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Pastor's Wife Has Gone Wild

Our children's church pastor's wife, who married young and became a mom soon after, has backslidden. It seems almost overnight because she didn't seek prayer/counseling. She feels that she didn't "experience" life and now wants to. How do I make sense of all this and still help her?

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 ---leena on 8/8/05
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Sin in the camp. If she doesn't step down, eventually the finances to run the camp will probably dry up.
It is possible to run a corrupt church without Jesus Christ.
---Cindy on 2/13/08


Experiences, living by experiences for many is far more important than living by the Word of God.
If she's running around on her husband the pastor, she has disqualified herself from teaching young children or anyone.
---Cindy on 2/13/08


pliz, this lady does not read the bible. the bible stipulates it that whoever shall save his life shall loose it. surely this lady's going back to "experience" life is some sort of saving her life. she will surely loose it! let us always be ready to loose life for christ. yo help to her will not heal the body scars may be only the spiritual ones.
---kanak5699 on 2/13/08


Backslidden could mean many things, but if it's adultery, she has to step down.
---Cindy on 2/9/08


About all you can do at this point is pray for her. Until she wants counseling, or other help, regardless of how well meaning it may be, it will be rejected by her. This is a "not so unusual" problem with people who marry too young.
---Ray on 2/9/08




Sorry, but I've seen this before. It appears to possibly be personal opinion. Married young according to who? has backslidden according to who? She feels that she didn't "experience" life and now wants to. Says who? did she say that? Did she get seen having a beer or something? Unless her husband wrote this blog, it smells of manipulation.
Rev Dan
---Dan on 7/18/06


Don't gossip about her to others. Pray for her. Stand in the gap for her and bind the lying decieving spirit that has seduced her.
Plead her case before God. Not what she is doing (he knows that) but that she is a child of God and her feet are caught in snares.
---Tsuanne on 10/11/05


Being pastor's wife is one of the hardest jobs there is - pastors have very busy lives and are often too busy supporting the people in their congregation to support their families. Not to blame the pastor, but it sounds like she's overwhelmed by so much responsibility. Have you volunteered to help her with all responsibilities that may feel too much for her? Remember, God's mercy and grace have the last word, not judgement and condemnation. God's covenant with us can never be broken, not even by us.
---susannah on 9/14/05


3. Rev. Keith, I am so happy for you. The same happened to me. I didn't have strong faith in the beginning but I never gave up. Whatever decision God was going to make for me, I would except. Forgiveness is very hard, but it is a must in our life's. When we don't forgive the problem comes back. My wife died in 98 and I am so happy God brought her home for she was so happy in her last eight years. Praise be to God
---lupe2618 on 8/16/05


2. I know of many sisters that are struggling in life with their kids waiting on God. They see the women of the world just having a ball with their friends at dances and bars. But they wait on God are loyal to Him. It is hard to make it out there without a mate so they struggle. It is not easy for us to live a Christian life. But we hold on to our faith no matter what the cost. We know that God will figure out a way out for us. In struggling we learn so many things too.
---lupe2618 on 8/16/05




I believe many make the call for Christ because they are told that Jesus is love and that everything will be ok and that God will take care of them. Later on they find out that things are not better and many times worse then they were before. Living the Christian life is not easy because we compare it to what the world is doing. They seem to be living a better life then us many times and so we get disappointed and leave the church.
---lupe2618 on 8/16/05


My wife did the same thing when we were younger. Through prayer and fasting and more prayer, Praise God she came back to me and the Lord. She now says that it was nothing about "finding herself", or "living life", but it was simply Satan lying to her and deceiving her into sinning. There is still hope, and the only thing one can do is pray and forgive, and let the Lord take care of things His way.
---Rev._Keith on 8/15/05


The bible tells us that the truth will make us free. There are people in church all over who feel like the pastor's wife, who think serving God is boring and they are missing out. Jesus is able to give us real peace and joy and to deliver us from what issues we have. But we have to be real with him like the man in Mark 9. I believe but help my unbelief.
---mark585 on 8/14/05


