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Listen To Husband Or God

If a woman is absolutely certain that God has called her to stay at home and look after the home and children, BUT her husband wishes her to get more involved in the church what should she do?

Moderator - Does your husband believe you aren't listening to God or is your husband not listening?

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 ---Margaret2 on 7/20/05
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To have division wiht a decission in a marriage is not very good. It shows that there may be a lack of commucation between the parties relative to God's quidance. Remedy would be to set down as adults and invite God into the conversation and allow the H.S. to lead (if necessary invite a pastor/Christian leader into the conversation). Talk to each other knowing God is there. Not my will but Thine be done. My prayers.
---Blue on 7/10/07

I would sincerely like to thank all of you who have given me positive suggestions. I am now going to leave this thread and move on. It has been good to find out what others think and that others have had similar, if not identical, experiences. God bless all of you.
---Margaret2 on 7/24/05

A suggestion would be for them to find a church that they can be fed at, and where your daughter would not be pressured to be super woman. The church should be ministering to her not the other way around at this point in her life.
---Madison on 7/23/05

Margaret: He needs to find someone else to do the typing for the church, and leave the mother of his children to take care of them. Also, if he spends a lot of time working for the church AND working full time, is he at all helping his wife with the kids and the house? He should if he isn't.
---Madison on 7/23/05

Madison, no my son-in-law is not a pastot. The church cannot afford any paid staff. He has a full time job and works many hours for the church also, preaching being one of the things he does. He isn't lazy and I hope I havn't given that impression BUT I do think priorities get confused at times and now is the time they need to be sorted out. My daughter does not wish her children to be looked after by others, paid or not, but knows she has her hands full with family without doing other things as well.
---Margaret2 on 7/23/05

Finally, I was in a situation with young children, under five, and husband made me attend college full time then work full time. God allowed it that I went to school while husband was at home to care for kids. When I went to work full time, I did have to put my youngest in preschool. I hated it. I felt like an outsider at my church because all the other moms of little ones were homemakers and I was at work all day.
---Madison on 7/23/05

I also think that someone posted the priorities and blended two into one that I keep separate.

1. God-my devotional time, Bible study, worship.
2. Husband- for the women who have one.
3. Kids- for those with children.
4. Church- serving and using one's gifts to build up the body.
5. Work- if one chooses to do so.
---Madison on 7/23/05

Margaret: Is your son-in-law a pastor? Otherwise, why would he need your daughter to type for the church? Doesn't the church have a secretary to do typing?

I think your daughter needs to relax and let the church fend for itself till her kids are all in school. If the church has a Bible study she can attend that offers daycare, and she does not have to lead the study, then she should go for her mental/spiritual health and a break from the kidlets.
---Madison on 7/23/05

2. THE PROBLEM IS SELFISHNESS ON THE PART OF A MALE WHO THINKS MY DAUGHTER SHOULD BE LIKE SUPERWOMAN. Also Elder it seems that you still think I am the mother of these children. I wish I could say 'read my lips' but can't so read this please. THEY ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN. And before you ask why I'm not helping read my other responses.
---Margaret2 on 7/23/05

Elder I don't know how you have come to this wierd conclusion as I have said already that the father of these children is my son-in-law NOT MY STEP-SON. Son-in-law means husband of my daughter. Others understood that, how could you have thought anything else.
---Margaret2 on 7/23/05

Margaret2 you are welcome and I know what it is to be disabled and not be able to do what you want to for loved ones.When they live away its impossible to help.Having three babies in the terrible twos has to be enough of a job by itself.Selfish men,dictators,are unteachable anyway.They are too puffed up with their own ideas and importance. I'll pray for your daughter and you,I know it hurts your mother's heart.
---Darlene_1 on 7/23/05

Thanks Darlene. Under different circumstances I would be the one there helping and for free but disability and 350 miles make that not possible. What you say about teaching the selfish dad is correct but, sadly, there are those who will say a woman mustn't speak like that to a man. I do though!! I also think she should tell him to get his typing done by someone else. Is Elder on holiday? He said I should give more information then vanishes when I do.
---Margaret2 on 7/23/05

I still visit this site but I don't think my advice is going to be wanted. I get the idea these children are the Step-grandchildren of the husband. This may be the problem.
Children this age should be accepted and helped by anyone.
If the husband is not rejecting the children for some reason and it is God's will for Margaret to perform his request He will work the plans out. If BOTH are willing to accept what is to be done. I am hope this is not a battle of wills because of the children.
---Elder on 7/22/05

Margaret2,I think the verse from the Bible I gave about the older women teaching the younger to be keepers at home, might well be applied to teach selfish Dad how to be a keeper at home to help an overworked Mom.Her husband has to be braindead not to see she has her hands full already.God bless your daughter,tell her to use wisdom,hubby doesn't have any.You don't obey irrational people.I think she needs to hire someone to help HER.
---Darlene_1 on 7/22/05

With a situation like the one just described - hope Elder's still with us - I would say that Margaret's daughter should be getting help FROM the church rather than be expected to give help TO the church. With 2 year old triplets and another young child she really needs help from wherever she can get it. Pierre I hope you are still with us on this one also.
---Xanthi on 7/21/05

