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Still Contact An Ex When Married

As a Christian, when is it appropriate to be in contact with old ex's after you have gotten married. Is it unreasonable to expect your partner to stop contact with ex's or is that too controling? Especially when it is done in secret. Now trust becomes an issue. Overeacting? What is your view?

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 ---kliar on 8/5/05
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I'm in trouble. I contacted an ex and he blocked me after I told him I was happily married and that my husband was the best thing that happened to me. I felt bad afterwards. He really broke my heart but I never forgot about him. I asked him to 4give me but I think he blocked my messages. I feel stupid for doing this. Any advice?
---memi on 12/12/09

I was married 10 yrs when my husbands ex decided to pop into his life. Now I raise a son alone. Whenever something is done in secret it is obviously done for wrong reasons and leans towards no good. I think ex's need to keep distance. They are ex's for a reason. Once married you owe it to your spouse to be honest, truthfull and loyal anything less can be harmfull to a marraige and breaksdown communication.
---Marla on 11/14/07

Cut all contact with an ex, unless, there are kids involved. If you are seeing somone in secrecy, it is definitely wrong! Can you play with fire and not be burned. You are asking for TROUBLE......big time. Run....quickly!
---Robyn on 5/9/07

The only time you should visit an ex spouse is if children are involved. They need both a mother and father to show them they were not at fault and are loved by both. If no children are involved, it would create problems to visit without a spouse with you so trust is not betrayed. You always love an ex and temptation rises if left alone. Never visit their homes unchapperoned or you are inviting disaster.
---ashley on 5/9/07

Unless there are children that are being passed back and forth each weekend, there's no reason for them to be getting close again. Watch out.
---Cheryl on 5/9/07

Love is the measure.

If it makes your spouse uneasy then you're not operating in love to continue in it; remember the vow said "forsaking all others."

Love is the ONLY Command Jesus gave us, love for God and others without exception.

The nature of the husband/wife relationship is strained when love is sacrificed for personal wants. There's simply no room for that.
---Pharisee on 5/9/07

My husband had contact with an ex and it turned into an internet affair. The spouse has taken the place of the ex. There is no need for ex's to be communicating with ex's. God Bless.
---Paula on 2/23/06

Each circumatance has it "own set of rules" for contact. If there are young children involved, contact may be constant. Then there is the question of spousal support. If he is in contact with his ex, you might want to find out why? Should you not be comfortable with this contact, you should ask him to stop it, unless it's required for some reason.
---WIVV on 2/2/06

Unless there are children, or other circumstances involved where the "ex's" have to contact each other; no contact should be made. Even if it's "innocent", it will soon lead to gossip and probably jealously from the present spouce. And to request the ex to stop seeing her 'ex' is not controlling - especially if it's done in secret.
---WIVV on 9/7/05

I think he's been contacting her in secret either because he knows your reaction and he's avoiding it but its harmless communicae or he's up to no good and doesn't want you to know. I think we can drive a man to secrecy if we over react and are insecure and jealous but sister, I would want to know why he's doing it in secret. Positive confrontation is required.
---lisa on 8/6/05

I'm facing the same issue but worst than that coz' my hub wants me to communicate with his ex wife, children and grand children but he disallowed me to communicate with my ex husband, ex parents in law, ex relatives and even ex godmother.

His sides, none is sincere to me.
---Linda on 8/6/05

I fully agree with Sue. Where there are children involved, good civil contact can help children cope BUT NO SECRET visits or E-mails.
---Pierr7958 on 8/6/05

Hi, My opinion is that if there are children, then fine, contact is okay. But if no kids then I dont think so. Especially in secret! a big no-no.
---sue on 8/5/05

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