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Mention Affair I Would Lose Wife

I have committed adultery, and I know if I confess to my wife I will lose her and my family (two sons). I know what the bible says but am I wrong taking this issue with God and save my family.

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 ---scaredsick on 5/16/05
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Here's another blog that might help those in the same situation.
---Kelly on 12/28/07


I think these need to be addressed: Shame, dishonesty, broken integrity. When people talk about lying for the children all I have to say is I wish my father had honesty, integrity and no shame in regards to his affairs! My family's legacy of shame and dishonesty lived on in me. So teach your children by example. Teach them what faith is by putting yours to the test. God will take care of you, your wife and your children no matter what. No sin is too great for God.
---Suportive on 4/24/06


Is she serving the Lord? Other marriages have come back from this very issue.(am in similar sit. my hus's affair wo 20 yrs younger;cost for my family very high;finances,God, his reputation; maybe even his very soul because of his rebellion against God.pray, seek God and God will show you path. will pray for your situation in all matters.Hold onto God no matter what happens.
---jd on 7/13/05


My husband had an affair, he did not tell me, I found out because I knew he was up to something, he says he loves me, he says he wants to stay with me, in some of his E mail's to (the other woman) he did tell her he would not leave me. I can't tell you what to do, because it hurts more than I can say what he did. I am trying to work things out with him, I have forgiven him. One thing you need to do is ask God's forgiveness.
---mary on 7/12/05


Man, this is a tough one, like I said before, I know. I realise that not confessing to spouse may not be what God wants him to do. Probably if kids were not involved confession to both God and spouse would be best. But if he is truly repentant and will never repeat behavior, there is no reason to shatter childrens lives. I'd go to hell before I did that.
---G on 7/12/05




I'm a person who has always told the truth even to my own hurt, thats how much I value honesty.There is ,however,a very selfish motive behind most confessions of adultry.That is to relieve the persons guilt for having betrayed the spouse.Check your motives before you do anything.Will it help you or your spouse?Will it destroy your wife and family?Have you quit and will never cheat again?Talk to a Christian Counselor. Although honesty is best,sometimes it kills rather than heals. Pray for wisdom.
---Darlene_1 on 7/12/05


You cannot say you are with the Lord and say he has forgiven you if you have not confessed to your spouse.
Because God will forgive you..only if your spouse forgives you..because you wronged her..first of all and only with her forgiveness can you stand clean before God
---Marie_Jacquelyne on 7/12/05


It saddens me to hear how many Christians twist God's meaning of marriage by saying they have come to the Lord, so do not have to confess anything to their spouse. It's not the way God intends it to be, and they know it. God will help you and those affected recover from the consequences.

Only God will be able to heal your marriage, if both of you are willing to make it work. Go to her lovingly and ask for forgiveness.
---anon on 7/12/05


My friend, I empathise with you. I have been there myself. I never told her. My one and only affair ended 12 years ago. I have never been so ashamed. I am so sorry for what I did. I was an immature and selfish fool. I ask God for forgiveness about this every day.I understand that Jesus has forgiven me. I will never forgive myself. No ammount of confession will ever make me feel better about it. It makes me physically ill to think about it, but that it is a burden you and I deserve to carry.
---G on 6/27/05


I believe that my wife had her relationship with the Lord and had to answer to Him and not me. That she was responsible for herself as I am responsible for myself. I heard someone say, "It was his God given free will to know." How could it be when the live's of many are on the balance. That is only selfishness. Now, since it's you that sinned, what is it that God wants you to do? Are you ready to face the conscquences? Yes, take this issue with God and save your family.
---Lupe2618 on 6/4/05




Scaredsick, I read what everyone put down and in some way everyone is correct. My wife left me in 1990 and she was gone for 1 year. I always wondered what she did and for myself I wanted to know. When God brought her back to to me, I thanked Him so much for all He had done and was doing in our life's. She came to the Lord a year after and I was so happy. I never talked about her time gone. We lived a wonderful life until she died in 1998.
---Lupe2618 on 6/4/05


May God forgive me if I am wrong: sometimes we have to keep our sins between us and Him. If He can forgive us, we should forgive ourselves and then live for Him the rest of our lives. If you know she would leave you, why put the burden on her and ruin your sons' lives too when they are all innocent?
---Becky on 5/23/05


We would all love to share our opinion, yet as Christians, our duty is to share the Truth--notice the capital T. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He has given His word filled with promises to sinners. Take that word as the guide of your life. Ask Him for the Spirit to give you understanding. Rely on Him for power to obey. We often know what we should do, but hope others can show us another "way" that is less crucifying to ourselves. He will not fail you, don't fail Him.
---Wayne on 5/21/05


I knew that sooner or later someone would tell you to keep your sin a secret from your wife.

You sinned against God first and your wife next. You must confess and ask forgiveness from both of them. Otherwise there will be no victory or forgiveness.

If you think not telling your wife will help you then you are forgetting Num 32:23b...and be sure your sin will find you out.
Cond #2-->
---Elder on 5/19/05


Cond #2-->
It is now time to pay for the wrong you have been involved in.

Get with your/a Pastor, enter counseling, change your activities or whatever is needed to include jobs. Then with the support of your Pastor ask your wife to forgive you.

