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My Husband Put His Hands On Me

My husband put his hands on me, twice since we have been married; in three years. He hasn't hit but man handled me. I feel that if he gets mad enough he will. Should I stay with him? I have children that are not his, we do go to church, but I saw true angry in his eyes.

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 ---Kela on 4/29/05
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Yes, your husband is on the verge. You probably should leave. I get my answers from God. He helps me. I never give advice on my own. I could never do that, even if I wanted to. You mentioned going to church. That means NOTHING. Some of your meanest people are going to church, now adays.
---catherine on 2/16/10

im in the same boat except he is my boyfriend and we do not have children together. however, he gets angry at me and man handles me too. this is the second time. the first time i was arrested and he fled but no charges were pressed because i dont want him getting in trouble. this is the second time... last night. he left our home but i feel that because i love him it wont happen again. my heart loves him but my head tells me to run as fast as i can. i lost my friends and family to this relationship and mostly myself. im losing my job and then some too. i am falling apart fast!
---rayza on 2/16/10

My Dear, the mear fact that you are concerned brings about a red flag for me - I have a question for you...why is it necessary for any adult to "man handle" another adult? Why is it neccessary for Christians to do it? The question is not whether you should stay - the question is why would you want to continue to submit yourself to that type of treatment or outburst of anger. You need a plan to keep you and your children safe - and come out of denial about the manhandling it's abuse, domestic battery...and not a Godly way to nurture a relatonship between a man and woman.
---Debba4883 on 11/17/08

Please please please write me rache7576 God has help available but I will not dicuss it here openly
---rachel on 9/20/07

Hi. I was abused in my marriage and I got out. I would recommend you ask the help of a pastor or counselor and if you can and feel it is the right thing to do... get out. I will pray for you.
---Amy on 3/22/07

I left my husband yesterday because he manhandled me. Seperating is one of the hardest things you'll have to do but only GOD can change your husband. Surrender him to Christ and get out of the way. Get your children and pets and go far away until he admits he has anger issues and seeks help. You can't be his savior and you have children that cannot leave this situation unless you do. Leave for them. Hold him accountable for his actions and be a Godly wife from afar.
---Laura on 5/21/06

Hi, Unfortunately people who tend to be abusers, escalate. It may start out with being manhandled, and then it gets worse. I'd seek Christian counseling and speak with people who deal with abuse. They have some very good literature that describes the personalities of men who abuse, and it's a real education. Do be careful and trust your instincts...the gut is usually right. God bless.
---Kristine on 4/30/05

Find a shelter for abused women and call them for counseling. They are trained to work with women who have been man handled and worse. Also, if you feel threatened, get out, don't think, run. Take the kids and run, and don't look back.
---Madison on 4/30/05

be careful. abuse has a cycle. once it starts, it has patterns.
---barb on 4/30/05

I agree with Blue.
we can be angery and sin not. It is hard to know what to say and not have it not taken the wrong way. When all of my buttons are pushed, I can be angery too. But very seldom. I don't reach out in anger, but I have wanted too. Get some counseling from your Pastor who knows the both of you. Talk to your husband and tell him your plans. Pray about it. Are you really fearful of him?
---Linda3939 on 4/30/05

Hello Kela.

I don't want to make any interfering comments, and I know that I don't know the whole situation here. But, I don't like the sound of him being rough with you. I cannot give advice about whether you should leave him. That is not up to me. Had you thought of some marriage guidance counselling perhaps? Would your husband be agreeable to that, or not? I remember once when my ex-husband shook his fist infront of my face I felt very threatened. I am so sorry that you are going through this rough time.

God Bless.
~ Eleanor.
---Elean3355 on 4/30/05

Do you have a preacher you can talk to; one that would weigh the HONEST extent of his anger and the word of the Lord?? (I take it this wasn't done in play??) One that would help you tell him "STOP or suffer the consiquensis??" Have you reported this to the Law?? Need alot more info...
---Thoma9534 on 4/30/05

you should be a better example to your are at present teaching your children , that's how a husband behaves and a wife should just accept it.once, is once too many times.YOU AND your children should not have to put up with it . the reason men misbehave repeatedly is because wives keep silent; giving these problematic so -called men ,permission to misbehave.get him out of your and your children's lives. PLEASE.You and your children deserve better.Don't be afraid. .GOD AND your children will give you strength ...fear no one ...fear nothing.PLEASE make that leap.GOD BLESS.
---gloria on 4/30/05

Everything I see in this question is from perspective. What does "Man Handle" mean?

Do you read minds or what does "I saw anger in his eyes" mean. How do you do that?

No one can accuse me of not being a defender of the abused in your case we would need more information to make a proper response.

Did your children come after this marriage or before?
---Elder on 4/29/05

No man has the right to man handle a woman. I talked to 2 ministers about an abusive husband and they both recommended I get a divorce. I was told that an abusive person may quit one type of abuse but will start another as an abusive husband will never stop being abusive. He told me it was his right to be abusive since I did not do everything the way he wanted it done. He would go from one type of abuse to another before he left me for another woman. I was to the point that I didn't know who I was and just in a survival mode. Don't put up with it.
---June on 4/29/05

Kela: I was married at 21yrs.old;he started hitting, pushing, biting etc.In 11 years he put my jaw out,gave me black eye. I always had bruises. He'd get angry at everything, even jealous at the TV,radio, anything. Even when he accepted Jesus and preached in church,it con't. Leave him to God's discipline and save your life and your kids. I left my husband after 11 yrs.and six children later. It affects us not only physically. I hoped beyond hope and prayed and fasted but I had to leave him and go out of state with 6 children. It was hard but God becomes your husband. God is good.
---Eloia8896 on 4/29/05

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So where is the father of the children? and was this husband angry at you twice, for absolutely no reason at all?
---Eloy on 4/29/05

There are way too many unanswered questions to your post. Thus i can't give you a reply. Can you talk to your husband about this? It takes honesty and a need to talk things out, to help a relationship out. I am praying for you, and him.
---richa9469 on 4/29/05

It is very difficult to advise you, when we don't know the reason for the anger. Anger is very normal but often can lead to rage if it is not controlled or evaluated. Anger; the sign for an individual to check his/her actions and reasons why it appeared. If that doesn't happen then counsel is advised. Ask yourselves these questions. Where does Christ fit in your marrage, do both of you exemplify a true Christ like relationship of love? If not then both parent needs help. My prayer of support.
---blue on 4/29/05

My first chioce is to tell you to seek counsling with him and get him some help. I f he will not go then get your children and yourself out while you can. These situations often turn very violent.I have seen it happen, but I have also seen counsling and anger control classes work. The key thing there is actually getting your spouse to admit he needs help and getting him to go. If he doesn't I would leave. In all things seek the Lord's guidance.
---a_friend on 4/29/05

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Hi Kela,
You must think about you and your kids safety. I saw my mother being hit all my childhood, it leaves children emotionally unstable and this can cause problems in adulthood. God is with you and my prayers. Remember this is not your fault, no one has the right to man handle you. If you want you can email me.

God Bless!!
---Mary8939 on 4/29/05

Dear sister, I am so sorry for your trouble. Its hard to tell someone to leave their spouse I believe that is the decision of the individual. I would tell you to pray and talk to someone, your pastor, your pastor's wife and also get some help and advice from domestic violence organizations. I would say though to use your common sense. do not just stand there and allow anyone to hurt you or your children. I think though like I said to first talk to your pastor and go from there. I will pray for you.
God Bless
---Delor8498 on 4/29/05

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