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Can I Marry An Old Man

Is it OK to marry a man 30 years older than me? He is basically ideal in almost all aspects (spritually, emotionally, socially & intellectually, etc.) except that he's much older.

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 ---Rosana on 6/30/05
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Doug, how tragic. I am very sorry for your loss. To get through that together you must have a very solid relationship based on love.
---frances008 on 7/2/08


I have been with a girl that is 21 years younger than I for the past 5 years. Yes, we have had our problems to say the least, but none have to do with the age difference.
During our time together we have lost a child and managed to get through it. We attend church together and try to study and pray together as we can.
No one gave us a chance to still be in our relationship after 5 years.
I believe because we are so aware of our differences we work harder at the relationship. If more "age correct" relationships would do the same I believe there would be less divorce
---Doug on 7/1/08


There is nothing wrong with marrying an older man, but there are things that you need to consider down the line. Right now he may be very spry and in good health, but the time comes when his health will go down and you will still be in your prime.

My mother married a man 20 years older than she and I can't say that it was a happy marriage. My father died when he was 82 and she was fairly young and still had a lot life ahead of her. My father was very ill for the last 15 years of their marriage and she had to care for him.

I take it you have prayed about it and both of you are Christians. That is very important. God Bless.
---Norma7374 on 6/30/08


There is nothing wrong with marrying an older man, but there are things that you need to consider down the line. Right now he may be very spry and in good health, but the time comes when his health will go down and you will still be in your prime.

My mother married a man 20 years older than she and I can't say that it was a happy marriage. My father died when he was 82 and she was fairly young and still had a lot life ahead of her. My father was very ill for the last 15 years of their marriage and she had to care for him.

I take it you have prayed about it and both of you are Christians. That is very important. God Bless.
---Norma7374 on 6/30/08


My sister is married to a man nearly 20 years older than herself, He a darling we all love him. She has never been so happy in her whole entire life.
---Carla5754 on 6/25/08




Sure but you better be able and willing to take on all the repsosibilities that go along with aging,also. Someone that much older than you is going to play out sooner than you. More than likely. When the years begin to take its toll on you and him, this will tell the true story. If its true love the relationship may last. If not, the story gets ugly and dirty.
Why such a large age gap? Looking for a daddy? I hope not.
---Robyn on 6/24/08


Elder:

I don't claim to be an authority. This is why I don't usually say "this is good" or "that is bad", (without qualifying tha these are my flawed opinions).

I DO claim that the Bible is an authority, so I CAN say "the bible says this this is good" or "the bible says that is bad" (and show where it does).
---StrongAxe on 6/18/08


Rosana, You most certainly may marry a man much older than yourself. GOD (YAH) has put no age limit on marriage. Save of course it's of adult age. Just know you may have opposition from others along the way who don't "approve" nor understand. The stipulation that GOD has is NOT to be unequally yoked. That is, if you're a Saint, follower of YAHUSHUA (JESUS), then seek His Face for your marriage partner, or make sure He approves of your choice. PRAY!!! YAH Bless!
---Gordon on 6/17/08


You're right about that, said the spider to the fly.
---Elder on 6/17/08


It virtually always used to be the case that a young woman married a man a few years older than herself, simply because they were roughly equal in maturity that way. As we get older the age difference is less important because, we hope, all will be mature by then. For those marrying in later life, it makes sense for the woman to be older because we live longer than men and that would give a couple more time together. There are more widows around than widowers.
---RitaH on 6/17/08




Elder:

The Bible doesn't warn against "being unequally yoked". It warns against "being unequally yoked with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14). Faith is an important criterion, age isn't.
---StrongAxe on 6/16/08


Your longevity may be unequally yoked. If you don't mind taking care of someone that may lose their mind before you do, it's fine.
---Elder on 6/16/08


