Flirt With Married Man Acceptable
I am score keeper for my church's softball team and I cut up with all the players. Most of them are married. There is one though that I cut up with a little more. He's married but he doesn't do anything out of the way. Some see a problem with it. I don't, its innocent. Is there a problem?
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---Cathy on 6/17/05
Helpful Blog Vote (25)
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I see that 'flirting' is used blog topic (added by the moderator), but isn't mentioned in the original text (by the original poster).
She says 'cut up' - friendly banter and joking. There should be no problem with adults being friends, as long as both are very clear where the limits are, and the friendship is no threat to their marriages (For example, you often see this between married couples who are friends with each other.) The problems happen when one person or other doesn't understand, or respect those limits.
Many years ago, I had two co-workers who were very good friends at work for a long time, and that's all it was. But years later, they both got divorced and married each other. So one must be careful. |
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---StronngAxe on 1/21/09 |
There has already been plenty of good advice given on this but I want to say that although you consider this "flirting" innocent, it could certainly lead to problems. What will happen if the man has an argument with his wife and comes to you for support(theoretical)? If the man gets the idea that you are "more fun than his wife" he just might start thinking different thoughts than he is/has in the past. Do not put yourself in the dangerous position of playing with fire, as that is what you are doing. |
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---tommy3007 on 1/21/09 |
Well, to reply to this....I worked a job where there was mostly women. I am married and a lot of them weren't. Some of them were flirty and I did kinda flirted back...but then I realized what the Word says about how can a person take a hot coal in his bosom and not be burned. Flirting is a dangerous thing, because it will lead to other things. For these guys to flirt back with you, they must be having problems in their marriages. Take it from me...stop while you are ahead. You can be friendly without being flirty. |
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---Barry on 1/21/09 |
What do you think? Would you like some one flirting with your spouse. Is it Godly. Thats whats wrong with most women that are not married. Its disrepectful. |
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---vanela on 1/11/09 |
WELL IF HES MARRIED I SEE A PROBLEM CAUSE HE CHOSEN TO BE MARRIED AND YOU NEED TO CONSIDER THAT FACTOR. IF HE WOULD GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE THEN YES. BUT I BELIEVE YOU NEED TO LET GO TIL THAT HAPPENS CAUSE IF HE LOVES YOU. I HAVE A SAYING THAT I BELIEVE IN IF MIKE REALLY LOVES ME WE WILL FIND A WAY BACK TO EACH OTHER IF NOT THEN HE WAS NEVER YOURS IN THE FIRST PLACE. |
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---PAULA on 2/3/08 |
My question would be to you how would you feel if someone was flirting with your spouse? Yes it is a problem he is a married man. You say it is innocent but others don't take it as that way. |
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---Debbie on 1/27/08 |
flirting is ok with unmarried people...married people should think a million times...it could damage their marriages. |
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---emman4673 on 6/3/06 |
I assume that by "cut up" you mean flirting. Flirting has to me always got a reason behind it, and that is to attract the man you are doing it to to yourself. Jesus said that to even look at a woman (which by the way means also to look at a man too) with lust is the same as adultery. Flirting is extremely dangerous whether it be with a single or married man and needs to be cut off right at it's root before it goes further. |
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---Helen_5378 on 6/3/06 |
My husband and I had been friends with another couple for 10 yrs.She was always a flirt to everyone.I tolerated it.I didn't mind sexual bantor about others, but when it got to easy for them to talk about personal sexual inuendos,I had to put a stop to it. They had gotten to a level that was threatening to me. I can no longer be her friend because her harmless flirting caused terrible hurt to me,and I don't want to see her doing this to anyone else's marriage. There is no such thing as harmless flirting. |
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---Ann on 6/3/06 |
Please do not inflict pain into anyone's life for your pleasure. I know the pain of being left for another, a month before giving birth to our daughter. MY daughter was hospitalized 4 times. My daughters is 9. DON'T MAKE FRIENDS WITH MARRIED OR COMMITTED GUYS. Do on to others like U want to be treated. Don't rob all of us, now she has moved on to another relationship to destroy another family and make more kids fatherless. |
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---Dianna on 9/25/05 |
My boyfriend flirts with a young woman at his job. She teases with him. They slap and touch and carry on with this love play. He says it is innocent fun to pass the time away. I say it is sin and if he needs her, he doesn't love me.Remember when the heathen king saw Abraham sporting with Sarah, he knew they were more than friends or relatives. Flirting leads to adultery. |
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---Nina on 9/19/05 |
"cut up", if you mean teasing or making passes at him, or even the other married men, then there is a problem with it. Some single men do not appreciate being hit on either, it's a sign of inconsideration on your part. Your not respecting the person your cutting up. Imagine the wife standing right beside the husband as you do your "cut up". How do you think the married couple would feel, and how do you think you should feel? |
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---Eloy on 7/11/05 |
Do not flirt with another woman's husband. How would you like it if it where you in the wife's place. Also, men can be weak, do not tempt fate, what may be flirting to you may just bring on something that you and he will regret and his wife will be hurt. I was hurt by a woman that took my husband, so do not do this to someone else. |
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---mary on 7/10/05 |
Cathy: It is very wrong to flirt, play, cut-up, whatever you want to call it, with married men. If someone has called you on this behavior, then it is time to correct it. |
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---Madison1101 on 7/10/05 |
YES there is, here is why...avoid even the appearance of impropriety. and there is more.
