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Catholic Mom Says Stay Away

I recently met my father and at first my mom wanted me to get closer to him, but I wasn't ready. Now that I am she is againts it. My mom is Catholic and so is my dad, but I am a new-born Christian.

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 ---ana on 4/13/05
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What is your mother's reason for this sudden reversal in her desired for you to have a relationship with your dad? It sounds like you don't consider Catholics to be Christians? Just wondering. I've ask people if they were Christians and they replied they were Catholic..which puzzled me.
---puzzled on 2/16/08


Honor your mother & father this is the 1st commandment w/promise. I understand coming from a Jewish background now a Christian,oh the stories I could tell! Remember iron sharpens iron. But honor them,love them, respect them God gave them U for a reason and he gave U them for a reason. Being a Christian is fun find out the reason...
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


What does it matter if Catholic, the person is a human being and has feelings that we will never understand. In the end you will do what you feel in your heart is right. You are responsible for you with God. I pray that God uses this for His glory. Whatever the outcome.
---lupe2618 on 5/29/05


I was glad I met my dad. though I think of my mom almost everyday and it has been nine years now. Many kids have gone through a lot. Different in each case. But reading your answers made me think of my mom so much. My dad will always be my dad, But the one that never gave up on her children is the most. I thank her for everything. She struggled through life along. Working so hard for my sister and I. I could never repay her for her pain. I am sorry if I hurt anyone with my answers.
---Lupe2618 on 5/29/05


They never knew about me before then but I did, since I was a child. They didn't know my dad had two kids someplace. When he died I met them and they loved me like I was their lost brother. They were so kind to me and one went to meet my sister in Texas about six months before she died of PPH. My mom is gone now and so is my dad and I know God had something to do with this. I am their only brother and we just love each other.
---Lupe2618 on 5/29/05




I never felt that connection between him and I. Like I did with my mom, but I had to know him. What happen between him and mom is something I had no control over. They made a life and did it their way. I cannot blame anyone for what happened or who's fault it was but I can help the person I am going to be. We all have a past but our glory is for the Lord. What my dad did he will have to answer to God and so will my mom. my half sisters met me for the first time when my dad died.
---Lupe2618 on 5/29/05


My dad left when I was one, he married and had three daughters. I met him first time when I was 15, he came to talk to my mom. When I got married I wanted to move to Cal. from Texas and knew he lived here so at 18 I came with my wife searching for him. I found him and he helped us get started in life. My mom was jealous and would tell me not to get to close to him. I understood why, because she had hate for him. but my dad turned out to be a good person. But never a father to me.
---Lupe2618 on 5/29/05


Lisa, and Becky, I read all of what you put down and it really touched me in what you both said. Each one has gone through something and each has a different view. I also have a view and after reading both of your answers it came back to me what I went through. You both have the answer but a little different settings. It's what happens to us in life that leaves memories.
---Lupe2618 on 5/29/05


Thank you Becky. I have accepted that I will always feel pain in my heart. It's not for want of trying that I still feel the aches,it still hurts when I see a father carrying his daughter, or looking at her with admiration or standing beside her silently as a force of strength. I believe that some pains will always remain until we meet with Jesus. It is only then that there will be no more pain, no more sorrow, and every tear will be wiped from our eyes. I think the church deceives itself and burdens its members by claiming we can get through this life painfree, by praying enough.
---lisa on 4/16/05


Lisa,
I'm not going to debate this with you. I pray that you get closure. I pray that you find peace. I pray that you heal.
With love in Christ,
Becky S
---Becky_S on 4/16/05




(4) If it were so, God would have allowed for a generational gap in designing families but I guess this is one of the reasons God hates divorce, because of the affect upon the children. Yes, I may be a little altruistic wishing for the supervised visitation and that it will work out. But, for one who didnt have any contact with my father, I wish that it was something that was done on my behalf. That is every effort made to establish a relationship with my father. I don't believe every effort was made. Yes, he was a drunkard and he had been a wife beater too. But the kids...
---lisa on 4/15/05


(3)Of course some kids will breeze through life unscathed, but I've yet to meet any. God created the family setting for a reason. It's what all kids need. There is no use denying that when kids don't have a mother and a father, there will be a lacking in their soul. If this were not so, and the mother and father figure were not so powerfully important, God would have provided alternatives. As well meaning as parents as we are, we cannot replace the absence of either a mother or a father, even with caring grandparents around. (cont)
---lisa on 4/15/05


(2) Believe you me, when I was a kid, and even up until my mid 20s I thought I was more blessed for not having a father because he was a "bad man". This is what's now known as denial but it's what kids do, it's known as the "survival instinct". Becky, please don't personalise this. I'm not accusing you or singling you out. I'm speaking from my own experience and from statistical research from a psychological and counselling perspective. (cont)
---lisa on 4/15/05


I'm only speaking from a child of divorce's perspective. And I don't think having a million things to do is any conselation for the deep loss of a father. Its' only a distraction in their childhood which I had plenty of. You really wont be able to validate what I'm saying until your kids are adults and can sit at the table and speak as adults in retrospect like I'm speaking now. (cont)
---lisa on 4/15/05


