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Engaged First Date Acceptable

My story is: I 'met' a christian young man on a website 4 months ago. We keep in touch via email and phone and webcam. We love each other and he proposed to me to get engaged when we meet in person for the first time. Do you think it is ok to get engaged this way as well? God bless you.Linda,Australia

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 ---Linda on 4/24/05
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Good question, to commit to a relationship of possible marrage often requires that God be included in the decision. Not all I want is what I need. I would rather He quide me to my helpmate for the rest of my life. Your decision is not mine to say yes or nay to, only you, him and God can answer that question. My prayer of support.
---Blue on 9/17/08


No, I do not think that is okay. It happened to me last year where a man proposed to me via long distance before meeting me. You need to get to know him face to face for a while, and see how he treats other people, and gets along with family members. Take your time. My daughter was dating her husband for four years before he proposed to her. They did not meet online, but they took their time and really got to know one another well.
---Madison on 10/15/07


@. There are those who have had happy endings from internet romances and those who have had horrifying experiences.
Be careful, keep your heart open to the word of God and to His messages to you. Ask Him to lead and guide you. Be receptive to His answers to your questions.
---lynet on 6/18/06


1. It is very difficult to know someone you've met over the internet without spending quality time with that person, especially if you live in different states/countries. This means no sex, no staying together during visits, not telling everything about yourself too soon. Meeting friends and family of one another. If after a while all works out then you should definately begin pre-marital counseling. Both of your pastors should be brought into the arrangement at this point.
---lynet on 6/18/06


i think only you can make that decision. I married my hub after knowing him for 7 months. Does it stink sometimes...sure, but i don't think anyone can say they have a happy all the time marriage. If you make a commitment to marry someone, then the burden lies on you to make it or break it. I think people loose focus on their part of a successful relationship and blame the other person for doing everything wrong ( at least I do).
---mary on 6/18/06




I don't think it's wise.

OTOH, there was a time when Jewish couples didn't meet each other until they were standing under the canopy.
---Jack on 6/18/06


Linda it is not alright to get engaged this way. You have only met him once -- it takes a lifetime to get to know a person, and it is impossible to know someone over the internet... you can easily be deceived into thinking he is something that he is not.
---Helen_5378 on 6/17/06


NOooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
definetly not!!
dont put yourself down!
dont be in a rush!
dont marry someone off the net!
It is just fantasy!
dont get hurt!
I did!
be carefulllllllllllllll
nooooooooooooooooooo
dont do it
---annie on 6/17/06


Ive been in a relationship now for 7 months, and was challenged about engagement.
Biblically as long as they are of the opposite sex, Christian, not married etc you are free to marry him (1cor7:28).
Engagement is the declaration of your commitment to marriage, not to the idea of marriage. One is were exploring the possibility of marriage the other is Well get married unless the Lord shows us otherwise. The latter is engagement, the former not. Either way live for the Glory of God(1Cor10:31)
---Ben on 5/30/05


Don't do it man. I married way too fast and now i'm suffering deeply. I married the wrong man.
---Dianne on 5/9/05




What is the big hurry? I would say I want to get to know you better before getting engaged. If he can not wait he is impatient. That can be nerve racking being pushed and not thinking things though can lead to regret. Pray about it.
---Ulrik on 5/3/05


I am also dating someone from the net. If he would have asked me to marry him the first time that we met I think it would have scared me away. For the many reason that I did not truly know him. I knew him as best as i could online. But you wanna see how he is face to face. When different thing come up in your life. If he is really someone that you wanna spend the rest of your life with. If it is God's Will you will know.
---steph9337 on 5/3/05


You can get your answer through prayer.Seek the Lord first and he will give you a answer.We can all give advice but it's between you and the Lord.I pray you make the right chioce.
---Sally9339 on 5/3/05


Maxwell: My daughter's in-laws all take at least 4 years of dating before engagement. One of her husband's brothers took 5-6 years of dating. Why are you criticizing what my son-in-law did? He made sure he was ready for marriage, and had enough money to support a family before asking my daughter to marry him. Once they were engaged, they were married within 6 months.

I did not tell Linda she should wait that long. I simply said that patience is something to be strived for.
---Madison on 4/26/05


Hi Linda,if you get engaged to this guy,you might want to give up your computer,I mean what if you get a better offer from someone else you don't know very well?and what's the rush?to each their own but don't be too hasty,you have plenty of time,slow down.
---RUSSELL on 4/26/05


Linda, pls note that God works in diverse ways-so HE can bring two together even in space of one month. If you've had HIS voice and have peace; go a head!

Although every person case varies, I don't see the wisdom in dating a guy for 4 yrs (according to Madison). It only speaks of self assessment, scepticism (fear) & lack of trust. May you be directed by God Himself, Amen.
---Maxwell on 4/25/05


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You cannot really know someone through receiving emails and 'chatting' over the internet. We can all be someone quite different from our real selves when tapping a keyboard. You need to get to KNOW the person by spending time, lots of it, with him and finding out just how you get on and how much you really share. Far too many people commit themselves to someone far too quickly these days (and not just through internet contact) and few seem to be successful. Take your time and pray.
---F.F. on 4/25/05


It depends what the topic of conversation between you two is. In my case, when I communicated with my then friend/fiancee', we showed interest in marrying so we dedicated lots of time speaking about ourselves, likes, dislikes, past experiences, etc.

One condition has to be adhered to: TOTAL honesty. When she flew to my country, our target was to get married and now we did.
---Albert on 4/25/05


Sure, getting engaged is ok, just make it long enough to get to know one another before you get married.
---a_friend on 4/24/05


Linda:
I want to 2nd and 3rd Madison's answer. She is right on. It would be very risky/unwise to be- come engaged/married to someone without personal contact!
---Perre on 4/24/05


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