Husband Wants Live-In Daughter
I have a tough decision. My husband wants his 17 year old daughter to live with us. We have a daughter who is having a tough transition. His has a background: drugs, alcohol, men, lying, stealing. She has been going to church, but I can't find peace. My heart screams NO. Any help?
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---Kari on 8/31/05
Helpful Blog Vote (8)
I think the fact that your heart can't find peace and is screaming NO... maybe you should take that as God warning you. Protect your daughter as there's no going back once the damage is done. God bless
---aly on 10/5/08|
You have to pray and seek the Lord for this child. Teenage daughters are so fragile. Her acting out with drugs and other things are a cry for help and love. She needs her earthly father in her life, and that may be difficult, but could be so rewarding.
---Madison on 10/6/07|
I posted to a blog 18 months old.
---John_T on 3/21/07|
2/ If she comes, there should be agreed to by all preconditions, done in writing, and that any violation will have automatic consequences. That way, she alone determines her fate, neither you, nor your family.
Protecting the immediate family is your first priority. It is nice to have mercy, but not at the expense of your family.
BTW has "his" had a mental health evaluation recently? That may be a good precondition, for she sounds like my daughter's behavior, and she was bipolar.
---John_T on 3/20/07|
1/ The "We daughter who is having a tough transition" should be the first priority. Yours seems like a blended family.
The "His daughter has a background: drugs, alcohol, men, lying, stealing" should be the subject of a family-level discussion.
Then let "his daughter" know what you have decided.
---John_T on 3/20/07|
That is a tough decision dearie! However, Jesus said, "if you have done it unto the least of one of these, you have done it unto me." Sometimes we have obligations, but we cannot face them without a lot of prayer and commitment.
---le on 3/20/07|
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER would I consider it without a clear "yes" from God. I would fast, pray, and wait upon the Lord. If and when He says "Yes!" you WILL have peace and know it is part of His perfect plan. Until then, you are setting yourself, your younger daughter and your marriage up for FAILURE! This cannot be decided with your heart! Use your head and SEEK GOD! Follow all this up with a good Christian counselor for the long haul!
---Crystal on 9/29/05|
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Begotten son.....Love her, and welcome her. She needs you guys, and trust me if God brought you to it, He will see u through it
---Cynthia on 9/20/05|
Thanks again, yes I think fear may play into it some, but not for me, for the influence on our 10 year old. And His 17 year old wanted nothing to do with us for the last 10 years unless it was a holiday or her birthday, until her mom started laying down stricter rules and they had a huge fight. It is not about giving her a chance, we would have loved that 10 years ago, it is about being the scapegoat. We are always forgiving, but there comes a time when the life of the 10 year old has to be thought of.
---Kari on 8/31/05|
Is it fear that is screaming NO? You and your husband need to come into agreement for his daughter. Her background will tell you to keep your eyes open but I say keep your heart open as well. Talking about rules and concerns would be necessary. It won't be easy.
---Lehua on 8/31/05|
Thanks for the replies, I know I have been in prayer for weeks about this, my problem I think is with the point that she is going to live with her boyfriend in florida when she graduates, but at her current school they will not pass her. I think she is pulling the wool over my husbands eyes.
---Kari on 8/31/05|
You need to forgive her for past sins for it says "If you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you."(Matthew 6:14)Think WWJD?For Christ said,"Be anxious for nothing,but in everything by prayer and supplication,with thanksgiving,let your requests be known to God;And the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."(Philippians 4:6-7)
---Bobbie on 8/31/05|
Pray for you! Pray for wisedom, love and patience...get help from your Pastor/Church Leaders!!!
---Tim on 8/31/05|
i lost my only child due to a Drug Overdose she had been saved at 12 left church at 16 but i never stopped praying for her or believing in God for a miracle .......my advice to you would be to fast and pray fast and pray and hold onto Gods unchanging hand and to see this young lady(step daughter) as God sees her God Bless you.
---lea on 8/31/05|
Sounds like your husband's daughter needs somebody, somewhere to care.
---sue on 8/31/05|
i can understand your concern and his see my mom doesnt want my step sister and brother to stay with them due to the same things and more but it is his kid and you have to understand his concern for her now what if it was your daughter that you had and raised would you turn her away because of the past if she has repented and is going to church give her a chance Jesus doesnt turn us away no matter how great the sin we commit
---andre9789 on 8/31/05|
Well is kind of hard to say your husband's
daughter can't live with you when your daughter can. Especially if his daughter needs help. Perhaps she needs to be there for you to help her sort life out? I know it is hard but as poarents we are to protect and teach children (no matter how old).
When you marry husband you also take on his children even if grown.
---M. on 8/31/05|
i can understand his wanting to help his daughter, but she needs more help than he or you can give... unfortunately, anything that breaks the unity of a marriage should be avoided. she needs professional help and a halfway house to make her adjustment to adulthood. if she were 13, it would be different, but she is as good as an adult now, and you have to protect the children you have at home.. i know, i have raised 7 myself and my youngest is dead.
---ron on 8/31/05|
It would be a tough decision, but you need to give her a chance. What she has done in the past, is in the past. If God can forgive us from all we done, ( I'm sure alot of us have done more and worse than she did) then we should be able to forgive others and give them a chance. If you don't give it a try, then how do you know if it will work out?
---Rebecca_D on 8/31/05|