Don't be her!!
"For the lips of an adultress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil..." "She gives no thought to the way of life her paths are crooked and she knows not."
Jesus says if a man lusts after a woman, he commits adulty. Don't purposely tempt them. |
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---Jessica on 7/10/05 |
Alan, I agree with you. In fact I'm going to post a new blog reminding people if they see a name same as theirs, they should modify theirs. This is the protocol we will continually encourage. |
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---lisa on 6/24/05 |
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On further consideration,, I would say that it is sinful, because although it may mean nothing to you, you are putting temptation to lust in his way. |
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---Alan_of_U.K. on 6/23/05 |
I had a cousin who use to flirt with my boyfriend & make many inappropriate comments & gestures. It caused major problems in our relationship, because it was all in the name of 'innocence'. He entertained her 'pretence' because he had no intentions but she did, which only came to the fore much later. There's no smoke without fire. Be very careful my dear you are treading on thin ice. I am not married, but your 'friend' is. There are certain boudries that go without saying! |
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---Karen on 6/23/05 |
Lisa & Lisa2 and others ... now that the number of members has increased, we are getting many people here of the same name.
It was discussed before that we should add something extra to our name, so that we can be distinguished from the others!
So, although I do not know any other Alans, I call myself ... |
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---Alan_of_U.K. on 6/22/05 |
To the second lisa, can you call yourself lisa2 so that we are not read as the one person. Thanks from the original lisa. |
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---lisa on 6/21/05 |
This is one thing that is a seed planted that becomes bigger. Flirting in itself is innocent, with a married person it is not. It needs to be left alone. He might flirt with others, but you do not need to be a party to it. |
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---Carol on 6/21/05 |
My husband and I are christian. He is friendly to the women next door. One is very loose flirts with my husband. Tells me she is a pig and proud of it. My husband does nothing. He jokes with her or smiles. I am feeling very jealous now. And in counseling. Why does he have to be friendly towards womem. Can christian husband be friends with women? what are the boundries? |
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---Lisa on 6/20/05 |
Cathy, here's a simple answer to your question. Would you like it if a single, attractive and available female (with naive thinking) was flirting with your husband every saturday when he was out at sporting events, possibly in front of your kids. Furthermore, would you like it if your husband then started having sexual fantasies of this naive and friendly single while he was making love to you? There's your answer. |
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---lisa on 6/20/05 |
adie & Kathy
As a man, I know that I would feel flattered if a woman did this with me. I would wonder why .. & think she really liked me.
Many men would be tempted by that. You are playing with fire.
