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Can We Choose The Mate We Want

Should choosing a mate make us picky? I have read numerous profiles that either want a certain height, weight, or hair color...the only requirements I have is that he be honest, and a non smoker (because of allergies)...when we pray for a mate we need to let Him choose the one He has for us, right?

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 ---Fran4857 on 5/8/05
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RIGHT. If not, then why pray at all about anything, if you are not willing to OBEY GOD in everything?
---catherine on 3/4/08


I wonder if Daniel ever found that mate that Daniel was looking for. I certainly prayed for 'Daniel' to find one.
---Bob on 3/4/08


I am a long time married female.I think we should do our part in the natural and let God do His part in the supernatural. Ask the Lord for a wife/husband (prayer) then position yourself to receive what he has for you. Position means: go to church with the right motive but do keep eyes open for a nice,christian man/woman,keep yourself chaste and prepared for a man/woman,keep a job, a place to live. So when a man/woman enters your life you will be prepared.
---Robyn on 2/20/08


I am praying and letting God choose my mate and I will be grateful for that person and will choose to love that person that the Lord brings. I already chose once for marraige purposes (that's why I'm divorced...I chose!). And when I've chosen for dating purposes (prior to salvation), I've totally chosen wrong and was very, very hurt by the men I chose. God knows best, I'll leave it up to Him. And I know He wants to and will give me the very best! :-)
---Holly4jc on 2/19/08


I find it interesting and have noticed that folks who want to do their own thing tout "free will" at the front and/or rear of it - as if that's something to hold onto. Bottom line is our supposed "free will" put Jesus on the Cross - because we will always choose selfishly - even the best of us are corrupt at the core. Scripture is pretty clear that there is none good... no not one... other than Jesus himself.
---daphn8897 on 2/19/08




All have a picture of that "perfect mate" in or on a Mustang. The perfect person never appears. They will have many of the qualities we desire along with physical, mental, spiritual "warts". Then comes the challenge to change those "warts". It may take years and it may not take a minute to decide / change or move. Many cultures have marriages arranged and love follows marriage. In our country, we believe in romantic or erotic love. It works for many but covers those "warts". While we seek perfection, we should satisfy our selves with excellence.
---chuck on 2/19/08


When you are saved and you have been spiritually rebirth and all old things are made new within you; you will find that you will want only that which is of God and you find that only that which is of God would be your choice and if it is of God, it will be Gods choice also.
---Tapanga on 5/15/07


We have gotten to a place in life we want what we want and that is it. Morally and spiritually I believe if we ask God for a mate, accept who the almighty sends. We have become to picky and choosie. Let God be God.
---Pat on 4/21/07


We should pray. We should ask for God's Will. Free Will interferes, and thus, obscurity often clouds our judgement. Know in your heart who it is that God sends, not with your preferences.
---Balian on 1/22/06


Gods ways are not always our ways.could it be possible God will bring us a partner he wants us to be married to but we are not attracted to him? if this is the case how would we know this was the one?
---susanna on 8/1/05




Just ask God to give you the best and let Him do the rest.Nway, in everything give thanks for this is the will of GOd for you. God bless!
---kharole on 5/31/05


I agree with the OP - we do try to focus too much on certain things. The only two things I truly care about are her committment to Christ and (somewhat) her ability to have an intelligent conversation - when I see ads that are horribly misspelled asking for "caucasion only" or something to that effect, I will not answer them.
---drew2902 on 5/13/05


Pierr7958, I cannot agree with you more!
We are free-will beings and God cannot choose for us. Otherwise we would be robots. He will direct you to people, but you better know what to look for, or you will choose un-wisely.

I believe he gives the necessary training for us to select. For me, it's been a 3 year process. He has showed me qualities each relationship to look for.
---Tom145 on 5/12/05


Fran,it seems the problem with being real picky about physical appearances is life has a way of changing it.What if the mate became disfigured,lost their hair,gained/lost weight etc.?would you move on to someone else?chose whom you will,but remember it's what's in the heart that matters most.
---RUSSELL on 5/10/05


The perfect mate is s/he with whom you get along with. This is as important as being yoked to the other party.

No mutual beliefs have ever kept a couple together. Communication, getting along, similar hobbies, etc are a must.
---Albert on 5/10/05


Funny, I have only ever wanted someone who loves God enough to obey Him in his treatment of me, and I always get told I am too picky. I always reply that I would rather be too picky than in a pickle! I think it is funny that people are so particular about the various physical attributes they want in a person. I think it closes off avenues God may want to use to bless you to be so unbending.
---Julie on 5/9/05


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Well I believe God is the one who does the ultimate pick, but He also vaules your desires. I personally am very picky in a sense but also know that when it is from God then it will be right.
---Krystal on 5/9/05


YES you can choose to be with your mate or not. YOU can say "yes " or "no". However when God chooses a mate for us, & usually we do agree because we just "know"(or I did) that God has them for us& us for them,we are excited, but no you don't "have to accept" the mate you can make your own descision.
---Candice on 5/9/05


I am very picky about who I would like my future husband to be. Oh not in looks or size , but I want some one who is stronger in his faith to be the spiritual head of the household, i would like someone with similar interests so we don't fight over which cd to listen to in the car, I want someone willing to relinquish control over the tv remote. But the great thing is God knows the man I want and the man I need. This is afterall the man I will be spending the rest of my life with, I think I can be picky about that.
---bethie on 5/9/05


Dear Fran, Having been divorced since 1979, I'm still single. During that time to now, I concentrate on being the kind of person God wants me to be. When God thought I was ready, He sent me a most wonderful male Christian who is beyond my expectations. When I prayed, I was very specific about the type person I wanted. We have been best friends for 4 years. I have no idea about marriage; that is up to God. I'm 71 years old and I can tell you without a doubt, our Lord can move any obstacle including a mountain!
---Elsie on 5/9/05


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i have thought about going out to Walmart to try to find one. Sometimes they have special offers you can buy...i'm just kiddin. Yes, pray about and be sure that you both have the same faith. During dating and courting is the time to really ask the things that matter, ex: How is your relationship with the Lord; When and how did you get saved; What church to do you go to if any; Are you good at managing your money; How do you feel about employment; How do you feel about children; about drugs and alcohol; about affairs and divorce; etc.
---Eloy on 5/9/05


Your last sentence is def. true! But do we all wait as long as that takes? And what if His answer is 'no' in spite of what we wish for? I'd also say that it's much better getting close to someone in person in a Bible study say. The NET makes it hard to see other's real personalities and interactions, etc. and promotes 'profiling' and statistics. If the Spirit leads me, I just might write to someone in spite of not quite 'matching' what they've asked for. Who knows, maybe they'll like my forthrightness and write back anyway.
---Daniel on 5/9/05


It's 8 years since I prayed for a husband, whom GOD Will's to have me as his own; though I can't be perfect for anyone, but surely be the best treasure he can cherish for lifetime. Physical attributes doesn't matter; I believe GOD knows the desire of my heart and wants the best for me. With respect for others, we are free to make choices and JESUS grace never fails for those who ask with specific details. He said, "Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be open unto you." Be at peace, GOD will give you a suitable partner.

Claire Faith
---Claire_Faith on 5/9/05


Fran4857 "Setting" standards is not being picky. A good preperation will be comprised of many standards. You have ONLY TWO! That's not enough! IN MY OPINION, I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT THE LORD HAS PICKED YOUR MATE and all you have to do is wait for him/her to shows up!!! It is very wise to ask the Lord to help you set up the standards of character and physical traits you whish to see in your mate, but you have to make the actual choice when the time comes. Happy hunting!
---Pierr7958 on 5/9/05


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