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When Should A Women Be Submissive

At what point does a woman practice submissiveness in a relationship? While even in the dating process..should a woman be submissive and the man do the leading? Or is this something that does not offically start until marriage?

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Your submission is to God First.
Always.
---char on 1/16/10


trav,
that is not what I am saying.
You missread(as usual) what I said.
I am always submissive to God, to the Authorities set above me. But I don't have a husband, yet.
I don't have a husband to be submissive to.
If I had a husband I would be submissive to him.(unless he tells me to go against God, then I would get away from him)

thank you alan. trav doesn't know me well enough yet and assume's too much about me.
eloy,"if it is general leadership as the man is created the head"
but this statement excludes women who are set in authority over us all, like a judge or, police officer.
We all are suppose to be submissive to this also whether they are man or woman.
---miche3754 on 1/26/09


The bible is quite clear that a woman should alway be submissive to the head of the familie, up to the day of marriage for a woman that is her father.

now about being submissive i do see that a man also HAS to give himself up for the woman. so in reality there is nots such a strong tone as some think.
submit to one another is rather a better way of explaining
---Andy on 1/26/09


"Here is what you are saying above. If GOD will bless me I'll obey. If he doesn't,I won't and in the mean time I won't"

You do Miche an injustice.

How can she be disobeying. She is not married, so has no man to submit to.

Or are you suggesting that as soon as she meets a dominant man who will not honour, and who will not "put his wife before all of his needs and always be available to serve and minister to her needs", ahe should submit to him?

I would advise Miche to marry only a man who deserves her.
---alan8566_of_UK on 1/26/09


If God blessed me with a husband like that

I most certainly would submit.
---miche3754 on 1/25/09

Here is what you are saying above. If GOD will bless me I'll obey. If he doesn't,I won't and in the mean time I won't.

Some Dominant, man of GOD is looking for a NON Submissive personality to set things in order. As a challenge....perhaps? Sounds like sooooo much fun.

Well, I do admit. GOD can do anything, and it's his call. Good luck with your plan.

---Trav on 1/26/09




It's true Rich, Miche... a woman's submission is a small thing to ask compared to what's required of a husband. To love as Christ does? Think on the enormity of that!
---Graham on 1/26/09


As far as a single woman submitting to a single man, it depends on what the woman is submitting too, if it is general leadership as the man is created "the head" of the woman, that is right respect for the man: however if it is submitting her body or other wifely behaviors, than no she is not obligated to submit that which is not yet committed nor betrothed or avowed to the single man.
---Eloy on 1/26/09


Which means that he must put his wife before all of his needs and always be available to serve and minister to her needs. When a man does that for his wife he provides nurturing and healing for her, spiritual and emotional (whether she deserves it or not). She should want to submit after that.
---richa4946 on 1/24/09

If God blessed me with a husband like that I most certainly would submit. AND
The Bible says women should be the same way.
Do unto others.....
Anyway mic,
I always treat people with respect and love no matter how they treat me. I have learned that if they are ungodly and unhealthy to separate myself from them.
~God Bless You~
---miche3754 on 1/25/09


The Bible says that wives should submit to their own husbands. No man has any authority over a woman if he isn't married to her. Only her father maybe. But yes women should be submissive at all times to her husband unless he's telling her to disobey the Lord. Besides, husbands must sacrifice more than the wife. Husbands are to die for their wives as Christ died for the church. Which means that he must put his wife before all of his needs and always be available to serve and minister to her needs. When a man does that for his wife he provides nurturing and healing for her, spiritual and emotional (whether she deserves it or not). She should want to submit after that.
---richa4946 on 1/24/09


