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Can I Marry With My Bad Past

A gentleman and I would like to meet after conversing for a year.His mother is discouraging us,says that because of my past,our unity is not right in the eyes of God. I am a single christian mom. She believes its dishonoring God.Is she being selfish? He is her only son.

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 ---Christine on 8/31/05
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If God doesnt remember your past its not right for his mother to bring it up either. She is placing herself above God in doing so.

Tell her that the Bible says God doesnt even remember your sins anymore.
---JackB on 11/29/10

If you are a born again do not have a past..Your a new creation!
---a_friend on 11/29/10

She's trying to be God....She ought to point her bony finger at herself. She's not so great, either. And no one knows what they may do in the future, except God knows. We just don't know how bad we really are. ALL OF US. If you have escaped hell, it was only by the "skin of your teeth". The woman ought t butt out. She needs some discipline which only God can give. God can speak for Himself. Hallelujah+
---catherine on 11/28/10

You should only be judged on your life now. It is his choice and not his mother's anyway. A man is supposed to leave his mother and go to his wife at some point.(but not forget her of course) susan
---susan8558 on 11/27/10

What does this man have to say about his mom butting in his business? This man is grown and can make his own own decisions,hopefully. He does not need her assistance. If he is a mama boy and chooses his mom and her opinions over you,you had better put your running shoes on. He is not a man. He is a mouse. Something you don't need in yourlife, at any cost. This will only be the beginning of Hell in your life. Untold horrors are waiting for you.
---Robyn on 11/1/10

robert, I just really enjoyed your post.
Finally someone spoke the truth about God's Power.
It is God that says yeah or nay, not man.
Man would like for us to think that once we are repentant, that God does not forget the sin.
God does. Like you said God forgives and forgets as far as the east is from the west. He forgives and then throws it into the sea of forgetfulness.
Jesus is God in the flesh and the scripture given was to rebuke the pharisee.
So do you think God changed his mind when he said he forgives as far as trhe east is to the west in the OT? NO!! God does not change God's word stands forever.
---miche3754 on 11/6/08


PS I have an only son, and when he grows to love a woman and could live and forgive her past, then so would I. My son's happiness would be my wish for him, and if she made him happy and God agrees, who am I to stop love?

---Catherine on 11/6/08


The decision is ultimately yours if you want to move forward to meet this man. God forgives us our sins so we must forgive ourselves. Love yourself as he would love you, no one has the right to judge you. I'll pray for you.

Stay Blessed,
---Catherine on 11/6/08

Paul wrote to people who were living in a certain culture, and not one like ours today. We should take what he says literally, and then apply our own situation to what he says. And of course we should read what Jesus also says, because Paul does not come above Jesus but vice versa.
---frances008 on 11/4/08


To the mother of this gentleman: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone..."(Jhn.8:7)

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1Jhn.1:8-9)

However great our sins are, if we honestly confess it to Him, and change our ways and follow in His words, He will forgive us.

"...though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow..."(Isa.1:18)
---manny on 11/4/08

AlanofUk, The problem is that everyone looks to hear what Paul has to say. Why not seek what Jesus has to say? It is clear he was very merciful to sinners, how much more merciful will He be to people who divorce because of an intolerable situation in the home. Men are expected to love their wives, so if their behaviour in any way shows a lack of respect even, there is a problem there. Same goes for women. And should a woman obey a husband who gives her bad orders? Or perhaps he just orders her about all day - good orders - like 'Clean the house' 'Don't lie in after 6 a.m.' 'Get my lunch' 'Clear my plates away' 'Wash the dishes'. Let us seek the Lord's advise and not just Paul's. God wants us to be good to each other.
---frances008 on 11/2/08

---lawrence on 11/1/08

The bible is literal in defining adultery and specific to gender. A female servant of our lord could only remarry if she is a widow. A christian man can remarry only if his spouse was unfaithful. 1Corinthians 7:10-12(To the married I give this command not I, but the Lord)A wife must not separate from her husband But if she does, she must REMAIN UNMARRIED or else be reconciled to her husband. Mat5:32 Anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.MARK 10:11And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. Romans7:3 if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress.
---Wal_Rev on 10/26/08