& Sadie it is NOT OK to carry on until one of the spouses gets upset. By then you may have destroyed a marriage |
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---Alan_of_U.K. on 6/19/05 |
you already know the answer YES. You yourself said he gets more attention than the others. If your husband and his wife were standing right there would you say and do the same exact things? I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flirting seems innocet, there is a way that seems right to a "woman" but the end there of is death. God may not strike you dead but that is not the point of the fear of God. If it were not bothering you and there wasn't some cobviction you would not have asked. Pray for a fear of God. |
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---rachel on 6/19/05 |
are these people Jelious of the fact that you can have child like fun? if it is truely innocent, Just don't be alone, or treat this guy other then a brother. I wish I had some one I could have fun with. |
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---laure5469 on 6/18/05 |
I see that the blog not you said flirt. I am in a situation were I was told not to hug woman because I look gay, not hug children because I look like a molester, I can't hug men either because I maybe after someones spouse. my kids aren't home and my spouse left. It gets lonely, trying to aviod the appeance of evil. If ALL you are doing is laughing in public places, you may still cause talk, but even Jesus talk to people that others didn't approve of. I guess ask the spouses of you both. how do they feel? |
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---laure5469 on 6/18/05 |
Much good advice here. Since you use the words "cut up" instead of flirting, you could mean something totally innocent, yet do all you can to avoid even the appearance of evil--i.e. if what you do excites wrong feelings, thoughts, desires, or emotions in another, then for their sake (for you love them as Jesus loves you) you must cease. Christians can be the most happy, cheerful, and fun people to be around BECAUSE they do only what is best for others. They do this because they love Him. |
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---Wayne on 6/18/05 |
"Stay away even from the appearance of evil" |
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---NVBarbara on 6/18/05 |
Cathy..I find myself in a similar situation that you have described. A man & his wife have been family friends off & on for 4 yrs. Recently there is a "chemistry" between this man & myself. His wife knows he is a huge flirt & doesn't mind, but my husband in unaware. I feel that this harmless flirting is OK until one of the spouses says it's not. |
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---Sadie on 6/18/05 |
There is a problem because he is married. |
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---linda6546 on 6/18/05 |
Cathy, act with dignity and people will respect you more. |
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---Albert on 6/18/05 |
Cathy:
Face it, if people see a problem chances are good that there is a problem.
Remember also that as followers of Christ we are called to avoid even the appearence of evil! The standard is high but it is what is expected of us, |
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---Pierr7958 on 6/17/05 |
I would put yourself in this man's wife's shoes. How would you feel if you where the wife and saw your husband flirting with another women even if it seems to be innocent. I know it would probably bother me. |
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---Marla on 6/17/05 |
My Dearest:
It is inappropriate to flirt with a married man, at anytime, anywhere. If you consider yourself a Christian, then stop playing around with fire. This is totally unacceptable behaviour. |
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---Carol on 6/17/05 |
If some see a problem with it, cool it down even if you don't see anything wrong with it. You respect your company. Be blameless. If you question anything to be right, don't do it. If you do, it is sin because you are not sure. |
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---Michelle on 6/17/05 |
Until today, lasciviousness is something I didn't know the definition of....(Mark 7:22) This is the practice of stirring up lustful desires which cannot be satisfied within the limits of God's approval. We do this by flirting, smiling, dressing provocatively, etc. toward a man. This is a fleshly desire to attract attention to oneself in a manner that flaunts God's standard of moral purity. (from THE ADVERSARY by M. Bubeck) You don't want to do that....just patiently wait for the man God gives YOU. :) |
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---Stephanie on 6/17/05 |
I like your response, Katie. I'm in a position where I have contact with a man through work, whom I feel very comfortable with. Our paths usually cross a couple times a week. I'm finding that I have to constantly check myself to be sure my conduct is upright and appropriate. Your suggestion to ask myself if I would do this if his wife were here, is very good. Actually, I had the opportunity to meet his wife, just last week, and that has helped a lot too. |
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---DoryLory on 6/17/05 |
My brothers ex who was so into church and God, use to flirt with someone from church "innocently" she says.. now she and my brother are divorced with two kids. Be sure God will not like it and you will not like it if someone flirted with your loved one. |
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---vivi on 6/17/05 |
To me, the best way to answer this is What Would Jesus Do?. If this isn't something that he would do, then don't do. Our life is our testimony and sometimes we give off the wrong impressions to people. The things that we do in life draw people to the Lord. There is nothing wrong with joking around but you got to watch the way that it is happening and try not to over step joking around with flirting because the flirting part is the not right thing. |
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---angea6336 on 6/17/05 |
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Even though the flirting is nothing harmful to you, you should still respect your brother in Christ and his wife, by not flirting at all. It is okay to jest with one another, but flirting can open a can of worms, a big can at that. I trust you know the difference between a light and fun conversation, and inappropriate talk, whether it be lude or not. My advice, before speaking ask yourself, would I do this if his wife were here? And, if I were his wife, would I want a girl to say or do this to him? |
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---Katie on 6/17/05 |
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