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My Husband Abused My Trust

I was abused as a child, then date raped as an adult. 6 mths into my marriage my husband abused my trust and I have been unable since to let him be intimate with me, I can't sleep in the same bed, I now fear him and don't feel safe. I never want him to touch me again. Help me.

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 ---Ruth on 8/12/05
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Ruth, I would say seek counsel from your Pastor. There is scripture that says exposing the devil and his schemes is the first step toward recovery. The son shall make you free and you shall be free indeed. Meditate on the word of God, specific scriptures that apply to your situation, God hears your pleas...trust him and know that what is impossible with man is possible with God. I will be praying for you and your husband!
---Kim on 2/26/08


Is "abused my trust" a secret code word for something?
---JohnE on 5/16/07


I don't know what you mean by his abusing your trust. Did he just do something you didn't like or did he run off and commit adultery? Is he sorry for what he did? I don't think that retaliation by witholding yourself from him will help your situation and be what puts this altogether for you again. Returning good for evil is God's principle, not returning evil for evil.
---john on 5/15/07


ihonny, "Divorce" in Jeremiah 3:8 is a mistranslation of "Cepher Keriythuwth", which is "Indictment or Bad Record of Rejection". lit.heb: "Because for there with anyone, backsliding Israel committed adultery, I sent her away and given her a bad record of rejection: yet her sinuous sister Iudah did not fear, but went and committed whoredom also."
---Eloy on 5/15/07


you should have reconciled since the offense. Pray about it, and get him alone and tell him that you want to pray together with him to reunify your single bond of you two becoming one: now are they no more two, but are become one flesh, and that what God has joined together let no one put asunder, that includes you also. Get him alone, tell him you need prayer, then take his hand, and both of you bow down and pray to Jesus to reunite you both and to heal your union and make it even stronger.
---Eloy on 5/15/07




Some things are deal-breakers. Adultery for some depending on values is a disconnect. God himself divorced for this cause. Some people co-exist in open aduterous relationships.
---jhonny on 5/15/07


It sounds like you have some very deep seated issues, and you need to seek counseling! Possibly take him with you too?
---zoe5647 on 5/15/07


Hi. I know EXACTLY what you mean by ABUSED TRUST. My ex did the exact same thing. I can forgive but it's hard to get over. I still am afraid to trust people. Sorry- I'll pray for you and you can pray for me,okay?
---Glenda on 9/17/05


Sounds like you went from, "the frying pan into the fire". The sad fact is, it will always be that way - unless - you let God take control. (Which is not as easy as it sounds.) No one can take advantage of you, unless you let them. Your first step is to let your husband EARN your trust. Pick out a small area that he can do start earning that trust, and than expand into other areas until he has earned your complete trust.
---WIVV on 9/7/05


I have been an abusive husband, verbally and physically, have overstepped boundaries that I didn't realise were there, but still love my wife, give your husband small tasks to win your appreciation and confidence back. No one is purposefully mean. Too often we are driven by feelings instead of standards, that the partner does not appreciate your boundaries. This is how we misperceive and ultimately choose not too relate effectively. Find faith in God and HE will start giving you answers and understanding.
---Grant on 9/3/05




when ur Loved one abuses ur trust then the process of reconciling is up 2u, which way u want 2 go with it!The Abuse is against Luv itself in such cases & forgiveness is a must!only with time will forgetting be obtainable.What is more important n this life s the relationship we develope with our Heavenly Father...all else is sad...gud luk
---stephen on 9/1/05


Jesus knows your struggle to trust. Turn to Him, hold Him close when you're afraid. Pray against the devil's holds on you from abuse. Seek help, check your insurance coverage--is Christian counseling paid? Go, tell your story. Let God use a professional to lead you from fear to recovery. Involve your husband, ask him to respect your fear of intimacy. There are many ways you can be close without triggering your fear of his touch. He is responsible to help you. Time and Jesus can heal, I know!
---Chris on 8/13/05


Ruth there has got to be a point that healing begins.

There is no reason to fear him (Matt 10:28) your fear should be for the words of Jesus who showed us that all offenses should not only be forgiven, but resolved. (Matt 5:23-24)

The intimacy with your husband needs to be spiritual and physical or what you'll have is a frustrated man who resents you.

The chasm must be repaired, and it sounds like it has to start with you. Your fear will end your marriage if you don't overcome it.
---Pharisee on 8/13/05


ruth, please write to me, i want to talk w/you... shawn
---shawn on 8/12/05


hey, are we related???... you are a great sufferer.. maybe we should become friends in jesus christ since i am or have been experiencing many of these same things... im a newer christian, and i am scaed beyond belief. please write. your friend and sister in the mysterious body of jesus christ. a prayer... may jesus bless and keep you safe and sound. may the holy spirit help you cross the wide cravass to find your savior.amen... love from a sister
---shawn on 8/12/05


, so many of these problems can be prevented. make sure you know EXACTLY who someone is before you marry them.
---steve on 8/12/05


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Ruth
sounds like to me you need a friend that will listen and pray for you and all Pastors dont have the right advice for this problem....i am sorry for what has happened to you in the past and also in your marriage if you feal led email me at lea7656 and i will be glad to minister the word of God to you not judging you but loving you unconditionally.
---Lea on 8/12/05


My dear friend, pray and ask God to forgive these people who have hurt you. Jesus on the cross cried to the Father " forgive them for they know not what they do".We must follow Jesus examples of love and compassion for all people according to 1 Cor.13. We are instructed to love our enemies and those people who offends us. This is impossible to do alone. We must ask God to strengthen us to do his will and trust God to protect us from all evil through our prayers. I will pray with you.
---kelva9879 on 8/12/05


I do not know how you were betrayed but one fact you need to consider is that the devil is using your history to victimize you, don't you dare let him, the fact that you talk of past abuse shows that he is using it to scare you, resist his temptation. Forgiveness works wonders, talk it out with your husband, remember the devil is there to destroy and thats what he wants to do.
---runya9977 on 8/12/05


I agree w/ both responses. Hopefully, you know a Pastor that will give you the Godly advice that you need. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do - you have been through alot. Unfortunately, many people don't know how valuable someone's trust is.
---Isaac_Rocco on 8/12/05


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