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How Often Should A Man Treat

I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months. He says I am his soul mate and God joined us together and he wants me to be his wife. The only problem is that he is cheap. When should a man treat and how often? If we go to the store, should he treat or should I pay for my son.

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 ---Dawn on 4/12/05
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In the beginning I would certainly offer to pay for my son. He should offer to pay for you and himself the first few times you are together,at least. To show you he means right and is courteous toward you and is a gentleman. When you two becomes more familiar with each other, it does not matter, as much. If he offers to treat my son, I would accept this gesture but not expect it,in the beginning of the relationship.
---Robyn on 11/16/07


The thing that would scare me about this guy the most is that after only 4 months he is claiming she is his God-given soul mate--has it been confirmed with her? This guy would scare me lol
---Mary on 10/30/07


Cheap is not a good sign. My wife and I have been together for over 38 yrs. because cheap had no part in our relationship.
---John on 10/29/07


Cheap is Cheap. There's no other way around it. You know when someone is cheap. It basically tells you a lot about the person.
---Peter on 10/29/07


Well, who makes more money? If you can afford to pay sometimes my opinion then by all means pay sometimes! Common sense.
---sue on 10/29/07




him being the man should pay for everything.
---larry on 10/29/07


I think that a man works hard for his money, But so does his girlfriend but less. I think if your in a relatioship then it does not matter......pitch in if u can and being in a relationship we know who can chip in and who cannot........advice FREE
---chria on 4/29/07


I'll tell you, why, Jack.

If men are to be the authority over women as Mima and all the other men here, who put their feet down, insist. Then the authority, the MAN, should pay his way and the woman's, too.
This is a double standard, you can't have your cake and Edith, too. Pay your way, or you really are not the authority, are you. Dating is a shadow of marriage.
If the man can't pay, send him away.
If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.
---Joy on 4/28/07


So the answer, the man should treat, always.
Unless it is his birthday, then cut the man some slack. But don't go overboard and try and buy his affections. Everything in moderation.
If he finds out you aren't worth the effort or money, then there's your sign. It is not going to work, unless you plan on wearing the pants. Not scriptural.
---Joy on 4/28/07


Dating and its etiquette have changed a lot in my lifetime.

Once, it was expected that the man would pay for everything all the time. This made sense when men worked and had more money than women, especially unmarried women.

Times and customs change. It's not uncommon for women to pay the costs of a social outing.

Do you know his entire financial condition? If you love him and he loves you and you wish to marry, why should i matter who pays for what?
---Jack on 5/31/05




Dear Dawn,are you sure you're ready for marriage?have you discussed finances?can you really know a person that well in four months?and why would he not provide for your son?it's a package deal,remember the hotter the fire the faster it burns out,slow down,if it's real love and it's Gods will,it will prevail.May you seek and receive God's will.
---RUSSELL on 4/24/05


One thing I picked up on dating said to make a list of 10 must haves and 10 can't stands. the must haves are things you can't live without and the can't stands are things you can't live with. Be honest with yourself and apply this to whomever you consider marriage material. These are the things that will make or break a relationship. If Cheapskate is a can't stand for you now, you will only be able to take it for a while, then the resentment will build. The better you know yourself, the better you can judge what you will and won't put up with from someone else.
---Julie on 4/21/05


One thing I picked up on dating said to make a list of 10 must haves and 10 can't stands. the must haves are things you can't live without and the can't stands are things you can't live with. Be honest with yourself and apply this to whomever you consider marriage material. These are the things that will make or break a relationship. If Cheapskate is a can't stand for you now, you will only be able to take it for a while, then the resentment will build. The better you know yourself, the better you can judge what you will and won't put up with from someone else.
---Julie on 4/20/05


Your question is really tricky. Perhaps your boyfriend is afraid of being used as source of gifts. I think since you have a child you should have asked that in the beginning. If you are going on an outing with your son, he should pay unless you have agreed beforehand. I think if you can you should keep your independence until you are formally engaged to this man. You will feel better about yourself. Do you go out with him without your child? Perhaps that would be best. Maybe he could pay for the babysitter.
---Nancy on 4/18/05


