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Can I Divorce For Abandonment

My husband left me 4 months ago. He refuses marital counseling and seems to have no intention of returning to the marriage. I need the limbo to end. (he is a non-believer) Is it biblically "OK" for me to file for divorce since he left me?

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 ---Shanah on 9/2/05
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Did you read where Tina stated that her husband left her for another woman?
If the RCC interprets this differently than I do we'll just have to agree to disagree.---trey on 10/7/15

It is called an Annulment. Which means the marriage is invalided as Jesus puts it.

But, one can not deem themselves the marriage is invalided.

The Church has to decided that through a process.

Just as one didn't get married by themselves, but through the Church.

Why would they think getting an annulment would be any different?

The Church married you, so only the Church can separate you if it is truly an invalided marriage.
---Nicole_Lacey on 11/3/15

Keep seeking God's face and let Him lead you.

My personal stand on divorce and re-marriage:

What is God's HEART?
Genesis 2:20-24, Matthew 19:4-6

What is marriage?
Ephesians 5:22-32

What does God say about divorce?
Matthew 5:31-32, 19:8-9, Mark 10:11-12,Luke 16:18, Romans 7:1-3, I Corinthians 7.

Also cultural context with the betrothal system plays in. RELIABLE sources of research may be beneficial.

Personally, divorce is only an option if the spouse is LIVING in unrepentant sin (i.e. adultery, abuse), and re-marriage to someone else could never be an option for me.

God be with you.
---Ruthanna on 11/3/15

This seems simple enough for Shanah and Tina.
1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace
2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
Also Review 1Co 7:8-17
---micha9344 on 10/20/15

\\When a man cannot answer be sure he is not a servant of the Most High or he would know the simplest scripture when asked a question\\

Not all questions can be answered by a "simple scripture."

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/18/15

When a man cannot answer be sure he is not a servant of the Most High or he would know the simplest scripture when asked a question ...

1 Peter 3:15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
---Carla on 10/18/15

Keep your husband, stay married, stay separated, AND CONSIDER YOURSELF FORTUNATE. Come together once in awhile to procreate and consider your marriage ideal to not be living together. My marriage was at its best when my wife was on the other side of the world. Never was it worse than our being under the same roof. Most marriages would be improved by separation.
---yon on 10/16/15

Tray did you read Mark 10 did you read Romans 7 what bible are you cherry picking from, where is the word equality in the word, who sinned first was Adam made for eve or was eve help to her husband. why does The gospels teaches a man is head of woman Christ is head of the the Man The Most High is the head of Christ because there is a Godly order. We are subject to the husband not the husband subject to the wife and before the unlearned parade show up... both face the same consequences if they remarry without fornication, however the wife 1 Corinth 7: 36 completes the argument a woman is to remain single or reconcile to the husband.
---Carla on 10/8/15

\\Did you read the words "saving for the cause of fornication"?\\

Did you know this escape clause is not in all MSS of the Gospels?

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/8/15

Let me clarify:

Shanah is permitted to divorce her husband due to abandonment.
I Cor 7:15.
Did I say anything about marrying again?

Tina is permitted to divorce and remarry. If you read her blog her husband committed fornication.
Mt 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (KJV)

If you need further clarification I would be glad to continue.
---trey on 10/7/15


Christ said:
Mt 5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (KJV)

Did you read the words "saving for the cause of fornication"?

Did you read where Tina stated that her husband left her for another woman?

If the RCC interprets this differently than I do we'll just have to agree to disagree.
---trey on 10/7/15

Trey 1 Cor 7:15 explains the departing is unbelieving and therefore is not in bondage to stay in marriage. Where does it say therefore one can remarry???? if it then affirms in verse 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Ichy ear preachers need to say what is there Not what is NOT WRITTEN....
---Carla on 10/7/15

\\Please read my blog before answering. Did you notice I started out..."Tina,\\

Forgive me. I did not notice that you were not answering the original poster.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/7/15


"My husband of 25 years abandoned me and our children in Brazil 11/19/13. He has another women and I need to know what Gods word says about divorce and if I can remarry since he is not willing to correct the issue. I deserve a Godly man who is going to stand up and love us as God does
---Tina_Rodrigues on 10/4/15"

