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My Husband Is Narcissistic

Anybody out there have experience in dealing with a narcissistic spouse. Now that the kids are getting older, I don't know how much more I can take. I don't even have the desire to keep it together anymore. I just want out. Anyone who's been through it, what did you do?

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My husband is a narcissist...he lies and is very controlling. If I dont behave like he wants, he punishes me. 2 years ago, my home was burglarized...they took everything I owned. I found out my husband hired guys to rob the house...I let the police know, they said there is nothing they can do without serial numbers. I am just sick about it. He takes whatever I have continually. I just found out that he had a big boat, but sold it. Shouldn' te wofe know these things? Fot 10 years, I wasnt allowed to be on an account...so I didnt know what he did with the money. He is so mean...crazy mean. I want out
---dee on 2/28/11


I have just discovered that my husband was narcissistic and it is and has driven me just about crazy. I really don't know what to do I keep thinking that I can help/save him.
---overwhelmed_d on 5/29/09


I lived with my narcissist 25 years. It ended when I turned 43 and started to have health problems. I worked myself to death while I was with him. The moment my son's grew up he found a new gal and poof , he was gone. Prepare yourself now. Really, I cannot stress enough how I would have done things differently. I would plan on your life without him. Mine is going through mid life crises and it is worse now than ever. The law does not understand. It is a life of constant questionsone and agonizing realizations. Multiple women, Lies, stealing while he is off buying boats and taking women to the best resturaunts. If your still young enough and have enough energy reserved then I'd leave. Better now than when your older and need a spouse.
---Cherie on 5/28/09


I was married to a narcissist for 12 years and we had 2 kids together. We divorced almost 3 years ago and now I am remarried. He thinks he has all of these businesses which is pathetic and delusional. He is 35 and with a 23 y.o. girlfriend. His house is in shambles because he disregards his CURRENT life always dreaming that his REAL life (with fame, money, glory) is ahead of him and will start when....new girl, more money, new business, big break, etc. He lives in a fantasy world. He told me after I had my 2nd child that if he found someone better than me than he would end it and if I found someone better than him than I should too. So I did and I did. Life is much better now...he is a train wreck.
---liz on 5/23/09


I have been married 26 years to a Narcisstic personality.
I just thought that he had a wondering eye, for so long, but always knew that something just wasn't right.....especially when it come to his mother, her controlling influence and the dislike that my husband has for her to this day.
His issues fall into the "need to be prasied" all of the time. Be "right" all of the time. Is a 16 year old in a 49 year old body. And is still looking for that "perfect love".
I will not divorce him, as I feel that God has put me into his life for a reason. God, with me has his helper, are the best means that my husband has to rid himself from not being raised in a Christ-like manner.
---Karen on 5/6/09




Hello, I am in the same situation, after 16 years I have had it. Its worn me down so badly I have lost who I am. I can't deal with the constant almost hourly abuse. To make it worse, we work together, so its 24/7 for me. I don't know what to do.How do people cope with this?
---Marilee on 4/30/09


If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. If you violate Genesis 3:16 (Gen4:7), and / or he violates 1John 4:12 then you have problems. If he doesn't consider her best interest, he might easily be abusive, if he asks her to make a sandwich, and she believe it is contrary to the Lords' will, and beneath her dignity, make the sandwich.
p.s. 1) Don't uncover your husbands nakedness, 2) submit to your husband, 3) pray.
---Glenn on 4/23/09


I married someone who turned out to be schizophrenic. I was young and believed God could fix anything. God can do all things but only if the person recognizes their problem and wants help. It took 10 years and 2 children later before it got abusive and I finally had the courage to get out. The consequenses of my choice have affected me for 25 years. I now have an unshakeable faith and am free from this man. My children suffer immensely. Mental illness not dealt with causes much pain and grief but God can heal and doesn't want people to suffer. His love can lead you to a place of healing from the kind of unspeakable pain of mental illness. Would be happy to talk to anyone in this situation. Grace
---Grace on 4/21/09


