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My Child Needs A Father

I was dating a man and he got me pregnant. Now he is off living with another woman. What should I do because the kid needs a father?

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 ---dina on 4/29/05
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2005, Oh my goodness, that is funny. I don't think about that. But, maybe some other person can be helped. Still, it is humorous....I have got to tell you, that is too much. Ha.
---catherine on 11/9/10


Donna ... she probably has, since she posed her question in 2005!
---alan8566_of_UK on 11/9/10


You did not say whether you have given birth to your child. If you haven't, consider the loving choice of giving him a two parent adoptive family. Difficult dicision for YOU.. but a better chance for HIM to have everything he needs for a sucessful future.

(It is possible now to give a child up for adoption and still remain a part of his life.)
---Donna66 on 11/8/10


Dina: please do not put your child up for adoption. You will live to regret that decision. Keep the child and be a mom and dad to him/her. Do you have an uncle,brother to spend time with the child? What about the grandpa? Is he around?Grandpas can play a very important role in a child's life. I am just throwing these options at you. Think about them. Mothers have been rearing children without dads for a very long time. Does not make it right,mind you. But a child can make it without a dad in their lives. Coaches,teachers can also help you. What about big brothers, big sisters organizations? You have a lot of help available to you. Reach out and take it. Of course, with God on your side you cannot lose. Luv ya....
---Robyn on 11/8/10


You can always opt for adoption. You do what is best for the child, and don't listen to any person. It would be an unselfish act, for you to think of the child, first. Have a good week.
---catherine on 11/7/10




I am sorry to hear of your predicament. But you brought this on yourself. You should have gotten this man to marry you first. Then plan for a family later. You did things in reverse and now you will have to live with the results. You were not smart. The fox, out-foxxed you. You never leave birth conrol up to a man. It is your body and you will have to take responsibility for it, if things of this nature,occur. Every child needs a father but it does not stop young girls/boys/older people also, from having unwanted children. I almost forgot: it takes two to make a baby. You were negligent and misinformed.
---Robyn on 11/6/10


When people ask a question, they are looking for a response - not a sermon of how they should have done this, and how they are a sinner, etc. Seriously, I think this person knows it was sin and she's wondering what in the world to do NOW. She's not asking what she SHOULD have done, but what now. So, approach your answers with humility please.
---christa on 10/20/10


Although that is true, the kid is also going to need a God saved,blessed mother more than a deserter. If you were in a sinful relationship no amount of presure will make a man love a child and you unless he want's to. So for the mean time focus on how you can be a loving God fearing mother. Better to have loved and lost than never to be loved at all. The best love one can have above everthing is the love for God, then you can build a future based on that. Allow God to be the father of your foundation.
---Carla5754 on 5/20/07


You should repent to God first, if you are a believer. You have disobeyed the Word of God. Wait on the Lord to send you a mate. You will have to be mom and dad to this child now. You made this choice when you made the bad decision. Grow up and learn to make the right decisions with the help of the Lord. Another thing: Make these skunks marry you first before you start the bed action. If not-- send him on his way and mean it! God bless.
---Robyn on 5/19/07


For the sake of your child, stop dating until you sort yourself out. Dating should not involve any activity that may result in a pregnancy. Give your child all of your love and seek to be reconciled with God. Try to encourange the involvement of male family members in the life of your child to provide a male role model.

Once you are settled seek a Christian community and if God wills it, find a good father for your children, but do not repeat your earlier mistake. God Bless.
---lorra8574 on 5/19/07




PART TWO:
The BEST thing you can do for you and your child is to committ your self to living a faithful Christian life and allow God to bring someone into your life who will accept the child as his own and love you both unconditionaly.