I think tis quite strangew how everyone, even the Moderator, assumed that Margaret was asking about herself, and it is rather sad that most of the answers were critical of her ... because, I suppose, "a woman must submit to her husband"
---Alan8869_of_UK on 7/21/05

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Elder I'll number the lines of your response 1,2,3,4, Here are my answers. 1. They are in church when well enough to go. 2. Typing, bible studies, entertaining members and more. 3. They are not neglected BECAUSE their mother does NOT do these things (except the typing), they would be if she DID though. 4. Their father is not my husband (no, not what you think) he's my son-in-law. But the answer is 'not much'. Extra info you didn't ask for. Children's ages 2, 2, 2, and 6.
---Margaret2 on 7/21/05

3.With the best will in the world could I (without having a mental and physical breakdown) have gone hospital visiting, taken women's meetings, Sunday school classes, typed sermon notes etc. There are thousands of women now like I was then. Men need to realise that women have exactly 24 hours in their day also and during some of those we need to sleep and eat. I now enjoy retirment.
---Paulette on 7/21/05

2.Monday young children's meeting in Sunday school room, again a good walk from home. Only time a car was used was Sunday morning providing husband wasn't preaching elsewhere. Between two daily school trips shopping had to be done using pram or pushchair, washing, ironing, baking, repairing, preparing meals, babies bottles etc.
---Paulette on 7/21/05

Long ago I went through what was the most exhausting period of my life. Three children under school age, one in infant school. Walking them to and from school in all weathers, two in pushchair, toddler on reins, 7 year old a handful - every Monday to Friday, 2 double trips per day. Sundays church in morning, Sunday School in afternoon, evening getting youngsters to bed early.
---Paulette on 7/21/05

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Margaret, I didn't "read" anything into your question. That is why I asked my questions.
You still have not answered. I was trying to be of value to you in your problem.
I could have given you a "pat" answer, Woman obey your husbands.
I ask the same questions again.
It is OK if you don't want my input.
No one can give you clear answers to this problem without more background.
Just because clarifying questions are asked doesn't mean someone is against you.
---Elder on 7/21/05

I do both. God didn't call me to stay at home and take care of my children. (That is my choice) I am a stay at home mom, but I also work with the church, I clean, when we have an activity going on, I help. And my kids goes with me. To me I have time since I don't work outside the home and the kids aren't in school now, I can do more for/with the church. Now when school comes in, I won't be able to do as much. My children are 6 and 3, so the little one is with me most of the time when school is in.
---Rebecca_D on 7/21/05

Elder, perhaps I should have typed the word 'more' in capital letters for emphasis. Where have I indicated that the children do not go to church? Please don't look for hidden messages in my question. It is a straightforward question looking for straightforward answers from those capable of answering or offering advice. Some have done so admirably and I thank them.
---Margaret2 on 7/21/05

But I think ... as you will probably know from my views expressed on the "womens' rights" type of blogs, that it is for the wife to decide, with full knowledge of the needs of her family and home. what work she does as well as that basic responsibility.
NOT for the husband to dictate.
---Alan8869_of_UK on 7/21/05

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I had imagined Elder that her husband wanted her to get involved with the busy-ness of the church ... perhaps secretarial work, or cleaning it or helping our with adult activities during the week. She is claeraly not being asked just to help at worship times, when yes the children should be there as well
But you are right, she should really explain just what sort of work it would be and why the kids would be neglected
---Alan8869_of_UK on 7/21/05

Women are carers and nurturers whilst men go out to work for the family. Attend church as a family when possible - and it won't always be possible. Children get sick. The more you have the more often this will interfere with other things, including church. Commit to other things outside the home when they are older IF GOD CALLS YOU TO DO SO. Husbands should be delighted to have wives who wish to stay at home and not pass children over to nannies or others whilst doing secular work outside the home.
---Xanthi on 7/21/05

Huh, why are the children not in Church also or is there more to this question?
What type of involvement are you talking of?
What is being neglected with the children when you are in Church?
What does your husband do with the children himself?
---Elder on 7/20/05

God wants your love.He wants people with a willing heart to serve.Being forced to work at church will make you resent not only your husband but eventually church and perhaps even God a bit.Who does husband want to impress?Do what your heart tells you.There is no more important job than being a Mom.Only serve at church if God tells you to in your heart,otherwise it means no more than serving in a schoolhouse as a volunteer.Older women are to teach younger to be keepers at home/homemakers,not at church.
---Darlene_1 on 7/20/05

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God first, husband second BUT I think there is room for both. After all this husband of yours is not asking you to work a 40 hrs week outside the home BUT to get a little more involved in the church. I think you should want to leave the house THAT MUCH. It would put a little balance in your life, and it would be good for your mental health also!
---Pierr7958 on 7/20/05

I do not believe that God would expect a mother to neglect her children for the sake of an organisation ("the church")
Husband probably only wants her to be involved in "the church" so as to make himself more important through her activities.
Her Christian job is to bring those kids up properly and to witness to them and to people she meets as she goes about her tasks as wife and mother.
---Alan8869_of_UK on 7/20/05

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