Actually mic, I am 37.
No,no signs. 3 1/2 years he was loving & caring & accepted my daughter, we planned to get married & we have a son together. When I was pregnant with our son, I'd never seen a man treat me the way he did. Never missed an appointment, nothing. He was always there. We talked, discussed things, we always made discussions together. As our son got older, the abuse started. I was working helping out,I got promoted & a raise, That's when it started. I tried so hard to make it work. He was suppose to be the one, when that started, I knew it wasn't good for my daughter or son. I was dealing with loosing my job, my Dad found out, told me to come home. So I did, & left him everything but our clothes.
---miche3764 on 1/24/09




scripture tells us that we all should be submissive to those in authority over us,and that every women should be submissive to her own husband.now this absolutely does not mean a dictatorship on the part of the man.but in love the husband is the ultimate decision maker.but every man should seek counsel from his wife. why? because scripture tells us too walk in agreement with our spouses,but when agreement doesn,t appear then the man must decide.
---tom2 on 1/24/09


quietly spending time too prove something is not submission ,its called discernment.submit unto the lord,this is what scripture tells us to do.miche,there are many men today in my opinion that aren,t men.
---tom2 on 1/24/09


Mische:-I take it you are between 26-33 at a vague guess,if not younger. One question?Did he show signs of alcholism durimg courtship leng you knewhim?and where did you meet this Man whom you describe?.You were right to leave him.His transition to the next woman proves his mettle.He did not love you.In an earlier post I stressed the need to know & discussones plans, thoughts goals as it is a life long contract.One mustwatch for signs of weakness before the everlasting words " I DO"
---MIC on 1/23/09


that is what comes from judging.
I would love to have a man that actually deserved the treatment I gave my ex.

I am a godly and faithful woman that got treated worse than the most foul thing and this is how Christian men respond?
What do I expect though. Especially when I have dated Christian men that stop talking to me because I wouldn't be intimate with them BEFORE marriage.

Do you hear me saying you are a bad husband just from your post, trav? no, I don't. I don't know you like that and you don't know me.
If you could actually hear my voice and tone when I spoke, you would not say even half of the things you say because your judge of my character is quite wrong.
you too, ralph.
---miche3754 on 1/23/09


"I want a real man, one who wants to be in charge. I truly believe a woman should be submissive but it is kind of hard when the man is playing the submissive part. Don't you agree? and what do women do, how do we recognize a take charge man?"

I've heard this time and again from women. It doesn't last very long. Women want men to take charge but on their terms. If you hold a viewpoint different from hers, she will tell you that you should love her as Christ loved the church, which is code for "you should do what your wife wants or you are not loving her." Or she will say that she only should submit if her husband makes "godly" decisions, which is code for "decisions that she agrees with."
---ralph7477 on 1/23/09


That is the kind I always wanted. And it takes submission to have this.
---miche3754 on 1/23/09

In life we study/act/practice it to be.
Will take practice.
Stay the course,send us a submissive post showing progress. (Ask instead of telling.)
---Trav on 1/23/09


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mic,
he left it ALL for me to do.
I worked, paid bills, balanced budget, took care of kids, cook, clean, He just sat on his butt and drank, etc. This is what I meant by taking care of him.
He would take his pay and blow it. Not to mention the abuse. I couldn't take it anymore.
Its hard to find a man that really thinks of the welfare of their family. A real man.
One that puts God first, the kind of relationship I see when I meet older people, you know from the 40's and 50's. You can tell they are still in love. That is the kind I always wanted. And it takes submission to have this.
---miche3754 on 1/23/09


Mische:-You do give "SUBMISSIVE" a new meaning.I believe taking care is not submissive it is done out of love and not a duty.Submissive is when a man makes a decision for the welfare of His spouse & family and the spouce agrees.This is submision.There are other instances but this will suffice as an example.
---MIC on 1/22/09


Submissiveness is something which should be used by both male and female. If we the church are the bride of Jesus, then we are both male and female in attitude. I submit my will to God and am then guided. Sometimes I have to submit to my spouse and at other times he submits to me. We do not have a power struggle because we see each other as equal humans.
---carol on 1/21/09


trav, mine aren't personal or I would not ask you all those questions. Very many as I recall.