Oh Mark, the story of the prodical son was, he never stopped been his son. Even if he had died he would have been his son. The same with a believer who is the son of God, he doesn't become an orphan no matter what happens. I am so sorry you have this terrible feelings for me and the church. Somehow, someone did something and I sure wish I could help you. I told you on my email that you could write me anytime, but I guess its your choice. My email is still open to you. Blessings to you
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


Wow Mark, you are still bitter, because it shows through your answer. Forgive me for answering what you asked me. I will not make a remark because it serves no purpose.
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


Mr. Lupe I'm surprise, wasn't it you who said that you don't think the Lord can use me to teach you anything. lol. So no matter what I write, your going to be right and I'm going to be wrong, right. Read the story of the prodigal son then look at what leena is saying about the pastor's wife. check acts 20:27-31. knowlege is puffed up but charity edifeth.
---mark585 on 8/14/05


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2. The sacrifice is not only living but also holy. to be set apart. Instead of being set apart to God, many so-called Christians have become too comfortable in our society. They're willing to serve the Lord in their own way, but not if it cost them too much time or energy, or it conflicts with what they love in the world. They prefer to indulge in worldly pleasures to please themselves rather than give of themselves to please the Lord. You can see that by the way they live their lives.
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


Mark, we do have a very corrup church. I explain that on the question of why are Christian man blamed for many bad things. I have read most of the questions on here and some really amaze me. I cannot believe that a true believer will even ask such questions. I used the word shallow a few times but that is the way many take their profession of faith. The believer who truely presents himself or herself as a living sacrifice will follow Christ without hypocrisy, no matter the cost.
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


4. meaning "genuine." It refers to commitment and truthfulness-the very stuff the belt of Truth is made of. I didn't see those actions coming from her. Now you mentioned that it could be the churches fault. A church does not save anyone. If God has called someone, they will be saved. Even when we have such terrible churches, God never fails in His plan of salvation only becuase someone fails Him. Nothing turns the actions of God.
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


3. Real love is anchored in convictions based on the revealed truths of Scripture. Our love is to abound in "all discerment." That speaks of moral perception, insight, and the practical application of knowledge. If our love abounds in knowledge and discernment, not only will we be able to approve things that are excellent-we will also "Be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ. Verse 10. The belt of Truth means "Sincere"
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


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2. and in your brotherly kindness, love" 2 Peter 1:5-7. Then he added, "if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ" Verse 8. You see Mark we are to pursue spiritual excellence. "Real knowledge speaks of full or advanced knowledge of God and of His Word. The divine love flowing through believers is regulated by an intimate understanding of God's Word.
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


Mark, glad to see you here again. I will answer one question at a time for you if I can. First of all I don't know for sure if she was saved or not, Only God does. All I can judge is her actions. A true Christian Peter wrote, "Applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control; and in your self-control, perseverance; and in your perseverance, godliness; and in your godliness, brotherly kindness;
---lupe2618 on 8/14/05


3. Church today is full of politics, drama, fake people wearing mask who are literally dying on the inside. Many of us eye the world but dont have the guts to say, Lord this is not what I expected Im turning back, but cuz you fear what MEN think you go, faking it. Lol. It's not that Jesus can't deliver them, cuz he can BUT.. God help us. Wouldnt it be funny if this woman actually made it in and some of us didnt. lol
---mark585 on 8/14/05


2. You know why she is like this, maybe it's the fault of the "church" not so much Jesus. Remember when the man brought his son to Jesus disciples and ask them to deliver him. They COULDNT. why? That's how the church is today, people come to be delivered and they are not getting delivered. there are many who feel like that in churches and why is that. they are not having that abundant life the scripture promises why?
---mark585 on 8/14/05


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This is to address Lupes comment about her not loosing her salvation cuz she was never saved in the first place. How do you know that? You know this lady is being real and alot of us need be real and step back and say. I'm here Lord but my mind is in the world. That's even more detrimental when your being hypocrital living a double life going to church and just going through the motions. Something we love to do in the church.
---mark585 on 8/14/05


