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I've Been Dating A Married Man

I've been dating a married man for three years. What's wrong with telling his wife? I think she deserves to know that her husband is a serial cheater. I'm not trying to break them up. I just think she should know.

Moderator - I hope you stopped dating him once you found out he is married?

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 ---Anne on 8/22/05
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1. r u still seeing this man? if so, STOP! 2. r u a Christian? If u r u know that u r wrong and need 2 repent. 3. don't u think that his wife doesn't know about u? u r the one who going 2 get hurt cause i'm sure the wife is hurting as itis, so why would u tell her? did u stop 2 think of how she might react 2 u? all i can say is find a Christian man the u can have 4 ur own and ask 4 forgiveness and drop this man asap.
---phyllis on 7/21/11

What would that accomplish? Look for the real reason inside yourself as to why you want her to know. Telling her is not for a greater good. It will only satisfy you.

I was married for 18 years and now divorced and dated a married man. I've been on both sides of the fence and I can tell you there's no need to cause more pain than there already exists.
---dfuentes on 6/12/11

Amen Alan why is it single people who date a married person do not believe they are cheating too? ...a pondering question with no answer I know
---Rhonda on 3/3/10

Rhonda ... You're quite right.

In this case. there seem to be two cheats.
---alan8566_of_uk on 3/2/10

3 years LONG years continue to date a serial cheater and you think the wife deserves to know?

Under your guise of not trying to break them up why would you tell her?

suddenly a burning desire to gloat??

when you tell the wife and they end their marriage will you be self-satisfied and content in making yourself known many women today who only date married men for the challenge

and if he marries you which you must want or else you wouldn't stay for 3 LONG YEARS on the sideline waiting patiently ...remember YOU called him a serial cheater ...pathetic any women would believe they conquer a married man and have to always wonder who he is with once they GET him knowing what he is capable of...
---Rhonda on 3/1/10

Run, get out of this mess. You deserve better. God does not want you committing fornication. Pray for God to help you.
---msvenus on 2/25/10

Did you know his was married? I understand exactly why you want to tell the wife, I just dont think is a good idea. I was in a similiar situation but I didnt know, by the time I found out the feelings were already there. I was mad, hurt, I sent everything he ever brought there house,not bc she needed to know but because I wanted someone to hurt like I did. I prayed on it. She knew he wasnt in love with her, told me,understood my pain..he left not to long after that. Just make sure geniunely want her to know and not out of spite
---Shawna on 2/20/10

upon first reading all the responses - strangers telling you you're going to hell for all eternity, unless you repent and ask the Almighty for forgiveness, i thought it was a bit harsh. then i realized i'm on a christian website. gotcha.

i know how you feel. i'm in love with a married man also. but there are a few things you should be asking yourself. 1) what is your motive for telling her? is it jealousy that he hasn't left her? are you thinking that this is the straw that'll break their marriage? 2) do you think she'll believe you? do you think she'll retaliate against you in some fashion? 3) if you really feel he's a "serial cheater", why do you stay with him? if you're convinced he'll do it to you one day too, why stay?
---katie on 2/22/09

It is a no win situation. Most of them lie and make you think it is really about you. No it is not. It is not about you, it is not about the wife, it is about them and the fact that they are selfish!
---Jade on 9/15/08

I say tell the wife because she DOES deserve to know. Just the not knowing KILLS her inside. SOMEONE needs to tell her the truth! I SAY TELL HER!
---donna on 1/19/08

honey, I have been in your shoes but the thing is I didn't know he was married and I thank God everyday that I found out because he was a loser. And as for u the wife probably already knows about u and him,and what happen to me is that she wasn't mad at me because I didn't know and again I thank God. You need to get right with God and dump the fool and if u don't u can't beat the wife will make sure u do.
---ANN on 8/17/07

Telling his wife will accomplish what? It seems as though you want her (wife) to feel as much pain as you feel. I know how it feels to wait for the phone to ring,for him to show up,the never ending excuses, and you want her to feel that too. It's hard, I know, but trust me God understands the lonely-ness you feel, the jealousy, the pain. Just as you are now tell God how you feel. Just as if you were talking to a girlfriend(who you knew would not judge you) Be transparent. Be honest with yourself!
---TANGY on 8/17/07

If you know he is married, you also know to continue seeing him is adultery. That is a sin that will see you cast out for all eternity unless you repent now, stop seeing him and never indulge in sins of the flesh ever again. Then you have repented. If you continue seeing him, knowing he is married, you are the one losing God's kingdom. Is it worth it. Whom do you want to spend eternity with? God in his kingdom, or satan in his kingdom. the choice is yours.
---ashley on 6/16/07