I am in a relationship with someone who has mental issues. He has told me that he was diagnosed with post tramatic stress syndrome and has a little of every mental illness out there. On one occassion he has also told me that he is narcassistic. I have been doing pletnty of reasearch on mental illnesses and comparing him to what I am reading. There are times when he shows empathy and this is confusing. He has never been violent but does have times of rage in the form of temper tantrums. I suppose the reason for writting this post is because I am new to Narcassitics and not sure how his illnesses can effect me. I am looking for answers and I don't know where to start.
---Sillyboopsie on 4/21/09


10 years 2/kids, sitting on that fence all alone for over 6 of those years trying to make life better for all of us, I hit rock bottom. his narcissism made his extra "cirricular" activities seem normal, girls/camping/skiing/beerfests/nightsaway from home. i asked him (hypothetically) if choose one last counselor and if that councelor asked me to change some things about myself... i'd do it 100%. Then: if the counselor asked you to stop going away on your own... (3 weeks alone to europe?...) and spend time with family, etc.... what would you do? He replied.... i'll do what i want: ski more this year than last. with that, i filed a week later. it's hard staying and it's hard leaving..... so do what's best for YOU
---lisa on 4/10/09




I am just laughing at some of these resonses. Am I sure I didnt write them at one time or another? You are all married to my husband.

I always accused him of being "spock" as he is incapable of having human emotion.

We are on our 26th year of marriage. Although we probably wont make 27, Feb 14th he pulled a Jackie Chan on me and broke my finger and tore shoulder muscles. He of course does not feel bad about this as of course, it was my fault.

Ladies, if you want out and away from the "weird'os" then GET OUT! Why waste your life living it with someone that isnt honoring his marriage vows to love and honor you? Thats not what you signed up for.

I wish you all PEACE.

Jane
---Jane_Doe on 4/9/09


I am completely blown away by how many women there are out there that are in the same situation as me. I have been married for 5 years. My husband seems to have no feelings towards anything. Even if I agree with him he argues with me as if I disagreed with him. I keep my mouth shut. He doesn't seem to notice. I used to tell him stuff, but he would get mad at me and then tell me all the things I did wrong and what I should have done and so on. We go to chruch and at church he acts as if he adores me and he is mister super christian. No one would beleive me if I told them. I am on antidepresents now and they help me ignore it. God does not seem to care about this, so no help there. I just feel better knowing I'm not alone. Thanks ladies!
---Tlanea on 4/9/09


I have been married to a Narcissistic husband for over 11 years. We "went together" for 11 years before we got married, and even then I saw/heard his weirdness, but it just didn't register that there was a problem. Intimacy died before we were married. I swear this man has NO feelings....shows no signs of sadness, happiness, ect. He is "flat lined". No empathy OR sympathy. Wants to control EVERYTHING, especially when it comes to HIS money. We managed to have two wonderful sons (8 & 11). But I don't want them growing up seeing/hearing all of this mans WEIRD ideas on things. Everything a "regular" person does........this man does the exact opposite. He is a WEIRDO!!!!!! I am saving $$$$ to get a divorce.
---Shelly on 4/8/09


I could use an answer to this too. I also just want out...
---Susan on 3/30/09


yes. been dealing with 16 yrs, 14 married. i'm 46 yrs old and have 10+yr old child.

i've removed my wedding ring and wear one that reads ask, believe, receive.

i am too sick inside to say more. i want to get out. i love my child more than anything and have over the years tried to maintain composure, see a personal therapist, stay healthy, be a graceful role model. I love being a mother... to my child. I do not like mothering a 50+yr old man then being spoken to as if i am 4 yrs old.

I just noticed your "I just want out"... yes me too. any advice or words of experience, please.
---Lisa on 3/20/09


Look up the definition of a person with antisocial personality.
Teri, the person you described sounds like antisocial behavior. A person with antisocial personality is about 50% narcissistic. Anti-social or sociopath person can have a very charming personality, and they will be able to convince everybody else that you are the one with the problem. They are very convincing. They have no conscience. They show no mercy to the victim. The victim can wonder about their own sanity. Most people around the situation tend to side with the anti-social person. Bummer to run into one of these people. The best thing one can do when one knows the person is sociopathic is to get as far from them as possible and don't look back.
---Rod on 2/1/09


