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Prenup Has Me Mad

My fiance handed me a prenup to protect his family business. I was fine reading it until I got to the part where it said the Groom advised the Bride to seek legal counsil, but the Bride refused. That was a lie. He didn't even tell me he was having one drawn up.

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 ---kristin on 8/21/05
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If I were you I'd go ahead and go to an attorney and cross out that provision, prenups are a two way street, it doesn't all have to go his way. What if you wind up with your own business? You'd want that protected from him too.
---Lesley on 12/12/07

A prenup agreement protects many from being taken by gold digging men and women for their own material gain and not for love. It is an agreement that shows if the person is sincere or dishonest. There are millions of men and women who look at material wealth in a future spouse. Once they are married, they divorce them and take half. Many spend a lifetime working hard to get ahead. How would you feel if someone married you just for your money. It separates the wheat from the tares.
---ashley on 6/2/07

2- many people live in the moment and look at the negative side of things. If your fiance wants a pre-nup, you get one too. Who knows what the future holds. You could win the lottery, receive an inheritance worth millions, find a rare coin, etc. Pre-nups can work both ways to protect each other. Hopefully, everyone prays before entering marriage, to make sure that person is the one God ordained for them, but in the case of many, love blinds them and God is forgotten. He should be the first person asked.
---ashley on 6/2/07

Tear up the prenup and call off the wedding. The prenup with this wording suggests that he has strong doubts about the success of your marriage - thank him for the warning and let him off the hook. There are still decent men out there.
---lorra8574 on 6/2/07

Throw the prenup back in his face and run as fast as you can. You seem to have picked a rotten egg. He's stinking before the wedding even takes place. His family probably smells worse than he does.Run, sister, run! For your life. Don't even look back. They may be gaining on you.
---Robyn on 6/1/07

You must now consider whether you still wish to marry him knowing that he is a liar.
---Xanthi on 6/1/07

Is not the marital relationship supposed to be based upon "mutual trust"? "If" both of you are truly believers in the LORD Jesus Christ, you will be looking to do only that which is for the edifying of the other. A pre-nup is something the world uses when there is distrust (which if they are unbelievers is fully understandable), but believers are on totally differnt grounds for the marital relationship in the first place.
---Robert on 10/12/05

Good rule of thumb- If there is even the slightest doubt of the union lasting.... DON'T do it. If God himself has not told you in some way..this is the one I have for you. DON'T do it. People take marriage WAY to lightly. I'm not being high and mighty. I include myself. I am also divorced. However, I have learned some lessons and next time will be different.
---Becca on 10/5/05

Heather: The other family members in the business have a right to be protected from losing their business to the in-law marrying into the family business.

Secondly, given that my own marriage ended in divorce, I can assure you, that I intend to get a pre-nup to protect my children in the event I pick another dud.
---Madison on 10/5/05

That's a defeatist attitude, Madison. I'm not denying the truth of it (I don't know the latest statistics on it), but focusing on and pointing out the negative never helps anybody.
---Heather on 10/5/05

Pre-nups also protect in the event of a death. It says that the party marrying into the family with the business is not legally entitled to any of that business at the time of the spouse's death.

Face it, half of all Christian marriages end in divorce. Pre-nups protect the assets.
---Madison on 10/5/05

Drawing up and signing a prenup is akin (at least to me and others I know) to planning to get divorced before you ever say "I do." That makes marriage seem altogether pointless.
---Heather on 10/4/05

Pre-nups are very common in family businesses because without them the family business, and therefore the livlihoods of other relatives are at the mercy of in-laws, and at the passing of the blood relative, the in-law would inherit and have say in a business that is not theirs by right. It is not just about divorce and statistics show that 50% of all, including Christian, marriages end in divorce. Why should his family members suffer if his marriage doesn't work out?
---Madison on 10/3/05

I couldn't even finish reading the replies from everyone. Whether she stays with him or not is her choice. The problem I see is with the prenup itself. That would say to me, "Oh darling, I love you. Will you marry me? But, you should know, I love you now But I'm not willing to commit to loving you forever. and when we do have problems, I'm not willing to work them out with you. Could you just sign right here please?"
---Becca on 10/3/05

