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My Son Has Some Tough Issues

My 18 year son has some real issues. Drugs, alcohol, lying, to list a few. I love him with all my heart but recently asked him to move out. I have heard "tough love" so many times that I'm sick. Did I go too far when I made him leave? He was baptised last year in our church.

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 ---karyn8985 on 6/26/05
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Your son is very young and still needs guidance. Girls mature sooner than boys. Where is dad? You did not say. All of you should sit down together. Try to get to the bottom of your son drug use etc..Let him know you love him..most of all. Boys have issues very different from girls. If possible( another time)--let him and his dad or some other male figure,spend time with him without mom present. An uncle or other male relative will do, also. Throwing your son out is only going to make him feel worse. Do your very best for him. No one else will,mom/dad. Would you do less for someone else? We sometimes offer more to others, than we do to our very own. Search your own heart mom/dad. This child is made up of you and dad. Show mercy. He is so young.
---Robyn on 10/5/11

You posted this in 2005. What happened to him. We just kicked out son out for the same reasons. Did he get better, or worse? Did he survive? Please answer me
---kay_smith on 10/4/11

I will pray for your son. I too was into drugs for 20 yrs. And God has worked a miracle in me. I understand the fustration but don't give up hope. I'm sure that many prayed for me. And Gods timing is always perfect. And may God bring your son to his knees as was done with me.
---Flo on 5/6/08

I have been down that road with my now 28 year old son. All I can tell you is after I put him out, the Lord and I have gotten a lot closer. All those nights of no sleep, worrying has made me a great prayer warrior. Get your son into a Christian rehab ASAP.
---Carol on 4/14/07

A prayerful answer, from personal experience. Tough love has its place, unconditional love must prevail though. It's okay to ask your son to leave if he won't obey house rules. Your home must be healthy for you & other family members. Respecting that is your son's responsibility. Coming home again requires accepting that responsibility. You are NOT divorcing your son, you're allowing him opportunities to grow, to become God's man. Trust Jesus to change him from the inside out.
---Christie on 4/14/07

This is our life too. Please pray for our son who is finding his way back. We have been down a tough road,too, but through love, prayer and patience, are finding our way home. Our son is facing charges for possession over 1 1/2 years ago due to delays in the county he's charged.He is living in a long term recovery residence and is doing great. Please pray that God will put his hand on our son and guide the ones who judge him in court. I will pray for all who are still "out there".
---LoveThemAlways on 9/26/06

I am going through the same thing My 18 year old, has been out of rehab for a year. He went right back into his same rutine. He is now staying at the Salvation Army and will be going through Hud who will help him get a place to live and a job. I have been worried sick, but I still turned him away twice. I love him with all my heart, That is why I must let him stand on his own two feet, not mine. Yes, I feel guilty, but I know that tough love is the right thing for me to do.
Had enough MOM
---Lynne on 1/25/06

So, mostly I'm happy for him. I don't like all his choices, but I'm thankful he chooses the right path as often as he does. I made sure he knows the way, but only he can walk it. We're very close, and he appreciates me more now than he used to. The boy who used to turn my hair gray has become very much a blessing to me, and I thank God for that every day.
---Billy on 7/16/05

When he was 13, I was called at 2 am to come get him out of jail 300 miles away, because he was drunk and had wrecked a car. He gradually got better, with love and time, but it was never easy. He still has relapses occasionally- I had to ask him to leave because of one such situation, but it doesn't happen very often. He says he wants to honor God with his life, and he does try. He's even married now.
---Billy on 7/16/05

You did the right thing, Janet. My son did a lot of that, especially when he was younger. I adopted him when he was 10 and I was 22, and he came from a rough background- drugs, alcohol, stealing, fighting, sex, dabbling with Satanism. . . all this, at the age of 10. It was a terrible battle to pull him back, and God knows it would have been impossible without Him. For a while, I used to lie awake at night seriously wondering if I'd be called to the morgue to ID his body before morning came.
---Billy on 7/16/05

