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Desire To Be A Virgin In Marriage

I have decided to just look for a wife, and give up on my desire to be a virgin after marriage. how do I avoid resenting her, knowing that I can't have the life that I want?

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 ---curt on 5/14/05
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Curt or Curtis::"I have just decided to look for a wife,knowing that ICANT have the life that I WANT"You would need to be more explicit.1.This is a contract between 2 People if not you may consider buying a Rubber Doll.2 does she not have a say in the Matter & what about the silent Listener to every conversation?This blog is 2 years old & you hopefully have changed your mind if you havent already ruined the life of some lady or vice versa.
---Emcee on 9/25/07

I'm not sure what you mean, because you don't say if you are married already, are about to get married, if she is or has, or if either of you have had sex before marriage or if you are tired of your marriage. Be specific if you want a good answer, but it seems like you have unforgiveness in your heart as well as taking control from God in your life.
---TekMann on 9/25/07

Curt, I just cannot fathom out why you want a wife. After all, if you want a woman in the house but no physical contact there are women looking for jobs as housekeepers, cooks, cleaners etc. They'll do your laundry, make your bed (but will stay out of it) fetch your shopping. I'm sure you could hire one that will even sit and read to you if you wish. You don't want a wife, you want the company of women around you so go for it. It might even be cheaper in the long run!!!
---F.F. on 8/11/05

Curt...the Bible clearly says for a husband and wife NOT TO WITHHOLD themselves from each other except for a time of prayer and fasting & then get together again lest Satan tempt one of them to sin.So please don't marry or your poor frustrated wife will be writing a blog! If all married couples remained virgins..the human race would die out from no babies being born.Not God's will at all.I'm praying for you..
---lovable_linda on 8/10/05

. curt, i have to say i really admire you. very few people have the integrity you have. keep on searching for God's will.
---steve on 5/31/05

In Cor 7, St. Paul says that Christian spouses are not to "defraud" one another of sexual pleasure. Abstinence from sex by mutual consent for a LIMITED period for spiritual purposes is permitted. Any other reason for abstaining from sex in marriage is called "unchastity".

What is the point of marrying if you are going to resent fulfiling your husbandly duties regarding sexual love?

If you wish to remain a virgin, simple: don't marry!
---Jack on 5/28/05

nv It's like I keep telling you, you must put cotton or something in one of those ears to keep the sound from just going straight through.

Remember back at the Red Sea I kept telling you to run from the Chariots not to them.

The Tablets said,..... One beautiful baby born today......

Wheew! I think we both need help.
---Elder on 5/18/05

nvBarb and Elder, you two are characters. If i ever decide to enter the pearly gates, then i'd like for you two to be my next door neighbors, ok? i bet you'll make all the stanchy ones crack up and lose a feather or two.
---Eloy on 5/18/05

"Tablets" you say Elder? How many tablets would it take to write 1 number?

No skin off my nose that you were chicken to stroll across when the Red Sea parted! I looked around to wave at you, but all I saw was your back.
---NV_Barbara on 5/18/05

Speak to the hand Elder, 'cause the ears aren't listening!
---NVBarbara on 5/17/05

nvBarbara, my birth certificate is etched in stone tablets.

I wasn't involved in the War between the North and South nor the Indian wars of the West. I am from the East we don't have anything to fight about here. That's why I am so laid back on this site.

By the way ol' gal thanks for giving me your first hand eye witness account of Moses crossing the Red Sea. I just love it when you told me how God made dirt.

Happy birthday to you I know this is the 97th time you have been 49.
---Elder on 5/17/05

I've already said my piece,so I'll just 'blog' a Happy Birthday to Ann! You're a dear sister, no fear dear, when your Prince comes along, it'll all fall into place!Keep some WD40 handy to get off the rusty armor :)!
I mentioned on Alan's B'day blog for us to tell when our birthdays are. If one keeps up wih just one other, hopefully 'our family' here can join in each's special day.
Were they keeping birth records when u were born Elder?Or maybe it got burned up during the Civil War?
---NVBarbara on 5/17/05

Curt,we are not mad at you brother,we want to help you.
Maybe instead of looking for a wife,you might consider just being friends with a woman.Remember what you sow is what you will reap. If you want friends,sow friendship.Don't forget when your married to someone you want to please that person,if you resent her it won't work,don't put yourself or her through that.We are praying for you,ask God his will in this,and if you want to talk with me on this subject,I'm here.
---russe9356 on 5/17/05

