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Should We Go To A Counseling

We got into a big argument which resulted in me pushing really hard and hitting him and scratching his face. He then choked me and said if I did not let go of his face he would kill me. Should I divorce him. It's first time I or he have ever done this and in front of our daughter.

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 ---dawn on 6/8/05
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This is scary. You both have started a cycle of violence. Stop it NOW in Jesus name! Go to a professional who specializes in domestic violence. You should not get a divorce. Straighten out your thinking! Unfortunately, your precious daughter is a victim of this! Please take action NOW! Ask Jesus into your heart, cry out to Him, go to a Bible believing church, apologize to each other and to God. Mend your ways. I pray that you both will learn the love of Jesus!!
---Elsie on 5/16/08

Dawn: You assaulted your husband. He retaliated. Yes, you both need counseling. A wife hitting a husband is just as wrong as a husband hitting a wife.
---Madison on 4/2/07

RUN, do NOT walk to the nearest counselor! Divorce is not the answer. That would just be going from the "Pan, into the Fire". You would both just marry someone else, and still end up fighting with them. I won't even go into the damage you are doing to your daughter. If she ever marries, she might also either be a beater, be beaten or just not get married at all for fear of what might happen. If you don't get professional counseling, matters will only get worse.
---WIVV on 11/26/05

Dawn, this just shows that there are some much deeper painful issues. More christians than you realise have lashed out in such a way and got healing. I know a pastor's wife who 30 years ago used to throw things at him and hit him with umbrella's - today they are a truly Godly couple. Just get counselling and forgive each other. Sometimes when angry or frightened women lash out, it can indicate unresolved issues from childhood. Don't divorce, you have hope.
---Maxine on 6/23/05

I agree they both need to seek counselling and forgiveness from one another and their child.
---lisa on 6/15/05

Lisa: Both need individual therapy and they also need marital therapy. His behavior was understandable, though wrong, int that he was trying to get her off of him. It is not a matter of tit for tat. If someone had their nails dug into my face, I might have to resort to drastic measures to get them off of me.

I usually defend the woman in an abusive situation. But, in this case, it should not have taken him choking her and threatening her to get her to let go of his face. Context.
---Madison on 6/14/05

Its not about who started it first. If it were I'd say why then, was she attacking him in the first place, he said, she said it doesn't matter who started it, that's childish thinking. Are you thus suggesting if someone started it, its okay to finish it with murder? Its about the kids. It's got to stop somewhere. I've pushed when I was angry too but I've never said "I'll kill you" joke or no joke, not in that scenario. It's different if she was tickling him. I agree she's at fault too.
---lisa on 6/14/05

lisa: I agree that violence is taught to children. But the question remains, who started the violence, and who was defending himself?
---Madison on 6/13/05

I'm in no way condoning her behaviour or even saying its right. However, open your eyes ladies, take a step back and don't make this an issue that you need to win. Simply look at the actions, a hit a push a scratch vs choking and death threat. And yes we can all agree, the greatest evil done here is that had to let their child witness it. Thus is born the next generation of accepting violence as a solution.
---lisa on 6/13/05

Lisa - She attacked her husband she pushed him really hard, hit him and scratched him and did so in front of their child. I agree with Madison we all say things out of anger things we dont mean But not everyone attacks like she did it was totally wrong.
---Jean on 6/11/05

Lisa: I am not overlooking the husband's statement, I am taking it in context. Many times people have said they are going to do something in anger that they never really intended to do. And, given the context that he said it when she had her nails dug into his face, it could very well have been justifiable homicide if it did occur. He didn't threaten to just kill her. He said if she didn't let go of his face he would kill her. There is a difference given the context.
---Madison on 6/11/05

PS, madison, defending oneself does not usually include a death threat does it? Be honest, how would you feel if your husband threatened to kill you? Could you ever feel comfortable with him again. Has the pendulum swung so far to the left that now its okay once again for a man to kill his wife and not be punished? Look back in history at the sentencing of wife killers 50 years ago. There was little value on a woman's death compared to a man's.
---lisa on 6/11/05

Eph.22-25 Col 3:18,19 Titus 2:4,5 1Peter 3:1,5,7
The husband is the head of wife as Christ is the head of the church. This I believe is so there is stucture,order,and accountability,not caos. Through Christ's help you can be the wife you should be.Phil 4:13 Your husband would probably respond in a possitive way to your good behaviour.
---Ulrika on 6/11/05