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All I can say is you can not play the game, you play like thay do not even exist. I was married to one for 31 yrs and am going thru a divorce at this time. he is doing everything possible to drive me to harm myself to convince my family and my children I am insane...pray alot and do not walk but run and do not look back... and do not play any game he has to play, he will humiliate,degrade you and do anything but in the long run you will win...they are a breed of their own a very lonely breed.do not feel sorry for them. do not even look them in the eyes look past them.
---Teri on 2/1/09


I suggest that you get a Christian clinical diagnosis and get some counsel and advise. If indeed he is narcissistic, make an extra effort to surround yourself with Christians who will pray and support you (and your husband).
Without meaning to sound critical, I believe that it's impossible to be a "perfect wife (or husband)." No one is perfect. Maybe he/she is mostly wrong, but each of us fail to love our partner as well as we should.
Jan gave some exellent advise. Great encourageing counsel Jan.
---Rod on 1/31/09


After 38 years, I 'finally' know what's wrong. I obeyed to a T, was the perfect wife, diminishing to a shell of a being - wrecked nerves, sad, lonely, adhereing to legalism and control, jumping on command, felt like an "it", abandoned. Totally obedient for 30 years, when I started getting a voice, things worsened, we're hanging by a thread. It doesn't get better after the kids leave home. Remedy: Read books to build your self-esteem, joining a bible study group helped me the most, as praise and worship music, good Christian friends, have self-interests, write down 3 things you're thankful for everyday -even sunshine and dwell on the present moment. I would like contact people on a weekly basis if there's a support system like that.
---Jan on 1/31/09


I am going on over 18 years of marriage with kind of roller coaster ride of emotion. I also have 3 children who lived in this nightmare. I thought it was me at first, then I blamed this on him being an alcoholic, then I tried to be an example of how I thought he should be. The verbal abuse and deception were unbelievable along with the comments he would make. What planet was he born on?? Lost and felt alone with a heavy burden on my shoulders until I started reading about narcissistic. His picture should be next to it. I am not going to be able to fix this so I have decided to wake up and end this nightmare. Pray for me.
---cathy on 1/29/09


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A possible word of hope to someone with a spouse like this. I have recently come upon some information about covert depression, which has a lot of the symptoms of narcissism and is treatable with therapy and anti-depressants. This is hopeful to me because narcissism is said to be untreatable, and covert depression is treatable!!! Those of us who wish to heal our marriages can insist that our spouses seek treatment for the possibility of depression - if they won't then the environment is too emotionally unstable for any child to live in. (trust me - i'm seeing the repercussions on my own children)I agree with the person who said she will stay separated and fast and pray. I do not believe this goes against God's word.
---Dawn on 1/27/09


Have been trying to figure out why he is the way he is, recently he found a visitor to the U.S and divorced me a married her. I even tried to warn her but she wrote an e mail an told me that unlike me that she loves him and that our marriage was long over. I should have left when he asked me what color is this item (it was red)but told me that if I didnt say it was blue that I was a lousy wife. that the 2nd day we had been married. the third day he was calling me names, the 4th day, he put on a white glove wiped the top of window and told me i wasnt going to go anywhere until the house was cleaned. the next week he told me that the meal I serve wasn't a proper supper and thew it away, following week he asked me to cook him that very same meal!
---beth on 1/19/09


My name is Laura and my husband is narcissistic. I've been married for 21 years and I totally relate to how you feel. I am at a point of realizing once my youngest girls are grown and gone, that I am not choosing to spend the rest of my life with him. I will not divorce. I do not believe in that. I will pray and fast the rest of my life, but I will NOT remain with a man who has no capacity to truly ever love someone.
I would like to be your pen pal or friend through this. You are not alone.

~Laura
---Laura on 1/11/09


First things first, where is Christ in your life?

I don't like to give advise as I would rather ask questions. What do you want? assuming you are committed to Christ.

Advise, find a group of about 6 or so committed Christians who are seeking Jesus' will for their lives. They should be God seeking, prayer, Bible Study, Christian, emotional support.

I may be a bit narcissistic, but my wife put up with me for 33 years. There's hope.

Biblically, with the support, you could let him leave, but you should remain single.

