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My Christian Son Lives With A Girl

How would you handle this situation? Your Christian son is now living with his non-Christian girlfriend, church attendance almost non-existent now. Do you keep reminding him of his sin or just give whatever help is needed and pray hard? Is helping considered to be condoning?

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 ---Paul_James on 4/24/05
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I believe the best way to handle this situation is to show your son in the Word of God how that he is being drawn into Satan's snare, and then let it go and pray for the Holy Spirit to intervene in the situation. The worst thing you can do is to turn your back on your son. God loves us no matter what sin we commit, and you may be the only Bible his girlfriend ever reads, so you should be ever diligent in showing Christian love to both your son and his girlfriend!
---Debra on 7/19/07


I do believe that helping would be condoning.

I would lovingly counsel and pray for results.
---Barbara on 7/19/07


Well said, Madison and others.

All you can do is to continue to pray and love your son and be open for him, like the father of the Prodigal Son did. You are not responsible for the choices of your adult children.
---Jack on 5/28/05


Christian means "Christ like". Your son is obviously not acting Christ like. So it would seem he is backslidden. Only the Holy Spirit can convict of sin. If we remind him of sin it only causes him to embrace and defend it. Pray. Ask for the convicting power of God to move upon him, drawing him to repentence and restoration. Remind the devil he cannot have your son. Daily cover your son with the Blood of Jesus and bind all evil influence off of him.
Pray and just love him. Love never fails. Thank God that he is doing what you ask. Be at peace.
---ann_G on 4/29/05


Alan: I think the reason so many Christians have such an attitude toward sexual sin is because identifying it in others helps us not see the sins we commit. I am thinking of the sins I see all the time on this forum. Hypercriticalness, masked as exhortation, is one that comes to mind.

I wish people would approach the sexual sins discussed here the way Jesus approached the Pharisees and others when they brought him the woman caught in adultery.
---Madison on 4/27/05




It is obviously against God's rules for him to live unmarried with his girlfriend.

But other sins are also against God's rules.

We seem to have this obsessional and almost salacious attitude to sexual sins ... I wonder why?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/27/05


If he is old enough to live with someone he is old enough to accept the consequences But he wanted his cake and to eat it too. I have experience with this as my older son has lived with two women and married each of them. The first one divorced him and the second one is still married to him. I was not around the first time and not around much the second time but I was nice to both women. My son however was never a dedicated Christian so this case is different. I believe you can show them Christian love and friendship but do not relax your standards in any way.
---Nancy on 4/27/05


As long as we are in this flesh we are going to sin. But we are talking about this man here, who is living with his girlfriend. The best thing we can do is to pray that God will open up his eyes as well as his girlfriend.
---Rebecca_D on 4/26/05


Paul, James, You can not force the christian walk on anyone. You are right to pray and trust God to open his eyes. He is not the only Christian who has sinned this way. God can bring him out of it, end the relationship or have them get married. The best you can do is to keep loving him and pray and wait for an open door to speak your peace.
---Linda2tk on 4/26/05


Rebecca the expression 'living in sin' only seems to be applied to those who live together without being married but many people live in sin (yes even Christians). What about the vast number of overweight people who's sin is gluttony (no not everyone who is overweight is a glutton but many are). What about gossipers etc. etc. They are all living in sin. Christians are not sin free until they leave this human shell behind. Why do you keep sinning Rebecca? It's because you are weak, just the like the young man that Paul James tells us about. We all are.
---F.F. on 4/26/05




The bible says that you can tell if they are God's or not by their fruit, his fruit is corrupted.
---Rebecca_D on 4/26/05


Rebecca ... I guess I was just making the point that Christians do sin.

Whether he is a Christian must be between him and God. I wonder whether he ever really was a Christian, since he is now so easily rejecting the faith.

But who are we to judge? Many young Christians waver as they grow up, and come back to full knowledge later. Only God can judge about that wavering period.

I have seen many Christyians go through a period of doubt, rebellion, or despair, and yet God has held them in His arms, and brought them back stronger.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/26/05


Rebecca: My sons are both Christians. I was at their side when they accepted Christ as their saviour. I remember when I struggled with certain sins that the "church" and people like you condemn. It did not mean I wasn't a Christian. I was a Christian. People can be Christians and live lives that have sin in them and still be saved. God will work on their hearts in His time. If they don't repent, He will keep working, IN HIS TIME. How Christians work out their salvation may not look right to you, but who are you to say someone is or isn't a Christian? Only Christ can.
---Madison on 4/25/05


Allen I am not going to get into this again. You think you are still a sinner but yet a christian, I am a child of God and no longer a sinner. Yes I do sin. but the difference between me and this guy is that I repent of my sins, apparently he just don't care.
---Rebecca_D on 4/25/05