I was writing to Tina. Please read my blog before answering. Did you notice I started out..."Tina,
Please excuse Cluny."
---trey on 10/6/15

Cluny, my answer to Shauna would have been:

1Cor 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (KJV)

Since the blog is from 2005, my guess is she has already divorced him and moved on with her life.
---trey on 10/6/15

\\ When your husband left you and took another woman he committed adultery against you\\

And just where did shana say her husband took another woman? She didn't.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/6/15

Trey don't shelter Tina:

Please excuse Cluny. He's just a grumpy old man.--trey on 10/5/15

Cluny is FRANK.

I don't see anything he posted that makes him grumpy.

Since when does it make you grumpy because you give Scripture advice for marriage?

Marriage is HARD and I never been married.

I just listen to married couples very well.

Sorry Tina, but Jesus knew there would be men like your husband, but didn't give permission to divorce.

That's why the Catholic Church forces marital counseling BEFORE THE MARRIAGE.
---Nicole_Lacey on 10/6/15

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Please excuse Cluny. He's just a grumpy old man.

The scriptures say:
Mark 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. (KJV)

When your husband left you and took another woman he committed adultery against you. He broke the marriage covenant. Now it is as if he were dead to you. You are free to remarry.

Lord bless you. I hope the Lord will bless you with a wonderful, loving husband who will be faithful.
---trey on 10/5/15

\\I deserve a Godly man who is going to stand up and love us as God does\\

If you think you deserve this, you're in for a lifetime of major disappointment.

Only God Himself can love us as He does, and no mortal can.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/5/15

\\I deserve a Godly man ...\\

Where did you get that idea?

We don't want God to give us what we deserve, but BETTER than what we deserve, because all we deserve is being cast away from Him..

Remember the parable of the vineyard workers who all got the same pay, regardless of how long they worked? We might think that those who worked longer "deserved" more, but that's not what Jesus said, is it?

He also said, "When you have done all that is required of you say, 'We are unprofitable servants, we do no more than our duty.'"

When we rail at God or life thinking we "deserve" this or that, that's the first step towards loss of faith.

Glory to Jesus Christ!
---Cluny on 10/4/15

My husband of 25 years abandoned me and our children in Brazil 11/19/13. He has another women and I need to know what Gods word says about divorce and if I can remarry since he is not willing to correct the issue. I deserve a Godly man who is going to stand up and love us as God does
---Tina_Rodrigues on 10/4/15

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"So basically, now we just looks for excuses to leave our vows?"

Please study the Bible. 1 Corinthians 7:15, 16: "But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances, God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?"

If one is not bound, they are free. Desertion and refusal for marital counseling is hardly "looking for an exceuse."

I'd say 4 months isn't very long yet, though. Pray over your marriage and give it more time.
---Jim7338 on 8/14/12

So basically, now we just looks for excuses to leave our vows? I'm glad God doesn't work that way or we would all be doomed for eternity
---mike_desorbo on 6/19/12

If you divorce you husband you are not permitted to remarry 1Cor 7 will re-address the issue stating that a woman is to remain single or reconcile.

only if your hubby be dead c an you re-marry as long as you know that, you can go ahead and divorce but you better know it is better to read and understand than understand without reading FIRST all scriptures concerning your decision.
---Carla on 6/28/10

1Cor 7:15-16 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save [thy] husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save [thy] wife?
Mat 19:8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
1Pet 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle [you].
Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
---micha9344 on 5/11/10

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I am very sympathetic but what do you mean by limbo? Unless your relationship with Christ has fallen apart you are NOT in limbo. Your security in salvation has not changed.

If its a matter of simply wanting to get remarried then the issue is the desires of the flesh and has nothing to do with Christ. The question, no offense, reveals what is already in your heart.

