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Husband Likes A Boring Church

What do you do when your husband is happy at a church that is stuck on routine and tradition and I am happy at a church preaching boldly the Word of God and demonstrating it? In submission to my husband, do I have to go through the rest of my life tolerating?

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 ---Cathy_Y on 5/29/05
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\\Being disobedient to God if he's speaking to your heart is very serious. MANY times God uses wives to speak to their husband\\

And many times God speaks to wives through their husbands.

Maybe Cathy_Y is the one being hard-hearted and disobedient to God, or at least undiscerning.

What makes HER think that her church is the one "preaching boldy" and his is not?
---Cluny on 4/15/11


Being disobedient to God if he's speaking to your heart is very serious. MANY times God uses wives to speak to their husbands. If you feel you are growing more spiritually at a different church then go there. If it creates problems with your husband, go to counseling or go to an early service at one and later service at the other. There are more solutions than people throwing out the word SUBMIT in every other post. If someone comments negatively on this post don't buy into it. Your relationship with God is MOST important. If you are not growing spiritually then it will be hard to be spiritually connected to your husband. If you aren't familiar with "Spiritual Pathways"--google it. Lots to learn and it makes perfect sense. Take care!
---Kim on 4/12/11


NO! Way! Go separate, not way, only to church....And have a happy life+
---catherine on 10/29/10


Do you have to go through the rest of your life tolerating, in submission to your husband?What in the world does that mean? If he is happy at his church and you are happy at yours, then what is the problem? Perhaps you can visit his church sometimes, and he visit yours. It would be ideal if you both could attend the same church. But life is complicated sometimes. Also the devil is busy 24/7. He wants to see you and your husband separated in the spirit. Is there a way for you and your husband to compromise and eventually attend the same church?
---Robyn on 10/28/10


this was posted 5 yrs ago, how is it today? My husband works on Sundays so I am the only one having fellowship with a congregation, however for example: who is to NOT say he's not having "fellowship" at work or on his own time just because he's not with a church building? If a couple agrees to have God in the center, but doesn't agree on a church together it can still work. As long as you're putting GOd first above church rules & their "way" of services,this is a good start.
---candice on 9/23/10




I feel your pain. I am at such a traditional church that literally I am the only woman in my age range that isn't a stay-at-home mom. I have no peers and no friends at church. I work from home when I'm not traveling for work and so have no social outlet there either. It's very lonely. My husband loves our church and would have a fit if I suggested a change.

I'm considering searching out other churchs, not to go there on Sunday but maybe to get involved in Women's groups that are not centered around Mommy-ness. That's all I'm hoping for at this point.
---catluvgal on 9/23/10


I have a similar concern...though some of the replies you have received sound rather pre-judgemental of your concerns without them knowing all the facts of the situation.

I find the sermons in our church incredibly boring not because I want entertainment but because they are so dry and lacking in meat.

I do not believe it is God's will to leave this church however mainly because my husband is a leader. His suggestion was to talk to the pastor and suggest some things I would like to hear more of in the messages. Try talking to the pastor.
---Barbara on 7/23/10


I would be showing gratitude to him for his efforts to be a godly leader in his family.
Many women sit alone in church and you have a loving man beside you. What can you do to help this group of good people? Being involved will help make it more interesting.
Someone needs to fill the cup that others drink from. Good luck and be happy.
---denise on 3/16/10


Church is not about what YOU GET out of it. We go to give God glory and not to feel good. I suppose there are people to fellowship with and opportunities to serve in both places. If that is your major marital problem, you are doing well. "Wives submitt to your husbands in all things". Discuss it with your husband and let him know how you feel. Maybe he will compromise. Pray about it.
---jody on 6/13/08


I have to agree with Jack.. I've been to many churches. I've been in "traditional" churches (I guess what you would call boring) and fundamentalist churches. You can receive God's blessings in both.

Bloom where you are planted...
---NurseRobert on 6/13/08




I agree with Jack ...seems as if you're rebelling ...praying to God to "change your husbands mind" is foolish and disobediant to the will of God who leads your husband through Christ ...as married women we submit to our husbands - husbands submit to Christ

if you want something different from routine then find hobbies keeping you occupied in your spare time getting out of daily routine so when you come to God in His house you will be free from routine "boredom"
---Rhonda on 6/11/08


No, I would stay there, but ask God to change your husband so that you can go to a more spirit filled church and maybe God could make him not like it there as much, and ask God to move him. In Jesus' name. It's worth a try.
---Fran on 6/11/08


You pray and ask the Lord to either change the church your husband likes, which God can do because God doesn't like dead churches, OR, pray for your husband to become dissatisfied as well.
---Madison on 5/14/08


What makes you so sure that your husband's church is so "boring" and yours is so "bold?"