2. She is the example of someone that has been enlighten but never made a true confession of faith . There is many right now in church that will do the same thing later. They are not losing their salvation, for they never had it. A new creation is been transformed by the renewing of your mind, Romans 12:2. It speaks of a total change and involves a choice; to express your new nature through holy living.
---lupe2618 on 8/13/05


sister, first of all if she doesn't have a love for Christ and has a love for the world she is just like everyone out there lost. They want the things of the world and not the things of God. I would say she never really repented from her heart and her profession of faith was false. All you can do is pray for her let God take care of her. He is the only one that changes people. I am sure she has heard all the words to salvation.
---lupe2618 on 8/13/05


Personally admonish her in the Lord. Let her know that she is a role model that others admire, and when she wrongly strays off the straight and narrow way, then her onlookers will wrongly think that it is okay to backslide. She is saying that she wants to experience rebellion against her husband. She can experience all she desires WITH her husband. All sin has consequences, and Satan can use her rebellion and backsliding against the body of Christ.
---Eloy on 8/13/05


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She honestly feels in her heart that she needs to go out and experience these things for herself (smoking, drinking, partying, etc.) She felt that every time she went to church she had to put on her mask and "pretend" to be a happy christian. She woke up one day and decided that she wasn't going to pretend and will now be herself. She was tired of living up to everyone else's expectations of her. How many of you christians out there have ever felt like this? (I'm raising up my hand!)
but...
---leen on 8/13/05


I don't think it's ever God's will that we go "out" and experience "life" just to get it out of our system. It's just too risky! But she strongly feels that this is something she needs to do. I don't want her to think that my love for her is conditional but at the same time I don't want her to think that I condone or accept her new lifestyle. God's given me peace to continue praying her through this rough time but it has changed our relationship unfortunately but I'll always love her.
---leen on 8/13/05


We have a church leader who went to the mission field and came back to find that his wife had been sleeping with another man and left him shortly thereafter. He is now raising their four beautiful children by himself. Meanwhile his wife is sowing her "wild oats". There is no way to make "sense" of it....it just is. Unfortunately if they don't accept help; it is useless to try. We tried. Just pray.
---Elsie on 8/12/05


In my 20's(I'm in my 50's now)I went my own way..did what I wanted to do,and worried about the consequences the next day.I believe God allowed me to do that,to teach me that I needed to put my faith & trust totally in Him,& that I'd mess up terribly if I did things on my own.I was a good Sunday Christian at the time and fooled a lot of people,but not Him.I think He knew I needed that experience and He let me have it...boy did He!!...and my life in Him has been stronger.Pray that's the case with her.
---Ann5758 on 8/12/05


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Sometimes backsliders don`t leave church and start living like the devil.....sometimes they stay in church, still live a somewhat holy lifestyle but they lose their love for the lost and their attitude is hateful and crude and self righteous and judgmental..... they need to experience a true touch from GOD and have their attitude clensed and their spirit renewed......We are here to LOVE and HELP our fellow man not condemn them!!.
LOVE JESUS
---co_ach on 8/12/05


this person said she didn't experience life and now she wants to, she has backsliden into the world. She needs to grow up. She is married, has children. One don't backslide overnight it takes awhile. I would be afraid to backslide on God for I know not when my time here will end. God won't take no excuses. I'm tired of people playing church and people patting them on the back and telling them as long as they go to church they alright. A person can't live like hell, act like hell and go to heaven.
---Rebecca_D on 8/11/05


Rebecca :-D. have you spoken to her? how do you know she don't have fear. Here is the word for you, David, described as a man after God's heart, not only took another man's wife but also got her husband killed. Eh, yet God restored him. I've learned you truly appreciate mercy when you're the one standing in Judgment. be blessed :-) Remember what the father's comment about the prodigal son was? St luke 15:11
---mark585 on 8/11/05


Yeah, God allowed it to happen, he don't make us follow him. I pray for the lost, constantly, I shine a light to them. That is all I can do, I can and I won't drag them to church. I won't chase after people. I'm sorry but if she truely got ahold on God in the first place, she wouldn't need to "sow her wild oats". the bible says to work out your own soul salvation with fear and trembling, she don't have fear so she isn't trembling.
---Rebecca_D on 8/11/05