Dear Karyn: Fortunately most of our adult children will return to the Lord because of their early teaching. The Lord's word "does not return void". And Madison, your son is not "your precious creation". Only God is the Creator of our children and we are given the wonderful privilege of nurturing them as you have your son. Blessings!
---Elsie on 7/16/05

Billy and karyn I totally understand. But I took a further step which I felt totally guilty about for a very long time, but I had to be the one to turn my son in for the stealing/pawning items. This had been a repeated issue. He didn't even think it was a big deal spending 6 days in jail for not paying restitution! He was headed for a life of crime, going to crash and burn, and he could have been sent to an early grave because of it. Now he has turned his life around and it is a decent one.
---Janet7433 on 7/16/05

Billy: Thanks. Yes, my son is my most precious creation. I have three kids who are all adults. The youngest had to learn by the school of hard knocks a few hard facts after I made him leave my home. I could not protect him from the consequences of his bad choices anymore. I would not bail him out when he was arrested either.

I love him dearly, and he and I are close now. He knows I love him. He is more mature now and appreciative of what I do for him now.
---Madison on 7/15/05

Madison, I knew what you meant. I wasn't criticising. I only meant a child is a permanent responsibility. They need different things from us at different ages, and it may be an 18 year old needs only our prayers, our love, and our advice, but we do still owe them that much. My son is the dearest treasure of my heart, but I knew if I loved him I had to let him grow up someday.
---Billy on 7/15/05

Billy: When I told Marie that the son is not the mother's responsibility it was in response to what she said about his welfare is her responsibility. 18 year olds are old enough to vote, fight in the war and sign a contract. This boy is old enough to live on his own.

I understand that pain of having to tell a child they can't live with you anymore. My son, now 22, had decided to go back to college and pursue a career. It took living on his own to get him to that point.
---Madison on 7/14/05

A parent's responsibility never ends. I had to ask my 18 year old son to move out last year because of reasons similar to Karyn's, and I think it would have hurt me less if someone cut out my heart with a rusty knife. But he and I are still very close, and I pray every day that someday he will come back to the path he was taught. He does better now than he did at home, but it remains to be seen what will happen in the end.
---Billy on 7/14/05

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Marie-Jacqueline: Her son is 18 years old, and is no longer her responsibility. It is time for her to hand her son to the Lord for the Lord to rebuke, and chastise. I sent my son packing three years ago. His father kicked him out a year and a half ago. He is now going back to college and start over again. He has changed and is a new person.
---Madison on 7/12/05

Did you try having go to rehab? See his pastor? Find out why he is taking drugs? Even if he is 18, he is still your son and his welfare is still u r responsibility. To just let him go, won't solve the problem.
---Marie_Jacquelyne on 7/12/05

We "knew" our son was headed for prison but the judge gave him 6 months house arrest. During this time he came back to the Lord.

Deut 28:32 says a powerless parent is part of the curse of the law. BUT Galatians 3:13 says that Christ has freed us from the curse of the law. That means Jesus reversed anything that's part of the curse. The opposite is now true for us. You are not a powerless parent! Never under estimate the power of a praying parent, no matter what it looks like.
---DoryLory on 7/12/05

Dear sister in Christ,
I pray for your son.Trust God that He takes care of you and your family.He has promised.Pray much that your son accepts Jesus as his personal Saviour.
---niva7439 on 7/11/05

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Karyn, God bless you. I had to do the same thing with my son. He stole and pawned things - got 6 days in jail. Later he did change his life and is now very responsible. God will work with your son. Remember too that there have been many saved though prison evangelism. God has a plan. Your son will be taken care of, just have faith!
---Janet7433 on 7/11/05

I remember when my son was arrested. It sent me to my knees. God used it in my son's life in a powerful way.

