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I Am Not The Father 31 Years Later

My son was born 31+ years ago, but is not mine biologically. Until recently my wife has insisted that I sired him. The real father has revealed the truth. This has devasted me. Any help?

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 ---Davis on 8/6/05
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I am with a man feeling similar pain. He thought he was the father for only the pregnancy and 2 months of the baby's life... just enough time to bond with his "son". The real father came back in the picture and demanded fathers rights and my guy's ex-wife had to come clean and tell the truth. I catch my guy looking at babys pics and crying. For him and his family its painful to know that that child will grow up and they will not see it. In their hearts the child is their family even though not blood. For you, I am sorry that you found this out and understand your pain...but you taught him how to be a man... I would say that that makes you the father more that if it had been your blood that was running through his veins.
---Ann on 10/18/10

This is your legal son because you raised him,loved him and took care of him all of these years. But I do understand your concern. Your wife is part of this puzzle also. Why she did this I do not know. But she probably had a good reason for doing so. Have you and her talked this over, reasonably? How does the son feel about this? Does he know the truth? This can be shocking and devastating to anyone but slow down and do not jump to conclusions. Hear your wife out and do try to understand her point of view. The pain she must have felt all these years. The secret. God bless all concerned.
---Robyn on 11/13/09

i found out at 32(5yrsago) that my dad was not my bio. i haven't even begun to confront it myself, and it causes so much turmoil for me. i feel like an outcast now, and just hurting in general...
---david on 9/10/05

Don't let this put a wedge between you and your son, he needs you and "YOU" are the friend he ever had. this must have put a toll on your wife all these years, we reap what we sow. Our Heavenly Father isnt our earthly Father and I am NOt going to discard him. :^)
---Jan4876 on 9/5/05

Speaking as an adopted child (and, yes, I realize this isn't exactly the same as the situation you're in), I learned early on that a child's "real" parents are the ones who raised him, were there for both the good and bad, the ones who loved and guided him no matter what. The physical act of intimacy itself is nothing more than a precursor to reproduction in cases such as these.
---Heather on 9/5/05

I am 34 and there has been talk since I was young that my dad isn't my dad but my uncle is (crazy) my thought is and I have said this to my so called siblings/cousins that the Lord gave me a loving man who raised me and I will not call anyone dad who didn't play the part. I also thank God that my daddy is who he is. (my uncle never was a part of my life and he is just that to me my uncle.) I'm sorry to you. But the Lord placed you in the childs life maybe you where the better choice.
---judit4846 on 9/4/05

Your son is 31 years old and this "real father" has never been a part of his life? He doesn't sound like a "real father" to me!

You're the one who had the honor of raising him, you're the one who was dad for 31 years ... YOU are the REAL father!
---DoryLory on 8/13/05

Davis:The only help, is that the proof of the pudding is in the eating.Has your wife proved this in 31years?why would someone come after 31years to reveal this ,would you call him Friend or foe? Even if, the fault is not yours.Your love has withstood the test of time do Not destroy this.Gods judgement is final Trust in him.Do not be driven,by malicious gossip, which will only destroy you& your relationship with your family.=Father And Mother I Love You
---Emcee on 8/9/05

Just keep going the way you always have with YOUR son. He is your son, no matter who has showed up to claim him. God Bless You!
---a_friend on 8/9/05

All our children have extra parents. I am quite sure who did the egg and sperm donation and the birthing.
Some extra parents are worse than others and intend to hurt with each remark. Hang in there and after awhile you are bound to find out that they will tire of the work that you dedicated yourself too.
It usually comes down to the will - well if he is yours put him in your will to inherit. Extra parents tend to drift away with this choice. Too bad!!!!(LOL)
God is FATHER of all.
---barbara67 on 8/7/05

Dear Davis, ALL our children belong to God; we are just their parents on earth. You have been this boy's dad since he was born. You will always be his dad. After 31yrs. nothing changes that fact. However, I am concerned about why your wife did not tell you the truth - are you two able to communicate? If not, why not? Don't be afraid to explore this issue. That's why we are on earth-to learn. Remember, God will bring good out of this if you believe Him and His Word. He is the Father of us all!
---Elsie on 8/7/05