I'll ask this one in keeping with the subject.
Why is it men these days don't want a submissive woman?
They prefer a woman to take care of them.
I know, had one like that. Had to do it all myself. Got tired, moved back home with my dad.
I want a real man, one who wants to be in charge. I truly believe a woman should be submissive but it is kind of hard when the man is playing the submissive part. Don't you agree? and what do women do, how do we recognize a take charge man?
---miche3754 on 1/21/09


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From what I have observed, it is only when they agree with you that you allow it.
---miche3754 on 1/21/09

When I notice wisdom, experience being taught to other...women on this site. I do applaude. It is correct. An observation posted is different that a statement listed as fact.
If I list a fact, there will be witnesses in scripture.
If the reader choses to discard that is a choice.
The ones who are determined to go after the scripture posted by men,using scripture...at times seem to have personal doctrinal reasons. Not in all cases...I would add.
---Trav on 1/21/09


I apologize if I come across like that. I don't mean to. If you could see my facial expression/demeanor you would not say that about me.

I have learned submission because I am the only female child out 5.

Perhaps dad spoiled me a little.

There are a few things that I just completely disagree with passionately. Like racism, prejudice, and such.

Anyway, I like most of your posts. I have asked you many questions and you have politely answered. And accused when you shouldn't have. You pick on me for "teaching"
when you don't say anything to other women that are. From what I have observed, it is only when they agree with you that you allow it.
---miche3754 on 1/21/09


Oh, trav, just because someone disagrees, doesn't mean they aren't submissive. God bless you!
---miche3754 on 1/21/09

Oh, miche,
Perhaps you could observe some here how to disagree with out declaration of authority ......not substantiated/witnessed.
It's when you attempt to teach with authority those things you do not know...that you would be better off listening an learning.

Submissiveness is savvy. Submissive is not taking truth personally, but quietly spending ones time to prove it.
I fall under the same submissive scripture under Christ. The bridegroom cometh....
---Trav on 1/21/09


Sorry Janet,

Women are to be submissive to husband at all times.
Just as the Church is to be submissive to God.
A man chooses the woman not the other way around.
Being submissive does not mean you aren't equal.
Should your husband make a decision without talking to you about it? No, because He is suppose to love you as he loves himself even as He loves God.
But you are still suppose to be submissive.
Oh, trav, just because someone disagrees, doesn't mean they aren't submissive. God bless you!
---miche3754 on 1/21/09


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I agree with Tray on this one.
---shirley on 1/20/09


Women only have to be submissive to their husbands if what he is asking is Godly. The women doesnt have to be submissive in anything that goes against God. Men should love their wives as Christ loved church. ---janet on 2/25/08

Noticed this wisdom by Janet.
She might disagree, but the same thing applies in our Government, and GOD. Both ask submisiveness.
I do/will not kneel to the blasphemy, going on now, starting sunday. I may physically be here, I do/will not endorse,support/uphold/pray for degenerate preachers/presidents or their ilk. David,Daniel,Jeremiah,Shadrach,Meshach,Abedego etc.
Look to GODly submissive women examples living now and in scripture. We could all learn something.
---Trav on 1/20/09


I do believe the words of God but I also believe they can be used to force someone's way and that's not a good thing. :( I remember asking a woman for advice once when my ex was cruel to me and she said "be MORE submissive"--that was her only answer! Problem solved, huh? Husband is nasty and cold and wife should just be ever-more submissive to him?! Grrrrr!!! She was no help at all.
---Mary on 1/20/09


I think the process stearts right away after agreeing that a courtship has begun. The submissiveness continues throughout the marriage.
---jonelle on 1/20/09


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Women have to be submissive to their husbands even if their husbands do not obey the bible. Check 1 Peter 3:1 Read the whole bible and do not pick and choose
---Billy on 6/12/08


Of course they should...