Are you saved? What you did was sin that needs to be confessed to God and repented of. Ask for God's help in your marriage and help for your girl.You don't seem to have any love. Both of you need christian counselling. Read 1Cor.7 All this applies to your husband too.
---Ulrika on 6/11/05

you all seem to be overlooking the comment that her husband said "I will kill you if you don't stop" in front of their daughter. Is wife killing so "old news" in the US that you treat it such blase? And in front of their daughter? I guess you all overlook this aspect because perhaps this is what you have experienced in your own childhood so its "ok". Every couple fight, but how many threaten death? Before I made my first comment, I imagined if my partner said it to me.
---lisa on 6/11/05

Jack: I totally agree with you that men are usually accused of domestic violence, because women are usually the people reporting it. Many hospital ERs are required to ask men if they are the victims of domestic violence now. Unfortunately, men do not report the abuse they receive from their wives. I believe it is their pride that prevents them from doing so. Plus, the fear of not being believed.
---Madison on 6/10/05

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You know, if this were two 5 year olds, the solution would be to warm the bums of BOTH and send them BOTH to their rooms and not let them out until they were willing to apologize and make up.

Something I've noticed on these blogs: a tendency to talk about how horrible men are. Sexism is still sexism, even if it's directed against men.

In most cases, there is fault and blame on both sides for these sad situations. Seldom is one or the other lily-pure: even the woman.
---Jack on 6/10/05

Lisa: He is not the initial abuser, she is. He was defending himself. I believe he should take the daughter and run if she does not get help.
---Madison on 6/9/05

Are you kidding me? You physically assaulted your husband!! Your husband defended himself...You need anger management and fast! Yes, get to a counselor or ask your Pastor to recommend someone.
---Darcy on 6/9/05

Any man that threatens to kill you especially in front of your daughter is a dangerous man and I would think carefully before letting this incident go and "moving on". If you were calling Dr laura she would tell you to take your child and leave. What kind of a message are you sending your daughter "hey sweety, this is how men treat women and so go find an abusive relationship". You are equally guilty too.
---lisa on 6/9/05

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Dawn, you need some self control; ask the Holy Spirit to help you and then ask your husband to forgive you because you are the one who started it; he has to be careful with you.
---mary on 6/9/05

The first thing you should do is pray about it and ask for forgiveness. Ask for God's will in your lives. And yes, I would probably say to seek some counseling. Atleast attend one session to see if you might need more or to see if you can fix the problem. I will pray for all of you.
---Eric on 6/9/05

You start the violence? I did years ago. I'd say I was leaving, but he'd stop me, until one day he'd had enough and said; "There's the door, go!" I ran thinking he was the most horrible man alive. Then God showed me I may lose the most wonderful thing that happen to me. My husband and I have now been married 37 years. One can only change themselves, not others. Try to work this on your on, relying on God. If you see you cannot, then yes get counseling. My prayers are with you.Sherr
---Sherry on 6/9/05

Counseling is always a positive answer before making any major or stressful decisions. If you proceed by God's law you and your husband must work this out with each other (at least as far as getting past the angry feelings, the Bible says never to go to bed angry. The relationships quiz on this site can direct you to scripture regarding angry words and feelings.
---Heather on 6/9/05

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My guess is to get counseling. You both did the wrong thing when that happened. I would pray for forgiveness and start praying for each other. As for your daughter I'll say that makes it worse. The images that we see in childhood stay with us. I was less than 2 yrs old when I saw my dad beat my mom but I can tell you how the kitchen was set up and the color of the bags on the table. You should both apologize to each other and your child.
---Auror3743 on 6/9/05

You pushed him, scratched his face, maybe causing scars for life and still dug your fingers in. He choked you to make you let go.

And then to correct the problem you want to divorce him. There is a lot of YOU in this matter.

You need professional help quick. Pastors, anger management, marriage counseling or someone to get this out of your system.

Your leaving him may be the best gift you could give him but that is not the answer.

Madison told you right. Heed the message.
---Elder on 6/9/05

When tempers run high, best thing to do is to leave the room and don't talk at all. Physical attacks should be a no no.

Let it all cool down and apologize for scratching his face and if arguments continue, seek councelling.
---Albert on 6/9/05

you might want to seek help for your behavior as for your husband if you had him by the face he did have a right to make you let go.
---Jean on 6/8/05

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Defenatly get some Christian councelling NOW!
That is horrible and uneceptable actions for anyone especially in front of a child. What will this have done to your child? For pete sake, if you are old enough to be married you are old enough to learn some self disipline and control.
---Shaz on 6/8/05

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