1. She won't believe you if you don't provide evidence. It's a self-defense mechanism most women have (me too).
2. You're going to hurt her.
3. She might already know.
---ulunia on 6/15/07

Tammy, he may not TELL anyone about his wife, but you're both deluding yourselves (I know that sounds harsh and I'm sorry for that because I truly don't mean it that way) if you think that means no one knows. The only One who really matters knows. God knows all. Even if we do something we don't think anyone saw ro knows about, God didn't miss it.
---Heather on 10/20/05

Tammy ... if he has a wife, you must not date him. It does not matter thast no-one else knows about her.
You are encouraging this man to betray his wife, you yourself are betraying her, you are betraying the trust that others have in you, you are betraying yourself, & you are betraying God, and the rules he has set in place for us to conduct our lives. You may also be betraying his children.
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/19/05

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hello my name is tammy been seeing this married man for 8 monuths what should i do i know him for about 4 yars he dose not tell know one thar has a wife
---tammy on 10/19/05

Sister, PLEASE STOP!Do not hesitate even one second to stop the relationshiP. You don't even need to talk to the wife, that's their problem, unless u know her and u want to apologize! And in this case, u can only apologize after the husband has told her!
First mind about yourself, your relationship with God, repent and change!
Be blessed!
---kalig8456 on 9/30/05

Confess your sin to God and let God deal with his
---lyndon on 9/29/05

I called the wife and now i destroyed her life and i have to deal with the guilt. She should know, but now you're both hurt!
---christine on 9/27/05

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I was in same exact situation and all i have to say is get out of it! while you can, this will ravage your heart... and why would you want to be with some one who treats his wife like this cause he's just gonna turn around and do the same thing to u.. U think you and his wife are the only ones? think again honey!
---Jennifer on 9/21/05

you are lying to yourself about your motive for telling his wife. If you are a Christian you know adultry is wrong. why are you dating a married man? You too are a cheater!
Do you really think a man who cheated with you will not cheat on you?? Where is your head? most of all where is your heart?
---ann_G on 9/20/05

if you once accepted Jesus, id seek forgiveness and counseling, he is commiting adultery, you are commiting fornication, youre both wrong,, if you say youre a Christian, start living it, because Jesus is coming soon,
---michele on 9/20/05

If he is cheating on his wife, what makes you think he wouldn't/won't do it with you?
---Karen on 9/19/05

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Has he "dumped you" and that's why you think the wife "deserves to know"? You should not be dating a married man at any rate. Leave his wife out of it, and you get out of it.
---WIVV on 8/23/05

Sorry if this sounds harsh but... why would you wish to be with a man you describe as a 'serial cheater' AND if those words describe him, what words describe you? The ones that spring to mind are not very nice. He didn't do any of this alone did he? Is your reason for wishing to tell her because you and he have now split up or do you want her to leave him so you can have 100% of him instead of just a share?
---Xanthi on 8/23/05

Your not trying to break them up? sounds like you doing a pretty good job already. If you think she should know, you tell her. because you know the husband won't. Sounds like you both need to grow up, marriage isn't a game.
---Rebecca_D on 8/22/05

I cannot imagine this dating going on for three years without some complicity on your part to hide if from the wife or some deliberate "blindness" on your part to ignore what you had to suspect, namely that he was married UNLESS THE WHOLE SCENE HAPPENED ON THE COMPUTER!
I don't mean to be heartless and if I am wrong I apologize. In any case the dating should stop and YES, GOD STILL LOVES YOU!
---Peter on 8/22/05

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I know a friend who has been in this situation. Its probably very difficult for you as you must have strong feelings for this person after 3 years. She does have a right to know and if she doesn't know by now then there is something wrong there. When God says dont commit adultery, he means it for our own benefit, because from beginning to end we are the ones that are goin to get hurt, even if you may have some joy. The best advice I could give is Pray, ask God. He loves you just the way you are.
---J on 8/22/05

Well I'm just wondering are you still dating him after you found out that he was married. And I believe you should really pray about telling her or not. That is something that could really ruin a relationship. Be careful!
---Krystal on 8/22/05

You need to free your soul. And you cant do that if you are keeping a secret. I think its best that you tell the wife so that the healing process begins both for you and for her. God bless!
---Christine on 8/22/05

After you found out he was married, did you stop dating him? Yes tell her. She deserves to know.
---Melissa on 8/22/05

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