Curt, I have one piece of short advice for you, based on what I have read in your blog. Don't bother to get married!! You are obviously not able to commit to all that marriage entails. Live in God's blessing
---Margaret on 5/16/05

Elder, thanks for the b'day wishes & words of encouragement. You have been a rock to me for the last 3 years. Thanks, and God bless. (But I really hope my prince will come before I get too old to remember what I'm supposed to do with him.....)
---Ann5758 on 5/16/05

Curt, the Lord says to be friutful and multiply, not get married and abstain. I really think that you are scared of intimacy or something is hindering you from seeking what God has given us. You are a selfish person. The Lord gave of Himself. a selfless act of love. You should take a long hard look at yourself and not marry someone younger then you who doesn't have wisdom to say no. You can not make people who you want them to be.. I think you have a hard and hurting heart and may the Lord heal you..
---dakota on 5/16/05

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Curt, we really trying to help you ... you say "i have experienced a level of intimacy with others that is far deeper than sex could ever be"

But how do you know? You have not experienced the act of sex, either in or out of marriage.

Those of us who are happily married have that same level of (emotional & spiritual) intimacy, which beautifies and is beautified by intimacy of the physical act of love
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/16/05

Ann5758 Happy birthday to you. We will pray for you and your happiness.

You are a treasure waiting to be discovered because of your stand and position in the Lord.

There are many Pirates out there that would steal treasure and just throw it away.

A Godly woman is worth more than fine Gold.

There is a Prince for you that will not turn into a frog the first time you kiss him.

You have the right and responsibility to choose right.

God Bless.
---Elder on 5/16/05

Curt every person that has responded to any of your post concerning this matter has tried to help you.

When you say "forgive you" what are you asking forgiveness for? Are you asking forgiveness for the way you treated me and others?

We love you and forgave all offenses when they happened without you asking but asking was the right thing to do.
Cond #2-->
---Elder on 5/16/05

Curt every person that has responded to any of your post concerning this matter has tried to help you.

When you say "forgive you" what are you asking forgiveness for? Are you asking forgiveness for the way you treated me and others?

We love you and forgave all offenses when they happened without you asking but asking was the right thing to do.
Cond #2-->
---Elder on 5/16/05

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Cond #2-->
There are people here who will be your friend and help you.

You do not have to "fight" for position in the Forum Family. We accept you for who you are and many here are praying for you and want your life to "SHINE" for the Lord. That is why you got the answers that you got.
Cond #3--->
---Elder on 5/16/05

Cond #3--->
God's greatest love, apart from Himself and Jesus' sacrifice, is the love between a Godly husband and wife. Don't miss it you really have a lot to offer and you can change a lot of wrong things because you know where to begin.

I am going to post a blog for your benefit about the marriage relationship.
---Elder on 5/16/05

Dear Curt: Of course we accept your apology! Also confession to the Lord clears us completely as long as we "turn from our ways". Right on!!! You have just shown us what these blogs are all about......learning and growing "in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4-6 NKJV) Bless your day and bless you! Granma, Elsie
---Elsie on 5/16/05

Do this for yourself,be honest about why you are doing things the way you do.Being a virgin may have little to do with purity.You think emotional intimacy superior to physical.Wish it for others as if they had missed something.You threw away your translations.You cling to virginity.It sounds as if you need attention, to be different, to make you feel you're better than others,having something others don't,to feel good about yourself.Please see a counselor.Pray God show's you the truth.
---Darlene_1 on 5/15/05

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I have just turned 52 today, & I have never been married, but not due to lack of commitment. You have to have somebody else who wants to be married in order for a marriage to even happen. It's so easy to say, well go get married. It ain't that easy if there's nobody around who wants to marry up wit' ya.
---Ann5758 on 5/15/05

, to all who have taken offense with my blogs: i am sorry. i will do whatever i can to mend any fences here. more than anything else, i want to follow Jesus as my Lord and savior. please forgive me.
---curt on 5/15/05

I have read all your post in the other places and I don't think you can preform as a husband and are using this as an excuse not to. Your views are wrong and you are selfish to treat a wife that way. Her dissatisifaction is your satisification that ain't right.
---. on 5/15/05

Set in your ways ~snort of derision~ God's people are to be ready to change direction with just eye contact (i.e.the training in the wilderness in Exodus, & the "I will guide you with my eye" scripture) I think people who use the excuse you are using about being set in your ways are full of baloney! What about if you don't straighten up till you are sixty, you think you will find a dippy 30 year old who will put up with you then Curt?
---Julie on 5/15/05

