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Should I Approve An Atheist

My 25 yr old daughter says she is an atheist & wants to marry her live-in fiance with atheist vows. She knows I'm a Christian but she still wants my full support and she won't talk to me until I agree. Do I just stay out of her life & pray for her?

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 ---Marilee on 9/30/05
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This post is nearly six years old the girl is probably married and divorced by now!!!!
---Carla on 1/21/11


Make one last attempt to talk to your daughter about atheism, before the wedding. Let her know atheism is not the way. Perhaps she can think about what she is doing before too late. If she refuses to side with you, go ahead to the wedding. This does not mean you are accepting her belief system. Continue to show her love but give her time to settle her mind. Who knows? She may come around sooner than you think.Keep praying and showing love to her and your son- in -law.. God can work it out. If not--she is an adult and you will have to accept her decision.
---Robyn on 1/21/11


I'm not quite sure what u mean by "full support." Of course I don't believe u should support her beliefs but, I DO think u should support HER. My son is gay, and while I make it very clear that I do not agree with his lifestyle, I also make it very clear that I am NOT here to judge him, only God can do that. I also make it clear that I love him and am proud that he is my son, no matter what. I admit, when I first became a Christian, I did NOT handle it that well and God really spoke to my heart on that. Gb!
---wendy on 1/14/11


My pastor said it best in these situations you can win the argument that atheism is wrong or you can win the relationship and still talk with your daughter. Which one do you want more if you choose the relationship she can come around back to the truth.
---Scott on 1/14/11


I agree with Alvin. There is a difference between loving your daughter and subscribing to her belief system. Your fist ministry is your family, and she needs you now more than ever.
Love is the greatest of all gifts, and love counts the most when it's hardest to give.(smile)
---jat on 1/6/11




Do not listen to your heart, for the heart can be deceiving. The answer>>>NO WAY NO HOW.
---catherine on 11/23/10


I think that you should follow your heart. If you do not feel offended then you should interact with your daughter and in time love will concur atheism.
I have a nefew that is angry with his God fearing parents. He is 23 and now he is mad at all things religious. My brother was too hard on him and failed to show him the love of God in a way that would overwhelm all his doubts.
If on the other hand you feel offended, then you have the right in God's eyes to go the hard road. You can cut off the money and support but do not refuse your love. Your love will one day win her back. You must act in a manner which is consistant with your lifes worldview and understanding of scriptures of Christ.
---Alvin on 11/23/10


First, your daughter wants you to join her 'wedding'. That, one could, even if you may not agree with her philosophy. But here even that 'marriage' has been violated. God approves only a one-time relationship unless death ends it. All other subsequent relationships remain a violation of the first marriage. There is no undoing the first. The 'live-in' shows that either a marriage has been consummated or violated. SO going or not going to such a 'marriage' makes no difference. Maybe you could stay away and tell her that although you love her and will always accept her (inspite - don't tell her that)your allegiance to Scripture will not approve even if you were 'present'. Time will bring your daughter to the Truth. There is no other way around!
---hop on 11/20/10


Has your daughter been forcing you to do things in the past? God supports what HE approves, you should immitate God. The things HE doesnt support have an unpalatable end. If you have relatives, you can ask them if they can attend instead of yourself {indirect help} but do not directly support what is against your belief.
---Adetunji on 11/18/10


Do not punish your daughter for being deceived. If you do, you have lost her. Attend her wedding. It does not mean you accept her beliefs.

I also have a son, 17, who has been raised in a strong, Christian home. He has chosen to walk away from the truth. I know your pain. For the first time I realize that I can't secure salvation for my children. Salvation comes only from the Lord. We can pray and we can love. Those are our weapons against Satan.

I believe Jesus would tell you swallow your pride and go to her wedding. Love her as her mother. That is your job. His job is the saving part. Nothing but regret awaits the alternative. I Corinthians 13, read it. Grace is the only answer.

In Christ, Karen
---Karen on 11/15/10




Apostles told us to work out our OWN salvation not others

how could your daughter not "know" you were a christian? didn't you raise up your daughter and teach her about God?

what exactly is "full support" is she asking you to become an atheist?

If she is not asking you to become an atheist than simply be happy for your daughter that she is marrying rather than choosing to live together which is so popular today EVEN among "christians"

nobody is perfect in this life your daughter and quite possibly your future son in law could change their viewpoint later
---Rhonda on 10/19/10


PRAY FOR HER

MATTHEW 10,36 And a man foes shall be they of his own household
MATTHEW 10,37 HE that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
---RICHARD on 10/17/10


\\What she really wants is to be in control & she wants me to approve of what she's doing. I've made it clear that I'm here for her whenever she wants me but that I will never approve of her current choices. Please pray for her. Thanks!
---Marilee on 10/2/05\\

Or maybe you are the one who wants to be in control?

