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Leave Your Spouse For Abuse

Re: Marriage-Where does it say in our vows or the Bible that we can leave our spouses because of abuse? If there's abuse, then separation is necessary for protection, but prayer is needed for change, not divorce. Scriptures?

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 ---Dorothy on 8/18/05
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In most states there is no legal separation, therefore, if a wife separates and seeks to have half of her share of the property so she can support herself, then there must be a divorce to divide the marital assets so she can live. If she is financially self-sufficient, a separation may be okay.

I cannot believe that if someone divorces an abusive spouse they will not be forgiven. Therefore, I encourage domestic violence victims to get out and if necessary divorce.
---Madison on 10/14/07


God admonishes us to put away all wrath--forceful and vindictive anger (Eph. 5:31). Certainly you should pray for your husband before seeking divorce and if necessary for safety's sake, separate. Paul said God has called us to "peace" in our marriages (1 Cor. 7:15). In the same chapter he said we are no longer under "bondage" if the unbeliever wants to depart for we do not know if we will save them (or if their abuse will change). All cases are different so prayer is the key thing.
---Naomi on 4/13/07


I spent a year and a half separated from my husband when arguing begat physical abuse. In that time, my entire focus was seeking God's directives in the Bible and thru prayer. And, I was eventually sent home because my prayers for my husband's heart to soften toward me, were answered. Before bringing any things back over the threshold, I and my husband prayed at the door, for blessing on our home. When we argue now, I examine my spirit, seeking direction.
---Rebecca on 1/3/06


First, seperate yourself.
Second, report his behavoir to the police and any social organizations in the area. (This is to protect you from law suits from him stating you left him.)
Third, get to marriage counseling - with or without him. (Make sure it's professional counseling.)
NOTE: You are to seperate yourself from your husband, NOT divorce him. And, don't think you can handle this yourself. Abuse is progressive, hitting today can turn into killing tommorow.
---WIVV on 9/18/05


If you made a vow, "Till death do us part", you shold stay. What's your definition of 'abuse'? That word gets thrown around so much. My wife and I have been together 30 years...married 28. We've yelled, screamed, and at times, it's gotten physical. We're still together. You made vows so KEEP them.
---Mark on 9/13/05




Maxine, no 1 should stay in a dangerous situation. If husband hadn't changed, I'd still be praying 4him until "death do us part", staying separated or going back 2him, as the Bible says. It would be hard, but God doesn't allow us 2go thru anything we can't handle. W/God all things R possible. We must trust in Him, never give up, even if that means praying 4 a lifetime. If I had 2stay separated 2protect myself, or if I had 2have him arrested, I would, but I wouldn't give up. I wouldn't divorce.
---Dorothy on 8/22/05


Dorothy, you're right. There is separation, arrest and imprisonment, for violence. Praise God he doesn't divorce man, when how many times they have abused God, but is willing to restore the backslider when they truly repent.
---Eloy on 8/21/05


So if the abusive spouse never changes, never stops abusing, is the other supposed to just suffer? Possibly putting self in danger (many have been killed when domestic violence went one step too far) Read Malachi chapter 2. God does not expect a spouse to stay and be abused and if the abuser does not change then would God really want you to stay in danger?
---Maxine on 8/21/05


Pharisee, you hit it right on the head! God did not promise that as a Christian, we would live in a rose garden and be protected from all harm. But He did say, "Trust in Me!" Malachi 2:14-16; Matt. 5:31-32; 19:3-12; Mark 10:2-9; 1 Cor. 7:10-11.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05


Please do not take me wrong. I do not condemn or judge anyone that has gone through divorce. I almost did myself on two occassions. I am just advocating marriage and the sacredness of it and how, with God, all things are possible. He loves us all and He can and does heal marriages. A wonderful Christian couple who got me through my trials in my marriage is the Steinkamps. Can't post a web here, but for those who are in marriage turmoil, search them on the Internet.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05




Geri, my husband never threatened or abused the children in any way. That is all in the past. Two of our children are adults now, the last is now 13. My point was and is, marriage is sacred to the Lord and faith in God, prayer, fasting, etc. should come first. We as Christians are too quick to listen to one another instead of listening to the Almighty. Malachi 2:16; 1 Cor. 7:10-11.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05


In response to David, Moses allowed divorce because of hard-heartedness. I never had a hard heart & I prayed for God to change husband's heart & God did, amen! Read Malachi 2:16; 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (that is Jesus speaking, not Paul, not Moses, not man). I left when it was dangerous, but trusted in God, not the courts and not man. We are still happily married and husband's heart has changed. We go to church together now, etc. Our children have seen first hand the power of faith and the power of prayer.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05


I have been with my husband since I was 15. I'm now 37. Been thru it all: abuse, adultery, pornography, you name it. I stand on Malachi 2:16 and the promises of God. I stayed faithful to husband and God and prayed, prayed, prayed. We are happier now then ever and God has turned husband's heart around again. With God, all things are possible. (We were separated when it was necessary).

God bless.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05


This question was just one of many posts that I had hoped would be posted one right after the other. They were all re: marriage, how Satan uses many means to kill, steal, and destroy what God has brought together. There were about 5 or 6 posts, this is just one of them. I do believe that there is forgiveness for divorce, but I also believe in Malachi 2:16.

God bless.
---Dorothy on 8/19/05


The issue is not forgiveness for divorce, the issue is the rift created between two souls that God has joined together.

The life of a believer is so deeply rooted in restoration of relationships that Jesus set this as a priority over worship. (Matthew 5:23-24)

You've got it right, and you may have to humble yourself and rely on others in order to protect yourself. Divorce however is a burnt bridge and that's clearly not God's counsel.

Be careful what you listen to.
---Pharisee on 8/19/05


God has admonished us all, especially fathers, to not frustrate our children. Abuse of any form....to you or to them; verbal, emotional or physical.........violates this rule to live by that we've been given. Ask yourself this question, Dorothy.....Are your children in danger (for their lives, their souls, their mental health)? Your first responsibility is your relationship with God. Your second is to your children, if your spouse is threatening them.
---Jeri on 8/19/05


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Don't confuse Divorce with 'putting away'. Jesus said the only reason to put away a spouse was unfaithfulness. In the East the man could send his wife away with nothing but the clothes she was wearing for any reason he chose without divorcing her. If she married again, it was adultry. He also said God allowed Moses to give a writing of divorcement.... Pray for hubby, but get out of a dangerous situation no matter what. DIVORCE IS NOT FORBIDDEN AND WE AREN'T UNDER THE LAW!
---David on 8/18/05


I agree with Madison....I encourage victims of spousal abuse to leave the situation and never return to the marriage...I have been a victim of various types of abuse and I would rather have my life than have to worry every night whether I was going to make it through the night...God loves His children and He certainly doesn't want to see His children bodily harmed because of an abusive spouse...prayer is needed yes, but I would go as far as divorcing the spouse as well is there is no change...
---fran6775 on 8/18/05


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