You could find a family member, who would support you, to live with while you sort things out. Give him time to think, and you time to pray and think.
---Rod on 1/10/09


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Going through the same thing. Being emotionally tortured. My children are 11 and 17. The hostile rejection and isolation and silence is painful. Both children now believe that I am not loved by my husband because thank God they realize that this is cruel.
---Renae on 1/10/09


In reply to your narcissistic spouse. I've been married 39 years to one and just found out 1 year ago how to label it. I also need help. Do I divorce? He is not getting better and I'm going crazy. I've done all I know how even taken the blame. Do they really know what their doing? Help!

Ellen
---Ellen on 1/10/09


I've been married to a narcissistic, emotionally unstable man for the past 2 years. It has been a horrific experience, dealing with his nasty behavior and unpredictable mood swings. He has no understanding of how his behavior affects me. He is not the man I fell in love with. I am still here because I want to do the "right" thing by staying in my marriage and because I am afraid of losing him. I may go crazy and lose my life. Ive already lost many friendships and people at work think I am wierd b/c I am often depressed. I didnt know marriage could suck the life out of someone.
---sarah on 12/17/08


I have just began to understand that my husband of 20 years is narcissistic. He has made my life and my kids life miserable. I stayed so long because I thought it was the "right" thing to do. I did not want to raise my children in a single parent home. I now see how his rage and odd behavior has really affected my kids. I don't think that I should of stayed and I really want a way out. I am making a way out!
---renee on 12/13/08


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i have recently discovered that my husband of 15 years must be narcissistic. i have been so off balanced for the past 15 years, but have tried to do the Godly thing by staying with him. We have 3 children. He does not direct his inappropriate treatment to them, only me. However, my 13 yr. old daughter says that the older she gets the more dad starts to treat her like he does me. But the emotional rollercoaster they have been on just witnessing our relationship has surely damaged them. I try so much to "keep the peace" for their sake. Well, I am tired of "keeping the peace", so they are suffering even more. I'm not sure what to do! Sometimes he's "wonderful", but only if I'm keeping everything good for him!!
---dawn on 12/10/08


Conie, my sympathies go out to you, but mixed in it I am annoyed with you because you do not have enough self respect to get rid of this jerk out of your life (even if you have to pay him off!) Show him how sincerely you want him out of your life (even if you still hanker after love, affection etc). The very fact that he is in your life has probably cost you untold other chances with decent, upstanding, normal men.
---frances008 on 12/9/08


I have dated a man for over 8 years now. I have only been in his place a few times. He is in his 50s and has posters of himself when he was in his 20s covering the ceiling and walls. He says he was a rock & roll star in LA during the 70s but I have never even heard him play an instrument. All he talks about is his hair and how he used to have such beautiful locks now going Bald. He will spend days in his home without even contacting me. We break up and get back together so many times I can't count. He is loving for a while to keep me hooked and then pulls away for days. I am pathetic for being involved in this mess, I suppose because I am older and don't know how to get out.
---Conie on 12/8/08


I gave my husband an ultimatium--either marraige counseling or divorce. He chose divorce, I then discovered he was having internet affairs and had no problem discarding a 20 year marraige. Get a plan and don't back down with your husband-- remember if he is truly a narcissist everything will be your faul. I would tell my husband that I wanted a husband, and his reply was "So, you've already told me that 50 times."
Protect you and your children from any emotional reprecussions of living with a narcissist.
God bless you and give you the grace and strength. It's a horrible way to live, but God can redeem and restore you--He can even restore your marraige if your husband is repentant and really willing to change.
---pat on 12/7/08


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If you are going to reference a Bible verse, DO IT IN CONTEXT

12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: 13But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings, that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

This has to do with suffering that all Christians will endure as a result of tribulation.

Taking that verse out of context and erroneously apply it to the abuse that the poor woman suffers is a travesty of the love and caring of a holy God.

