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What Is Unforgiveness

UNFORGIVENESS! I'm not sure if I still carry unforgiveness in my heart for my cousin. She did a lot of hurtful things to me in the past I forgave her but our relationship will never be the same so I cut all contact with her. Was that wrong?

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 ---Karen on 6/17/05
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Family is blood but that doesn't mean you can't burn your bridges and not regret it while remaining unforgiving for awhile that is. Eventually you will find comfort in not dealing with your cousin even when you have to face her for instance at a funeral or something. My niece wrote me a very nasty letter that I read occasionally from years ago. I see her and we do not speak as she has found out through time that she was wrong. Her loss is greater. It can be the same with friends or neighbors. Keep yourself in prayer. Time will heal you. I left the forgiveness up to God in my case and was better for it not that I don't miss her at times or think of her well being once in a while. Niece is in my prayers.
---Pamela on 9/13/08


Unforgiveness is wrong but sometimes you just need a break from someone and that's fine. However don't sever all ties cuz you can't forgive her. In the end, Unforgiveness only rots from the inside out. Remember Jesus said to forgive 70*7=490 times daily so that's something to think about, even if you decide not to pursue a relationship with her. Besides if you still want to be her friend then pray for her and the more you pray for her no matter what she does you'll be able to handle it with His help.
---Auror3743 on 9/11/08


Peter asked the Lord,that how many times do i still have to forgive a friend and Jesus said, seventy times seventy times which means there is no limit as far as forgiving someone because it helps. So you must strive to forgive because you yourself was like that to God and God forgave you but he did not cut contact with you, you are still in fellowship with him. So do likewise but in more carefull way bcause Jesus said, "I send you as sheeps in the midst of wolves."
---Peter_Mafohla on 9/24/07


Absolutely NO that was not wrong. God wants His people to live in peace. Don't gossip about this person. Find some people that will treat you well and the same for you, treat them well. But do not gossip about anyone.
---catherine on 9/24/07


If you forgave that person in Christ, then you have forgiven them. Forgiveness is a covenant you made with God. It is real and immutable. Often we remember the hurt, but when we do, we must remember that we also gave forgiveness. Once given it cannot be taken back, but we must remember the comfort, mercy and grace that God gave us, we also gave to that person through forgiveness. What we expect from God in those terms, we must cheerfully give to others.
---Paul on 9/24/07




Karen, here are some scriptures that deal with forgiving others, I hope these help you.....

Matthew 6:14-15, Matthew 18:21-22, Luke 17:3, Mark 11:25, Colossians 3:13, Philippians 3:13-14, Ephesians 4:31-32
---antha6445 on 3/22/07


I've found that doing something kind for the one who offended you..something you would appreciate them doing for you may help you over the hump of the question of your forgiveness. Are you willing to do something kind and thoughtful for that person? Send a "thinking of you" card, an invite to a family outing.. You will think of something to break this stand off in your own mind. Do it for God and yourself. Then the ball is in her court.
---Eloia_N_ks on 6/18/05


If this is still bothering you sister and I can tell that it is, than chances are you didn't forgive her to begin with. I think you are holding a grugde against her, and not realizing it. you need to ask God to search your heart to see if you are holing a gruge. It also sounds like you feel guilty that you cut contact with her. You need to have a one on one with God as well as your cousins. Problems don't work themselves out.
---Rebecca_D on 6/18/05


Karen,
By the sound of your question I seem to sense that you are kind of feeling like you carry unforgiveness in your heart and I think you are right BUT it is not too late andd to offer her the real thing. You will both feel better for it and time may yet heal what wounds were still open.
---Pierr7958 on 6/17/05


I heard once that when you have truly forgiven someone, you have no reaction when you see them or think of them. There are no emotions present but love. I do believe you can forgive someone but then CHOOSE to distance yourself if they are not a safe person. Read Cloud & Townsend's "Safe People" its a really good book.
---Maxine on 6/17/05




If you forgave her then that's good on your part. Your relationship might not be the same, but she is still family. You don't have to speak to her everyday, but when you dop see her just say ''hey!''. If she doesn't want to speak with you then thats her own problem. Oh, remember her at the holidays and special occassions (birthday,etc.,etc.).
---cathy on 6/17/05


It depends on why you cut off contact.Jesus loved all people, even the pharisees, but we do not see him staying in the homes of every sinner he met, only those who welcomed him in.He loved all people but some of them he had to love from a distance.Zaccheus the tax collector let Jesus in to his home and his life, but we see that others did not so Jesus didn't try to have friendships with those who refused him friendship.
---flor on 6/17/05


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