If you are not a Christian, the same advice applies, except first you need to become a Christian.
---Bruce5656 on 5/19/07


Remember your child does have a father. they have God as their father. If your ex will not step up then find the next best thing -uncle- grandpop- etc. becareful who it is always. I never let my kids feel they are different then a 2 parent house. I show them the positive -they do not have a father "present" but they do have so many other great things, & people & yes God. Focus on the good- many are raised w/out fathers due to war, rape, death, divorce etc. So turn it around in their eyes.
---Jeanne on 11/6/06


dear, dont worry about getting your son a dad, always remember, Jesus is his father....if your not a dedicated christian yet, come to Jesus and He will give you that rest...walk with Him, and He will see that you are provided for all your needs...if you come to Him
---jana on 6/5/06


My heart goes out to you. However, sleeping with each other prior to marriage is a sin. This needs to be confessed, repent (meaning turn around and never do it again without marriage), and accept God's forgiveness. Ask the Lord to send you a Godly husband and meanwhile go about the business of raising that beautiful child to be a follower of Jesus in love. I am so glad my Mom decided to keep me in the same situation. Being on this earth has been a real trip!
---Elsie on 5/1/05


Hi, In reply to Michael...because we are fallible and we make mistakes. It doesn't mean we don't love Jesus. Lighten up, and don't be so judgmental. I wouldn't be born, had my own loving mother, not made the same mistake! Think before you speak! To err is human, to forgive, devine!
---Kristine on 4/30/05


guess you should have thought about it all before dating him with the "bedceremony" Why dont people think first insteed of worry after?
---michael on 4/30/05


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Hi, Lori gives a sensible answer. Love the child all you can, and do for the child yourself. Somewhere down the road, I hope you do meet the right, loving man, who will be father to this child, but meanwhile, you are the child's provider. If you love Jesus and teach the child to love Jesus, too, you will be doing the right thing.
---Kristine on 4/30/05


I was married for 10yrs in a negative relationship, I choose to get out of it 3 yrs ago. I then meet someone and we became very serious and were engaged, I became pregnant and had a beautiful girl 7 mos. ago. I havent been in the relationship since I was 2 mos. pregnant. I dont rely on "him" for anything. Hes not involved at all. I can only continue to raise my Family as a single mother. I do not regret my actions only hope that they bring me closer to Christ. Stop worrying about "him" and put everything you have towards your son with your faith.
---Lori on 4/30/05


Bruce: You should always share your Godly wisdom here. The woman who posted does need to take responsibility for having sex outside of marriage, and getting pregnant. Also, her child needs a Godly mother who is willing to love and serve God with or without a man to help her raise her child. I know plenty of people who were raised by single moms who loved God and raised them right.
---Madison on 4/29/05


Jesus told the woman who was about to be stoned, go and sin no more. He did not condem her. John 8:11, Romans 3:23, 1Jn 1:9 Do you have a brother who could spend time with your son. I understand it is good for a boy to have a male role model, but you should not rush into a marriage. You need to love each other and the Lord. I know, I got pregnant and the father married me out of obligation. He did not love me and I am not sure if I loved him, but I tried hard to make our marriage work. He left.
---Ulrika on 4/29/05


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A lot of good advice has been given. You can't change the past. Remember God said He would be Father to the fatherless. Be honest tell God you've failed, ask him for strength not to again. Remember God loves you like no other. Hold your head up, when you ask forgiveness you a new creature in Christ!
---betty on 4/29/05


Hi Dina,
There are many good men out there who for various reasons have postponed having a family & now regret it. I would love to find a lady willing to share a precious child & raise a loving family together.
---Steve3889 on 4/29/05


1. You got yourself pregnant when you commited adultry by sleeping with a man who was not your husband.
2. Take responsibility for your actions.
You are not the only single mom in the world.
As single mom's we do all we can for our children and we do not dwell on what we do not have we dwell on what we do have and do our best to raise our children to the best of our abilities. Yes it is good for a child to have a father and mother but a child can and have survived in a one parent home providing that one parent takes responsibility and thinks of the child and not just themselves.
---Marla on 4/29/05


You deserve to be loved and cherished by your husband once you marry. Don't settle for less. God wants to bless us but we must live our lives according to His Bible so He can bless us. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33 Look to God to confirm to you whom you are to marry. It may be a few years from now, but God is preparing you for each other now. Just look to Jesus for all your answers. He "will" be there for you.
---Lin on 4/29/05