#2
I tell and will continue to tell my kids thier father loves them, he just can't love them the way they need. I resent the implication that kids without fathers turn out emotionally stunted and delinquint. I have a great church family, an awesome family, and my kids are involved in a million activities. Most with wonderful male role models. Plus they have a fantastic grandfather that makes sure they get all the "male" time they need. My kids are happy, healthy kids. What happened to your family is heart breaking.
---Becky_S on 4/14/05


Lisa,
I can tell you were hurt by lack of a Father. However, you don't know what happened to me and my children. You assume things like: The supervised visits. That was incorporated in our divorce. He was supposed to have 6 months of supervised visits while he attended domestic violence classes. He chose not to take part in that. HE chose not to visit with our children. You also assume I tell my kids he abandoned them(which he ended up doing)Only a mother that has her own interests at heart would do that. (contd)
---Becky_S on 4/14/05


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(5) I'm a product of this mentality to withhold and I am living the consequences. What I would give just to hear my father tell me that he loved me and that he was sorry and that he screwed up. Of course I have Jesus, but there is a hole that still remains and a sense of incompleteness that never goes away no matter how deep the relationship I've had with Jesus. You can't understand it unless you experience it. It's not a head thing, its a heart thing. And adolescents will do anything to fill those holes in their soul like sex and drugs and rock and roll is what they do to fill that hole.
---lisa on 4/14/05


(4)fatherless and lacking the identity of not knowing our father. Even if its just one supervised visitation for the children to hear their father say he is sorry and that he screwed up and that its not because they are unworthy that he abandoned them. You as the mother can tell them this but a child will always personalise abandonment by a parent to their own detriment and the consequences of this are insurmountable. (cont)
---lisa on 4/14/05


(3)In the long term, it hurts the child as it hurts me and my siblings now that we are adults. 2 of my siblings have died and so there are only me and my brother. Supervised visitation in a controlled environment can protect the kids from perceived threats but they need, we need, to know our fathers, if you don't want your kids to end up with low self esteem and self worth and possible addiction issues and even suicide and homosexuality. All these things have manifested amongst my siblings and I strongly believe its roots lie in being (cont)
---lisa on 4/14/05


(2) Good or bad, people take their fathers for granted, but for one who hasn't had the opportunity, I feel strongly about this issue of denying supervised visitation for the children's sake. This means overcoming your own issues with your ex and taking the higher road. I truly understand my mother's reasons for her actions however I do not think this was in the children's best interest. I listen to Dr Laura and many people ring in about this same thing and she has shown me that its in the best interest for a child to know its parents. (cont)
---lisa on 4/14/05


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Becky S, that's perfectly okay to disagree with me. The thing is we are not discussing theology where there is possibly a right and wrong conclusion. This is my personal experience My father sounds similar to your ex, and my mother handled it the same way you did. However, waiting til we were older were good intentions only because he died before that time arrived so now I live with the regret and anguish of not every looking my father in the eyes. I don't know if you know what that feels like. Did you know your father? (cont)
---lisa on 4/14/05


Do you want to change your father. only the HOly Spirit can. What is it you want the Lord to do? We need to rely on the greatest weapon we have and that is prayer, and that may sound redundant, but not so. He has to be there to guide you in your relationship with your parents. Don't second guess God. I have made that mistake many a time, but He still worked things out dispite my efforts. We can only support you in prayer,and I will.
---Blue on 4/14/05


Lisa, I have to disagree with you. It's not always in the CHILD'S best interest to have a relationship with their father (or mother for that matter) I have 3 children who I will not allow to have a relationship with thier dad. He was extremely abusive to me AND my oldest son. However, When they are all older, it's up to them at that point. When they are all older, it may be good for them to learn about thier dad for themselves. Ana, I think it depends on your age.
---Becky_S on 4/13/05


You have the right to have a relationship with your father regardless of what your religious denomination is. Maybe your mom fears you will want to go live with your father. You need to respectfully sit down and discuss your feelings with your mom. Pray about it first and ask God for His guidance. Good luck and God bless.
---Dorothy on 4/13/05


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mums do their daughters a great disservice when they deny access to their fathers. This happened to me and now as a 40 year old woman i feel the deep sense of loss of not ever knowing my father who is now dead so nothing can be done.Life is fleeting and you really should get to know your father whether he is a good man or bad or whether your mum agrees or not. She may have issues with him but he is and always will be your father, 50% of who you are. Your beliefs and philosophies will change throughout your life, but one thing will remain. He was and always will be your earthly father.
---lisa on 4/13/05


I am not sure what your question is about. Has your mother found out something about your father that she doesn't want you to learn, or, is she "against" your professed faith? You probably need to clarify your statement a bit.
God bless you
---Margaret on 4/13/05


She is probably frightened that you father will try to loosen you relationship with her.

The two people concerned in this are you and your Dad and if you both want to be closer, you should so so. It is important that you stay close to your mom, and that as your develop your relationship with yuor father, yuor relationship with yuor mother is not threatened.

The fact that your faith is different should have no effect at all.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/13/05


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