Sometimes it takes prison to scare some people into making the hard choice to stop messing up and get their life straightened out.

I am praying for you.
---Madison on 7/10/05

UPDATE- Dear Friends, Please continue to pray for my son. He has now been arrested and is going to surely be sent to prison. Some more unwise choices he's made. Thanks again for your prayers.
---karyn8985 on 7/10/05

You are a wise woman to tell your son he cannot stay with you. Setting boundaries is an eye-opener for our straying children. Keep praying for your son; meanwhile come closer to God yourself. It will be a growing time for both of you. Your son is old enough to be accountable. He needs to become aware that his actions have consequences. Just because he is baptised does not mean he is close to the Lord; pray that he will accept Jesus with his heart. That is the greatest "high" there is.
---Elsie on 6/27/05

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In God there is by faith a knowing that our children realy belong to Him. We also treat our children differently knowing that they too are God's creation. Trust him to the Lord. I hope that he is in a place that you can check on him and encourage him to stay with God, that God has not given up on him and still loves him and you do too. Time and lots of love. He has to trust God and know that he is loved. I pray that God will send someone to walk with him, endure and show him the way. Then it is up to him.
---Linda3939 on 6/27/05

I beleive it all depends on the child. 18 might be to young to be out on the streets alone for some, but others are street smart and can 'make it' alone. I would still keep an eye on him if he were mine.
---sue on 6/27/05

My folks had to ask my brother to leave, and it was not easy for them to do it. But since then he has become the man we always knew he was. He got himself clean and into school. He is now saved, a chef, and he and I do many catering functions for our church. I pray God will touch your sons life in a mighty way.
---bethie on 6/27/05

i dont believe for one second that you went to far. sometimes as parents we need to step out meaning we need to stop being comfortable with the way that the things in our lives are going. if we continue to ok all of the wrongs then we as parents are just as much at fault but letting go and letting god is never a selfish thing and it is ok to let go thats how we grow and thats how we move on to new things in life.
---olivia on 6/27/05

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Dear Sisters and Brothers in Christ,
To tell you that I am touched by your support would be an understatement. Thank you Jesus for sending your angels to me. That HE has answered yet another prayer is proof of His never-ending love for us. Please continue with your prayers friends. God bless you all.......Karyn
---karyn8985 on 6/26/05

I am a 21 year old recovered addict. I was 19 when my parents kicked me out, and it was the best thing they ever did for me! I have hit hard times, but because of that I have come to know Christ. Do not become an enabler! You will only help him continue in his addiction. There is a book called Bounderies you should check out!
---Zoe5647 on 6/26/05

I had to kick my son out when he was 19. Drugs (using and selling), lying, being billigerant with me, etc. He resented it, and moved to his dad's. Dad kicked him out a year later. He moved in with my daughter and got straightened out. We get along great now. He is clean, and is going back to college.

Why is it bad to make an adult take responsibility for himself? I back up your decision to do just that. Tell him you love him and send him packing. Pray for him and continue to love him.
---Madison on 6/26/05

You should check out Teen Challenge. They can be found online. Just do a websearch for Teen Challenge and you'll find them.
---Jill on 6/26/05

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i dont think you should make him leave home for if he lives there under your roof then you will know he is safe my advice for you is to fast a lot and pray for him i sympathize with you on what you are going thru ive been there i lost my only child of a drug overdose in 2002. we cannot save them but we sure can pray and plead the blood of Jesus over them.
---lea on 6/26/05

One of my sons was a rebellious teen, did a lot of drugs, etc. At 17 he was selling drugs (big time). He was arrested for robbing a liquor store and another time for possession of stolen firearms (no small offense in Canada). He'll be 20 next month & has his "own mind" back again ... & we have our son back! He walks closer to the Lord than any of his three brothers. I'm a big believer in praying the Word. If you would like the Scripture verses I prayed for him write me @ dory7973.
---DoryLory on 6/26/05

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