There is NOTHING in Scripture that tells another person to stay or endure when their life is in danger, as it surely in with this woman.
---Observer on 12/3/08


Observer,

Read 1 Peter 4:12 it talks about chrisitians suffering.
---ygil520 on 12/1/08


I have been married to narcissistic husband for 16 yrs. My daughter is 15 and my son is 10. I have stayed w/him because I didn't want kids to come from broken home. What a joke, huh? At this point in the game, the kids would have been better off had I left when they were young. When he couldnt have broken their spirit or destroyed their self esteem. I have constantly played referee between husband and kids. My daughter cant wait to leave the house because of him. She hates his guts. If we did 100 things right in a day, but did 1 thing wrong, he will always pick out the 1 that was wrong. I am sooooooooooooo sick of him. As all of you are, I am exhausted, tired, sick, stressed, and emotionally spent. I just want PEACE.
---Ang on 12/1/08


OBSERVER said it well. Thank you.
---Va on 11/30/08


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Yes I can totally relate to what you are going through. My husband is narcissistic and making our lives hell. I have given up and am leaving. I am going to battle to make ends meet but I have to do it for my sake and for the sake of my child.My health is suffering and there is almost nothing left of me. The only adice I can give you is get out. He will never change because he is not able to.
---Jeanine on 11/28/08


.Catherine

This, your quote makes it seem as you believe that people are to be passively accepting abuse: Some of us born-again believers are required to suffer more than others.

If that is a true representation of your belief, please supply book chapter and verse from Scripture to back up the statement.

If that is not a true statement, please back off and apologize for being insensitive.
---Observer on 11/26/08


If you love and depend on God there is nothing you can do except wait. Wait on God can be very tough. Are you walking close to God? It is the only way you will make it. If you are walking close to God, He will not let you lose it, although there will be times you think you will. You won't. Some of us born-again believers are required to suffer more than others. If you are not saved, I can not give you much advice. You don't have to please God, if you are not saved. So what are you gonna do?
---catherine on 11/25/08


i was recently dx with cervical cancer due to hpv, i have 6 children and going thru a nasty divorce with an emotionally abusive husband, he has been sexually abusive twice in the last 3 weeks even with my discomfort so i know what i must do move on. You are in my prayers.
---Latisha on 11/24/08


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CALL IMMEDIATELY
your local Rape and abuse crisis hotline

You seem to be in danger, and they can help you better than anyone here in cyberspace.

these are resources:
wwwDOTrainnDOTorg

Roosevelt Hospital/Rape Crisis Intervention:24 hour hotline 877-665-7273

If these are not in your area, they know whom to contact in your area.

DO NOT DELAY
---John_T on 11/21/08


I am 21, and have had Endometrial and Cervical cancer for a year now. This cancer is the result of an aggressive strand of the HPV virus my husband transferred to me after sleeping around before we met, which he lied about,even to this day. I fell in love with him the day we met and he literally had me at hello. This was just the beginning to this nightmare. We have been married 2 years and it has gotten so hard to bare him. He ALWAYS has to be right and told that he is the best. I can never disagree with anything he says because it will enrage him and start an fight that somehow ends up being MY fault! And to top it off, through all my treatment sessions and emotional turmoil, he has been literally an asshole. someone save me. please.
---Anonymously_Angry on 11/21/08


I think I am married to a narcissist or either I am going crazy. I have filed for divorce but I catch myself wanting to go back and them one second I do not? what is going on?
---kristie on 10/30/08


I can tell you this from my life experience-when you meet a loving person make a checklist... they will score near perfect on the 1Cor13 Scale. Things only get better because the foundation is strong.

1 Cor 13:4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

The flip side is this: narcissistic individuals fit most of these, but deny having these traits.

2 Timothy 2People will be lovers of themselves , lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good,
---Wal_Rev on 10/25/08


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Anonymous, I'm so sorry you have cancer and have an unsympathetic, narcissistic spouse! I hope you have friend or family to turn to in this difficult time - it sounds like your dh is not going to be there for you. I am praying for you, that God will help you feel His love and comfort through this difficult time on earth, until you see him face to face. And that he will send some human "angels of mercy" to comfort you.
---anonymous on 10/23/08


