ChristiaNet MallWorld's Largest Christian MallChristian BlogsFree Bible QuizzesFree Ecards and Free Greeting CardsLoans, Debt, Business and Insurance Articles

My Wife Is Historical

I have gone into a christian organization to rid myself of drug use and have not done this for about one year and a half. My problem is that my wife won't accept my changing and continually makes me feel guilty about my past. What can I do to help her?

Join Our Christian Penpals and Take The Addiction Bible Quiz
 ---keith5448 on 7/19/05
     Helpful Blog Vote (6)

Reply to this BlogPost a New Blog

First off: Congratulations on overcoming this horrible addiction!!!! Thank God!Second give your wife a chance to build up trust again. I was addicted to heroin and know how it can destroy relationships. Pray a lot.
God bless you,
---sue on 3/7/08

Your wife is historical or just an old blog?
---Tato_Chips on 7/6/07

Be patient. Your addiction was much like an affair - you valued the substance more than you did your wife/family and the Lord. It takes time to rebuild trust. So, be trustworthy and longsuffering - just as you wanted her to be while you were in the midst of your addiction. Also, give her permission to question you. And, then listen to her concerns. She may be one of the most important keys to maintaining your sobriety/freedom from the addiction. She is your helpmeet/mate - a gift from God.
---daphn8897 on 7/6/07

Nothing. Pray for her.
---Helen_5378 on 7/6/07

She will have to work through so much you can't even begin to imagine...I know because twenty years ago I was where she is now.
Yes, I loved my husband but I didn't like him very much. She lashes out at you to hurt you like you hurt her. You betrayed her trust and told her by your actions that you loved the drugs more than her. Did you really? maybe not but she probably doesn't feel that way.Love her!
---Pam on 7/5/07

Pray for her.

Passages I quote to myself....

A nagging wife is like a constant dripping tap.

A wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands. 14:1

A wholesome tongue is the tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit. 15:14

Finally brethren, whatever things are true...noble...just...pure....lovely... are of good report, if there be any virtue & anything praise worthy - meditate (think) on these things. ----Philippians 4:8
---barbara67 on 7/26/05

The problem is, you changed by getting clean. She hasn't changed. She does not know how to relate to you as a clean and sober person. You may wish to suggest that she attend Al-Anon, or Nar-Anon meetings.

But, understand that trust has to be earned in marriage. She may be afraid of you returning to your old ways.

It takes time to heal from the damage of drug abuse. She needs to heal just as you do.
---Madison on 7/24/05

Keith:The road to recovery is a long hard & ardous up hill walk,which I gather you are accomplishing very well,as is your indication,in your sincerity.My words to your wife if she is christian is love conquers all, retribution brings pain & weakens the bond of relationships.Hang in there you have the support of the brotherhood& the love of our Saviour.
---Emcee on 7/22/05

The moderator used the word historical because Keith's wife is delving back in time (in history) to keep reminding him of his past. She won't let go. Keith I think it is sad that she cannot see the difference in your life and help you to put the past behind you. It is more often the case that others help us over such things and forgive whilst we find it difficult to forget our own past. Pray about this and, if possible, have a very gentle chat with her about how this makes you feel.
---Paul_James on 7/22/05

Your wife can be an instrument of satan, without meaning to be. Why? God convicts, only satan makes you feel guilty, especially once God has forgiven you and you are correcting the situation. There is no reason for God to convict in this case - that only leaves satan. What you need now is encouragement, not someone you love making you feel guilty.
---Ray on 7/21/05

Not to correct the spelling is Hysterical

Moderator - It was meant as historical not hysterical.
---Emcee on 7/20/05

Don't you mean 'hesterical'?
---Frona7335 on 7/20/05

Keith your wife may be trying to help keep you off of drugs the only way she knows how, by making you feel guilty and remembering your past.
It is OK to remember your past failures so you don't do them again.
Talk to her. She may see some of the old attitudes you have shown in the past and she is concerned.
This is not all about you it is also about her. She has suffered in this too.
Prove yourself beyond all doubt and maybe this will stop.
---Elder on 7/20/05

I've heard that once a trust has been broken, it can take up to two years or more before it is won back. In the Blog "How To Show Your Spouse Love" (8 down from this one) an excellent book titled "The Five Love Languages" is recommended by at least 3 people. I strongly recommend this book for you. It will show you what to do to reassure your wife of your sincerity and genuine love for her.
---DoryLory on 7/20/05

rather what you should do to help can be very annoying in your case but that's life. one's past always goes before them no matter what the transformation. learn to accept this silently. pray more often, read the word of god as often as you can, pray for grace and strength to accept insult and injury and if this is possible both of you pray together interceding for one another. when you pray together miracles happen.
---olive6374 on 7/20/05

my well as praying, i think u should sit down with her and tell her that u don't appreciate the way she drags u down...tell her the remarks she makes causes u to feel guilty and makes it hard for u to move on. Assure her u love her and need her to support and encourage u. Show her the way u need to be encouraged in a firm,gentle,loving way, and above all..pray before u do this
---esther on 7/20/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Dedicated Hosting

Remember, Keith, you broke your wife's trust, probably for a long time. Do not expect her to accept your drug-free life immediately. It may take a long time. Keep praying for her understanding and trust and show her beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are free of drug addiction and love her with all your heart! God's blessings on you and your wife as you claim every day with His help and presence in your lives!
---Elsie on 7/20/05

Congratulations! If you're truly free from drugs, you should not be feeling any guilt. Ask for her forgiveness, if she does, good then she must forget it as dead history. If she doesn't forgive you, ask why, you may be able to correct the issue. But if she has no good reason not to forgive you, then she is guilty of sin until she repents. And if she never repents but continues to try to make you feel guilty, then she is solely responsible for severing your relationship.
---Eloy on 7/20/05

The thing to do is to rise above the crab in the bucket mentality by identifying yourself with Jesus and him alone.

Your image of self is based in faith if you're a Christian; based on what God says about you and not the world.

The thing to do is to STAY IN THE WORD and don't let a day pass without picking up that Bible and learning about how God loves you.

No need to defend yourself, the devil himself cannot accuse you, try as he may.
---Pharisee on 7/19/05

My question would be what can she do to help me. She is blind and selfish. Just tell her you don't want to hear anything negative she has to say. Tell her you need her support and if you don't get it, just keep on keeping on. My prayers are with you.
---shira_5965 on 7/19/05

Read These Insightful Articles About Online Marketing

Keith: a trust once broken is like a mill stone round your neck ,but love conquers all Pray but keep loving every cloud has a silver lining.May God help you both ask & you will recieve.Happy days are near again.
---Emcee on 7/19/05

Copyright© 1996-2015 ChristiaNet®. All Rights Reserved.