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, i am looking for a young wife, because when people get to their forties, they are not willing to adapt to others much, and i am set in my ways. people who choose to wait until after thirty are those who just don't like commitment.
---curt on 5/15/05

, i have experienced a level of intimacy with others that is far deeper than sex could ever be, mainly because there was no sex involved in it. those times were my happiest memories. i wish you all could know such deeper things.
---curt on 5/15/05

Curt, do you have a Pastor to talk to?
While I admit some of your blogs are entertaining, they show that you are in need of some help.
First the 'no consummation' marriage, then 'retranslating the bible, which you said you then destroyed, only to find a 'loaned' copy. Now we're back the marriage deal/with a twist. Sometimes I think you jest at our expense, you're in my prayers.
---NVBarbara on 5/15/05

Curt, why would you specify a woman half your age? (Someone else says you've said that, I havn't seen it). Do you want someone who will be subservient, whom you can dominate? If you are not willing to fulfil a man's biblical role in marriage why should any woman be expected to fulfil her role to please you? Correct me if I've misunderstood something here.
---F.F. on 5/15/05

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Curt see this God's way. You need to refocus on what God wants instead of what you want.

You don't care what a wife might want. You don't care what God might want. It is all about what you want.
---. on 5/15/05

I advise u not to marry if that's your opinion.I'm a virgin myself @ 28 but am looking forward to that day when I get married.Sex in marriage is no sin.If u still cannot accept this then remain celibate.
David 8634
---david on 5/15/05

If you think that there is the slightest possibility that you will resent a future wife (for any reason) you are obviously not ready to take the step of marriage. Forget the whole idea and remain single until such a time comes that you begin to view marriage in a normal and natural way. The kind of marriage you are seeking will not last.
---Xanthi on 5/15/05

Dear Curt: I'm not exactly sure where you are with this situation. However, if this is how you really feel, Paul addresses this situation in Scriptures. He stated that he "would wish that you not be married and serve the Lord" instead. However, involving a woman in this way of thinking is not fair to her nor to yourself. God gave the institution of marriage to become one with the wife as you see in the Word. It would be a rare woman who would see your point of view. Blessings!
---Elsie on 5/14/05

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Curt, I just do not understand where you get this strange desire in the area of marriage. First you want to marry and never consumate it. Then on chat I have seen you say you want to marry a woman half your age.. Surely you stop once in a while and think that you have some strange ideas and wonder where in the world they come from. I think a good question for you to ask is for The Father to search your heart and show you what he needs to change there.
---Julie on 5/14/05

Hi Curt, Why do ya want to get married in the first place? If it's for a companion, maybe it would be easier for you if you got a nice dog.
just a thought
---sue on 5/14/05

Don't get married, Curt. You will resent your wife every time you are intimate, if that will ever happen, and she will know that you are unwilling to totally give yourself to her. Just date. I think that's all you want, anyways.
---Ann5758 on 5/14/05

curt, why in the world would you want to remain a virgin after marriage. That baffles me. Do you know what you will be missing? An imtimacy that is so profound and comes from the Lord. Maybe you need Christian counseling. Were you abused as a child? Or trying to be a martyr? P;ease answer!!!!
---dakota on 5/14/05

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Because its NOT natural Curt! If you have a medical problem, physically or emotionally, THIS should be taken care of before considering marriage.
---NVBarbara on 5/14/05

Curt: Without sex, there is no marriage. God made us male and female for a reason. This is what it means to become one flesh. Paul counsels married people not to withhold sex from each other, except by mutual consent for a short time for fasting and prayer. He then advises that if you don't want sex, then be like him and stay single. (see 1 Cor 7:3-9)
---Jerry on 5/14/05

I still don't understand your stance on this Curt. Consummation of a marriage is a gift from God and a NATURAL act. Doubts of finding a virgin as yourself are high. If you are just 'giving in' so you won't be alone, happiness in this situation might elude you, and her. A marriage commitment is serious business, don't complicate it even more!
---NVBarbara on 5/14/05

,i know this sounds strange, but i really do want to be married, just not sexually. why is it so hard to find a wife who is willing to accept that?
---curt on 5/14/05

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i dont understand. where does that desire come from? ..just read His verses on becoming one and not abstaining from another. ask Him to make you the man He wants you to be and to be able to know and show the desire of love for your wife as He wants you too. maybe you just havent met the one He wants you to, and when you do you will truly want to express in many ways. <><
---monique on 5/14/05