What you need to do is seek his face before making another move. You need to be still or you won't hear him. God bless.
---larry on 5/11/10

Where did it say re-marriage?

and if it is indicating remarriage which I half believe it is, How is it advocating is able to do so? Just men or women also, tread carefully because it is a very sensitive subject.
---Carla on 5/11/10

//I have used the words remarry but the word does not appear to be scripture in no shape or form// - Carla

I have no idea what you two are discussing but:

Matthew 19:9 (King James Version)

9And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

I still think that this verse which is very awkward is used to permit divorce, when actually it is a verse about remarriage and adultery.
---aka_joseph on 5/11/10

Good point Carla. We must remeber GOD understands us and loves us and we must also show love to others.
---Samuel on 5/11/10

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I do in actual fact stand corrected on this one because I have used the words remarry but the word does not appear to be scripture in no shape or form and therefore I withdraw from this because it could be down to incorrect interpretation.

Reading something into scripture does not necessarily equate to something being there, that clearly is not. This is not only complicated it's better left as it is written. because you can interpret it and get it so wrong.
---Carla on 5/7/10

You have a point Carla for some passages do speak to the man. But some are for the woman and they tell the man not to divorce his wife if she is willing to stay. But as I pointed out in the passage if the spouse abandons or departs from you then you are not under bondage. To me that bondage refers to being married. So if you are no longer in bondage to the married person then you can divorce them which in reality already happend when they left.

In reality many who leave go out and commit adultery which is also a reason for divorce.
---Samuel on 5/6/10

1Cor:7 represents the unequally yoked man who wishes out of a marriage to a believer. It does not advocate remarriage . No thats inncorrect!
It states in Matt:19 that a woman/man will commit adultery if any commit fornication or marry whilst their partner is still alive. However for the man of God where the wife is the adulterer committing fornication if he re-marries he will not be called an Adulterer.

The woman is to remain unmarried, remain single or reconcile. God represents the abandon Husband. Adam the man of God was not deceived first or formed from Eve.

The woman is not the for runner for marriage the man of God is 'despite Equal rights or feminism' God sees what he has written not man!.
---Carla on 5/6/10

1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]: but God hath called us to peace.

I believe this verse allows for divorce when a wife is abonded by her husband.
---Samuel on 5/5/10

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i have been in a an emotionally abusive marriage for many many years. My husband has withdrwan physically, and emotionally from me over time. He provides financially. I had to separate myself emotionally from him to deal with the pain. I am not sure of if there has ever been an affair over the years but I would like to start a new life where I can be free Biblically to start again. My thoughts are that abondonment in Marriage could mean emotionally and physically as well. Wanting to know if this is valid reasoning.
---BS on 5/5/10

Joanne, this guy married you under false pretences and nobody I know would accept that
for even a minute...especially the cheating with other ladies. Cheating on his part will most likely have included sexual adultery, so you have BIG grounds for divorcing him immediately!
---Marge on 11/22/09

Jesus prohibited divorce except for adultery, that included lying about ones virginity. The non adulterer could remarry. The adulterer, and anyone marrying one, is entering a prohibited marriage. A divorce without cause, was no divorce, and so, another marriage was a type of bigamy. The exception is in 1Corinthians 7:15. If the unbeliever departs, the Christian can remarry because the marriage was not 'in the Lord'. Matthew 19:9, 1Corinthians 7:27-28 allow remarriage. He violates Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Malachi 2:14-16, Matthew 5:31-32, by departing, but not divorcing.
Deuteronomy 22:17-19, 28-29, Proverbs 2:17 (forsaketh husband), Isaiah 54:4-8, Jeremiah 3:1, Matthew 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12, Luke 16:18, 1Corinthians 6:15-16, 7:10-17, 27.
---Glenn on 8/17/09

For better or for worse, from my Bible research... I would have to agree with "WIVV on 9-3-05. Also, rather than asking, is ______ a grounds for divorce, often the question should be is _______ grounds for forgiveness, restoration, and/or counseling? Keep on keepin on and makin God smile through your trials. Also... remember it can be dangerous to presume upon Gods word. We have to be very careful when we Google, or gamble on God or the Gospel. It might sound tough but who says all our revelations and rewards have to happen on this side of eternity?
---Dan on 1/14/09

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1 Cor 7:15
Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave, the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

Please read the whole chapter for context. But yes, if a nonbeliever leaves, then you are free from your commitment
---Alex on 10/20/08