1) Yes...you can marry a man 30 yrs older than you...that is...only IF God instructs you to. The same holds true about marrying ANY man of any age (or visa versa, a man marrying a woman), marry that person ONLY if God has told you to. Seek God first and pray, pray, pray. I have a friend who is married to a man 27 yrs older than her. He is very sickly and she is so stressed, working many hours to support them both (he can't work and doesn't have any money other than Social Security),
---Holly4jc on 6/16/08


2) running to doctors constantly with him, multiple surgeries for him, being tied down to the house to watch over and care for him. It is running her ragged. She has a very hard life and they can't really enjoy their life together, he is too old to really do much, mostly he watches tv and sleeps, while she is full of pep and energy. I would not willingly want to be in that position...BUT...if the Lord told me to, then He would give me the grace to carry on.
---Holly4jc on 6/16/08


Are you sure your not all just gold diggers?
---Shelia on 6/16/08


The Obverse side of this coin is reality.what do I want out of this relationship?Children?security? companionship? am I being wrongly Yoked?what happens 40 years down the road!!!if the goal is achieved.last but not least Would it satisfy my requirements of everlasting life in eternity.
---Emcee on 5/30/08


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I am so glad that I found this blog! I am 28 and have been in a 5 year relationship with a 50 year old man. We love each other very much but I worry about the future too. We have recently been talking about moving in getting married, etc So I have really been thinking a lot and feeling pretty nervous but to hear its not so crazy and that it is working for others is a sigh of relief. Thank You.
---Lisa on 5/29/08


This blog is all about FAITH HOPE and LOVE(charity) it entails MARRIAGE If you are prepared to give the best you have to each other,without question respecting the formula that love conquers all, AGE Creed Nationality takes a back seat as you live your life for the present and the future with that one Godly Ingredient of True Love.IMHO
---Emcee on 2/25/08


mmm difficult one. However there are never any guarantees in life. My mum was widowed at 27 (my dad was only 8 years old grand old age of 35) neither were old!! Also young people get ill too. So yes the statistics are that if there is a bigger age gap chances are you will be left a young (ish) widow and possibly carer. However if you trust God it could be the best thing ever to happen...if you are in His will in it all then it will be the Best!!
---elaine on 2/25/08


My boyfriend is 49 and I'm 25. We love each other very much and have been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years. I play over our lives together in my head and the thing that scares me the most is the likelihood of him passing well before me, or his health deteriorating because of age and me feeling lonely because we can't spend the same kind of time together. I was interested in Robyns response because she is living exactly what I am afraid to live down the road and she's happy. Responses?
---Shannon on 1/8/08


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I am encouraged by this reply! ! !

"I am 27 married to a 55 year old it is the best relationship i have ever had - no he is not a father figure - no he is not rich - yes we love each other we have been together for 7 years and each day i am told i am beautiful and i tell him he is gorgeous. he is younger minded than i am and this is the way i like it - yes marry him dont waste another day or minute thinking about it - you will regret it if you dont marry him."
---Tmad on 11/26/07
---Tom on 12/28/07


Can you marry a man 30 years older.
Answer: Yes

Should you?
Answer: That's between you & God. Personally I'd recommend you prayerfully count the cost by discussing it with multiple experienced counselors first.

Sidenote: Inspite of popular opinion, you do not need the state's approval to marry anyone.
---AG on 11/27/07


You can marry anyone you want, as long as you have proper ministerial credentials and are licensed by your state to do so.

(but seriously folks...)

Age should not be a barrier in itself. However, you need to be aware that it may cause obstacles later. First of all, it's likely that he will encounter problems of old age (sickness and death) while you are still young. You must be prepared to deal with that.
---StrongAxe on 11/27/07


Mary was about 30 years younger than Joseph. They had this age difference a lot in the Bible. It is the Spiritual compatability that is important.
---Carrie on 11/27/07


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I am 27 married to a 55 year old it is the best relationship i have ever had - no he is not a father figure - no he is not rich - yes we love each other we have been together for 7 years and each day i am told i am beautiful and i tell him he is gorgeous. he is younger minded than i am and this is the way i like it - yes marry him dont waste another day or minute thinking about it - you will regret it if you dont marry him
---Tmad on 11/26/07