Many here have made the point that the only justification for divorce is adultery by the other party.
So abandonment, cruelty, incest with the child, are not justifications for divorce.
And also, even if the cause is adultery, it is only the husband who is permitted to marry again ... the wife is not.
Is the bible to be taken literally on these issues? Just asking!
---alan_of_UK on 10/25/08

Rhona is Antichrist to spread lies as much as it is to choose to overlook

Could you provide scripture to back up what you have said in the context of Marriage. I do so because you make claim that some one is Antichrist?

It would be better if you say you do not understand why something was said provide scripture and correct such persons we can all learn from that other than name calling without being specific to who your dealing with.
---Carla3939 on 10/24/08

Jesus taught that if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

this is true if the women leaves for NO REASON

...but like most self professing Christians you leave out scripture identifying when it is NOT ADULTERY

when a spouse leaves and divorces a cheating mate they are free to marry again

it's helpful when you understand many passages on divorce then clinging to one and overlooking the others is antichrist to spread lies as much as it is to choose to overlook
---Rhonda on 10/23/08

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Depends on whether you married the man you had your children/child with?
---Carla3939 on 10/23/08

You cannot take what someone else says about this. You need to pray and get God's direction. If God says it ok, then there's nothing wrong with it. She is probably just worried that he will be hurt...mothers are like that.
---Faith on 10/23/08

Sweetie, It sounds like his mom is likely grounded in the true word of god and loves her son a great deal. Jesus taught that if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery. (Mark 10:11-12) and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery. (Luke 16:18)1 Corinthians 7:10-12 10To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. I know this sounds tough, but any true woman of god knows this. If one truly loves a potential second spouse, a christian would forego sinful pleasure rather than defile him or her and forfeit eternal life for them both.
---Wal_Rev on 10/22/08

YES!!!!!! She's being VERY selfish AND ungodly!!! Show me where in the NT that it encourages a scarlet letter treatment of ANYONE that is repentant!!! You are a Daughter of Eve and a Princess in the Kingdom of the KING OF KINGS!!! God himself has seperated your sin as far as the east is from the west. Sounds like its time for this gentleman to figure out where HE stands. Leave and cleave baby!!! Leave and cleave!!!
---Robert on 10/12/08

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you didnt say how old you and he are, and he should be old enough to decide who he dates, both of you need to pray and ask the Lord's guidance.pray for your soul mate. and wait until he shows you or speaks to you. (this in only my opinion of the advice you ask for) the decision is up to you and the young man.
---jan4876 on 7/19/07

Jadi made good godly points. Just some thoughts: Is he a "momma's boy"? Some folks don't leave and cleave. Is he coming to visit you, his expense, on your turf, around your family and friends? Your children are most important, is he safe and good for them? Do they like him? Can you handle the drama that's already evident? Can he? Do you know if you're dishonoring God or not? Does he?
---laura2899 on 10/28/05

If you are born again you are a new creature in Christ and don't have a past. Sounds like this mom doesn't want to let go of her son. beware of interfering mother in law. That is why the Lord said "leave father and mother and cleave unto each other" A controling person is operating in witchcraft.
---ann_G on 10/7/05

Anyone can meet after a year of conversing..I have done the very same..but I would advise that you really look at one another's goal in life.Are they goals that bring God Glory? Are you both willing to seek counsel concerning your relationship with members of the church? Also, beware of the enemy who is very subtle in getting one to compromise their faith.To be without Godly discernment is to be in the midst of wolves.I too am a single christian mom of seven careful sis.praying for ya.
---Jadi on 10/3/05