Davis, the other guy is the sperm donor, you are his dad (I used the hash just in case I'm auto deleted.
---lisa on 8/6/05

i would ask why your wife waited so long before telling you the truth, and i would ask why is she telling you now? Is she thinking of divorce and marrying the biological father? In any case, it's spilt milk, and no use in crying over spilt milk. i'd find out your wife's purpose for this new revelation, and then go from there.
---Eloy on 8/6/05

Stop thinking of yourself. What is best for the boy?
---Jerry on 8/6/05

I'm wondering why, after 31 years, the natural father decided to tell you all this. It seems so cruel unless he had a very good reason. You havn't said how your son has taken the news. You obviously love him and I hope this won't change how he feels about you. After all, you've brought him up into adulthood so there must be the usual father/son bond that the other man will never have. I will pray for you that you will soon return to a normal life after this shock.
---Xanthi on 8/6/05

You're his father.You loved him,nurtured his life,supported his needs ,taught him how to be a man.They can't take that away.Birth's a matter of biology,fatherhood's a matter of love and commitment.You also are his father legally if you were married when he was born or declared as his father for a certain number of years,Texas it's 4 years old.No matter what they claim, he is still yours and your bond will always be stronger than his socalled dad.Nurture that bond with continued love and frequent contact.
---Darlene_1 on 8/6/05

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Davis:Did you marry her?has she been a good wife although deceitful according to your standads?.why would you declare this after 31 years?Is there another reason for this declaration?How would it affect your not biological son?serious Questions which you & You only can answer.The only help in this case will come from God & the sacrifice you have made,you must have loved her !!!31years !!!
---Emcee on 8/6/05

The big thing here is not to punish him for something he had no control. As for your wife and his real father, I understand you are hurt. Just remember keep cool and take things slow from here. Of course you did not provide to much information on your wife and this man who is suppose to be the real father. Right now it is very important that you and YOUR son keep a healthy relationship. You have raised him for 31 years! Good luck
---geraa7578 on 8/6/05

You're his father in every way that means anything. It was you who gave of your life and your spirit to raise him, you who loved him all these years. Does this news diminish any of that? Does it make you love him any less? Certainly not. Be certain, God entrusted him to you because He meant for YOU to have him, and no other man. Biology means nothing compared to that.
---Billy on 8/6/05

I just this week found out that the father who raised me isn't my dad. It's been devasting 2 me also but I am recovering and when I'm healed I will call my mother and try 2 have a decent conversation w/ her. So answering your ? was helping me 2 heal the hurts I'm experiencing. God has & will honor U 4 being a man of God & raising a man of God
---Lisa on 8/6/05

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Just know that God had U N place 2 raise a man of God 2 B what He predestined. Maybe the real father wouldn't have done the job U did. God always knows best. What matters is how your son feel, R U still his father? no other man's DNA will ever change that.
Be & remain encouraged and 4GIVING 2wards your wife (if U R still married), U have 31 years of history & memories that should outweigh 1 mistake, error or lie 31 years ago. Take the time U need 2 recover. Blessings Always
---Lisa on 8/6/05

I was raised by a step father.The most important thing is the relationship you have with your son.Any man can become a father,i knew my biological father for a month and there was no bond or love between us i preferred my step father than him. my step father does not know about this even today cause i do not want to hurt him. i am so happy about the way he raised me.Hope this encourages you and please do not punish yourself about something that you did not just have to forgive and forget.
---Tessa4338 on 8/6/05

2. She shared her life with you. She gave of herself just as much as you did. She could have left you if she didn't want to be with you. We don't own the other person, they share their lives with us. You don't know how lucky you are having a wife. I use to envie others when I saw them with their wife's. Forgive her brother and never look back. God gave you someone to share their life with you. Let God take care of things. Be humble as the Lord would want you to be. It makes you a better person.
---lupe2618 on 8/6/05

Brother Davis, do you love your son? If you do, he is your son no matter what. What happened a long time ago is past. What is hurting is your feelings. Just maybe, your wife didn't ever want to hurt you. Maybe she loved you so much to not tell you and break your heart. Who knows why things happen to us but how you have loved your wife and she has loved you is what matters. When we marry we share a life together. We make many mistakes in life that we regret. But when we are Christian we learn to forgive.
---lupe2618 on 8/6/05

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