My advice is that you should not marry. It sounds what you want is a companion, a cook, a cleaner, a surrogate mother but not a wife. My friend's husband never initiated sex with her and this tormented her day and night. I would not want to wish the same pain on any woman. A man should pursue a woman before and after marriage. If you don't feel up to it, then stay single Curt. PLEASE!!!! And get some therapy for your avertion to women and your sexuality. This may set you free.
---lisa on 5/14/05

If giving up what you consider to be an aspect of "your life" would cause you to resent someone, then you haven't truly given it up. The true giving of yourself results in blessing, not resentment. You are complete and whole in Him and in need of nothing to complete you or make you any better than who you already are.
---Linda_Smith on 5/14/05

Is this about the life that YOU want or about the life the Lord Jesus Christ wants to live through you? And what exactly do you consider "life"? Our Life is a person and His ability in and through us is a quality of life that does not change with circumstances. We have joy when everything is going well and have joy when everything seems to be pressing against us.
---Linda_Smith on 5/14/05

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If you feel violated thinking that marriage will take away your virginity DO NOT GET MARRIED!
Read: PROV:5:18-19
"Let your manhood be a blessing; rejoice in the wife of your youth. Let her charms and tender embrace satisfy you.Let her love fill you with delight! You want to stay virgin,
good for you. As for me...I will be back later!
---Pierr7958 on 5/14/05

You should not consider marriage as long as there is any resentment in you. Only divine love can cleanse and keep you. What you do must be because it is right for you, right in God's eyes. Knowing what is right, then you can have peace. If the desire to remain a virgin after marriage is just your thoughts, feelings, emotions, etc., then compare it to God's word, His plan for your life. Then if you have been wrong, confess it to Him, let Him cleanse and give you His divine love.
---Wayne on 5/14/05

Curt ... if you want to remain a virgin after yuor marriage, but have now accepted that this is an unrelistic wish and that you will have to have sex with yuor wife ... do yuo think that you will be making love to her?

I merely ask that ... and also, what do you think that she will feel, knowing that you are indulging in this "ugly mess of sex", as you have called it elsewhere, unwillingly?

I do trust you will have the honesty to tell her.
---Alan_of_U.K. on 5/14/05

Don't resent by admitting you alone are responsible for life decisions,what you choose to do or not do.The life you wanted was askng more of someone than you have a right to.You wanted everything your way,that wasn't fair.We all have to decide what we want in life,and then we must own those decisions.Never look back.You may find what you are getting is a lot more fullfilling than what you give up.Take joy in the wife God brings you,and be blessed.Good for you!!
---Darlene_1 on 5/14/05

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i understand that you desire to be married, but also desire to abstain from consummation. That will greatly narrow your chances of ever finding a mate, however it is not impossible. But if you alone choose to compromise your virginity, then your resentment against your wife would be misplaced, for it was not her choice but your choice alone that you made.
---Eloy on 5/14/05

i understand that you desire to be married, but also desire to abstain from consummation. That will greatly narrow your chances of ever finding a mate, however it is not impossible. But if you instead have made the choice to compromise your virginity, then your resentment against your wife would be misplaced, for it was not her choice but rather your choice alone.
---Eloy on 5/14/05

This brings up an interesting point. I am still a virgin and I am thirty-eight years old and unless this topic had come up, I would not have said anything. I have been honest and upfront with women, telling them I reserve that part of me for marriage and they usually leave scratch marks on the driveway as they're getting out of here but it's the chance I take. You have to ask yourself if your principles are worth compromising. Some are, and some are not. For me, this is not one I wish to compromise.
---rex3859 on 5/14/05

If you'e saying you desire a virgin as a wife, that is an excellent petition which is in-line with God's word, and you can offer this request to God -- assuming you are a virgin. It is possible that God will provide you such a mate. However, remember that God forgives all the sins of a repentant heart and if He has forgiven, why should you judge? You can have the life you want as long as you are in complete and constant communication with your wife - remember the two become one, and not just physically.
---Linda_&_Bill on 5/14/05

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You have strange questions, curt. You need to realize that your desire to stay a virgin after marriage is not something that is realistic. And the implication of this question is the wife would want sex. Mary did not stay a virgin after marriage, Joseph was not a virgin, so where is the desire coming from? Are you trying to be the first to do that?
---gregg4933 on 5/14/05

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