Abandonment--- God will never leave you nor forsake you,the Holy Spirit is always here to comfort us.Divorce,only if he left for another lover, ICor 7:15-19prayer changes things. Read Jer 3:6-12. He can be saved. IJOhn 1:9, and Romans 10:9-10. Believe in God and not in man.It's an attact on your marriage.Become a prayer warrior.Math ch.4.Fast,don't over do it, must eat Math 6:16-18While fasting,read, study, learn God's word and live God's word.Only listen to God.Read Prov3:5-6.
---KReid-Lewis on 6/3/08

Yes. if he abandons his household & refuses to help out financially,etc.. you have a right to leave, & the fact he's not a follower of God, you do not need to be with the unyolked. better to forgive & release & countinue serving God, then to carry on luggage not doing anything.
---candice on 6/3/08

It says you can let him depart.(separate) not divorce. Your husbands salvation should be important to you if you ever loved him at all. It is entirely possible for God to restore your marriage and bring your husband back to you AND to God. You need to pray for your marriage and your husband and wait to see what God can do...if you let Him. God's first priority is not our happiness, it's our holiness, our happiness is added to us when we follow Him and allow Him to work in our lives.
---Michele on 6/3/08

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1Cr 7:11
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.
---Carla5754 on 5/22/08

Wow... I'm not alone. This is happening way to often I see. What is wrong with the men of the church? I'm still mortified and miss my husband more than I could miss my own two legs. I would have given them up to keep him. I truly believe I love him too much, even still.
---Jane on 5/18/08

Yes, Joanne, you may divorce Him. He is commiting adultery anyway, and he has rejected His marital vows with you.
---Ok on 8/7/07

Joanna find a good Christian counselor/pastor for yourself. Abandonment can be abandoning the marrige physically and emotionally. So with great prayer I'd have turned his sorry self gone a long time ago.
As for the original question, marrying an unbeliever - this is the result. You now have an obligation to handle it like a christian, not as an unbeliever. Get some pastoral counseling. God forgive and bless you both.
---Andrea on 8/7/07

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my husband is a believer , proclaims he made a mistake in marrying me and God will forgive him. He found a women once already and I forgave him, now women #2 he tells me is prettier. He said the reasons he married me is finanical security.
Is it ok to refuse reconcilliation if he asked for one again, he has done this to me 5 or 6 times already and I have exhausted my emotional well being. no more energy to fight . is grounds for divorce in order?
---joanne on 8/7/07

Your spouse has no rights to tie your life up because of his insecurities and problems. When he took the vows he should have known what he was getting into . I would give him a time limit to get himself together. If he did not honor that limit, I would begin the divorce proceedings. I hope there are no kids involved.
---Robyn on 8/6/07

The Bible says if the unbeliever departs, let them depart, a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases.
---Pat on 8/6/07

i could have written ur blog. my husband left 3 months ago.17 yr marriage 3 kids. Paul tells us if the unbeliever departs- let him go. there is a biblical divorce here. your pain will diminish in time. it hurts- i truely know- i'm very sorry- i share this with u. u wonder y.God tells me i won't get a divorce- i hope not- i see it as failure.i wish u the best of tomorrows;there will be tomorrows...really.
---stephanie on 9/21/06

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Maxine - that book you recommended is a good one. Another one is "Marriage Divorce & Re-marriage" by Jay E. Adams. He also supports the view from scripture that one can have the right to re-marry.

Yes, there will always be those that are judgmental on this issue but you need not have fellowship with them. Their view is the minority view and springs more from their own prejudices and fear that their own marriage is not on solid ground.
---lee on 5/8/06

Jean - Mark 10:11-12 does not address the rights of the one of whom was divorced; namely the victim of someone else sinfulness.

If your husband divorces you, does that mean you (the one not at fault) cannot re-marry or does the verses indicate that since he was the one that divorced you, he commits adultery if he re-marries?