If you ask her forgiveness without change involved she will see you as trying to excape your responsibility and not being sincere. She will understand your silence as deceit when she finds out and she will find out.
Cond #3--->
---Elder on 5/19/05


Cond #3--->
You are in trouble and pain, I know, but now you can tell others that the results of this Marriage Destroying sin is not worth the few moments of pleasures.

Men and women must learn that this sin doesn't just happen. We must set the stage for it to happen. Remember what you did to accommodate this sin before it happened and make sure it NEVER occurs again.

It is hard to commit sexual sins when we witness to others and tell them of Christ. Your whole lifestyle must change.
---Elder on 5/19/05


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scared sick
could you pls email me at lovea6955, i would like to share my experience with you. looking forward to hearing from you brother.
---lovelyn on 5/19/05


If you are truly repentent, then keep quiet. Let the Lord forgive you, and forsake the sin. Don't ever do it again. Many men keep cheating. I have been on the receiving side of such a confession, and I'm surprised it didn't kill me. The resulting divorce was, I felt, inevitable.
---Melanie on 5/17/05


FEAR OF UNKNOWN....its said what you dont know cant hurt you, its safe now for her but the sooner she knows its overyou know that,trust is earned and you cant buy it.Finish what you started and seek divine intervention carefully,may the grace of the LORD be with you.
---peter on 5/17/05


Are you scared or repentant? Figure this out first.

Next spend some time with Linda Smith and her husband.

The next time your wandering eyes get hungry and your flesh calls for satisfaction think about this experience and ask yourself if it is worth it.

This sin didn't happen all of a sudden. You will have to change some things in your lifestyle, maybe even your job.
---Elder on 5/16/05


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If you can't be true to your spouse and be honest with her, how do you expect to be true to God?
---Rebecca_D on 5/16/05


think about whether confessing is for you or for her. If you do it cause you want peace and forgiveness and not because you think she should know then you are hurting her to save yourself. But maybe she would want to know. I guess what you should really do - Is put your wife first. What would she want you to do? It's time you thought of her and not yourself - but that doesn't necessarily mean that you need to tell her.
---Grace on 5/16/05


Are you REALLY sorry? If so, cling to God's promises of forgiveness. Jesus died to forgive you IF you will confess and repent (change your behavior). The Lord is in the restoration business. Go to a mature, trustworthy Christian to counsel you, pray for God's will in the matter, then make a decision about whether to tell your wife. If you are not saved, be sure you ask Jesus into your heart. NEVER see that other woman again! God bless you as you walk with Jesus! Trust Him!! Pray!!
---Elsie on 5/16/05


Scaredsick:
Not knowing you it is a bit hard to adress your concern BUT let's do it assuming you are very much ashamed and you want to save your fammily and not your behind. You must tell your wife now! If you hide, it will be worse when she finds out. Take her to your pastor or any other person whom you trust and in his/presence confess and ask for forgiveness. She may need a day or so to recover. Pray when she does, she will give you another opporunity to be the husband and father you ought to be.
---Pierr7958 on 5/16/05


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Man of God,
This is a test of character & Integrity, if you fail this test, you will fail every test, when it comes to character & integrity. What lesson do you want to teach your boys ?
---Mr7788. on 5/16/05


Very difficult to answer this, but I will say this, according to statistics, most people who confess affairs to their mates, wind up broken up. I'd consult a therapist before I said anything to her. I assume you do not intend to see this person again, also. I will not be judgmental of you, but you need to speak to someone. Meanwhile, mend your bridges. Hope this helps.
---Kristine on 5/16/05


The struggle is to be honest with what you know you need to do. You probably had a struggle being honest with her before, so don't expect it to change if you aren't honest with her now. Know that being honest means surrender. Jesus says to submit ourselves to one another; & to love our wives unconditionally. Let God deal with your wife and sons - he is the only true third person in your marriage, and now is the time to rely on him to fix a broken marriage - & being honest about that is the first step.
---Ryan on 5/16/05


Scaredsick, I won't advise you whether to tell her or not but I can tell you that you betrayed your wife and your family.

Ask God for forgiveness and promise Him and yourself you'll never repeat such a hurtful act.
---Albert on 5/16/05


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confess it to God and don't ever do it or mention it again.
---shira_5965 on 5/16/05


See the "Should We Confess Our Affair Sin" blog about half way down on the right hand side of the first page of blogs.

How would you feel if it were her in your position? Would you want to know?
---Bruce5656 on 5/16/05


brother,
I can understand why you are scared; you must first ask God to forgive you and if you are really sorry about your sin I suggest you discuss it with your pastor and ask him to have a meeting with you and your wife where you can tell her where you went wrong and ask her to forgive you; none of us are perfect; get up and go again.
---mary on 5/16/05


You are going to get all kinds of counsel on this one and that counsel is going to lean on both sides of the fence. There are going to be those who say that you should tell and those who say you shouldn't. I know which side I lean to but counsel without understanding exactly WHY you think you should or should not tell is sketchy at best. Please contact me through my profile linda9974. My husband and I will help you through this.
---Linda_Smith on 5/16/05


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If someone loves their spouse they will not commit adultry. Confess to your wife, she deserves to know, it is not just the emotional aspect of cheating but these days you are putting her life at risk also. Then beg God for forgiveness and ask him to help you mature and make you worthy of a wife!
---Pat on 5/16/05


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