Boyfriend Is Seeing Other Women
Have been corresponding with someone and agreed to get serious, even discussed getting married in the future. Discovered he still communicates with others, and finds it controlling when requested to be stopped. Is it too much to ask faithfulness from someone you're seriously corresponding and involved with?
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---Issa on 4/22/05
Helpful Blog Vote (5)
A lot depends on correspondence. He may see these people as close friends or even sisters in Christ and neither of those should interfere with your relationship. Base your relationship on love and trust, not on who his friends are.
---Bob on 2/13/08|
You don't get serious with someone you are only corressponding with - it usually leads to problems in the future. All you know about this person is what he tells you. The fact he is contacting other women should give you a clue. Would suggest you break up with him.
---WIVV on 12/1/05|
Well. If its serious then I think he needs to get serious. Adultery starts in the mind before anything else takes place, apart from the fact that when u marry someone u should be able to reasonably expect that they love u with there heart. The way God says we should love him with heart , mind, and body should we expect less between 2 people in marriage as an ideal - after all marriage is also a covenant ?.
---eric on 5/3/05|
No,it is not to much to ask of him.You are lucky that you are finding this out now,and not after marriage,when he is seeing other women and saying that,"You are too controling for asking me to stop seeing Jezebel."
---jay80108 on 4/30/05|
Red Flag! Get out while you can. If he is going to commit to a relationship it is hardly controlling to ask him to stop others. If you went out on a date and he proposed would it be controlling to tell him he couldn't take anyone else out on dates? He's not ready. Get out of there before you get burned.
---Katie on 4/26/05|
Issa, faithfullness is a MUST in a relationship. If he's communicating on a friendly basis is one thing - if he's being "romantic" with them it's another.
Discuss the issue with him. If he feels you're being hurt, he should stop his communication with others.
---Albert on 4/24/05|
first, U are not asking too much to save the relationship. Like the conposer: what a friend we have in Jesus, all are sins are grief to bear, what a priveledge to carry, everything to God in prayer! Pray for him, ask God for a change in his actions.
---tamunengiyeofori on 4/23/05|
Been in that situation before. If you really love him,trust him. Being in correspondence is tough but I hope you both will be together soon. It's hard being lonely on the other end and missing you,sometimes a person gets a little bit on the sidetrack. It depends on how a person comits self to only one. This is something that's really rare nowadays. Goodluck and Best Wishes. Only you can feel what's best,it comes in mysterious ways.
---maria on 4/23/05|
Faithfulness does not mean making you the only person in their lives. Faithfulness has to do with intimacy and marital relations. It seems to me that you feel threatened by these other friends. Be careful. Jealousy on your part is the real threat to this relationship. It isn't too much to expect honesty however. Also, if you only know this person through correspondence, take steps to assure yourself of his character.
---Robin on 4/23/05|
Ask him or yourself many questions. Did he enter into this ongoing correspondence when he was single and looking for a marriage match? If so theres a possibility he may have struck up genuine friendships. In that case he needs to be clear with all friends his intent to marry you and they should show a healthy interest in you. Secondly if he is continuing to look for friends, he should organise this around you and family only.They should and be both your friends now that you are a couple. If he is trying to establish more friendships with women only, i find this unacceptable.
---Lorraine on 4/23/05|
Praise the Lord, you found someone you feel so deeply about. You're concerned your friend, is corresponding with others. It could be a tricky situation depending on the relationship he has with these other friends. I suggest you find out what kind of relationship your friend has with these others before you feel threatened. Your friend's relationship with them may be different from the one he has with you. Let your friend know why you are uncomfortable. I feel you will come to an understanding and work out something. Whatever you do, pray to God for guidance.God bless you. Anne.
---anne on 4/23/05|
I know that Albert courted without seeing his girl before their engagement, but that must be very rare.
Normally I would say, do not discuss marriage at least until you have met him
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/23/05|
I think if this someone is corresponding with other people on sites like ChristianNet, it may be s/he has prayer partners. Perhaps you can share with each other the communication and then answer as a couple. I would like to continue to remain in touch with my prayer partners were I to ever find a helpmate on this site. God willing....
---sam on 4/23/05|
Is he really comm. at an intimate level with "other women" and you've not just assumed it; Does he care that you feel threatened by that? Unlikely he'll change but by God's grace. Let's get your eyes on you; could it be that you have insecurities that you put on him by trying to get him to stop comm. with "just friends" at an acquaintance level? If so, then you have the issues dear. Wholeness = Holiness. If neither of you go to the Lord for a solution, no Godly future ahead. Work on you and wait for God's best. It may be him but not right now.
---Karen on 4/23/05|
Exactly right Bob.....I agree entirely.
---Jan on 4/23/05|
I strongly advise you two to get some good christian counseling before you marry, and be sure it is a man, or woman of God that you go to, This way you can really talk your feelings, and concerns freely, and I believe you will be helped tremendously.
---Barbara on 4/22/05|
possessive attitudes, open confrontations and a list of do's and dont's can mar a wonderful relationship. develop an understanding heart and let go petty mindedness. dont stifle his little desires. have an understanding heart and mind. our mind is the battle-field of the devil. negative attitudes can spoil a relationship. he hasn't told you that he will not marry you. don't do anything in haste and regret later. surrender this problem to the Lord and wait for the lord to solve it in his time. the lord has great plans for you. plans for your happiness and not for your destruction.
---olive on 4/22/05|
To base your relationship on love and trust is essential. But being considerate is essential too.He should have been considerate to her feelings and explained who these women were to put her concerns to rest.By loving her, he could have been compassionate instead of feeling she was controlling. Sounds like he has issues.
---Susan on 4/22/05|
Bob may be right...
However, I do see a red flag - don't get too advanced with your plans before you know all about it. I've had penpals with possibly further plans, but as soon as I found out they were getting serious with someone else (it happened twice) I bowed out. May the Lord give you discernment.
---Hanny on 4/22/05|
No. 2 is company, but 3 is a croud. "Marriage honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whores and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4
---Eloy on 4/22/05|
Issa, don't second guess this situation. You should come bold and find out what kind of relationship he has with those he remains in contact with. If they are indeed true friends...even if they are of the opposite gender...then I feel you should have enough security within your own relationship to allow him to continue corresponding with his friend(s). But he should also give you that needed security by allowing you to meet them...and perhaps become friends with them also.
---Marie on 4/22/05|
I totally understand your problem and your concerns.
If he is just meeting other women as friends, this is another story, however you have the right to ask your feelings to be respected and an explanation from him is normal. In your side try to be more opened and understanding.
---Altin on 4/22/05|
We're all family in Christ, but personal feelings must be taken into account in serious relationships. It's not too much to ask for consideration. It's hard to "turn off" the hunting instincts that God gave us, especially the instinct to find a mate, so it wouldn't hurt this guy to start trying to shut it down if he's honest. He'll need that discipline if and when you two decide to tie the knot. If he can't start now, there isn't any guarantee that he'll be able to later. The wedding ring isn't an instant off-valve for the mate-hunting tendency, whether you're male OR female.
---Ed on 4/22/05|
First, have you asked God what is His will regarding this relationship? Second, have you listened and heard God's response? Third, is this a long distance relationship (more than 200 miles each way)? Fourth, are you equally yoked? Fifth, are you willing to give up everything and move to his location?
---Janice on 4/22/05|
Is it that you are asking about faithfulness, or is it that there may be some unresolved trust issues going on? If you trust God, and trust this person, I believe these other issues will resolve themselves.
---Vi on 4/22/05|