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Help For Marriage Abuse Issues

My husband has various abuse problems. I moved out after the latest explosive outburst. After talking with my pastor and abuse hotline, I gave him a ultimatum that the abuse had to stop for our marriage to heal. Has anyone else gone through this?

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 ---Dolla5739 on 5/19/05
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Domestic abuse is a very serious and ungodly issue. It is also a crime. It has so many serious connotations. And when you attempt to talk to and deal with the issues, you are usually in a very bad place. Never be alone with these perpetrators and demons. Reasoning usually fails. Common sense and wisdom is not something they can deal with,either. Get out while you can and is still alive. They don't mind killing you, your kids, your entire family.
I would pray and give it to the Lord but I would put distance between me and this demon. Protect me and my kids,at all costs.
No one has a right to hurt or abuse you at anytime or your kids.
---Robyn on 10/28/08


It's taking a lot of courage for me to respond. Last incident I ended up slapping her--after she told me how much she hated me, how selfish I was and how she wished she were married to somebody that was not selfish, did more to help around the house and care for our daughter. That was after I've been working nights, coming home to take care of our daughter while wife goes to work. That on top of doing house chores, feeding/changing diapers, working on the porch. I'm lucky to get 3-4 hours of sleep a night. That's a lot of stress. Last incident, police were called (I thank her) and 30 day order of protection. I am getting counseling (professional and spirtual) Please pray for us.
---charles on 10/23/08


yes i'm going throught that problem as we speak.my husband now has became very abusive to me and ot hurts alot.He gets mad a the smallest things and he wants to hit me talk to me any kind of way and the bad part about it is that he do this in front of people and that's what hurts the most. i cry often hoping that this would come to an end i pray all i know what's best for mw is to leave.
---renee on 9/24/08


If you have been abused and it continues,get out now! I waited 15 years to divorce my abusive/unfaithful husband. Everytime you meet someone and they do something that is abusive (see Domestic Violence), walk away. I read a book one time that said "Don't date someone and be an emotional can opener". People can help their selves, but not by abuse. If your partner loves you, they will take a break, keep your relationship from harm and get counseling. If they say they can do it on their own and don't want help, get out! You can forgive someone for an abuse act if it doesn't continue. Do you like who your partner is? Your partner should be your best friend. Would you let your best friend (man or women) be mean to you?
---Deborah on 9/22/08


sorry but he is not going to change.
---kenyetta on 7/31/08




Im currently in an abusive marriage. My husband starts to physically abuse me when we get into verbal arguments, Im 8 months pregnant, and he has not hesitated to hit, strangle and punch me in the head throughout the entire pregnancy. Im ready to just leave after I have this baby, although it will be very hard to start over.
---Melissa on 11/10/07


You need to talk to God before you talk to a human being. Are you close enough to God to hear from Him. If not you need to get close. This kind of a marriage can be very lonly. It can also be very destructive mentally. The Devil loves to play with your mind. And he is the real culprit. Only God can help. God might even give you away to escape.
---catherine on 5/29/07


i was married for 17 years to a verbally abusive husband. Verbal abuse is just as bad or worse than physical abuse. Your bruses are inside of your heart, and dont go away, and it breaks your spirit. I have been going to counseling myself to help me cope with the things my ex-husband has told me in the past. I have very low self esteem. He would tell me mean things over and over i started to believe them. If your husband will not get help or counseling, you need to get out of the marriage.
---Sylvia on 5/28/07


verbal abuse yes you can recover. , but if it is physical you should not put up with it, nor remain married to him because it can harm you & he can go to jail. No marriage is worth any abuse.
---candice on 5/21/07


Im 19 My husband is abusive towards me and we have a daughter. he is physically abusive every now and then and verbally abusive at least every other day. he has
never injured me bad,but while i was pregnant he kicked me in the stomach and pushed my stomach, he has done a lot of other things to me while i wasnt pregnant. I dont know what to do. I dont want to leave him Im scared i have nothing and no one to turn to. should we seek couseling first? should i just leave? if so what should i do?
---sara on 5/15/06




I have sufffered physical, verbal, and mental abuse for 14 years. He's also addicted to alcohol. I had to start thinking about myself and my kids because they deserve peace. It is easy to be fooled when they seem to be better and say all of the right things. I asked him to leave and he is not coming back until he is truly born again and delivered! It hurts a lot, but I have to be strong for our kids and give them a life of peace. You're not the only one going through this!!!
---Pam on 8/24/05


Hi Dolla, Please know that nothing you can do or say will make your husband quit abusing drugs. He must do it himself, and for himself. Nothing you did makes him abuse drugs and nothing you do will make him quit. You can support him if he decides to go into treatment, otherwise be prepared for a very "explosive" live. Even if he goes to treatment it will be a bumpy ride for you both. And he may have to go to treatment lots of times before he is off drugs. You're in my prayers.luv,
sue
---sue on 5/24/05


I was in an abusive relationship/marriage from the time I was 16 to 26 almost 5 years ago. He was not a Christian man. I made several ultimatums. He never went thru with any of his promises. I got to the point where I didn't make another ultimatum. We got into a "fight" one night, he left after. I packed up my 2 kids and whatever I could grab and took off. It was the first (very hard) step to a better, more peaceful life. I never regretted it. I pray you peace in your decision.
---Becky_S. on 5/20/05


Dolla,a person can't just make up their mind to not abuse and stick to it.He must have treatment for all areas of abuse to overcome it.God gives each one free will to decide how they will live,it's up to him to accept God and His help,God won't force him.Substance abusers must have professional help to stop.Wife abusers seldom change.They make promises to change,to get their way ,but seldom keep them.Do what's best,and safe for you.
---Darlene_1 on 5/20/05


Actually the abuse is substance abuse. I have faith in God that He can change him but not enough faith in my husband that he will seek God.
---Dolla5739 on 5/19/05


I was in an abusive marriage for 19 years - thinking I was commanded as a christian to stay married. By the grace of God and my precious friends I was able to get out of the abuse alive. In reality what i portrayed to our daughter was that living like that was acceptable. IT IS NOT. God does NOT expect us to live with abusive husbands - husbands who are to love us as Christ loved His church-His bride. I was counseled by pastors that God did not expect me to remain in harm's way by my own husband.
---bette6947 on 5/19/05


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Hi! Oh did I ever go through that very same thing! My husband was very abusive. We have been separated for 5 1/2 years. After much praying and heart searching I am going to divorce him. I gave him every opportunity to get counseling. He refused!! The HARDEST thing to do so far is to stand my ground and not go back with him during his "nice" times. Just remember that you belong to God...not your husband and have the right to be respected! You are in my prayers! Nancy
---nancy on 5/19/05


Shortly after I lost my husband I remarried...he was violently abusive after we married and put me in the hospital 3 times in a 5 month span and after the third time when he tried to kill me I left the marriage and went to a homeless shelter to rebuild my life...he was not going to change and I don't believe God wanted me to remain in that marriage to be further abused...if you write I can share more, but God doesn't expect His children to be hurt, abused, and killed, even if they are Christians...
---Fran8674 on 5/19/05


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