You need to search your heart and see if maybe your disagreement about what church to attend is a sign of your own hidden rebellion and resentment against your husband.

If you believe in the Christian principle that the husband should take the spiritual lead, then the answer about what you should do is obvious.
---jack on 5/6/07


Jack2244- Bet a lot of "contemporary Christian music" is way beyond "In the Garden" in the number of I, me and my's!
---Donna2244 on 8/24/06


Somehow, Cathy, your choice of words describing the two churches suggest more about your FEELINGS and OPINIONS concerning them than what might actually be going on.
---Jack on 8/24/06


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Cathy, I think you should go to church with your husband, and he should go to yours with you. Go to each other's church, even if you have to go from 9am to 10am and then from 11am to 12pm. Tell you why....pray and ask Father "show us the truth Lord about where we should be" and the Holy Spirit will "lead you and guide you into ALL truth." Let the Holy Spirit decide which is best. If you're the Pentecostal, then PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!!! God will convict, lead, guide, etc., into all truth.
---Donna9759 on 8/24/06


it depends. churches are not here for our entertainment. They are for fellowship with the Lord and other likeminded followers. A lot of churches today use some pretty secular things and I dont approve. there is one near me that would sure entertain many people, but they have mountain dew posters and cases everywhere, the preacher has one in his hand and a mountain dew t-shirt on as he preaches. Selling from the pulpit. disgraceful.
---tofurabby on 8/24/06


Has your husband ever experienced a REAL Church, where the Spirit of God is MOVING? People get delivered Soul, Mind and Body? --Mrs. Morgan
---Mrs._Morgan on 8/24/06


I truly believe that some services may be boring because they are spiritually dead, and if one is born again this is discerned. Not all churches that call themselves christian are. When spiritually alive, the believers' spirit quickens with the truth and sermon etc are much more then intellectual. As for the worship portion of a service, we are to worship in spirit and in truth, an impossibility if the church overall is not born again, a living church.
---christina on 8/24/06


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My wife is penecostal, I'm in the Church of Christ for 40 years. With love, you can overcome any obstacle. Go to your "lively" church and let him go to his. Meet for brunch after church is over and celebrate our Lord.
---Spike on 8/24/06


are you going to church for entertainment or for pure truth? churches are not entertaining halls..they are meant to be a holy place for worshiping, not dancing up and down the isle like some do..you will learn more from traditional churches than charismatic ones..thats my opinion anyhow...be patient..I suggest you try doing some homework and find out what they truly preach about..if the truth, then join him..
---jana on 8/24/06


One reason that "In the Garden" is so popular is that the singer nevre wanders far from self.

MAYBE, just MAYBE Cathy-Y, YOU are the one with the attitude problem? There may be spiritual riches at this church that your judging of others makes you too proud to see. Screwtape Letters talks about his very matter.
---Jack on 6/14/05


You are not necessarily locked in to attending you spouses church; you have options, use them.

Personally I like a traditional mainline service, and deplore the cancerous plague and pollution that the Charismatic Influences creates, usually resulting in a Liturgical Superfund Site that mainline denominations have to waste valuable time and resources trying to clean up.

Phia4633 Phil
---phia4633 on 6/11/05


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Jack: I love that hymn. I believe it would be considered horizontal because it is telling others here on earth about Jesus and the garden.
---Madison on 6/10/05


It has been remarked that IN THE GARDEN is the most popular English hymn of all times.

This hymn is neither horizontal nor vertical, but stays in ONE POINT--namely, first person singular.

Just see how many times "I, me, my'mine" appear in just the first stanza and refrain... or even how it starts!
---Jack on 6/10/05


respect his free choice, Keep living without mentioning your belief. Your time has come, his is yet to come. so you may weep and feel hurt because at this time not accpting a better way, The lord also wept and many hurt the Creator (allows free choice)self righteousness or Gods right use
---Ira on 6/4/05


My pastor explained the difference between horizontal singing and vertical singing. Horizontal songs sing about God. They tell other people about God. Vertical songs are actually sung TO God, as a prayer or praise would be done.

Singing horizontal songs is not as exciting as vertical songs. Services that are made of mostly horizontal songs and a not so great sermon don't allow me to fully worship as a service with vertical songs and a good sermon.
---Madison on 6/2/05


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The sermon is NOT the purpose, or even main part, of Christian worship, believe it or not.

