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Husband And I Having Affairs

M husband had an affair for 4 years. I couldn't leave as we have a business. I was in love and was intimate with another man as I had nothing to do with my husband. My husband says he loves me now and is doing his best to prove it and my husband does not know about this other man, he thinks he's only a friend.

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 ---Sabby on 6/4/05
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Find out what the root cause was for the decline of the relationship without blaming one another. This marriage needed counceling 4 years ago. What are you waiting for?
---Ken on 6/3/08


Mathew 5:31, 5:32.
Divorce is as hurtful and destructive today as in Jesus' day. God intends marriage to be a lifetime commitment. If there is unfaithfulness in the marriage the partners should make every effort to forgive, reconcile, and restore their relationship.
---Ken on 6/3/08


I dont think we can truly "love", or even know what it really means, unless we are living in Christ's love. Everything else that we label as "love" is nothing more than feelings...and fleeting ones at that. There is no love outside of Christ.
---Todd1 on 6/2/08


Saby :-( You have a serious DECISION to make The Ball is in your Court.Follow the Rules,Life on this earth is temporary.Eternity is forever.
---Emcee on 6/2/08


HMMM I don't want to be toooo overbearing here but Rev 20:11-15 will explain what judgement sinners without the blood covering will face. If the love of God is not in you reading this passage should make people faint with fear. But the world doesn't take God serious. "If you LOVE ME you will KEEP MY COMMANDMENTS.
---MARK on 3/25/07




Do you not realize that you cannot live like this. Are you a Christian or do you like to play with fire and later wonder how to escape? I think you and your husband should both repent and go and see a real Christian counsellor and restore your lives and grow closer to Jesus Christ.
---Junia on 3/25/07


Sabby: My dear, your marriage is a mess. Our God's Biblical command re fidelity is being broken here. Where is the trust and the communication in your marriage? Start sorting it all out by becoming a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, go to a Bible believing church. BOTH of you need to humbly ask God to forgive you and learn what is the correct way to live through the Bible, His living Word. Asking this question is a wonderful beginning.
---Elsie on 3/25/07


Bury the past and start afresh if you want to make a go of your marriage. You can have a great future ahead of you provided you both work hard towards it. I know it hurts to know your man has been cheating but then so have you. But only the present and future is within your control to some extent, you cannot erase what has happened.
---Berna6787 on 7/21/05


affairs can hurt, my husband cheated on me. I am still hurting so much. You need to get help, do not hurt your husband any longer.
---mary on 7/12/05


Madison say's she is sorry about what was answered to your question, I don't think anyone should be sorry. I sure don't know what kind of Christians you two are but it sure isn't the Chritianity I know. If you are on this course in life, you sure are not on the course that you should be. To repent, as a believer, is to make a change in our life, seperated from the world in our thinking. You guys still live as the world does. There has been no change. I would say to first make a commitment to Christ.
---Lupe2618 on 6/30/05




two wrongs never made anything right before.you said that your husband has been having an affair for four years, do you know that he has to answer to God for that? you are no better; do you know that God sees what you are doing and he will judge you for it? turn around your life now, before its too late.
---mary on 6/8/05


Sabby: I am sorry that there was a sting to some of the responses. I simply told you the truth. To have sex with someone, other than your husband, is adultery and sin.

It looks like you have some choices. Marital therapy for the two of you, live as you are now, or divorce.

If you are both believers, there is hope for healing and growth in your marriage. It will take work on both your parts.

You will have to cut off all contact with your lover if you intend to save your marriage.
---Madison on 6/6/05


Dear Tommy, Thank you. I am sorry what I meant was ...when he was born (baby) in a christian family.
---sabby on 6/6/05


Dear Sabby, I know that some of the responses you've received have hurt, and for those I offer appology and sympathy; however, in your response to Scott, you stated that your husband was " born a christian," this is not a true statement as NO-ONE is born a christian, but, must make a deliberate decision to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour in order to become a member of the family of God. You both need to reassess your spiritual condition.
---tommy3007 on 6/6/05


He even went to the extent of telling me on hundreds of times to go see a Dr. as something might me wrong with me, and during this time even hurt me physically. Today he is so nice, but I dont trust this its not normal ..Can you blame me if all my love has died ?????
---sabby on 6/6/05


Thanks everyone, some of your comments hurt.

The first 10 yrs of my married life I spent working 24/7 for the business which was sthe most important thing in my husbands life. We build it together, without me, it would not be there today. Then the next 4 yrs. I cried my heart out, as I knew he was having an affair & as I had no proof he kept on denying it.
---sabby on 6/6/05


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Firstly Sabby, your husband cannot be born a christian as God doesn't have grandchildren, only children but if this is how he sees himself, its no wonder he no longer believes in God, because he was never born again. A person born in a christian family does not make them a christian just as if a child is born in a garage, does not make him a car. I don't wat to comment on the other stuff as it seems like you know what to do but want answers from others.
---lisa on 6/5/05


I'am so sorry to have read this what ever you may call it. Both of you are way out of God's Reach. Not just your husband but you to need to get on your KNEES. I'm going to ask you a QUESTION? How could two people that suppose to love one another sleep or even look at anothe man in bed?? Silva
---silva on 6/5/05


Sabby, I don't believe anyone should remain in a marriage where one's spouse continues to be unfaithful (a sure sign that he/she is not committed to their marriage). You must remember, however, that God will judge you by YOUR actions and not your husband's. If, indeed, there is no way to save your marriage, then you should end it, but in the meantime you MUST remain faithful to your husband and committed to the Lord. Our prayers are with you.
---Helen on 6/5/05