Rebecca ... Do you sin?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/25/05


How can one be considerd a christian and a backslider at the same time? You either are one or your not, there is no in between.
---Rebecca_D on 4/25/05


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Hi Rebecca D ... Sorry but unless I'm misunderstanding, I don't agree with your first sentence. We all miss the mark every day. Being a Christian means to be Christ-like in spirit. From there, it pleases the Lord when we allow that spiritual transition (renewal) to affect our entire beings ... but it's a process. We don't lose our salvation just because we fall or we'd all be in serious trouble. I'd say this son is walking on the edge but we can't judge him by his lifestyle and say he isn't a Christian. Only God knows his heart.
---DoryLory on 4/25/05


Rebecca ... does Christian mean "Christ-like"? My dictionary says following the teaching of, believing in Christ, but not being like Him.

How can we be like Him? ... He was unique.

I am a widower ... in that I am not Christlike, because He never married.

But I agree with yuo a Christian should not sleep with his girl, but many do, and I hope they repent.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/25/05


Rebecca D I can assure you that he is a Christian - a back-slidden one for sure but a Christian non-the-less. I appreciate all the advice. What I have been told by family is 'don't preach, it's the worst thing you can do' so after initially pointing out that it was wrong and as is being unequally yoked we have had to take a step back and leave them to lead their own lives. It's hard when you see your off-spring making big mistakes. Some make bigger ones than others.
---PaulJames on 4/25/05


First of all he can't be a christian and live with his girlfriend. A christian means to be "Christ-like". I wouldn't remind him of anything, pray for him that God will show him of his wrong doings. Ask him to come to church, you can't make him go. Don't hound him about this you will only drive him further into sin.
---Rebecca_D on 4/24/05


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curt, That is not the Love Of Christ, and it is not the Love of a Parent. Keep Loving your son and praying for him and his girl friend. The Bible says that if you rise your children up in the way they should go, and they depart from it, they will come back. Hold on to that in prayer.
---a_friend on 4/24/05


My sons are sexually active and not married. I treat them the same way I always treat them. If he is an adult, he answers to God now, not you anyway. You have done your job in raising him, let God handle him, and God will. Pray for and love them. The Holy Spirit is a lot better at convicting people of sin than we are anyway. Invite them to dinner, and the usual stuff. He is your son regardless of his behavior.
---Madison on 4/24/05


steps in John 4 vs 7-42, Jesus started by relating to her on her level,not Rabbi vs. sinner,He asked "Will you give me a drink?". As a result she acknowledged that there was a difference between them, v9, He was Jewish (religously superior)and she Samaritan (Jesus in you vs. the sinfulness of your son's relationship). Jesus continues by informing her of His abundance (living water vs. well water, for your son, Godly marriage vs.co-habitation and unequally yoked) she reveals that she needs what He is offering, how can she get it?
---Thandi on 4/24/05


Love them, help them, let them know in a kind and loving way that you reject the sin but not them.

If you saw a drowning man and you had a rope would you wait until he met all your qualifications or would you just throw the rope to him?

Don't reject your son for what he is, love him, and her, into being what God wants them to be.
---Elder on 4/24/05


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pray for him to repent while there is still time. and until he does, don't have anything further to do with him.
---curt on 4/24/05


Invite my son to have a discussion on the issue with him. Let him know that I am concerned about his christian life. I would ask his christian mates to talk with him. let him know that he can be used to convert his girl friend to christianity.I shall without preambles remind him that as a christian,he must exhibit christlike qualities. Most important, i shall always pray for them, that they should have a personal experience with Him.I shall also pray that God should open my sons eyes.I shall not stop praying until he answers my prayer.
---florence on 4/24/05


God's loving kindness leads people to repentance (Romans 2:4) and it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict regarding sin (John 16:8). The Holy Spirit knows exactly how to reach your son regarding wrong doing. Just trust Him to do it. As your son continues to receive love and acceptance from you, he will be drawn back to the Lord. It worked for Billy Graham's son, Franklin, and it worked for my son when he was a drug dealer and living the life of a criminal.

As for prayer, I've always experienced the greatest result through confessing God's Word ... it's powerful (Romans 1:16).
---DoryLory on 4/24/05


I was forced to attend church and nearly turned me against God. Let your son do what he wants, just be there for him if he needs help in the future. I don't think God invented marriage it was man.
---Mary on 4/24/05


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The Christian thing to do is let him go. If he asks for help, give it. God did not institute a ceremony for marriage. Being a son of a father, I would plead with you to help him and do not judge his girlfriend, she does not belong to you. You know how you acted when you were that age, granted the times were different, but you are here now. Help him, give him advice, but give him his pride and he will make you proud.
---gregg on 4/24/05


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