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maybe God allowed it to happen to see who have the love of the Lord. we love to talk about how we are spirit filled, yea but not with the Holy Spirit cuz the most important gift is love. No wonder the church is so messed up, people aren't getting saved, just people church hopping. Bet if it was someone you knew and love, your answer would be different. Jesus came for sinners, so if she wasn't saved from first, better reason to intercede for her. careful of the seeds you sow, harvest isn't fun sometimes.
---mark585 on 8/11/05


One thing Jesus said and that was we should not judge after appearence BUT judge righteous judgment. He also said, blessed are the merciful cuz they will obtain mercy. I totally disagree with Rebecca D. You can't make a statement like that and you don't know this woman. remember when Jesus' disciples asked him about the man born blind. he said neither did this man sin nor his parents, how could he have sinned he was blind from birth. cont..
---mark585 on 8/11/05


Has something traumatic happened in this lady's life? It kinda seems to me, for something like this to happen seemingly overnight maybe something happened in her life she can't deal with. I would pray for her and NEVER give up.
---bethie on 8/11/05


Unlike Rebecca D, If God had given up with us, where would we be. No, God loved us so much he sent his Son to and for us. Don't give up on her either. Continue to praying for her. Maybe even trying to get some of the ladies together, who have been married awhile, take her to lunch and having a heart to heart talk with her. How many married people out there have NOT question themselves if they are missing out on things because of marriage? Just don't give up!
---geraa7578 on 8/11/05


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Losing her salvation? she never had it to begin with. A person can fool people but never God. She has no fear in God. Since she has played games with God, she may not get a second chance to come back to God. She isn't sorry, if she was then she wouldn't do this. I wouldn't feel a bit sorry for her, she brought this on herself, and people are giving satan credit. I would pray for her, but won't chase after her. Until she realizes what she is doing, and comes to God, there isn't a thing you can do.
---Rebecca_D on 8/11/05


2. Jesus spoke a parable about leaving the 99 to go after the ONE sheep that went astray. To be honest, as bad as it may seem, I commend the pastor's wife. why? because she could be like a lot of believers who claim to be saved and live like the devil, atleast she said she was leaving like the prodigal son. It said when he was AFAR OFF his father saw him, meaning his father was looking for him, praying for him, still kept loving him though he left. So let the Spirit minister to you as what to do.
---mark585 on 8/10/05


I know of another woman such as you speak of. I can tell you what I did Her friends listen to her, and do nothing. I spoke truth to her, told her she was messing up. We are to hold each other accountable. If you saw a drowning person, would you try to rescue them? I have taken a chance that this person may not want to speak to me ever again. If so, I did what I felt the Spirit leading me to. We want our friends to like us, so we become complacent. I won't love people into the hell. Jeffr
---Jeffrey on 8/10/05


Gal 6:1 Brethren if a man(or woman) be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. You know one of the things or gifts that Paul encourages us to have is love. One of the things that the church lack is REAL love. if someone falls instead of helping them to get back up we talk about them and condemn then. now I'm not saying this is what you are doing, just what happens in general.
---Mark585 on 8/10/05


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(continued to Amy)
She went thru deliverance a couple years back but I feel it's not a current possibility because she's sorry for what she has to "do". I guess I'm having a hard time accepting it because a part of me thinks she might just want "attention"...I'm really confused.
---leena on 8/9/05


Amy, because of this her husband HAS stepped down from his/their position but do you mean that she may have not been serious when she first received Christ because coincidentally, that's what she's telling everyone..."I was faking it all that time"...she loves and misses all of the children and is remorseful but feels this is something she HAS to do. I fear she may risk losing her salvation...is demon possession a possibility?
---leena on 8/9/05


You should ask her to go back to the time she accepted Christ as her Savior, think about that and ask herself if she really meant it? Then she should step down and so should he because it is a mockery to Christ for her to teach or he to teach with her living a sinful lifestyle. No gray area, just black and white.
---Amy on 8/8/05




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