If he, like me, is chronologically older, then his mind is, then he does not fit into his own age group for marriage. I may be thirty mentally,+ -, mature, never dated in a decade or two, yet alone due to the age differences. If you find this true of him, then Ruth, maybe he is your Boaz. Just be sure he is not a father figure to you, but a husband in your heart, mind, and spirit. When it is right there is little, or actually no doubt.
---g on 9/22/07


NANCY - I responded to you yesterday, but it was never posted. I'll try again. You have a point and only time will tell. My sweetie is very athletic and seems to have the energy and involves himself in sports that makes him seem much younger than his years.
---Daisy on 7/6/07


My father was 18yrs older than my mom and he out lived her by seven years. My husband is 22years my senior and is now 81 and I am 59. There many practical things to consider when contemplating such a union and unfortunately neither I nor my husband did so. The first of course is God's will! Beyond that you will have to choose which generation you will live in, as a rule that will be the older mans. Beleive me this can put a strain on the relationship over time.
---Nancy on 7/5/07


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Emcee and Billy Goat:
The way I heard it was:
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer true.
I'm half crazy over the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage,
but you will look sweet
upon the seat
of a bicycle built for two!

Emcee . . .your daddy changed the words! Billy had the the last two lines right. :)
Daisy
---Daisy on 7/3/07


Hey Billy G::I chuckled too.But the 3rd line should read "So ring your bell & pedal like -Ell "On your bicycle built for 2 (Parody)My Dad sang that too with his accordeon.
---Emcee on 7/2/07


Billy Goat . . .your song made me smile. Actually my Daddy used to sing that song to my mother. I thought it was so sweet. My sweetie likes to bike, so should I suggest that he get a bicycle built for two instead of us riding side by side? (He does have a nice carriage.)
---Daisy on 7/2/07


Ashley, Thank you! I wasn't looking . . . for anyone older or younger...I wasn't looking period! So sometimes when you least expect it, the Lord brings someone much better than you would have thought or picked out for yourself. To have someone to worship the Lord with you and to have so much in common that you want to do everything together is just wonderful. I am proud to be with him! I accept your congratulations!
---Daisy on 7/2/07


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Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do,
I'm half crazy all for the love of you.
I can't afford a marriage with a stylish carriage,
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two.....
---BillyGoat on 7/2/07


Daisy: great post. thank you. It is great to see someone write something positive for a change instead of condemning everyone all the time, ridiculing them or trying to prove they are wrong. I offer my Congratulations and I hope in all sincerity that you are able to share many more years together in love, friendship and happiness. The youth could take lessons.
---ashley on 7/1/07


Most of these posts have been about the very young marrying the very old . . . what about someone in their 60s marrying someone in their 80s? (19 years apart in age) We both have experienced life, children, grandchildren and great-grand children. He is actually in great health, better health than me . . .we are true soul mates, have things in common in every aspect of life . . most importantly, spiritual, and we adore each other.
---Daisy on 7/1/07


I posted this once before and it needs repeating. A man does not mature until he is forty, give or take. Women can mature at 15-20. Women that marry men their own age at 21 have a 56% divorce rate. Women marrying men twenty years older have a 6% divorce rate. Why the huge difference. Men that age are not into discovering themselves and rebelling against everything. They have careers, a home, and goals in life. Youth have nothing but partying on their mind with no commitments.
---ashley on 7/1/07


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Are you Rachel Reiter?