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Dina, God loves you very dearly. Don't beat yourself up for making an unwise decision. We've all made our own unwise decisions in life. Just don't make the same mistakes again. Become wise!
---Lin on 4/29/05


Dina, you and the man who left you got you pregnant when you made the decision to have sex outside of marriage. Take responsibility for "your choices". Your baby needs "your" love, and you need to be loved and cherished by the man God has for you. Don't settle for less and don't try to help God by marrying any man just because you now have a baby.
---Lin on 4/29/05


There are outside support you can bring into your child's life. Find a male role model figure in your church who will spend some time with your child. Try to enroll your child into the male teacher's classes. Community sports, and other organizations. Also, there is a Big Brothers Big Sister's organization available. Provide your child with lots of your love and support.
---barb on 4/29/05


You chose to get pregnant. See if the man that you got pregnant with will marry you.
---Eloy on 4/29/05


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I think Bruce5656 should post his opinion more often. Very good words of wisdom!
---DoryLory on 4/29/05


Dina, I certainly agree with both, Bruce and Sue. I have 2 children, now 10-1/2 and 6. Im 45, which means I had my daughter when I was 35 and my son at 39. When I was 3 months pregnant with my son, my husband and I seperated. That was in '98. Im still single, havent dated anyone (my choice. Maybe my expectations are too high), but the LORD has always provided for us. He only sees them once or twice a yr., for a week at a time. Please dont hunt for a dad for your child. If your christian, allow the LORD to be your all in all.
---Kim on 4/29/05


I am a single mother myself, the father left me in the middle of the pregnancy. The best thing you can do for this child is love him with all the love you can give ! Make this child your priority above all things in life and show him the simple things in life. Sing and play with him. Do not feel guilty or bad the child, that is the worse thing you can do. Many woman have raised children alone and bought them up to be wonderful people. Pray to God to bring you a father that will love you and child as well as you will love him back. And if it is God's will, he will bring you a father.
---Ellie on 4/29/05


you will find a man who follow god and you will be happy
---dave on 4/29/05


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I find a LOT of fault with one thing that Bruce said. That is, he said that he should stay out of questions like this. I am afraid that if he did you may not have received the good and proper message that you needed.

He has told you every thing that you need to know and think on. You had best heed his counsel. That is all I can add to his message to you.
---Elder on 4/29/05


dina. You have to realize you are not alone. God takes special care of fatherless children, but you have to do your part. Raise the child in the way he should go and take care of yourself. Find the books 'The Wisdom of Solomon' and 'Sirach.' These are biblical books that have been left out of the pew bibles. The most wise sayings are in these books.
---gregg on 4/29/05


I agree with every aspect of what Bruce says
---Alan_of_U.K. on 4/29/05


Yes, your kid needs a father but this guy certainly would NOT make a good one. Get a lot of GOOD, Christian male people in your kids life when he gets older. In the mean time love your baby. If it all seems to much for you, talk to somebody. There are so many people who could help you.
pray a lot.
luv,
sue
---sue on 4/29/05


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There is always a chance the child could be given up for adoption. Some people think adoption works quite well.
I am sure you feel very hurt. With the right people(lawyer, child welfare counsellor, minister), you might be able to claim for support. Because there does not seem to be a legal marriage there, this will probably involve a DNA test, to prove he is the biological father. But sexual sin is never right: our bodies were not made for that, but for the Lord and the Lord wants to fill our bodies with himself. " 1 Corinthians 6:13
See also 1 John 1:9 and 2:1
---Barb on 4/29/05


Regulars here will know that I usualy stay out of this type of discussion and maybe my answer below might just confirm that I should continue to do so. But for whatever reason, I felt I should make an exception this time.
---Bruce5656 on 4/29/05


PART ONE:
In the first place, accept responsibility. HE did not "get you pregnant" (unless you were raped in which case I trust you pressed charges). It takes two people to make a baby.

Now, the responsibility is yours to raise the child. Are you a Christian? If so repent of your fornication and look to God as your source for what resources you will need to raise the child. The WORST thing you can do is to start another relationship just so the child will "have a father".
---Bruce5656 on 4/29/05


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