My husband is probably the worst of them all. I was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer (we are 21) and all he does is blame our arguments on me. He claims that I dont love HIM enough not to be moody. It is the most selfish thing I have ever encountered. It's even crazier because in reality, he is the one starting these crazy arguments in the first place. You can't disagree with a narcissist ever because YOU will be blamed and torn to pieces for it. I am a very headstrong person and still have not learned how to keep my mouth shut on all topics of conversation, God forbid I put my opinion in on something and it doesn't coincide with his thinking. I'm already leaving this world in 2 years. I wish I had the loving husband I thought I married.
---Anonymous on 10/14/08


I can understand and relate! My husband has Narrissistic personality disorder, and he has lost the respect of a lot of people. Being a parent to three kids tho, makes it hard to leave him. Yet I have 2 daughters, and a baby boy, and he is SOOO emotionally abusive to them, that it will be a great day, when I get my life in order and I'm able to be free again! I would love for my marriage to work, but our counselor won't even see us together as a couple again... He will however still counsel with me, which has been the greatest thing, because I can still voice who I am amd what my dreams are, or I want in life, to someone who actually listens.
---Carley on 10/11/08


Observer, yea, someone looks at the dates.... You did.
We must realize that even though the date may be old the question still has validity.
These are kept because of that.
Some browsers come through and see a subject that interest or pertains to them and they respond.
That is a good thing. Otherwise, many may never respond or get an answer to a question that they would not post.
Sometimes old times are good times.
We should thank ChristiaNet for ALL they do.
---Elder on 9/13/08


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`

---Deah on 6/11/05

Wow, an oldie but a goodie!

This one is 26 months old, over two years ago.

Does ANYONE read the dates of the original post?
---Observer on 9/12/08


There is hope. I have been married for 20 years.The first 12 years were like being in hell. My husband has narsisistic problems. In 1999 I finally gave up and surrendered everything to the Lord.The message I recieved when I asked what should I do now was (Love your husband and I will do the rest) it was extremely hard but with the Lords help I did it.Slowly The Lord began to work.My husband now respects me and he has apologised for so much.He still has issues but his treatment of me is much better.you have to believe God can do all things.Read 1st Peter 3 It sounds backwards but Gods way is the only way. Dont give up.
---Terri on 9/12/08


I have been married to man for 9yrs who exhibits a narcisstic behavior. I feel like I have married Satan himself. It has been a constant rollercoaster ride since we've been married. I keep tellimg myself it's going to get better each year. I have seen minor changes but the strife and contention remains. I like peace and harmony and it is difficult to have this with this type of person. I have asked God for provision and strength on what to do. I feel like throwing in the towel and begin a new life with our 2 kids. I never envisioned having a marriage like this. Please help!
---Yolanda on 9/9/08


Narcissism is when a person has a desire and a need to control others (control freak) and enjoys making other people miserable (avenging themselves). The reason they are "avenging themselves" is almost always because they grew up in an abusive household and were treated the same as they are treating you (severely dysfunctional family that ostracized them, they were chosen to be the 'family flunky').

It is usually only family who they feel safest manipulating (anybody else would punch them out) and being abusive with (they are cowards by nature), but they also usually seek out 'friends' that will be 'suckered'/conned by their deceptive and constant smiles also.
---more_excellent_way on 9/1/08


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Don't enable them by being too accommadating or eager to please them.

Don't be 'convenient' (let them ASK for your assistance, let them RESPECT your humanity, let them APPRECIATE your kindness and love).

Anybody who is 'sneaky', 'naughty', or otherwise underhanded is no threat to their ego or conscience (they will mostly IGNORE underhanded people).

Someone with NOBLE CHARACTER will be considered a threat to their conscience and ego (these people will become the target of their narcissism and deceit).

They are 'compensating' for THEIR INSECURITIES (they USE YOU to redeem their conscience and ego), YOU have no reason to have low self esteem (the exact opposite is true).
---more_excellent_way on 9/1/08


well ive been married 10 months only and i love my husband but he is so mean he has lots of anger issues and he is always telling me i annoy him and that he is tired of me and the is very controling and he keeps all the money and he doesnt let me buy anything also he is very greety even with the food i can only eat certain things.what should i do im just real sad all the time and i dont know what would god want me to do.
---daniela_palacios on 8/31/08