I believe it's permissible but not optimal to marry a man 30 years older than yourself.
A father figure would not work for me. I'm an outdoorsman, I enjoy hiking, fishing, camping, canoeing - that would be difficult for a 40/70, 50/80 year old to enjoy together.
---Rachel on 7/1/07


My grandparents had 12 children. My aunt also felt cheated by having older parents and embarrassed. She would duck down to the floorboards of the car when she saw her peers passing by. Her dad, my grandfather died when she was 18, within a few months after he retired, age 66. It is hard on the kids, and she vowed never to marry someone more than a year or two older than herself. She did exactly that and is happy with her decision.
I would not be comfortable with a husband that is my father's age.
---Rachel on 7/1/07


Losing a parent might move you to marry someone twice your age. A Christian can transfer fatherhood from a human parent to God and let Him provide the missing elements in your past and present. The approval of God your Father will supersede a devastated childhood.
Hebrews 12:9 ...human fathers who disciplined us and we respect them for it. How much more should be submit to the Father...and live.
---Rachel on 7/1/07


There is nothing wrong or un-Biblical about marrying either a man or a woman who is much older than you are. If you marry an older man, remember that men typically die younger than women, so you will be faced with living as a widow much sooner in life than you might later like. But, a few years of real love can make your life full of joy, if that is what makes you happy.
---harold on 6/30/07


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My dad was 50 when I was born...mom was 30 I hated it through elementary school and used to lie and say my half-brother was my dad. I wasn't permanently scarred from it...but understand: I grew up listening to old music, watching old movies and just into things typically for older people. In effect, I am now into older men because I relate better to them.
---Rachel on 6/29/07


A man always looks taller when he's standing on his wallet.
---BillyGoat on 6/10/07


im in a relationship with a christian guy who is 18 years older than me.i'm a christian too and love God with all my heart.i desire to please him in all that i do.my mother disagrees with it and its tough.i pray about it continuously.i seeked the face of God,i know that this guy is my Boaz.i'm not worried,I know in due season everything will fall into place.God has the right timing.So my advice to you is to always seek God first and don't let anyone's opinion deter you from your purpose.
---Gene on 6/10/07


Lily9364: My sweet angel. You have a lot to learn. Young people do get ill, also. If my spouse was 30 yrs younger, there is no guarantee he would be in perfect health,either. My spouse has never had a serious illness in the past 30 yrs. He is a great lover, Yes...I said it. Getting better(laugh) We have two grown sons who adore their daddy. He has seen two sets of grown children be born and become adults. We have two between us. Isn't God wonderful?
---Robyn on 5/30/07


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Bottom line: True love is hard to find. If you ever find it; don't fumble. It may not come again. Selfishness and hatred are at epidemic proportions these days. Someone comes along and offers you true love. Does it really matter their age? Make sure they are legal and move forward. Life is a gamble,take a chance.
---Robyn on 5/30/07


Marry the old goat. As long as he's not as old as Methuselah; but even if he looks like a Sharpei when he bends over - oh, go ahead.
But don't come cryin' back if his tires start leaking air, and he comes back limping into town on four flats. You're marrying for better or for worse. Wrinkles, sags, bags, ....
---BiilyGoat on 5/30/07


Marry him if both of you love each other and are serving the Lord. Make sure you know what you are getting into. It takes a lot of sacrifices in such marriages. More sacrifice than the average unions but love always find a way to overcome. Go for it! May God bless your union and may it last forever. Because it can.
---Robyn on 5/30/07


Why do you want to marry somebody who is all wrinkled and sags?
---Helen_5378 on 5/29/07


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My heart leaps, too, when I hear about young chickadees marrying for money.
---BillyGoat on 5/29/07


I am 26 and my man is 56. He is great. he is sweet, charming and a great dancer. I was unsure at first, but after getting to know him, he say one day at a time that's all you can do. He is farley well off and I am not even dtarted my career yet. It's fun so far. I advise woman who are getting into a realationship with a man 30 years older, Don't let the time pass by, let him know you love him for who he is, not what he is $$. You don't loose by loving only by holding back.
---Jacquie on 5/29/07


Robyn: it makes our hearts leap with joy when we hear about couples, regardless of age difference enjoying each others company in love,happiness, etc. That is what is meant when the Savior said and they become as one. they bond spiritually. notice it is older people like us that have happy marriages that last a lifetime. we were taught integrity, morals, virture, values and respect as youth. not like today where God is ignored. people wonder why divorce is 54 percent and adultery runs wild.
---ashley on 5/28/07