My wife told me to write that...
---NurseRobert on 2/26/08


Submissile, is when a woman goes ballistic.
---Nana on 2/26/08


I think the word Submissive is over estimated misunderstood By both sexes.God in Genesis desired that man should be the captain of the ship of life with HIS MATE to reinforce all good intentions and decisions.
---Emcee on 2/25/08


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Women only have to be submissive to their husbands if what he is asking is Godly. The women doesnt have to be submissive in anything that goes against God. As it says later in that chapter in verse Men should love their wives as Christ loved the church. In that light he would never ask her to do something against her dignity. The scripture this refers to is not putting women down.
---janet on 2/25/08


In this one's humble opinion (or maybe not so humble) it is God's will that females are always submissive to Men. Perhaps not all Men in all ways, but certainly to One she wishes to engage in a personal relationship with.
---ranaa on 2/24/08


Kella::I quite agree,that is one high Risk,mean job & not one, kind on the probiscus.You dont want to be left holding the bag.
---Emcee on 2/18/08


Are we supposed to be answering the questions or running each other down Shame on you for not being bigger than the (world) Where there could be good debate hence learning ''christians'' backbite and use a third pary to poke fun of someones, thats when I take the word of God and throw out the garbage!
---Carla5754 on 2/18/08


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I believe NEVER.
---catherine on 2/18/08


Before I respond here, I need to check with my husband especially since he too cleans the litterbox.
---Kella3336 on 2/18/08


I have found that when a women wants a new wardrobe, or car or other major purchase is a really good time to be submissive.
---dan on 2/18/08


The biblical call for women being submissive is cultural. In some of the same contexts it talks about slaves being submissive. Is this to say God approves of slavery? I know that in the past slavery has been condoned by reference to this, but I disagree. All that is being said, is that you should be good, no matter your role, not that the role is proper in the first place.
---sophia on 2/18/08


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Mike M::You have a happy Marriage cause you lay the law down but still obey the demands of the Heirarchy.so you clean the cat box & put in fresh Kitty litter.Ps do you really have a cat??A wise man rules with Love & devotion.The way to a mans heart is through His Stomach but the way to a womans heart is Her Brain and ever changing emotions like the ebb & fro of the tides.
---Emcee on 2/17/08


The scripture says, "Woman submit to your husband without question, he is boss in all things, you question thou woman shall you shallith burn" My wife does not dare question but does all I demand!
(Yes dear, I am sure someone here knows where that scripture I quoted is and I will clean the cat box)
---MikeM on 2/17/08


MikeM, you're funny, that's rich.
---Eloy on 2/17/08


I have Proof God is not a woman. If God was a woman there would be a commandment about the seat being down.
---MikeM on 2/16/08


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Rhonda:, Mike started this & he is still laughing while doing dishes & having a ball.I can almost hear him.
Wonder if his missus is laughing too, while dryingthe dishes, or maybe she 'air dries.
---Emcee on 2/16/08


Submisive is only in the eyes of those who want power & dictatorship otherwise in reality LASTING marriage is a partnership.Adults understand that.Children learn by example.
---Emcee on 2/16/08


Submisive is only in the eyes of those who want power & dictatorship otherwise in reality LASTING marriage is a partnership.Adults understand that.Children learn by example.
---Emcee on 2/16/08


The more I read questions and answers on this topic, written by Christians, the more I realise that anyone intending to get married should get this subject absolutely clear - along with 'who will handle the finances?' 'how shall we discipline the children?' etc. To leave the subject of 'submissive wives' until after the wedding could be disastrous. The wife of a man who keeps his promise to love and cherish should have no problem to love, honour and obey, but many men seem to only remember 'her' promise.
---RitaH on 2/16/08


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Emcee,
oh that was funny ...keeping tied to the faucet helps him stay on track

that's why we haven't seen MikeM post in a while ...the dishes were FIRST on the list