I believe Scripture tells us that the church has authority to judge in these matters and that each case has to be judged on its own merits.
---lee on 5/8/06

What God has put together let no man put asunder. The keys here are #1. Did God put it together in the first place, #2. God can put asunder anything He wants.
---Rev._Mr.P on 5/8/06

Shanah: In searching the web, I noticed your post from last September. My heart goes out to you, as I am experiencing the exact same thing (or I believe so). How did everything work out for you?
---Mark on 5/8/06

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Yes, you may divorce your husband. The fact is, once he leaves and refuses to come back, the marriage is dissolved. You are required to file for a divorce. Also, see Judges 19. Your husband is has violated his vow to live with you. According to 1 Corinthians 7, you are no longer bound to the marriage. The marriage bond is broken. It is considered harlotry---Judges 19. Once he leaves, the marriage bond is broken and 1 Corinthians says to let him go.
---maynard_james_keenan on 10/14/05

The Bible says if the unbeliever wants to leave, let them leave. If he is not pleased to dwell with you, then you are released.
---ann_G on 10/7/05

I know what you mean, My ex was (supposedly) a preacher, he fooled the best of em! In actuality he was nothing but a deceiver. The churches are full of them. They know how to "act" to impress! But their heart is not in it. Their "christianity" is only skin deep. I know it hurts, just hang in there with Jesus, ALL things work together for good to those who love the Lord, Never forget that, now matter what you go through! That has got me through much torment in life.
---Pat on 9/4/05

Shanah, I have been where you are now. Professing Christianity and actually walking it out in daily life are two different things. Some men are quite deceptive in their "christian front" before marriage to win the heart, I guess we all wish we had taken more time to truly examine the "fruit" I feel for you. I think you already know you are free to divorce, God understands ALL things and He is a God of forgiveness of ALL things confessed to Him.
---Maxine on 9/4/05

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Mixine, thank you for the information on book title. In this ongoing question, it is about reason for divorce. Regardless of reason, according to Mark 10:11,12 remarriage is the problem. In that scripture it says it is adultery!!! I wish there was a comforting answer that wouldn't leave any doubt as to any of us as a Christian in this dilemma. The next question: Can there be life after divorce and still have forgivness from God? That is the most important issue of all.
---Jean on 9/4/05

WIVV: I do not read the same as you in regards who can file for divorce. The bible does say that I am no longer bound when the unbeliever leaves (and he left 4 months ago).

Pat: I truly, totally thought my husband was a Christian when we married. I wouldn't even date anyone who wasn't a Christian! He attended church with me. He knew the bible (better than I!). He showed true emotion at church. But something changed and now it seems it was all an act.
---Shanah on 9/3/05

You have a say in the matter also, if you file for divorce and he wants to return, tell him only under one condition: that he must turn to God and serve Him with all his heart! NO MAN is worth loosing out with God for! You wont be able to bring him to God if he drags you away! This is the reason it is so vitally important to listen to the Bible when it says not to be unequally yoked with a nonbeliever. God can bless you with a wonderful, Christian man if you stand your ground and remain faithful to God!
---Pat on 9/3/05

You are caught between "a rock and a hard place." You can't file for divorce, based on the Bible. (Suggest you read the 1 Corinthains 7:10-18.) As a non-beliver, he can divorce you, but you can't divorce him. Your best "avenue" right now is to pray for his salvation. Do those things that will reflect Christ in your daily life, even if he can't witness it. It's tough, but that's my advice.
---WIVV on 9/3/05

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Actually Shanah, in the bible abandonment was one of the reasons divorce was allowed. Get the book "Divorce & Remarriage In The Church" by David Instone-Brewer to get the full picture on all biblical grounds old/new testament and how some scriptures have been misread. God bless sister. The bible also says that if the unbeliever wants to leave then let them go. So you can be free.
---Maxine on 9/3/05

I agrre with Pat. The Bible is very clear on grounds foe divorce. Read 2nd Corinthians chapter 7. Paul explains it. Alot of "denominations say adultry is the only reason" but I believe also that if you are in an abusive marriage God would not want you in it. As in your case(husband not a believer) the Bible say's not to be unequally yoked.
---evangelist on 9/2/05

That is what I thought too. But then there is the question of ... what if when I bring up divorce or dissolution, he decides to move back in? Must I allow him to do that knowing full well nothing will change with his refusal to get help for our marriage?

What scares me the most is that I feel I am allowing myself to be dragged down and away from the Lord. I want to help my husband find God, but feel his negativity hurts me in my own walk with the Lord.
---Shanah on 9/2/05

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