Robyn, a sense of humor helps, and you have one. I'm not always a BillyGoat.
But it is not for everyone. Men run away from wives for younger ones. Younger wives run away from older men. I'm glad your husband is a lamby and not an old goat.
Old goats love jumping up and down on cars, they enjoy cruising the car lots and looking the vehicles over, checking out the price tags.
---BillyGoat on 5/27/07


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I found love with an old goat. I just wish he or myself had more money.I could pay our chauffeur to ride us around in our Bentley. Otherwise he is the best. White hair and all. I am 50 something he's 70 something. Not for everyone. But its been working for almost 30 years. Should you marry him- its a gamble. Go ahead. Take a chance.
---Robyn on 5/27/07


I do not think The Bible indicates a rule about age differences in relationship to marriage. With the divorce rate as it is, you have as good of a chance as anyone else if you love on another and have Jesus as the center of your relationship. At least you are not marrying for lust which never works. As long as YOUR motives are pure, I believe that God will bless the union. May His peace rest in you, Jody
---jody on 5/27/07


Old goats will always tell young women, yes, yes, marry an old goat, it's great.
No it is not. We have divorce rates over the 50% mark and huge age gaps do not help.
I think more than 10 years is too much. Can't you see the pretty young thing with the California raisin - it DEPENDS on your point of view. DEPENDS and young chickadees do not make a good match.
---BillyGoat on 5/27/07


BillyGoats turn into old goats. It will happen 30 years sooner for you if you take this path.
20 + 50 = alright;
30 + 60 = senior coffees at Mickey Dees.
40 + 70 = geezerville;
50 + 80 = senior center lunches; canes/walkers/choppers sitting around in cups. (There's only one Paul Newman)
60 + 90 = old goaty fragrance/hair from head moves to ears/nose.
But if you're 20 + 50, go ahead, I guess.
---BillyGoat on 5/26/07


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This is easy to answer when you have love in your heart. The answer is yes. So many people look for love all their lives. Others may tell you to look ahead so many years ahead. No one knows the future, only God. It is better to love and be loved just 1 day, than pass many years without having the opportunity to love and be loved again. That 1 day you will remember and it will change you.
This answer might not apply to you, the person that is in love has no doubt.) Mathew 26 verse 6 KJVersion.
---John on 5/26/07


The best thing is to pray about it. Only God knows both your hearts. If He says yes, go for it! Be sure though! There are challenges ahead; but if God has called you, He will enable you! First hand experience on my part! Love conquers all unseen problems!
---Sue on 5/23/07


i am currently 25 and dating a 44 year old. we have so much in common and love each others company. i think that as long as you have the same believes and values and you both understand an accept that due to the age gap there will be times when one feels patronized by the other, than nothing is wrong. if its true love than there should be no doubt in your mind. if there's any doubt than its not the right decision.
---sue on 9/2/06


dear freind, in my opinion the age difference is so much. but in marrage this doesn't matter, if he is good for you, if he is thoughfull just if he has the qualities you want from one man, so what is the problem?? the only thing you do is - follow your heart!
---hebist on 12/27/05


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The age gap is wide. Even if you love him now, I am very sure you'll have a challenge in being his nurse if his health fails due to old age. His 'batteries' may decide to go off and you wont always have sexual satisfaction, can you live with it? In addition, most kids don't like old parents - this might be an issue as well if you're planning to have any.
---Lily9364 on 9/23/05


Age makes very little difference at present. (At one time it did, but with better health conditions, etc., it is not a real factor.) However, social difference may enter it. You may have more stamina than he does and want a more active lifestyle. (Of course, you can have this problem with same age marriages.) You have to also be aware of the fact, that some day you may be his primary care-giver. But, if you both have considered all the facts, and are ready to deal with them, age is not a real problem.
---WIVV on 8/18/05