Many people (especailly women) enter into a marriage thinking they will 'change' the guy to be better. Wont happen. If you dont love him like he is, DONT marry him.
luv,
sue
---sue on 4/16/05


I'd never heard of Narssitsic until I went into counseling to try to save my marriage, The more I learned the more my husband fit every critera, of that & verbally abusive especially the critera of denial & justifying saying the counselor only says it because I twist or tell half truths or they don't know the whole story Like he knows what I tell. He uses this to ignore what the ministers say about the divorce not being scriptual too Quick committment is a sign to Narsissm as is overly protecting money. For more information I reccommend the book "Why is it always about you?"
---tammy on 4/14/05


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Understanding dating is not a commitment to marrage but a way to get to know someone. But before you get serious about someone you have to figure where you are going, what the Lord wants in your life and where He may be calling you. Now does this friend know where he is being called by God and what will he be doing in several years from now?
If he commits so soon you need to run, and hide in the Lord's arms. My prayer of support as you figure this situation out.
---BLue on 4/14/05


Tammy, Isn't it amazing just how MANY people our there have serious personality disorders, and the narcissists are among the worst. I'm glad you found out and are wiser, as I did. My ex-husband could spout chapter and verse on ethics and morals, but didn't abide by anything. Last analysis was "I,me,mine", and he was indeed a narcissist PLUS! So glad I have the Lord in my life!Beware of those who talk a good game and don't live it!
---Kristine on 4/14/05


Jesus said that you'll know someone by their fruit, from what you've said about this guy is a display of what kind of tree he is. I bet he does'nt pay tithes or at least consistently. You definitly do not want to be married to someone like that, if he's selfish in the courtship he'll be selfish for sure in the marriage. Run girl! Run!
---Morris on 4/14/05


HI! JUST LIKE YOU I MET THIS BEAUTIFUL HUNK OF A MAN. HE SEEM OK BUT WAS A LITTLE BIT CHEAP. WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 15 YEARS AND BECAUSE I AM A CHRISTIAN I WILL NEVER THINK OF DIVORCE BUT HE IS CHEAP, CHEAP CHEAP. I HAVE TO BUY ALMOST EVERYTHING THAT I NEED. DRESSES, SHOES ETC.IF I TURN ON A LIGHT TO READ AT NIGHT HE'LL YELL AT ME TO TURN IT OFF. AND YOU KNOW, I PAY THE ELECTRIC BILL MYSELF. THINK ABOOUT IT.
---celia on 4/13/05


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LOL on second thought..if you live in Ky BEWARE..you may be dating my husband, it sounds so much like him (especially with you being a single parent of a son) that it is almost scarey.
---Tammy on 4/13/05


Red Flag alert. My husband said the EXACT same thing, proposed after 4 months,said God had joined us together. NOW he says our marriage wasn't put together by God so nothing in the bible about marriage or divorce applies to us so He has filed says God is telling him to do it. He is out looking for another woman online and we haven't even been to court. He was the most loving man while we were dating till I said I do. Within a month he was abusive verbally these are signs of Narssistic Personality Disorder (the cheapness, quick marriages) give it time, Take it from one who knows. PLEASE
---Tammy on 4/13/05


Do not plan to marry someone after only dating for four months. Bad idea. While I do not believe a man should pay everything all the time, I believe that a man should be generous in that if he is buying dinner for you, he should include your son occassionally.
---Madison on 4/13/05


Red flags come up when I hear of people talking of something as serious as marriage after only a few months of dating. Beware! The sirens should be going off in your head...if you feel he's cheap, your subconscious may be warning you he's a real leech. Give it time, and watch closely.
---Kristine on 4/13/05


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Well, I think that he should treat your son sometimes just to let him know he loves him too. But if you want your son to have a treat everytime you go to the store, then you should do the treating. Your boyfriend may be trying to save for the future, or just knows the value of a dollar. If you are thinking of marrying him, you might want to talk this over with him.
---a_friend on 4/12/05


I cannot give you an answer to that question but I can to the question you did not ask.

1. Four months is too short of a time to be looking for a marriage partner.

2. Marriage will not improve his spending on you or your son.

3. If he is this cheap now it will only get worse.
---Elder on 4/12/05


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