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Don't Feel Attracted To Boyfriend

I'm seeing somebody lately. He has great morals and personality. But one thing bothers me a bit...that I don't feel really attracted to him. He's attracted to me A LOT though. Should I feel attracted to my future spouse? I always wondered about that.

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 ---eun on 4/25/05
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Are you married?
Married and seeing a boyfriend on the side?
If so, the Holy Spirit is convicting you to leave the man alone, regardless of how attracted he is to you. God is blocking your attraction and trying to help you see your way out of a disaster, if that's the situation.
---Cindy on 2/11/08


While I think that physical attraction is not the most important in any relationship, by any means, it is certainly not meant to be indispensable. For while moments of attraction may come and go, and character elements, such as integrity, faith, maturity, servant-hood, mercy, etc. generally remain stable about a person over time, attraction was not only intended to be significant in a relationship, it was designed to be imperative.
---Crystal on 2/11/08


While I think that physical attraction is not the most important in any relationship, by any means, it is certainly not meant to be indispensable. For while moments of attraction may come and go, and character elements, such as integrity, faith, maturity, servant-hood, mercy, etc. generally remain stable about a person over time, attraction was not only intended to be significant in a relationship, it was designed to be imperative.
---Crystal on 2/11/08


See 1 Corinthians 7:4-5. Desire for the spouse that God has blessed you with, keeps your marriage bed holy by fulfilling your needs and resisting any advantages that Satan might find available to tempt you with issues of self-control outside of your marriage relationship. To say that physical attraction or desire is not that important, I would dare to say a husband, would feel very differently, and might even feel somewhat dishonored to hear her say that. Read Song of Solomon 4:10-11.
---Crystal on 2/11/08


Were ministered to in different ways (read The Five Love Languages), but research indicates that men are predominantly ministered to through physical intimacy. The duty described in 1 Corinthians shouldnt be thought of as being intimate with your spouse out of obligation, but of a responsibility to cultivate Biblical desire in an effort to honor your spouse. A relationship should be built on something more solid attraction, and there is more to it than this element. That doesnt make it indispensable.
---Crystal on 2/11/08




Do not sell short all that God has beautifully designed to be a part of marriage! If you are not the woman called to minister to him in this way, prayerfully step aside, so that God can bring along the woman in whose heart He is wanting to fan to flame respect, desire, and adoration, into His life, and so that He can bring you to the man He has set aside for you as well. Philippians 4:6. Sorry for the length!
---Crystal on 2/11/08


It is very important that you are physically attracted to your future spouse.It doesnt necessarily mean that you have to fall head over heels with him at the first encounter, but as you relate with them, you get attracted. But if you notice that this is not there after a period of time, you need to check it out.Marriage is a physical thing even though it hjas spiritual implications.........remember that settling with someone who you are not attracted to might open you to temptations.....as you might still have in your imaginations, a picture of your dream man or woman.
---bola on 11/5/07


God wants us happy in all areas so yes you should be attracted to him if you want to marry him other wise maybe he should be just your friend.
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


Krista, that's not healthy for anyone. If you are not really interested, let him go. He doesn't sound secure, but desperate.
---anonymouse on 11/4/06


Great answer Cathy (post 3 above) - I'm in exactly the same situation. FANTASTIC guy, we laugh, laugh, laugh together,communicate extremely well... we're two little peas in a pod, my THREE sons adore him and he adores them... and I'm absolutely not attracted to him. :( Ugh. Anyway - Perfect response Cathy! Thanks!
---Dana on 11/2/06




I'm in the same boat you are. And I'm confused. He is such a great person and we have great conversation and personalities really go together, clean, good morals, and he loves me, (and I have a son). But, I don't know what to do I've tried ending it with him a few times but he says, he wants to keep going no matter if it hurts him now or later. We've been dating 4 months now.
---Krista on 8/1/06


Dear Eun,if you're not attracted to him why are you leading him on?have mercy on the poor guy and gradually cool it down,or just be honest with him and tell him the relationship will never be what he wants.Good luck.
---RUSSELL on 5/1/05


We can't be holier than God and marry someone we are not attracted too at all... Ask God to show you if that man is the one for you, to give you love and desire for him and if he is not the one, to take you too appart in a friendly way...He will answer your prayers!
---Cathy on 4/28/05


Why would you be considering marriage to someone you are not attracted to? If you think not being attracted to him now is a problem just wait and see what happens if you marry him.

You and he are probably great people and a real joy to be around but maybe just not meant for each other.

Believe me the Sun will not go out if you don't marry before you turn 40. It is better to wait 10 years and marry the right person than to marry the wrong person and live together for 10 months.
---Elder on 4/26/05


Eun, you should have a talk with him and bring up the chemistry issue. If you don't, he'll be hurt much more.

A relationship has to have several ingredients to be successful, including attraction. You may also want to ask yourself why you're not attracted to him.

If you don't like him now, you won't like him 20 times more in the future. Be honest with yourself and with him.
---Albert on 4/26/05


I made a terrible mistake marrying a man I thought I would "grow" attracted to, but I liked him just as a friend. Well, it never happened. "Chemistry" is a powerful building block of a relationship...maybe sometimes it grows, but in my case, it didn't, and for other reasons, too. It just wasn't right...he wasn't the right one. Human relationships can be tough! Rethink the whole thing before you marry someone you may never really love.
---Kristine on 4/25/05


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i think it is important to be attracted to who you marry i fought with the same thing i was with one i wasnt attracted to and he knew it and yet he still wanted to try and have a relationship needless to say you dont want to miss out on who God has for you by marrying the one that doesnt capture your heart what i almost did i let go of the love of my life but thank God he opened my eyes before i made an even bigger commitment with the guy in whom i wasnt attracted to
---andrea on 4/25/05


Yes.. why not. Can you imagine having to make love to someone yuo were not attracted to? Or facing across the table each time you had a meal? Or going on holiday when you are together 24/7?
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/25/05


To be so fortunate as to have a person like this, many would gladly trade their no action to slow action. Some people grow as you know them longer. Some people become more boring, the longer you know them. Be thankful-be patient-you have a gold mine now. You might trade it for a flashier model that does not hold up so well. No one but you can decide to get rid of-hold- or be beholden to such a nice guy as this. Erotic love as we see in movies and TV is staged and not realistic for most of us.
---chuck on 4/25/05


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