My folks have 12 years difference between them, and they have had a difficult time in their marraige; I think the reason they have a difficult time is that they each grew-up in completely different cultures, and that they don't truly understand each other. The more I think about it, the more I feel that a person's cultural frame of reference plays a huge role in their ability to get along with their spouse -- regardless of the age difference.
---Christina on 7/31/05


If you can face all of the issues that go along with it, why not ? However, before you say "I do." to him, pray about this matter, seek God's answer and also think it through. Since he's much older than you, you will eventually become his nursemaid in his senior years. If that's okay with you, then I wish you the best in your marriage.
---Nock on 7/3/05


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Let me tell you about friends of ours. They were married over 50 years. When they met, HE was 20+ years younger than her. People really talked back then about the age difference mainly because he was younger. They tried to tell him how he would have to take care of her when she was old, etc. But, they were both Christians and loved the Lord. The funny thing is that he died before she did and she is still going strong at 90.
---Sally on 7/2/05


A friend of mine married when she was 42, her husband was 70. They had a son soon after. When the son was 15 his father was 86 and his mother 58. He resented having such an old father who was in a wheelchair after a stroke, but he also resented having an old mother (as he saw it). His friends in school had parents very much younger. There is nothing wrong with what you suggest, just make sure you are prepared for all eventualities.
---Xanthi on 7/1/05


You CAN but your probably SHOULD NOT. While love is the needed foundation, there are practical things which will put stress on that love and change it. Have you thought of them? Life being a road, look way on down it and, pray.
---Rebecca on 7/1/05


There're a lot of things that mars or make a successful home, we know that love is the foundation for a success in marriage, there're some elements that makes it work when put together.Understanding,this has to do with the way you reason,if ones age affects his rea soning then the issue of age in marriage should be considered, i don't think i can make marriage with a girl who's 30yrs younger or older no the magine is too much.will that love still last when we are 15-20yrs old in marriage,
---gideo1704 on 7/1/05


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God's word doesn't state age as being a reason for or against marriage. Sometimes marrying someone more mature balances out our lives. What you DO need to do is pray, seek HIS face, talk to your pastor, and be sure before you do it. I have a 25 yr.old daughter looking for her future christian husband & hasn't found him, but she too, would prefer someone older because they're more mature and usually more secure in life.
---Karen on 6/30/05


Think about it! Wwhen you are 50, he will be 80. There are healthy 80 year olds to be sure but what if he is NOT a healthy 80 year old or 70 or 60 for that matter? (I had a 68 year old customer recently who looked and acted every bit of 88!)

Are you going to be content to be his nursemate for perhaps 10 or 20 years?

Are you going to ok with his lack of ability to please you sexually in time?

For better or WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health. Can you really committ to that?
---Bruce5656 on 6/30/05


My wife died in 1986, due to cancer in larynx , who is a medical doctor, as I am in ministry, I wish to marry a medical missionary to do service. I am 54 and I am expcting God to lead me in His Will and we can rely on God for our marriage.
---francis on 6/30/05


Age is not the important thing. If you have God as a foundation in your marraige and you love one another unconditionally then God Bless your union. There may be health issues later on but, I am 39 and have health issues too so as long as you are prepared and know what to expect going into the marraige I say Go for it and be Happy and in love with God as a foundation.
---Marla on 6/30/05


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I am about to marry a woman 18 years younger than me that I met online. She was praying for a mature man in his 40's who can handle her problems stemming from an abusive past. I was praying for a christian wife who needs what I have to offer: love, patiennce, sensitivity, compassion and a lot of affection. God brought us together and its a match made in heaven!
---erik on 6/30/05


If you are 20 and he is 50 maybe not but if you are 80 and he is 110 why not
john3775
---John on 6/30/05


if you feel in your heart that it is true love "both" ways,then do as your heart says and not listen to everyone. for you will have those who will tell you "no" and those who say "yes"but you are the one who has to live with it not us,so just be sure before you say I DO
---johnn7359 on 6/30/05


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