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Should First Wife Tell Second Wife

Do you think a second wife has the right to know the issues that broke up husbands first marriage? Should the truth be told to her? Our marriage is failing and I know my husband is repeating the past from his first marriage. His ex-wife has always said she is there to explain should I want to know.

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 ---Juliette on 8/9/05
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My husband has a first wife so I know what you mean. It's not her job it is his. If you want to know then ask him. But you need to think about this, Would she tell you something that is wrong just to make you want to leave him more?
---mary9746 on 6/6/08


That's past, and part of the problem has to be on your side of this too.

Deal with you and you alone, I know that doesn't sound right, but I promise you the less you approach the problems you have together with a programed response, the easier they'll be to overcome.

A shallow attempt to fix his hang ups is not something you can keep up with. The only way to reach a selfish person is to be a selfless one, Jesus proved it throughout history and it is still true today.
---Pharisee on 5/14/08


I think a 2nd wife has every right to know the cause of first marraige break-up. But, it is likely the 2nd wife may not get truth either. For example if someone is divorced because they where cheating on thier spouse than this is someone I would be wary of marrying, even if they say they never will cheat again. Yes you have every right to know as it is your future at stake.
---Marla on 9/13/07


I don't think that would be wise his wife will find out what kind of person he is on her own if you try to tell her more than likly she is going to think you are jealous
---Betty on 8/29/06


Juliette:
You are at a crossroads; you broke the trust bond, but you know the reason for the problems.

I suggest you go to a neutral place, and place in his hands a list the problems in the marriage--DO NOT MENTION WIFE 1.

Later, you tell about your "girl talk" with wife 1. Tell him that you want the marriage to work, but she said the same thing as you wrote.

Because you do not want a repeat, ask him how to solve the long-term problem, and be his support.
---John_T on 8/28/06




I am currently divorcing husband for some very serious issues and behaviors he has imposed upon me and our kids. 17 years of lying and cheating and drug abuse and alcohol he has successfully hidden from me. Some men are consummate liars and know how to manipulate those who love them. you can offer wife #2 open conversation should she ever want it. That way she'll be more likely to trust you. My x is currently dating a naive 24 yr old girl (hes 39) because she isnt onto his scams yet.
---stacey on 8/28/06


yes, if she really wants to know what happened. she would need to be prepared for what she was going to be told. she may not like it or believe it. i am a first wife and what i have to tell would make the second soon-to-be wife seriously reconsider jumping into marrying my x husband. there wasn't any abuse but there was a lot of negect towards me and our three kids. she already thinks that i am trying to cause problems but she only knows what my x husband is telling her.
---genny on 8/18/05


I spoke to first wife and have discovered that her marriage fell apart for the EXACT same issues I am facing, that he never made the changes even when had counselling etc. She stayed a long time, even my pastor says he is probably never going to grown up and accept responsibility at his mature age. I don't see any hope in him making changes.
---Juliette on 8/14/05


Maybe. The 2nd wife does have a right to know such things, but the ex-wife is a highly unreliable source for that information. Her viewpoint is very likely to be just as slanted as his. You probably aren't going to find an objective person to ask, but there are probably better sources than either of the former spouses.
---Billy on 8/13/05


no let me refraise what i previously wrote, it is not nessasary to consult the first husband/wife, but i was saying that the couple thinking of marriage should find out if there are biblical grounds for them to remarry before marriage
---susanna on 8/10/05




Yes ABSOLUTLY! as christians it is very important when comtemplating marrying a divorced man or woman what broke up their first marriage, to be sure there are proper biblical grounds for remarriage
---susanna on 8/10/05


I was the first wife, I did not talk to the secound, she would not of listen to me anyway because he had lied to her about me. She called me 9 months after they had been married, asked me if he had done this that and the other. I said Yes. She really wish I had told her. But now He is married again. I am not sure how they are doing, seems to be alright. I know God can change people but I really have not seen that change in him yet. If you know the first wife go talk to her. Mary8877
---mary8877 on 8/10/05


No! For two reasons: 1. The second wife probably won't believe you, as far as she is concerned you are just telling, "Sour Grape" stories 2. He may have changed and not exhibit the same behavoir. If she ask for your opinion, that's different and you may want to tell her. But, don't say anything unless she asks.
---WIVV on 8/9/05


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