I have no problem with prenups. I do have a problem with his lie. Run and don't look back.
---Madison on 8/27/05

A prenup is using wisdom when there's a "family" business at stake.Others are affected by what happens to the business.People can love one day, divorce the next.Prenup is dealing with the reality/possibilities in life.Don't take it personal.You should have been told, its wrong to lie,but he sounds like a man who covers all bases,not a bad thing to do.Trust has nothing to do with it.It's good business to protect something his family has built together.Try to understand,not really about you.
---Darlene_1 on 8/25/05

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Maybe I'm "old fashion" but a prenup to me is indicating a lack of trust that this marriage will work. If you are already having serious problems, you better back out now, which will be better than later.
---WIVV on 8/24/05

Dear friends, I'll concede your point if the document was actually written by the groom. Usually lawyers draw up these things and they include language that is meant to protect their client. Incorrect statements can always be amended. We don't have every fact and it seems irresponsible for people to advise dumping the guy based on the bride's reaction here.

Moderator - I agree with you Ralph. That is what lawyers are paid to do.
---ralph7477 on 8/22/05

Ann, i'm with you on this all the way. Ralph, how would you feel if your beloved fiancee presented a prenup to you before marriage stating that your "Bride advised you the Groom to seek legal council, but the Groom refused." But this was not true at all, and also, it was the first time you were even shown the prenup, so how could you even consider seeking council or not seek council?
---Eloy on 8/22/05

Ralph, I don't think you really read the question properly. Many people are happy with prenuptual agreements but this one contained a blatant lie. In addition he also kept quiet about it before presenting it for a signature which meant that Kristin had no time to even think about these things. My guess is that he hoped she wouldn't read it and that she would just sign - like many people do unfortunately. My opinion is, forget him.
---Kit on 8/22/05

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Ralph, I don't think it was the prenup itself that is the concern. It's the fact that the prospective groom put a line in there stating that she (Bride) was told to get legal counsel, & she refused. She didn't even know about it, let alone refuse counsel. That is a blatant lie, and there is no excuse for it. He is not trying to protect his business, he is trying to control her. I say, good thing you found it now. Get out of there, and don't look back.
---Ann5758 on 8/21/05

Most writers have come down on this prospective groom. In fact, he is showing tremendous common sense and is recognizing the realities of life. Marriage itself is a contract whereby the person who breaks the contract is somehow entitled to be rewarded by taking from the person who lived up to the contract. He shouldn't be criticized for trying to protect himself, should his bride decide to walk out on him one day for greener pastures.
---ralph7477 on 8/21/05

Well all depends on what you are willing to live with? And what you are willing to sacrifice........If you want a marriage that is Christ Like or one that is based on the things money can would tell him to take this pre-nupt and stick it where the sun dont shine ......honey you can do better than this , Really you can. better to be by yourself and be happy than married to someone that manupilates you and controlls you with his familys business...Trsut is very important in a marriage.
---lea on 8/21/05

Dear Kristin,
He does not trust you and he has lied to you and you want to marry him ?That would be like trying to run a foot race with a broken leg,you can try it,but it will be painfull and you won't win.Thank God for showing you now and sparing you the pain.Re-evaluate your
relationship with him.God bless you.
---russe9356 on 8/21/05

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I would have second thoughts about marrying this man if I were you. He may have been influenced by his family. Just be thankful you found out what he was really like before you married him. If you can't trust him now, it will be worse when you're marriage. It's my experience that things get worse after you're married. You really need to pray and ask God's guidence.
---rue on 8/21/05

RUN!!! FAST!!!
---Dee on 8/21/05

i know the marriage vows say "for better or for worse", but he sounds like he's starting off for worse. He sounds like a control freak. The choice is yours, but if i were you i'd say Good by to him forever, and there are other better fish in the ocean for you whom would really love you and want you to be happy. Knowing how he is, don't sell yourself short on him, go fishing for better.

Moderator - Sounds extreme to me. I would just talk to him in love and share your feelings.
---Eloy on 8/21/05

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