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Husband Had Affair With My Friend

I married 2 months ago and my hubby has cheated on me with my friend in church. She told my friends that my husband pushed her to do so, but my husband said she asked him first. None can prove it. I forgive them but the thought has bothered me much. Help me with advice please.

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 ---Flavia on 5/17/05
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hello!family,since this 1 all time blogg! been married to such a one,act very much the same ...Amos3:3Can two walk,except they be agreed?kJV will not try to judge or give advice. He got a so-called friend pregnant! her husband was as shock as I was! Our son born 1 day before "her son"... Our son died. The child my husband fathered with her,he lived. I will be honest,for some years sadly, I became a bitter young woman. I say this because the woman felt hurt, and truth is I was alot younger than her cud not understand why? Longstory short, I was so bitter and unforgiving it cost me alot! My health,anger for years did NO good.She died about 4 months after the baby was born just drop dead in the kitchen.
---ELENA on 4/14/12


All I can say is that God helps those who help themselves - I was married for 33 years had four wonderful children and after being subjected to two stds in 12 months i am walking and not looking back I am being guided by my Lord who i have utter faith in -
---Di_Donelan on 4/14/12


I found out after 33 years of marriage that my husband cheated on me 3 months after we were married, then several times during the marriage. He only confessed after I had recently suspected him and actually found out he was getting ready to cheat again.
I have forgiven him, but the pain is great. God's love has helped me and His amazing grace. I know it will take years to gain back the trust but I am leaning on our Saviour. Prayers for you.
---Jen on 9/15/09


You've only been married two months and he's already cheated. I don't think your marriage has a chance he will do it again. It doesn't matter who initiated it both agreed. According to the Bible it's alright to get a divorce from someone that's had an affair.
---crystal on 6/16/08


Honey...wake up...get rid of him...!
---john on 6/28/07




We can all say what we think and feel, but you know what needs to be done to bring peace to your spirit. She is not your friend, and he is not the husband you vowed to be with forever.
Stay prayerful.
---lynet on 3/31/07


Flavia, These kinds of things happen. One big problem that we have is there is so much nudity and other touchy subjects happening in front of us and our family on TV. They will try to tell you it is your fault and that you have failed but NOT. There is a growing evidence of sin and pervasive sexuality today some people are more susceptible than others by giving in to LUST. My sympathies.
---Debra on 3/31/07


Peace and healing to you. However you define God, you must understand that the basis of his teaching is compassion. To fully feel Gods love, you must also be able to love yourself. Anything that interferes with that is the work of devils. Staying in a circumstance that disrespects you so much,will keep you from truely feeling the love of the divine. Get yourself to therapy and learn how to love yourself enough that you can recognize the red flags so that you can avoid such circumstances in the future.
---jo on 6/13/06


Im sorry to hear that happened to you, you are not alone. My husband cheated on me after a year of marriage with my sister and they had the same excuses. This was the most embarrassing and devaststing moment in my life. But I chose to seek God for answers, he never fails. We later found out that he was molested as child twice and generational curses were strong in his family, it wasn't an excuse but it was an explanation. Continue to pray for your marriage, your husband, and yourself.
---Andrea on 4/11/06


I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Pray very hard to make the right decision. If you decide to leave, what guarantee that the next husband will be faithful? Ask God to convict your husband so he will feel sorry for his deeds. i wonder if you will recover sufficiently to enjoy your newly married life which god has surely blessed. try inner healing. may god bless your marriage.
---jennifer on 7/5/05




What I have learned is that it takes both people wanting a marriage to work to make it work, if your husband is truly sorry and is a Christian, and is seeking God, then seek counseling and God for healing. If he wants to accept your terms for working on the marriage, you should give it a try at least. If he is not sorrowful and isn't willing to go to counseling, say goodbye now don't waste 19 years on someone who doesn't deserve you, like I did.
---Cathy on 5/22/05


