My Mother-In-Law Is A Pain
I have been married 2 years, my Mother-In-Law has been unkind to me and judged me since the start. She hurts me and is unwilling to say sorry or see any fault in herself. What scripturally is my husband to do? He has had enough of her treatment and seeing me hurting. How do I get through this?
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---Jackie on 8/30/05
Helpful Blog Vote (10)
Scriptures say that your husband is to leave his parents and cleave to you. You should pray for him and yourself, as well as his Mom.
---Madison on 6/29/07|
Shoot her? and the moderator posted that?
Jackie... your best bet is to avoid her. Be kind, be a loving wife, but avoid her as much as possible. I know that can be difficult, but it can be done.
As for your husband, he needs to stand up to his mother and support YOU. If that doesn't work, then the only option is to leave her out of your life. Its HER loss, not yours.
---NurseRobert on 9/11/06|
Jackie: YOU ARE AN ABUSE VICTIM
Bet MiL is an abuse victim, and may be transferring her anger at her mom (or another woman) at you.
My mom, an abused man hater did the same to me, and to my son, and we had to "divorce" ourselves from the abuse.
I recommend cutting and pasting ALL our comments here on paper, and showing them to hubby.
That will be a great starting point, but as an abuse survivor, I strongly recommend you take all steps necessary to prevent further abuse.
---JohnT on 9/11/06|
SHOOT HER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---paua5558 on 9/11/06|
I think your husband should cut conversations short if she is unkind to you or about you. Tell her you care about her but she is not hurting you but hurting her own Christian witness. I had to carry my cross with my own mother saying hurtful things to me and had to make her think she was being funny and laugh. The rest of the family would ignore her and change the subject.You will have to carry your cross as she may never change. n.s.5684
---Nancy on 10/9/05|
I think your husband should refuse to see her or talk to her if she is unkind to you or about you. Tell her you care about her but she is not hurting you but hurting her Christian witness. I had to carry my cross with my own mother saying hurtful things to me and had to make her think she was being funny and laugh. The rest of the family would ignore her and talk around her. n.s.5684
---Nancy on 10/9/05|
WIVV, in my opinion, Jackie should only ask for advice or input if she truly wants it. Usually unwanted advice and input is not beneficial from a criticizing person, but especially from someone who is creating tension in your marriage.
Small talk will prove much more beneficial for all, while avoiding topics that could arise in inlaw issues within the marriage.
---anon on 10/3/05|
He should remind his mother that the Bible states you now have first preference in his life. He should tell her how much she has contributed to his life, and wants her still to contribute, but in a positive manner. In the meantime, you should go on the offensive. Talk with her, (if you can) and assure her you aren't going to take, "her little boy" from her. (That's what she fears.) Tell her you want her input. Ask her advice on something - that you know she can answer.
---WIVV on 10/1/05|
Take a step back and look at things with clearer perspective. Forgive her, and don't look for something in your relationship with her that you may never find. Husbands don't always know how to defend, which is the worst part. Less contact with your mother-in-law, perhaps? You're not her daughter, so don't expect her to treat you the same way your mother treated you. Man shall leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife. Peace & hugs. You'll figure it out.
---anon on 9/15/05|
Jackie: Leave Mother & Father & cling to your wife as you are now 2 in one flesh.
---Emcee on 9/13/05|
The best way is for your husband,important he stand by you,and you to have no contact with his mother at all.Tell her,both of you,you refuse to see her as long as she continues to treat you so badly.Genesis2:24Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife;.Don't give in to her and make her know it's up to her changing, if she wants to see you again.She evidently is jealous of you and your husband's relationship.Jealousy is a hard evil to deal with,it's irrational.Pray for her.
---Darlene_1 on 9/1/05|
I had this problem for many years.(when I was married) his mom wasnt saved so you cant expect much from a sinner, it got so bad I had to stop going there, he never took up for me, his brother did, and confronted him , but, he still didnt take up for me. when she was dying, she got back to God, and treated me better. the scars stayed, but I forgave her..pray and have your husband pray. thank God your husband is supportive.
---jan4876 on 9/1/05|
Rebecca, I have done this on a number of occasions, she will not listen to me. She says I am "over sensitive" and "to get over it" and to "get some help" you cannot converse with someone who will NEVER admit they are wrong and are refusing to say sorry. I do speak with her but get abuse back, thats my point.
---Jackie on 9/1/05|
If I feel like my M-n-L is treating my badly, I go to her and tell her. She knows not to overstep me, because I will tell her how I feel. In love, I don't shout, scream, but we sit down and talk about the situation. I feel you need to go to her instead of your husband. The problem lies between you and her. I understand your husband is a part of it, but you need to speak to her face to face.
---Rebecca_D on 8/31/05|
It is time for a family council where she will be told as kindly as possible about her conduct and the effect it is having on you and others and told that it would have to change.
---Pierr7958 on 8/31/05|