What some peole consider boring, others will consider deep and thought-provoking, or even inspiring.

I repeat: finding the SERVICE (not sermon) boring is finding divine things boring.
---Jack on 6/2/05


Jack: I think to say it is sin to find a service boring is a bit too much. Some preachers are not very good at proclaiming the Word. Plus, some topics are not explained in a way that is easy to understand.

I sat through many sermons on pre- and post- tribulation that were just boring. The preachers were not good at explaining it, and frankly, I didn't care one way or the other. As long as I am raptured when the Lord comes, it matters little to me when.
---Madison on 6/1/05


Someone once remarked that anyone who finds any service boring is actually making his/her confession in public. This person is admitting that s/he finds the things of God boring--and this is a serious sin.
---Jack on 6/1/05


I've been in churches that was just plain boring, and churches that the Preacher was quite but yet got his point across, now the church I go to, the Pastor is bold, he preaches God's word, he listens to the Holy Ghost, the other night he sang in tounges, to me it was beautiful, but some people don't like that. You just need to pray where God wants you both, and God will put you where he can use you the most.
---Rebecca_D on 5/31/05


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Reading some things here, I have the distinct impressoin that peole are expecting common worship on Sunday to serve the purpose of the private devotion and personal prayer they should have been doing the rest of the week.

Phrases like, "I didn't get anything out of it" reveal that this is happening--as if the purpose of worshipping God was to "get" something!
---Jack on 5/31/05


FF you made a point that Laureen joked about. I'm glad that I don't go to a church where God is time limited and scedueled. the church you spoke of doesn't mention having any one getting saved or life changing. do they pray for each other? healing and moving of God spirit isn't mentioned. Thank God I can say "thank you Jesus!" in my church. Imagine not being able to talk to God in church? Cathy I feel for you. when you sit in your pew, pray to Jesus, where you are, he meets you, in your heart.
---laure5469 on 5/31/05


Well, put, CoAch....

One of the duties of the pastor is to comfor the afflicted. The other is to afflict the comfortable.
---Jack on 5/30/05


In using the terms "comfortable, boring and disciplined", I meant that there are no other "interruptions" during the service. For me, it is difficult to concentrate on God's word when people are running (or dancing) through the aisles, rolling on the floor, or shouting at the top of their lungs. And, just for the record, our present pastor does NOT lack boldness or fervor. His teachings are always powerful, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind what God demands of us.
---Helen on 5/30/05


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Helen`s response got me to thinking.....Are we supose to be comfortable in the House of GOD???
Comfortable to me means: relaxed and at ease.(sort of like when i`m watching a ballgame in my recliner)
The Word of GOD cuts like a double edged sword,cutting away the worldliness and fleshliness from our lives!!!!
IMO....maybe we aren`t suppose to be too comfortable!!!!
LOVE JESUS
---co_ach on 5/30/05


Madison, I'm aware that she said her church was "preaching boldy the Word of God"--implying her husband's church was not.

I"m simply challening her assumption, trying to get her to take another look. There may be more going on at her husband's church than she sees--and less going on at hers than she realizes. Luke 16:15

C. S. Lewis makes some good points about this kind of thing in SCREWTAPE LETTERS.
---Jack on 5/30/05


If you go to church more than once a week, you could - first: pray about it and second: ask your husband if you could go to another church either Sunday nite or a week night.. I have known wives that have done this successfully..
---Karen on 5/30/05


Pray for revival in both churches. See it as your own quiet,private prayer life - that maybe we share.
---barbara67 on 5/30/05


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Believe me, there are some churches where they would not take kindly to anyone shouting amen, hallelluia, praise the Lord or anything else. In some churches service goes like this. Sing a hymn, give offering, pray, sing again, listen to a sermon, sing again, brief prayer, go home. Whole lot took one hour. Some people like that but would you like to think that someone else was being forced to do it that way because of 'submission'?
---F.F. on 5/30/05


I grew up in a church were the pastor talked in monitone voice. this was what my spouse liked. then a new pastor came in and people were running in the isles. and my spouse left church. worship is how your heart responds to God. are you able to give God your heart while there? If your a rebel you could try to liven up your spouses church. "amen" or "praise God" "preach it brother". if they don't like it you may find your self at a new church No, I'm really, just kidding!
---Laureen on 5/30/05


Jack: The writer said that she is happy at a "church preaching boldly the Word of God and demonstrating it." That leads me to believe that her husband's church does not preach the Word boldly.

