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Tell Spouse About Two Affairs

I have had two affairs that didn't actually result in sex but it's been enough to cause me guilt. I'm afraid God will not bless me because I haven't told my spouse. I am experiencing great fear that I have to confess to my spouse in order to receive God's favor. Do I have to?

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 ---Robin on 9/15/05
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If you were that afraid you would have restrained better than you did. The fear will be your punishment. What actually did happen? I would confess tot he Lord and leave it there. Your spouse may not be as understanding as the Lord.
---Robyn on 2/24/08


i believe that if you have asked for Gods forgiveness then it is time to ask for you spouses i think you spouse should know it is only right and then he/she needs to accept it and forgive i believe until you come totally clean you will not recieve the fullest of Gods forgiveness and blessings please tell your spouse and get his/her forgiveness
---andre9789 on 2/22/08


ANY affair is wrong. Be responsible and leave the relationship if you can't remain faithful. IF they forgive you NEVER forgive yourself for what you have done.An affair is a gross betrayal of trust and a solid relationship all religion aside cannot and should not continue with such betrayal. We're taught to turn the other cheek, but in the first writings god was not forgiving of Satan. Yes we are human and make mistakes, but we must also stand frward and deal with the consequences of those mistakes.
---Sandor on 7/3/07


-1-
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

It does not specify that you must confess to your sin to your husband. You have confessed your sin here to Christians here.

Have you not obeyed Scripture?

Ask God if this confession is enough for Him?
---a_servant on 6/21/07


-2-
It seems you have been convicted by the Holy Spirit. I fear you should heed & not repeat the sin.

After asking God should you also confess to your husband, & He says yes, then obey God.
---a_servant on 6/21/07




perhaps that guilt is telling you something. Would you want spouse who was disshonest doing things behind your back. Marraige needs loyalty, trust, faithfullness.
You have thrown these out.
Yes, he deserves to know.
it is his marraige and life as well. Stop being selfish and covering things up. Why should God Bless you when you keep such secrets?
---Shaz on 6/21/07


Well said, DoryLory....best answer I found on this posted question.
---Nan on 9/16/05


According to Psalm 5:12, we have to be righteous to receive God's favor and Romans 3:22 says that "... RIGHTEOUSNESS from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ ..." This tells me that it takes faith to receive favor from God. It doesn't involve being "good enough".

If you've confessed your sin to God then He has forgiven you. From there I would follow Xanthi's advice. Consider your motives here. If it's just to be free of guilt ... that's selfishness.
---DoryLory on 9/16/05


Is it all about future blessings that you care for? And what about your heart? God maybe won't reveal this fact to your spouse for next few years, but your growth in Christ will surely be slowed down because you keep secret from your spouse.
I would advise you to talk to God, to ask HIm to give you wisdom, right time and right place to tell the truth and then I bet you will get closer to God and to your spouse by sacrifying your 'security' feeling.
---Yana5656 on 9/16/05


My wife confessed to an "emotionial affair" on her death bed. Yes, she should have told me long before.
---anon_for_first_time on 9/16/05




What brings greater evil here, telling your spouse or not telling? You know your spouse to predict the results. What are you doing now to stop the "affairs?" I guess using the priciple of what Jesus told the adulterous woman helps here, confess your sin to Jesus and ... Don't do it again.
---seble on 9/16/05


I think you should put yourself if his position (in your thoughts) and imagine if the boot was on the other foot would you wish to know and be given the chance to forgive or would you prefer to remain in ignorance. The saying 'ignorance is bliss' is sometimes true, sometimes not. You have to work this one out for yourself and only you know your husband well enough. You certainly need to confess it to God and ask His forgiveness though.
---Xanthi on 9/16/05


Dave is right. Keep it between you and God. What possible good could come from telling your husband. You will receive God's favor by proceeding down the straight and narrow from now on.
---ralph7477 on 9/15/05


I don't agree with Abby. It is still adultry if there is any kind of touching or kissing or anything else like that, even if there was no sex, because you did things that should have only been done with your spouse. Your spouse deserves to know. My husband lusted and chased after 2 women, and even though there was no sex involved, it was still adultery 1)because he desired them, 2)because of the conversations they had. I have forgiven him, and our marriage is growing stronger.
---Melissa on 9/15/05


Dave, your answer is a good one. You will only be opening a can of dirty worms if you tell anyone but God. God will forgive you and man may not.
---shira_5965 on 9/15/05


Try using a different word other than "affairs". This word conveys the idea of sex, and that's all your wife will think about. Evaluate what these encounters really were. Once you know what you are going to say, than tell your wife. But, make sure you have a block of time that's uninterrupted by anything. Telling your wife won't get God's blessing, assumming you have repented, but it will relieve your guilt. If you still feel guilting after telling your wife, than it's not of the Lord.
---WIVV on 9/15/05


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I have been on the cheated on side of this senario and Yes, you do need to tell your spouse. Secrets cause more hardship in the long run and he needs to know who he married and needs to be able to trust you. What happens if someone else tells him and you didn't? I think he needs to hear it from you.
---Marla on 9/15/05


In order to make it right with God, you have to make it right with your husband. That is bible. Although it says if you have a fault against your brother, you need to go to him and ask for forgiveness before you can go to God. This guilt you are feeling, it is God telling you done wrong and you need to fix it. God won't bless a mess.
---Rebecca_D on 9/15/05


It is your cross to bear. If it will not come back and bite you or your family, ask God for forgiveness, learn from it, and live with it.

Stay clear of these people and situations similar to the ones that lead you to fall.

Do not subject your spouse to this torment because of your lapse of self-control. Be glad it ended where it did.
---Dave on 9/15/05


If the affairs didn't result in sex, then they weren't actually affairs (although wrong just the same). You need to decide if telling your spouse would do harm, sometimes it's better to suffer in silence. Pray earnestly to God and ask for guidance in this matter.
---Abby on 9/15/05


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