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Unhappy Husband Will Not Leave

I need advice. My husband will not work, which means I support the family. He insults my side of the family, drinks too much and smokes, never goes to church and says few positive things. I have said that if he is so unhappy he should leave and find somewhere he can be happy, but he will not go.

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 ---Annie on 8/13/05
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It's not Christ-like to be a doormat for disrespectful husbands. If you're not taking a stand against what's wrong, you're basically saying that it's okay to do wrong. And it's not your responsibility to support your family - it's HIS. 1 Tim. 5:8 I would confront him ASAP. Speak the truth in love, remembering that sometimes tough love is the only thing that will wake guys up. If he TRULY loves you and your family, he'll do the right thing and whatever it takes to keep you. God be with you! ~Jen
---Jen on 7/17/07


He must be at least content, then. I know it's hard for you, but sometimes we're called to endure such things. We don't always know why. Love him as best you can, and be thankful you have him (hard as that may be to do). It's not easy, but it's the right thing to do, and doing the right thing is never a mistake.
---Billy on 3/12/07


Annie,
Why dont you take you and your kids and get out? If your husband isnt supporting the family, like he is supposed to, he isnt upholding his end of the deal. Do you want your kids growing up in that kind of environment, thinking that your marriage is "normal"? The Lord doesnt want you to be a fool dear sister. And He does allow divorce in certain circumstances. Talk to your pastor. And pray for a word from God as to what He wants you to do.
---Cyndi on 9/27/05


What qualities did he have that made you marry him in the first place? He may have a medical problem if this is something that started after getting married. It may be anything; depression, bi-poler (sp), etc. When as the last time he had a complete physical?
---WIVV on 9/7/05


, many people think happiness is the goal of life. that is why they are sad. committment, faith, and serving are better goals.
---steve on 8/17/05




God said if a man will not work, then he should not eat. Stop giving him money! No smokes, no booze, no food. If he wants these things he will have to work for them. Stop wasting money on him. You make the money, and you should spend the money. He will get the idea. Stay strong and firm.
---geraa7578 on 8/15/05


Dear Sister, you must be so frustrated! Whilst you meet his needs he won't budge an inch, this calls for tough love. Ask him to leave until he gets a job and deals with his drinking and smoking. Think of your kids, this is the role modelling they get. A seperation is NOT a divorce and it will test whether he is committed to changing. He will not change whilst you are still meeting his needs. Get some support and get him out until he grows up and provides for you. you deserve better dear sister.
---Maxine on 8/13/05


You must have loved him at some stage to have married him. We are called to love as God loves us, that is unconditionally.
Why does he not work, has he lost his job, is he ill? He may be quite depressed. Or have a low self esteem, (hence putting down others). You need to remain positive, get yourself some sort of positive support, so you can remain strong for your husband. Continue to pray for him, When he displays negativity, turn it into something positive. God bless you.
---Margaret on 8/13/05


Why should he leave.. he is using you as a meal ticket.. He has everything he needs, three hots and a cot...

he wont leave until you kick him out.
---NurseRob on 8/13/05


I do not feel a woman should stay and take abuse from her husband. And that is abuse, it may not be physical, but it is abuse. I would give him a choice, either get a job and stand up to his responsiblities and quit drinking or get out. Even if he doesn't want to attend Church there is no reason to allow him to pull you down with him. Which is exactly what he is doing. racha5364
---Rachael on 8/13/05




, you need to talk with him to find out why he is so unhappy. men tend to not talk when they think nobody is listening.
---steve on 8/13/05


Stand your ground Annie, you need peace in your home for your children's sake, but don't fight back as it only magnifies problems.

As far as your side of the family goes, I'm sure they won't be crushed to find out what he thinks so don't let it get to you.

If he gets drunk and scares you or your children I'd call the police and let him sober up in jail for the night.

Make dinner for you and the kids, let him "not eat" since he won't work. 2Thes 3:10
---Pharisee on 8/13/05


someone who sits around all day, drinks, smokes, curses and never does anything good is not about to go anywhere. I don't agree with Billy about be glad you have him. The bible says a man who don't take care of his family is worse than an infidel. I would kick him out so quick, his head couldn't keep up.
---shira_5965 on 8/13/05


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