...I am really just kidding here ...I'm sure MikeM's wife is very gracious and the list is short ,)
---Rhonda on 2/15/08


How about plain old common sense. Anyone who loves a person,treats them respectfully,concern for welfare,and operates in love at all times,allowing spouse be their own person, would be a mate who was easy to listen to and agree with. I will be with my husband 53 years this year and experience has taught the more you include your spouse into every part of ones life,including choices made,the more one wants to please the other and make them happy. Its all about love and acceptance with understanding.
---Darlene_1 on 2/15/08


Rhonda::-) Right on! she has him Right where he will be under foot, bare foot & tied to the Faucet.!!
---Emcee on 2/15/08


Collosians 3:18 (an example)
Women should AT ALL TIMES be submissive to their husbands EXCEPT only when their husbands commit SIN, then they should put their stand for God and not follow their husbands. If women may not agree on decisions of their husbands, she should not ensue a quarrel. Instead, it is her duty to be prayerful about the matter.
Likewise, the church must always submit to the head of the church, Jesus.
---2_cents on 2/15/08


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It is interesting to me many quote wives be submissive and ignore the verse right above it. Ephesians 5:21 & 22 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.Wives submit to your own husband as unto the Lord. The verses that follow tell the husband to love wives as Christ loves the church,also as men love their own bodies,nourisheth and cherisheth wife as own body,as Christ does the church. So when men live up to Bible,submitting one to another,and do their part in love,women submit.
---Darlene_1 on 2/15/08


Being submissive to husband does not mean you men can take advantage of us no way. God's way is we both agree as one, the women to know their role as a wife and the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, and also not to make kids angry..being submissive not to assume a husbands role..
---pam on 2/15/08


It depends how soon you want a baby...I jest.
---Eloy on 2/15/08


Emcee
No MikeM's wife didn't bring him his wolly slippers she's got them on her feet curled up on a chair relaxing in another room with a close eye on his progress.
---Rhonda on 2/14/08


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Men do lead in a relationship otherwise if both are leading there would be struggle.

If two ministers were both equally leading a church (not one under the other) there would be struggle.

Engagements are used to share thoughts on life, dreams etc ...if a potential future husband doesn't support or isn't open to his potential wifes goals/dreams then a choice would need to be made...

...but I thought submissiveness was a two way street in regards to marital relations?
---Rhonda on 2/14/08


Mike M:: That was the laugh of the day did she bring your wolly slippers so as to be comfortable doing dishes.My wife let me be the BOSS only when she said so which was very seldom Her favourite word was Later.God rest her soul.Now Im like a ship without a rudder.Katie My Dear You dont have to give up anything Just inforce the TRUTH with womanly Tact.Men like guidance Good ones that is.
---Emcee on 2/14/08


If being submissive means giving up who I am, my dreams, my goals, my career, than I would rather remain single. I want to be in a relationship where both of us are equal and we make decisions together.
---Katie on 2/14/08


Women are to submit without question and do whatever their husbands tell them! To disagree with the huspands demands is to be in spiritual rebellion! My wife would never dream of questioning me! I would say more on this but she says I have to get off the computer and do the dishes.
---MikeM on 2/14/08


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The road to submission runs both directions.

The "dating process" is not marriage, but many start practicing, rehearsing - as if it is.
---Cindy on 2/14/08


How high do you want your man to go? Be CAREFUL to find a good man, but don't just love him. Like Eve, the tendency is to try to rule over him (Gen. 3:16). Now IF... you LOve AND Respect him, He will be as successful as a shinny ball bearing shot out of a wrist rocket, flying high into the sky, An understanding woman can! Don't do this and he will corrode where he is, or fall out to be used by another, or stomped under foot. Will you truly his completer, or his critic?
---timot8496 on 2/13/08