My husband spends most of his day taking care of his needs. He has little work time and lots of free time and makes plenty of money which he spends on himself. He'll tell you that he deserves it! He thinks I want to hear about how wonderful he looks or how wonderful he is. I've about had it and am also ready to throw in the towel and let him find someone else who wants to dedicate their life to worshipping him. It must be nice to have an expensive car and all the time in the world. Unfortunately, I have to work and do everything else so I don't have time to stroke his ego. I will have time to say see ya though...enough is enough!!!!
---diana on 8/30/08


These words tell the story of my life with my husband. He is Mean, in every sense of the word. He ridicules me for everything I think or say or do. He ignores me and our two boys. They do not like him, they tell me they feel scared and stressed when they have to come home. I went to counseling. the counselors were trying to apply concepts like forgiveness and submission to solve the problem, which caused me great distress because I had practiced those with no results. in fact it made him only get worse. Submission and forgiveness are great concepts to apply to a normal couple, not a victim and a narcissist.
---Hollis on 8/28/08


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I have been married to a narcissist for 7 years. We have two beautiful sons together. I am sad to say that I finally reached my end with him. I have been emotionally abused for years. He twists everything I say, he lies to me, he flirts with other women, he leaves the house for days and refuses to tell me where he is then blames it on me and has been unfaithful. Until recently, I kept buying into his manipulation that all of this was somehow my fault, that I was crazy and that it was all in my head. I finally smartened up and began praying for answers, awareness and strength. I recently filed for divorce and feel I made the right decision, although I am still afraid of what lies ahead. I never dreamed of bringing up two babies alone.
---kristen on 8/27/08


I was married to a narcissist for 26yrs. It took me years to figure the whole mad sad chaotic thing out, His behaviour got worse over the years as did his supposed illnesses and severe hoarding compulsions. you need to get out, stay out, and NEVER engage with him again.I have been stalked, threatened, have been rammed head on in a car and lost count of the times I have been to court. Finally with the help of a domestic violence service I got out and three years on my five children and I are all happy and free. I am in charge of my life again, None of us have any contact with my ex husband- please feel free to email me if I can be of any support. Remember every day you spend with this unfeeling robot is a day you will never get back.
---christine on 8/20/08


My husband built a persona of respectable, Christian life and yet is unfaithful in the marriage and appears remote and wooden. I struggled for 7 years of marraige, confused, puzzled and hurt most of the time. Recently the Lord revealed to me the problem. br>It takes more strength than I have, but I have to rely on God's strength.

My husband was sexually abused at age 5. His false self became his coping mechanism. It is explosive and dangerous to tell a Narcissistic person what he really is or why he is behaving a certain way...do not do this. It will shatter him and he may become worse and possibly enraged and violent when he sees his False self exposed and crumbling.
Thanks for all the advice.
Jaybe
---Jaybe on 8/13/08


I am not sure what narcissistic is, but I am going to call it demonic. Just admit it, you are living with the devil. God will teach you, and these teachings, God calls, "spiritual lessons". I am telling you, running is not the answer. Learn to stand your ground. In this world Satan has taken over, through his people, and Satan must be stopped. "God said so". Some people might say, "Catherine you sound narcissistic". And I will be like Paul in saying, "if I am crazy, that is between God and myself", and my sins are God's business. Listen to your God. My friends, in the Lord, have a nice day. Keep us posted.++
---catherine on 7/18/08


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yes for 11 yrs I ve been married to one. For the first 8 I didn't even realize it until he left me and the kids and started to have an affair and blamed it on me. This went on for 2 years, he even filed for divorce. After my dad died he came back (never divorced he just tortured me) He is still incredibly cruel and controlling even says the affair is none of my business because he didn't live in the house. I realized he had always been this way I just made excuses for him, because I believed a good wife wouldn't bad mouth her husband. he sure has done it to me.
---heather on 7/18/08


Ruthie ... I can understand ""I just don't want to disappoint you"
Perhaps it is true.
I wonder if you should go together to a counsellor?
---alan_of_UK on 7/17/08


Oh dear Ruthie, you must be a stronger woman than I indeed! You have every right there is to divorce your husband dear, at least leave him and go someplace safe for a while. Mental and emotional abuse is a very big deal and can wreck your heart and spirit, along with the health problems that come as a result of the constant stress. You are in my prayers dear, and I hope the prayers of everyone here as well. Bless you sister.
---Mary on 7/17/08