But Cynthia, there is biblical grounds for divorce based on adultery, and yes he hates divorce and adultery too don't forget. Wayward husbands (and wives) should step up to the plate.
---lisa on 5/22/05


I don't agree, once a cheater always a cheater. God can change people and their ways. Time and God is the key of mending a broken heart. If if still bothers you, then chances are you really didn't forgive.
---Rebecca_D on 5/21/05


If you decide to stay with him-never have children. I grow up with a cheater as a father they never change. God can bring you a better man.
---cynthia on 5/20/05


hi! it hurts me that so many people advice was to leave your husband. i thought God hates divorce. i know it hurts, been there done that! but you ask God to convict your husbands heart and restore your marriage and he will do that. nothing is to hard for the God we serve!
---1stlady on 5/20/05


Surely, you can see who this man, and your friend really are. Speaking from experience, I agree that once a cheater, always a cheater and you've only been married 2 MONTHS!!!??? Come on Flavia, don't bury your head in the sand. You should get out of this marriage and that friendship, before you bring children into this mess. You have biblical grounds for divorce so don't be afraid to leave him. He will only break your heart.
---lisa on 5/18/05


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It takes 2 so who cares who started it the other went along with it. I was married to a cheater and learned that once a cheater always a cheater no matter how many promises are made. He needs to confess and get good CHRISTIAN councelling. You are a wonderfull woman to forgive.
---Marla on 5/18/05


do you mean push like rape or he pushed and she gave in either way they both had to want it if he didnt force her because he could have said no and vice versa you have only been i hope this isnt going to be how your marriage is r u still with him? i will be praying for u. ur forgiving them that is great but if it happens again i would leave i wouldnt want to live my life like that
---andre9789 on 5/18/05


He has cheated on you in the 2 short months you've been married? WOW.....sounds like major problems already and definitely calls for prayers and counseling so that you can both get past this and move on but trust is going to take time...doesn't matter who is at fault as they are both guilty...seek counseling to resolve this..
---Fran8674 on 5/18/05


Since you dont have any grounds to prove the actions of both parties, hubby and friend, it is suggested that you turn to God for counsel. Let the Word of God guide, direct, teach and counsel you. You may have ill feelings toward your hubby but the Word of God is our Refuge, Comforter, Counselor and Advisor. Let the Word of God richly dwell in you, sister and you will see how God can manifest HIS power and blessings to you and the whole family. God bless!
---Ceferina on 5/18/05


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Flavia..What matters most now is for your husband to accept his fault and be genuinely sorry for his actions. There is no excuse. He needs to repent and come clean in God's eyes, only then can you both be happy in your marriage and move on. Glad you have forgiven him, we all make mistakes, ask God for strength to help you through.
---lovelyn on 5/18/05


I am sorry for your pain! It is wonderful that you can forgive them, but has your husband confessed his sin and asked forgiveness? It sounds like they are both full of blame and are not taking responsibility for their own actions. I suggest you INSIST on Christian marriage counseling, and for your own safety, testing of your husband for STD's. God will not hold you to marriage vows if your partner is not faithful. Be sure your husband is willing to fully commit to you from here on out.
---Tanya1566 on 5/18/05


Who cares who made the first move? There's no excuse for adultery whether it's 2 months or 20 years after you marry, but 2 months? Are you sure he didn't do it with the hotel clerk where you spent your honeymoon?

It is admirable that you've forgiven them, but you're a better person than I am if you stay married to him. You may divorce him according to the Bible, and I would. I'm not advising you to do that, just saying I would divorce him quicker than you could say "I won't".
---Nicholas on 5/18/05


The point is not who proposed. I can sense that both agreed to do it. Blaming the source does not help. This is not rape case. Adultery is committed here. Forgiveness is not equal to trust. You know the circumstances, your situtions and what is written in the Bible about adultery. I pray that the Lord leads you about your next steps. I may comment if you tell us what exactly is bothering you....Seble
---Seble on 5/18/05