This has nothing to do with style of preaching but content and the Spirit's leading.

I have been to dead churches, and am now at a church where the Word is preached boldy.

I am not talking about worship styles or emotionalism, but the Word itself and the content of the preaching.
---Madison on 5/30/05


Submission doesn't mean being joined at the hip,so to speak.Talk to your husband about your needs and make him understand your Spiritual needs are different from his.Let him know you aren't happy there, and it would be fine with you if he stays and you go where you get the type Church you need.Not ideal but seems your only answer.You wouldn't eat at a buffet where they don't have the kind of food which satisfies your hunger.Same thing Spiritually.
---Darlene_1 on 5/30/05


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Madison, what makes you think that the husband's church is "dead"? Maybe the wife's church is so noisy that God can't get a word in edgewise.

In my church, the pastor and the deacon have totally different styles of preaching: the first quiet and thoughtful, the other exciting and stimulating. But they are both godly men, and the Word comes through both, and both give more than adequate fare to chew on during the week.
---Jack on 5/30/05


It is not ideal that husband and wife worship at different churches but it is better to do that and both be spiritually fed than one 'put up' with the other's form of worship. I do not believe it has anything at all to do with not submitting. Any husband wishing his wife to grow in the faith would be happy to see her happy in her worship of our Saviour. Would anyone say you should submit to him if he said you were not to go to church at all? I pray you will find what you seek.
---Xanthi on 5/30/05


Are you going to church for what you can get out of it? Or do you participate in a usable capacity to the glory of God? Church is not necessarily about what we get out of it, but, what we can contribute. You do need to search your heart, and, if you still feel out of place, talk to your husband about it.
---tommy3007 on 5/30/05


Pray that you & your husband, his pastor & church may have the joy of the Lord. Romans 5:11 15:13 Gal 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith.
We worspip in spirit and in turth.
---Ulrika on 5/30/05


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Cathy, I don't know either of you personally, so can only suggest you spend more time talking to your mate about this. Did you marry him for better or worse; no regrets, or not? My Mom had to wait 28 years in her marriage before getting to go to a much better church! This is definitely something that all those engaged should discuss before getting married. Hopefully you can settle this alone, or lastly in Biblical counseling.
---danie9374 on 5/30/05


first pray about it. then discuss it with your husband and let him know how you feel and what u believe the lord is leading u toward. but remember the husband is the head of the household. and God is head of him.
---edward on 5/30/05


Church service usually lasts a few hours, so i see nothing wrong with attending separate churches and then joining together afterward. And each of you could possibly take turns visiting one another's churches.
---Eloy on 5/30/05


No, dear, God's plan is not for married couples,(husbands and wives) to live in disharmony. If there is a problem, God can and will solve it as you pray, so that both of you fellowship at the same house of worship. Prayer changes people and things. Communication is important in a Marriage, and sit together, listen one at a time to each other,and pray together, and pray about the problem or problems. I will be praying for you. Abigail
---Abigail on 5/30/05


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For the past 2 years, I attended a church whose methods of worship and praise often made me uncomfortable (loud music, shouting, dancing, etc.), but I have now found one of those "boring, disciplined" congregations where I am totally comfortable and "at home." Perhaps, the same holds true for your husband. If all else is well in your marriage, then put your resentment aside and worship with your husband, in total committment. Don't let this become a stumbling block in your marriage.
---Helen on 5/29/05


If indeed the church your husband goes to is in a routine, then maybe you should be the one to alivin' it up. It only takes one person to obey God and the rest will follow through. Maybe someone hasn't done anything because they are waiting on someone else to do something. I would pray that the Holy Ghost would come down upon them like a huge blanket. I would also pray that God will put you where your needed the most, maybe there is a reason he is there.
---Rebecca_D on 5/29/05


Dear Cathy: "Church" is wherever you are. You are blessed that your husband is a church-goer. Be sure you go to church with him. We can never change anyone. It is your job to love your husband and God's job to set him on-fire. Diligently pray the Father will change your attitude to focus on His will only. Be sure you are a born-again Christian; then pray and ask the Father how He wants you to bring revival to your/his church. Our Lord is just waiting to change the hearts of His people.
---Elsie on 5/29/05


There will be problems if you each start going to your own church...as a wife who is supposed to be submitted to her husband then I suggest that you start attending his church and during the week find fellowship with those from your own church...but to go separate ways on churches is bound to cause major problems down the road...follow what God says about submission to your husband in this...
---fran8674 on 5/29/05


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