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Legally Make My Son Leave

My 20 year old son lives at home. He works full time. Before his dad left for Iraq we discussed what was expected of him as an adult living at home. He isn't keeping his end of the bargain. How can I legally make him leave? I can not allow him to set this kind of example for the other 2 children.

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 ---Tonya on 7/11/05
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You have every right to kick him out, if he is causing you distress.
---catherine on 11/9/10


Another view: I hope things have worked out for you,my sister. If not -try talking to your son. Let him know you love him,first of all. Because it is tough trying to be a role model for others. He may not want the responsibility, the attention. He may want to be himself and let alone. This could be your son's reasoning. Why do you want him to leave?You never said what it is. Maybe he feels he still need attention and direction. He is very young. You and your husband need to pay attention to your young son. He may not be ready to be the "man" while your husband is away. I think this is what you are saying in your post and what you and your husband is trying to make him be.
---Robyn on 11/9/10


Under no circumstances go to no pastor or deacon,first. Go to your husband first. I know you probably don't want to trouble him about issues back home. He has enough to deal with in Iraq but he is still the boys father. Let the boy know he needs to keep his end of the bargain,too. If not- he will have to leave the house. Explain to him, he needs to be setting an example for the other kids. Treat your son with respect and courtesy, as much as possible. He is very young,himself. Sometimes young boys are not given the help and direction they need, because he is a young boy/man. Young men/boys are expected to grow up and be a man, too quickly,sometimes. Love and guidance goes a long ways in shaping our young boys into the men they need, to be.
---Robyn on 8/3/10


I do not know about the laws on this. I would think since he is of age you could evict him.
---catherine on 11/5/07


A lot depends on where you live, Tonya. You really should ask a local lawyer. Most places, you can legally make him leave just by telling him to get out. If he won't, you can call the police. But try to get him to leave willingly, if possible. If you want to keep any sort of influence or relationship with him at all, it's better to play it soft, if you possibly can. Whatever you do, it will feel like rejection to him, whether he admits it or not. Try not to make it sting any more than it has to.
---Billy on 11/5/07




Hi Tonya: I'm curious, did your son leave the house? What did you do? Are you praying for him? How is he doing? Of course, you had to tell him to leave since he was not cooperating. Our young adults think we are the scourge of the earth for doing this, but sometimes it is the only way to encourage their personal and spiritual growth. Blessings!
---Elsie on 7/22/05


Pray and then I would ask him what the problem is. When my kids turned that age they couldn't wait to get out on their own. I wanted them to stay! but they wanted to be independant I guess...Can your son afford his own place?? Why doesnt he want his own place?
luv,
sue
---sue on 7/13/05


Have a heart-to-heart talk with your son and really listen to him. He may be acting out the fear he feels for his dad. Discuss the rules, if necessary have him sign a form that he will abide by them or move out. The last thing you want is for him to live on the streets, but you need to be firm.
---Nan on 7/13/05


I suggest you discuss the matter with him again.
My brother went through a similar occurance. His son was smoking pot in his room and staying out til all hours. They gave him one more chance to straighten up, he didn't. They hated to do it, but they called the authorities and had him escorted off their property, he also was 20. REAL life smacked him in the face and gradually he became an independant young man, they get along fine and he never moved back home.
---NVBarbara on 7/13/05


Of course you can ask your son to leave. Legally he is an adult. My concern at this time is what behaviors he is displaying in front of your other children. Also, is this an adjustment reaction to his father's being involved in a war? If he is working, obeying the law, and respectful, I would see what is going to cause the problems.
---Madison1101 on 7/12/05




if the law in your state gives the legal age to leave home, yes you can. He is working and is not dependant on you, yes you can.
---Marie_Jacquelyne on 7/12/05


Has your son behave like this before dad left for Iraq or did start after dad left? Just a thought, if it started after dad left, it may have to do with dad not being there. Or he is confused or not sure of himself...not stupid but young and inexperienced in life.
---someone on 7/12/05


First pray about it...then go to your Pastor or deacon and ask their help and the two of you go to your son and confront him and give him the date he needs to be out....he is an adult and if he can't abide by your rules then it's time for him to leave the nest...you don't need the added stress at this point...
---fran6775 on 7/12/05


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