I married my husband 32 years ago thinking that I had really found the one and would live a happy life. One month into the marriage he changed. He was constantly angry, not interested in intimacy, putting me down in front of family and friends--emotional and mental abuse as I had never experienced. He had an affair 6 years ago, but never truly experienced remorse nor tried to make restitution. He constantly does things to dishoner and disrespect me. He withholds important information and then tells me it was no big deal. His last statement, "I just don't want to disappoint you" has me completely bewildered.
---ruthie on 7/16/08


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What I understand is narcissism is being so about myself, that I do not realize other people have feelings, and they are there just for me to use. And I have to have whatever I want, instantly and according to how I see things.

*Sounds exactly like Satan's personality*

Also, wanting to be superior to others, so I put them all down so I can feel superior > character assassination . . . like I do in paranoid imagining of problems with people, self-righteously criticizing them. And being so deeply deficient, also trying to associate with high prestige people for the status. But I'm too clever to show this, so ladies may not have a clue, because they see what they are looking for? Pray and make sure with God.
---Bill_bila5659 on 6/18/08


I was married to a Christian man who I divorced two years ago. It was my then 13 year-old daughter who begged me to leave him. 'I can't go on like this' she said. After he moved out and went to Christian counseling for a year, he was diagnosed as a 'pig-headed narcisist' and I filed.
Church people just don't get it, and I do imagine I will remarry someday.
God loves you, cherishes you and will carry you thru . . .
---Lori on 6/18/08


He sounds more like a bipolar person. people with bipolar have attributes of narcissm. Just know that it isn't your fault. pray and pray but when it's all said and done, you may have to separate yourself even if its temporary for the sake of your own mind
---Lisa on 6/6/08


I have empathy for your feelings. I too am married to a spouse with "narcissistic symptoms". What comes to mind is to pray and ask God for guidance, wisdom and knowledge. You are ultimately responsible for your life. Become as knowledgeable about narcissism as possible. Let me know if you need names of good books.
---Jessie on 6/6/08


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I left mine after 9 kids and 20 years. He coerced me to sign a divorce decree that left me and the kids destitute. you MUST plan ahead very carefully and get LOTS of counsel-be WISE as a serpent (them) but GENTLE as a dove (so you don't get caught).
Soni
---Sonja on 5/3/08


yes, i do also have a narcissistic husband.
my mother and sister are also of the same persuation.
it saddens me greatly that my husband is this way. he is the most important thing to himself and even at his work, he does things that bring attention to himself.
keeping ours eyes on Jesus is the only thing that will help. and accept the things we cannot change and figure out, why are we with this kind of person.
---helen on 4/23/08


Yes, I have been married to one for 30 years. We have been separated for 5 of those 30. Now, my son is going through the same thing with his wife of almost two years. She left him, but before she left, the therapist they saw told her she was narcissistic. Her relationship to her father was very sad. I pray that God would show us His great mercy.
---Spinigin on 4/1/08


It took me a long time to realize wasn't crazy. Then my husband entered a private care psychiatric facility..... and left with a fellow patient. So to answer your question.. I did everything i could and it doesn't help.
---belle on 3/29/08


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I am at the same point.
---Rose on 3/5/08


TCM your husband's behaviour (though unpleasant) isn't uncommon and has a cause-he gets mad for no reason, blows up over nothing, ignores you, finds fault in everything etc.

He's angry with you and this behaviour is only a symptom of that. What might he be angry about TCM?

You dont know me, nor I you so let me ask a direct question: considering your marriage what has your intimacy/love life been like? Would he have reason to feel deeply cheated in that department?
---Warwick on 2/13/08


I am also married to a narcissist. He is such a MEAN person. It is horrible living with him. He gets mad for NO reason at all and blows up over little things (a spot of kool aid on the counter). He will go around ignoring me totally (like I'm not there) for days at a time. Then when he feels like he wants to talk, he just starts talking like nothing happened and it is never supposed to be brought up. He finds fault in everything about me. Need someone to talk to!!
---TCM on 2/13/08




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