Sabby: I forgot to put the comma in my sentence. It should have read "Repent, and be faithful to your husband." Repent, yes to the Lord. Then, be faithful to your husband. Sorry for the confusion.
---Madison on 6/5/05


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Sabby,I agree with the others. U need to confess to your husband. Wives must submit to their husbands. We made a vow at the altar. I just read an article on "Enticement of the forbidden" written by Judy Starr who was a christian worker when she had the same experience as yours. She confessed and is still serving the Lord and better. Find the book and a personal study guide at yr nearest bookstore or purchase online at www.campuscrusade.com
Yvonne.
---yvonne on 6/5/05


Get a copy of the book "MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, AND REMARRIAGE" by Rev Kenneth E. Hagin of Kenneth Hagin Ministries, to find answers to many of your questions. I would also suggest studying about the grace of God so that you can get past this guilt. God doesn't like what you did but He doesn't expect you to be perfect either. He loves YOU and wants to restore you into a right relationship with Him. God isn't as hard on us as we, as Christian people, are on each other.
---DoryLory on 6/5/05


Dear Sabby: I hear that you want to do what is right. You MUST be faithful in your marriage and try to make it work by Christian counseling etc. Only then can you decide upon divorce. We must never go out of the bounds of marriage to find happiness until we do it God's way. Read what the Lord says about adultery in His Word. Much repentance needs to be done; and MUCH learning in the ways of God! Blessings on your journey. You are seeking to do right; this is good!
---Elsie on 6/5/05


Thank you Helen, Shearon. Emcee and Elsie,
as you have read my previous comments...please guide me, I know the Lord works through good people
---sabby on 6/5/05


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Thank you Tommy. I have asked the Lord to forgive me, when I slept with this other man,
I thought i was doing the right thing, as I have no relationship with my husband. I am praying so much that the Lord, shows me the way. I did give my husband a second chance, but it did not last for 2 weeks and I found emails to her telling her how much he still loved etc. He says it is only physical for her and its me he loves !!!
---sabby on 6/5/05


Thank you Scott. My husband was born a christian, believes there is a God, but does not want to have anything to do with him. This other man and myself love the Lord with all our hearts, its why I even got involved with him in the first place.
---sabby on 6/5/05


Thank you Madidon. Frankly speaking I dont know why I should repent to my husband. To the LORD, yes I have, and it will not happen again. I have to know where I am going, please help.
---sabby on 6/5/05


Thank you Scott. My husband was born a christian, but does not want to have anything to do with God. This other man and myself are, and we both love the Lord very very much. Its of the biggest problems I have with my husband, the moment I talk about the Lord he blows up, and thats killing me.
---sabby on 6/5/05


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Thank you Tommy. How can I restore this marriage. I dont love him, and I dont want him to touch me which he wants. I have asked the Lord to forgive me for sleeping with this other man, in my heart I was free, and I have always been a good wife.
---sabby on 6/5/05


Just because seperat4ed from hubby does NOT make it ok. YES iot is adultry. Because he cheated does not m,akeit right that you cheated. You are making excuses and there are none. It is WRONG and ADULTRY and a SIN.
Get councelling and communicate with hubby and get your priorities in order. Looking to God would be a top priority as well. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOUR SIN AND CONFESS!
---shaz on 6/4/05


Sabby, There's no easy way to break this to you. YES, you are just as guilty of adultery as your husband. If you haven't confessed this and made corrections in your life, then you are still in adultery. You need to speak to your husband and tell him EVERYTHING you have done and how you feel about the situation. Ideally, you should both seek counsel and try to restore your marriage, as this is what God would want.
---tommy3007 on 6/4/05


So are you three christions.
---Scott on 6/4/05


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Sabby: If you had sex with this man, not your husband, then it was adultery. You are faced with two choices: Repent and be faithful to your husband. Or, divorce your husband and defy the will of God.
---Madison on 6/4/05


Here I would also like to tell you I didnt get paid all these yrs.!!!!
Well since I lived in separation, I had nothing to do with him on the intimate basis, it was only work.
A few months ago I met this other man..
Was I committing adultery... ??????
Secondly...No matter what happened, I do not have the heart to hurt my husband, but I do not love him and want to leave him...Help????
---sabby on 6/4/05


Please for 17 yrs. I have been perfectly true to him, including not going anywhere, never mine looking at another man.
Two yrs. ago I found the evidence I needed and he had to own up to it. During this time he treated me like dirt...he did not want me around, I know realize that. But at that time I was so hurt I couldnt see straight. Well, when I wanted to leave 2 yrs. ago he begged me to stay as the business took a bad turn and he needed me. We both started this business, so he needed me.
---sabby on 6/4/05


Sorry everyone, as you know just having 50 words, I tried by best to put it into words.
Well...I have been married for 18 yrs. gave up everything for him (the husband) including a child, he didnt want one, as the business came first...I could kick myself now...money went to his head...and started an affair with this friend of mine
---sabby on 6/4/05


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Sabby, what exactly IS your question? You already know that both you and your husband have committed adultery. It appears he has repented and is trying to work things out with you (and hopefully with the Lord, as well). What about you? Are you still having an affair with the other man?
---Helen on 6/4/05


Why are you telling us this? There is no question. I cannot give counsel on this, as you ask for none.
---Madison on 6/4/05


sabba,
Do you have a particular question?
shear3487
---shearon on 6/4/05


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