort of another marriage?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/12/05

i understand. never mind what people say. let God take care of them. as for you, "God loves you. never never give up."
---Gwen_M. on 4/12/05

Thank you for the encouragement and prayers.
---Linda on 4/11/05

most bible-believing christians will not marry a divorced person, because marriage is supposed to last until death, and if he or she isnt dead yet, the marriage isnt completely over yet.
---curt on 4/11/05

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Linda. You had every right in the light of God's Word to be devorced. Don't you worry about the judgment of others, because they don't really understand. Pray for them instead. Pray that they will be free from the chains of their own judgment. You just focus on being in your Heavenly Father's care. There is deliverance there, believe me He did it for me. God bless you.
---Mary on 4/11/05

If you are still feeling the pain perhaps it is because you have not forgiven him or yourself for the dysfunction I was in a similar situation for 23 years. He threw away our family, moved in with his new family and expected it would be acceptable. This was a painful decision very selfish anti Christ. Discover yourself, I read Codependent No More by Melody somebody, it was on the bestseller list.
Remember God is our judge. and according to Scripture Christ is the justifier Pray for your ex as hard as this sounds is as healing as it is. I know for it is working in my life.
---Mary on 4/11/05

Yes, people can be harsh, and the reasons may be as varied as "Heinz 57" or more varieties. The main thing is not to judge yourself harshly for your decision to have this man out of your life. You may have saved your life. Look at how many women are killed or terribly maimed in domestic violence situations. Jesus understands, and in time, your heart will heal. There is no magic amount of time for this. We all heal differently. Be your own best friend, and keep Christ beside you. God bless. Kris
---Kristine on 4/11/05

People keep saying that you should not judge. Jesus the Christ said that judgement has been handed over to man and that is why he said, 'With what judgement you judge is the judgement you will receive.'
---gregg on 4/11/05

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"christians" who judge you is not christian. Christian means Christ like and that is the opposite of Christ-like. That is why we need to watch our tongues and put the bits in. We need to be a good testimony for Jesus and not an embarrassment.
---shira_5965 on 4/11/05

I can keep this short and sweet. Why do you worry about judgement. Those who are judging you are, OBVIOUSLY, scripturally illiterate. Their problem ,NOT YOURS. His Adultery alone gives you scriptural grounds for divorce. Those who are judging you are, in fact, Judging GOD..NOT a place i would want to be.
---Jim on 4/11/05

The story goes on and on. My wife left me for a guy she met in a sanitarium - she had an eating disorder - leaving me with 2 preschool kids to raise by myself. 3 different pastors recommended that I cut her lose and I did; the same churches informed me that I could not serve at an elder or deacon because I was divorced; howbeit, they let me sing in the choir and teach an adult sunday school class. Church leaders are contradictory in their attitudes towards people not being one of the 'holy ones' like themselves. I say, let the Lord judge these people as clearly they are lacking.
---lee on 4/11/05

It's easy for people who haven't "walked in your shoes"to form harsh opinions.People who judge may have worse in their own lives, by pointing a finger at you they don't have to look at themselves.Some judge because they are still legalistic,narrow minded, and lack compassion,or are just plain meanspirited, always taking pleasure in others pain.When looking down on you they aren't looking up to God enough.God is love and so is accepting there are valid reasons for divorce.Abuse and adultry is very valid.Divorce didn't weaken your relationship with God,but their attitude does theirs.
---Darlene_1 on 4/11/05

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I too am divorced from a pastor..We were married 27 years...Abuse physically and mentally plus neglect was the reason for the divorce...I am remarried to a preacher that is also divorced..We cannot get a church because we are divorced...
---barbara on 4/11/05

With an over 50% divorce rate, how can anyone look down on divorced people? That is not a very loving attitude. No one knows what hell some people have gone through. I have friends in that boat, and they have my sincere sympathies.
I am 37 and never married, some look down on me like I am odd. Ignore these people who judge. My pastor was divorced many years ago when his wife ran off with another man. He remarried about 20 years ago to a Godly woman.
---Kathay on 4/11/05

People seem to find fault with everyone elses situation except their own. Jesus warned that the criteria we use to judge others is the criteria by which we will be judged! Don't worry about those who judge you. God, who knows your heart, is your true judge and Jesus is your attorney!
---Robin on 4/11/05


I do not look down on you

God bless you
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/11/05

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I went through a similar situation for twenty years, I cried out to God, and asked who am I , if there is a God where are you, what is my future i do not know any more, he heard my cry and I have been married to a wonderful Christian man for thirty years who became dad grandpa and greatgrandpa to my six children , God is our Judge not people, put your trust in him, and obey him love Maureen xo
---maureen on 4/11/05

I am afraid your statment is a bit too general. I am sorry that you were in the presence of SO-called Christians. True
Christian friends would have treated you kindly You need to make new friends who will build you up not tear you down. God bless you in your search.
---Pierre on 4/10/05

They judge because they haven't gone through what you had gone and if they did, they are staying put because of fear they too will be judged.

Ignore them and if someone passes any comment to you simply tell them to mind their own business.
---Albert on 4/10/05

Hi.. I know something like what happened to you hurts. I had been hurt much like that, too. You do not have to live your life according to whatever people have to say about you. You had a biblical right to divorce anyway. Ask Jesus to heal your hurts and to find you just the right person for you. It is really no one elses business
about your marriage or divorce anyway.
Love and God Bless
Mary Ann
---Mary_Ann on 4/10/05

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Dear Linda divorce takes place for incompatability, socio,& many reasons including the breaking of a bond wounding of one heart desire & pride, its unfortunately the perpetrator gets away in this world but will have to answer to The Maker, for his actions. People of this world are uncharitable what they read in a book they apply as a yard stick, its a human failing, Take heart because it is said in that same book the ways of God are different than the ways of men>devote more Time to god & bless you.
---Emcee on 4/10/05

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