Does it bring glory to God? Is it Scriptural? Is your attitude genuine? Does your action, or inaction cause someone else to suffer, or does it draw them closer to God? (1st Cor 10-all) Remember this, being submissive is a silent compliment of faith and trust. Compliment someone, and it will be harder for them to find fault with you. BUT, Don't be submissive to, or with abuse or danger at all, though.
---timot8496 on 2/14/08


iwould like to say God's word is the alpha and omega, so whoever want change it to satified his/ her need commit an offence.the bible is clear that women should be submissive to a man b'se a man is a head, women who are rebelious are putting on trouserlike men,marrying her fellow women,want be like lucifer who refuse to submit to God and ending by being push down.
---josephat on 2/13/08


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the guy sets the example, she submits by following how he is humble, voila Eph 5:21! but her head is needed "members of one another" (Rom. 12:5) God's love frees you in this, Jesus makes "free indeed" (Jn. 8:36), so a good Jesus-guy man makes her "free indeed", and no head casn survive without its body, so he's a "slave" to this loving, too
---somebody on 2/13/08


God is a God of order, not chaos. His heirarchy is to be followed. A woman's first loyalty is to God, second is the husband. Many get upset by submission because they only look at the woman submitting part, they don't read the other half of the equation. Husbands should love wives as Christ loved the church. As Christians, we never submit to evil or anything illegal. Any husband expecting such isn't truly Christian, and is not loving his wife (and giving himself FOR her) as Christ did His church.
---twyla on 2/13/08


The word submit means to "respect", NOT to be subserviant. Women are to submit at all times, but MEN are to be submissive at all times as well - Ephesians 5:21.
---Leslie on 2/13/08


I think this term scares people, because of abuse. And I also believe that what God meant was the same form of submission that Christ gave to his Father God, yielding to his will, rather than his own. When a man loves a woman and respects her like he is supposed to, like Christ loved the church, then she can submit to his leadership gladly. That is not to say that she does not have a voice in what goes on, but, she can utimately choose to trust or submit to, her husbands or dates leadership.
---Gayla on 2/13/08


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1Peter 3:1 the bible says that wives submit to thier husbands.It all so says to be respectful to woman.
---david on 2/13/08


The answer lies in the saying "Fools rush in where Angels dare to Tread"Submissive IN WHAT?consider the areas which Vary with each woman & each answer.This is not a one answer fits all solution.It is not the fiddle that makes the best music,but the expertise of the fiddler.Submission can be by Force Or By acquiescence.A wise man would never consider submisiveness,Only mutual loving agreement, to stoop to conquer is not a sin.Ladies drop the guantlet Men pick it up.
---Emcee on 2/13/08


NEVER!!! a woman is as strong as a man and should never submit to him ever. thats like saying a woman is weaker and we all know that aint true. it should be an equal partnership, and the woman can be thhe head of the household and be the breadwinner if she wants. slavery is over.
---crystal on 2/13/08


You should submit when it honors God to do so. Ephesians 5 is great for this. Why wait till marriage to see if you both can honor God with this passage? Good luck.
---faithbtrue on 8/12/07


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The enemy has played so much havoc in this area. It seems like no one really knows "for sure" what submission is supposed to look like or is played out in a marriage. We all are just fumbling around trying to find God's will in this. This is evident by the varied responses in this blog. I, too, have struggled in this area and still am, even now. That is why I looked up on the search engine about it. Oh, God, reveal to us this pictures of submission and enable us to be that.
---Patti on 8/12/07


I am not going to take the time to look up scripture, but there are plenty of scriptures that tells us how husband is to treat his wife which is to love her as unto the Lord. And there are plenty of scriptures to tell us how wives are to treat their husbands. Obey him as unto the Lord. Remember, no matter who you are married to, you have God to guide each one of you. Have a great life as unto the Lord.
---catherine on 7/23/07


I must disagree. Christ does not submit to us. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. A husband is never expected to submit to his wife. He is the head of the household. This is not to say he does not or should not consider his wife's opinions.
---Amanda on 7/22/07




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