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give it no more thought than it deserves. in two months you dont expect your spouse to give up on his old ways and be the dedicated partner you want him to be. never confront such issues but with an understanding heart let him know what you know and if he feels sorry for what he has done then forgive graciously and never bring up the issue again. its just a fleeting attraction, his true love is for you, he's proven it by marrying you. pray together for an inner healing and allow god into your marriage.
---olive on 5/17/05


It is so sad when the person you love disapoints you. But we are in the ending of time, the Devil is more active than ever. He tries to capture the minds of the ones closest to you. But the word of God says, "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world." Forgive him and love him. Be encouraged, Keep trusting in the Lord and pray that it will never happen again. Keep your focus on God and ask for His direction, God never fails. May God's peace and presence be with you. God Bless
---Janett on 5/17/05


My heart and prayers go out to you. May you be still and ask the Holy Spirit to go before you and guide you. May the Lord answer your prayers and remain under the grace and mercy of Christ.
---Ira on 5/17/05


It is good of you to forgive them. But the reality is that if you husband does this after only 2 months of marriage he will probably do it again. And even if she asked him to have an affair he could of said no.

I think if you want to save your marriage - then you might want to consider that you and your husband go to a marriage counselor.
---grace on 5/17/05


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I would as a Christian say that God hates divorce and forgive seventy times seven. But being in a simular situation, after only 3 months of marriage he cheated on me and then the whole marriage. After 7 years, my credit ruined, a beautiful 1 year old boy that he was "so" excited about, he left me for another woman. He would when I found out act remorseful and say anything to get me back. I found out now, that he is a scociopath, now with the blinders off I see what he truley is. I loved him.
---Janice on 5/17/05


My heart goes out to you dear sister. I don't know if it makes a lot of difference to you who approached who first, because they were both equally wrong in doing what they did, but I do know that both of them need to repent to God, and to you. All i know to tell you about the thoughts, is to pray, and ask God to take them away, try to meditate on scriptures, and when the thought comes, to your mind try to dismiss them quickly, so that they won't have time to fester. I'm Praying for you.
---Barbara on 5/17/05


You've only been married for two months and already have to deal with such childish behaviors. Resist evil and the enemy will flee from you. Or, flee from the enemy and resist ever seeing evil again! v.6388
---v on 5/17/05


Lord, in your presence and by your help, I here and now choose to forgive ___________ for ____________. I cancel the debt Ive been trying to collect. I renounce all attempts on my part to punish him/her for what he/she did. I extend grace to him/her, just as you, O Lord, have shown grace to me and forgiven me.
---cheri on 5/17/05


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Your focus is not who to blame, who is at fault but finding the strength to really forive part of real forgiveness is forgetting about our past errors/faults and finding the strength to move on and leaving that old garbage in the past. It is over with it is dead now move on to your future to a better life that GOd has already preordained to bless you with. Don't block your blessings by focussing on past hurts.
---Cheri on 5/17/05


I know this response will not be popular, but in my opinion, if your husband cheated on you within two months after you were married, you should get away from him as fast as you can. The Bible states that you have a right to a divorce if your mate commits adultry or fornication. Although forgiving them is the Christian thing to do, it doesn't mean that you have to live with a husband that can't be trusted. Believe me, I know from experience that it doesn't work out.
---Sam on 5/17/05


what do you mean "pushed her to do so" and "asked him first" does it matter. cheating is cheating. he didnt rape her nor vice versa. and whast worst a women fro mthe church. you would think the most moral place to be would be the church huh?
---andre on 5/17/05


First read some of the other blogs here about the same thing.

Be prepared to do the hard things. Forgiveness is the right thing and attitude but you don't have to put up with this kind of sin.

The two involved have their stories together. Neither one of them were pushed to do something they didn't want to do. Your husband committed the greater sin against you. It is time he learned sin has a cost.

They both did what they wanted to do so now you do what you have to do.
---Elder on 5/17/05


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