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How Do I Make The Pain Stop

My husband had an affair, now I am trying to forgive him and forget. The pain is real, how do I stop hurting?

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 ---mary on 7/18/05
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The pain you are experiencing is intense. My husband told me he was having an affair. Sometimes your over welmed with rage trying to figure out how you can make them hurt like you. Ask God to help you see your spouse through HIS eyes. Study God's Word. Find out all you can on the Love of God & forgiveness. My marriage may end but, I am determined to forgive & love my husband and I know I can only do this because truley I'm seeing him through God's eyes. God doesnt love the sin but He does love my husband and wants to forgive him as HE has forgiven me. Turn to God always and obey His instructions. He will give you peace & sustain you. Luke 6:27 - 38 & Romans 12:17-21.
---Jackie on 6/10/09

If you do this: 1Corinthians 11:3-10, 13, 15-16, 14:34-35, Ephesians 5:22-24, 33, Colossians 3:18, 1Timothy 2:11-14, Titus 2:5, 1Peter 3:1-2, 5-6, and he does this: 1Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25-29, 31, 33, Colossians 3:19, 1Timothy 5:8, 1Peter 3:7, this resolves the situation. If he / she doesn't consider the others best interest, he / she might easily be abusive.
p.s. (1) Don't uncover your husbands nakedness, but Galatians 6:1. 2) Pray. (3) Be kind, Ephesians 4:32. (4) All, get saved and trust in Jesus Christ. (5) True Christian counsel is helpful. (6) Don't listen to those bitter folk who tell you to divorce, Jude 1:12, 2Peter 2:17.
---Glenn on 6/9/09

Forgive but put distance between the two of you. The pain should go away with the passage of time. Sometimes people take advantage of forgiving and loving people. To be a forgiver does not mean to let people abuse and use you. By the grace and might of God. Find a way to leave this man. Don't be in a hurry to remarry. Learn to love you and take care of you...first. It is not easy to leave but it can be done,with God's help.
As long as you are in the house with him,he will be a reminder, to you of his cheating. Leave and don't look back. Butdon't leave with anger and regret. Leave with dignity and feel you deserve much more. And you really do,love. God's blessings to you.
---Robyn on 6/9/09

Absolutely, the pain is real and he definitely did you wrong. Talk to Jesus as much as you can. Pour your pain out to Him. He is the only one who completely understands how you feel and what you're going through right now. He is available 24/7/365. Receive his comfort and love for you. Let yourself cry as much as you can. Even if you're at work, tell the person in the cube next to you you'll be right back and go let it out. Begin to pray for your husband, release him to the Lord so He can deal with him. Receive the Lord's healing for your damaged emotions and the broken vows. Receive His strength to carry you through. Talk to trusted girlfriends who will also help hold you up right now.
---Vicki on 5/9/09

to forgive him play it cool and for him hurting u it doesent matter u should move on and not stop dating u are a strong indapendent women and dont need a man to complet ur life
---cathy on 5/8/09

time my dear Mary, time
---shira_5965 on 8/31/07

I did forgive over and over again as he kept coming back just to do it again. It has been two years since we split and the healing has not completed yet. I know there is a reason why I have gone through such heartache for so long and I know that God will heal my emotions in His time. I praise God for the special plan He has for my life. Trust in God. Through Him, all things are possible.
---Dee on 7/23/05

I have a friend who said that once the covenent of marriage is broken you should go to marriage conseling again, and get remarried again as if a contract is broken you need to recomit your selves again. I wish I had, as I would have seenMY ex did not mean what he promiced earlier. I hope your marriage turns out better then mine. He decided to stay with other woman.
---Laure5469 on 7/20/05

First: Has your husband even expressed any remorse for what he did? If he has, you should stop TRYING TO FORGIVE and Just do it! BUT make it clear that next time you will walk leaving him to his "extras"
As far as forgetting, it will depend again how sincerely sorry your husband is.If it was (just) a slip up, you will forget sooner than later but if you find yoursef not trusting him, you will not forget.In that case, better look for a new partner.
---Pierr7958 on 7/20/05

you cant. but Jesus can. <>< :-)
---monique on 7/19/05

With Christ in you,you can do all things and that include forgiving your husband and forgetting all that had happened.You really need to trust the lord with this one completely and as the day passes by you will be healed.Don't nag and don't keep reminding him of his mistakes and all will be well with you.
---susan on 7/19/05

in order to make a broken marriage work, both have to work at it through God, especially the one who strayed. if they are slack in this, forget it. if he wants you back he should be kissing your feet.
---wayne on 7/19/05

With my husband's unfaithfulness, I experienced a gamut of emotions, and settled on: "I did not care". I lived like it never happened, until one day God spoke to me, and told me to forgive my husband. I answered that I did not have the ability to. He showed me how He forgave me for my unfaithfulness to Him. He helped me transferred His forgiveness to me, to my husband. I don't feel that pain any more. I feel no ill for myself, my husband, nor his new lady friend. God, works heart miracles.
---June on 7/19/05

You know, sometimes men think that the grass is greaner in the other side of the fance. you've forgiven him for what he did, this's God's word. If you still care and love him God will ease your pain, and soften his hart to get your relationship back to where once was. I know that it is not easy, only focus in that good thinks that he does and not on what he did. Trust in God and give him all your worries in return for JOY. May God Bless you both and make you strong and couragous, in JESUS name......AMEN
---Phil on 7/18/05

I don't know that you can.

For most people it's something you never forget.
Here's something else to remember:

It's not your dysfunction that made him turn on you, it's his. If I were you I'd not move foward in a relationship with him until he took FULL responsibility for the choice that he made.
Most of all don't fall into the trap of blaming yourself.
This will take time to heal.
---Pharisee on 7/18/05

Keep praying and give time for God to heal your wounds. Also give him time to realize his mistakes and be forgiven.
---Karen on 7/18/05

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Cont. Mary, after my wife's affair had ended and we moved on with our lives, we stayed together for 40 more years until she passed away last year. It wasn't always easy, but with God's grace we made it. We had two children and five grandchildren.
Pray and ask God to get you through this and he will.
---Sam on 7/18/05

Mary, I feel for you. From personal experience I can tell you that only time will make the hurt go away. I'm sure it is different for each person that goes through it, but in my case it took about 6 months before I started feeling better. It is almost impossible to forget, but with God's help you can get over it and move on.
---Sam on 7/18/05

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