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If you are both adults, and both redeemed from sin (past and present), then a dead past cannot have any dishonoring effect to God (though to unlearned mankind, past sins will wrongly dishonor those who do not know the grace of God's forgiveness). God has power to forgive and purge through his blood; but if she does not believe this, then she herself is not forgiven of any sin.
---Eloy on 10/2/05

His age seems to show that his mother has come to rely on him being at home all the time ... she wants "apron strings" to tie him to her
NO reason at all why you should not meet and perhaps marry him.
Your past is past, and as other have said, God has forgotten whatever sin there was. You are who you are now.
Good luck!
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/2/05

The Lord forgives those who repent. I feel about myself, that no man would understand or forgive me for my past. I know the Lord has forgiven me. I sometimes speak out against imorality. Not only because the scripture speaks against it, because I know what guilt and regret it can cause.
---Ulrika on 10/2/05

It may be this mom just doesn't want to lose this son to another woman. (She may be jealous) Regardless of who he wants to marry, she will probably come up with some reason why he shouldn't marry her. (This is all speculation on my part.) Don't "see" how it could be dishonoring to God - if the reason you state is the only reason.
---WIVV on 10/2/05

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Once you were born again the Lord has washed your sins away. If their is a person that is judging your past, they should get out of the Lords way. We all have a past, just some people think that our past is worse than theirs. Sin is sin. I really believe in being equally yoked. If he is a Christian and you are in love, take everthing to the Lord in prayer
---woodie on 9/8/05

God has forgiven you of your past,so no worries there.The mother may feel differently once she gets to meet you in person,God is with you,put the fears behind you...God Bless
---missy on 9/2/05

Thankyou for your reply on " Can I marry with a bad past ". I am 41 and he is 37, we are both adults and should be making the decision based on alot of prayer and asking God for guidence, not his mother.
---C_hria on 9/1/05

In God's eyes your past is forgotten and your sin is washed away if you have repented for mistakes made. What does this man say? You can tell a lot about a future husband by the relationship with his mother, but at the end of the day it is really none of her business what she thinks, I suggest you pray hard about this situation.
---Maxine on 9/1/05

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love will conquer a multitude of sins... thats all i know... his mother sounds like a selfish woman who wants to control her son... blessings to you, hope you find true love and joy :0)
---shawn on 9/1/05

The past is just that, it is the past. If we confess our sins and change our ways God is faithful and will forgive us. Bible says that He forgives our sins as far as the east is from the west. There are millions of single mom's in the world. I am one of them and God loves us just as much as the mom's who are married. We are his children and he cares and forgives us when we ask.
If you are to unite with God as the foundation to your marraige how can this be dishonouring to God?
---Marla on 9/1/05

And God said, "What past?"

"If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away, behold, all things are become new."
---linda9974 on 8/31/05

It sounds as if she is being selfish, and butting in to her son's life.
Although since you don't say much about your past, its difficult to know what her complaint is. Are you living a Christian life? Is he? The gentleman needs to tell her to butt out if you are both adult Christians.
---NVBarbara on 8/31/05

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Have you repented? If so, God has forgiven you and NO ONE has any right to hold your past against you. They are not your judge! Jesus was crucified to save us from our sins and when we repent, they are thrown into the sea of forgetfulness. Is he prepared to leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife? If not, he is not ready to be married though. Proceed with caution and much prayer.
---PAT on 8/31/05

Whatever your past was, if it was something you needed to repent and asked God's forgiveness for, and you did that, then leave the past in the past. You both are adults and can make your own decisions. Do not let his mother run your life. You said you would like to meet with this gentleman, what does that have to do with "unity?"
---Melissa on 8/31/05

BEEN THERE!!If your future husband knows about your past and there has been honesty between the two of you AND you have asked God for forgivness, the mother-in law needs to hear and trust that her son is making the right decicion for him NOT HER!Hopefully she will accept the situation and be BLESSED with the added additions to the family instead of dissapointed.He is a grown man and she needs to realize that. Afterall you raise what you are! Blessings on you both:}
---krist4385 on 8/31/05

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