You're not called upon to approve of her choices, true.

But you ARE called upon to love her and keep the lines of communication open.
---Cluny on 10/17/10


Don't let her manipulate you. She has rejected the one you love more than anyone else including your daughter. But don't pressure her either. Christ is coming between you and her and that's what Jesus would predict.

Matthew 10:37 KJV He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
---Casey on 10/14/10


She is your daughter. It would not be very Christ-like to deny her the common bond that you have as mother and daughter. There are literally tens of thousands of religions out there, and hundreds of Christian sects. Notice that many here are trying to push their personal agendas and judge your daughter, but I think the teachings of Jesus clearly point out that we shouldn't judge others and that we should show decency to one another. Perhaps if the two of you had a more open relationship, you could reach common ground. It is certainly not a sin to be honest about your feelings and beliefs, or lack thereof. I would venture to say that if a God does exist, he (or she) would appreciate honest disbelief over "faking" like you believe.
---Steven on 10/13/10


Probably would be the best thing for you to do. God always must come first. ALWAYS!
---catherine on 10/5/10


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Scripture instructs us, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers."
---Eloy on 10/4/10


You can interact with her, and rightly share the uncompromising gosple of righteousness and obedience with her, but do not agree to any of her sins. If she wants to marry death, encourage her not to do so and to instead marry a born-again Christian in order to be pleasing to God, rather than choosing to be under God's wrath.
---Eloy on 10/4/10


What would be accomplished by staying out of her life?
If you alienate her, you will miss any opportunities to help her. It may be your love and acceptance (of her--not her beliefs) That may make her reconsider her choice of atheism some day. Same with her significant other. Make every effort to be nice to him, but don't be drawn into arguments about faith. Another important reason....you may have grandchildren some day. You don't want to miss out on them!
---Donna66 on 10/3/10


What is wrong with you? You should support and love your daughter for who she is! Just because you are a Christian doesn't mean she should have to be. She is giving you an opportunity to be a big part of her life... don't miss out on it.
---Sarah on 10/1/10


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Would you be uncomfortable in his company, is the question. I believe that I would be. If this should be the case with you, you had better tell your daughter. Otherwise, not much that you can do about it. Of course praying should never cease.
---catherine on 9/10/10


Tell your daughter you love her but its not about rejecting you that matters but rejecting Jesus.
She is otherwise marrying for something that doesn't exist for atheists - a future.
Her marriage is a waste and for that you must pray not lecture.
You can win the argument or win the relationship.
Be very aware that Satan first always attacks at the point of relationships.
His will is for your daughter's eternal death and broken relationships in your family.
Atheists and atheism have nothing to offer. They, by their own admission are accidents and no more relevance than a rock or leaf. What's the point of marriage if that's all there is?
---larry on 9/9/10


Sorry, but your daughter and her husband are far smarter than you'll ever be. By not talking to them, you're only proving that you love your imaginary friend more than you love them. Please don't be a bigot. Accept your loved ones for who they are.
---William on 9/9/10


Pray & trust the Lord. Let her learn the ways of atheism are not good. Don't let her run all over top of you. Draw the line. Keep in mind there may be grandchildren one day. Try to let your everyday life be a witness for Christ. Let your light shine, even if you don't "preach" at them. One day they might find out Jesus Christ is easier to believe than believing in atheism. Try filling your home with Christian music (Modern Worship might sound good to them. "Redeemer" by Nichole C. Mullen & "Healing Rain" are annointed songs, many come to Christ after hearing those. Anybody would be touched by them.), Christian t.v.. Ask for the Holy Ghost and ask Him to bring her and her husband back to Christ.
---bettyw on 4/1/09


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You must NOT give her your blessings. Tell her You still love her, but, in all good consciece you can not, you must not, give her your blessings. You must not allow her to bully you. God is your ruler.
---catherine on 4/1/09


You are a Christian and I'm sure it does hurt and worry you about your daughter's current beliefs as well as her fiance's.

She wants you to attend her wedding with "atheist" vows. I wonder if she's planning a marriage in a church...

My advice would be to attend the wedding. Pray for both her and her fiance. Remember the story of the Prodigal son. Be patience, and do not throw the Lord to the wind because of this. If they come to visit, it is they that will have to remember and respect your feelings. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Continue to be a beacon of example and unconditional love for them. Love their children all the same as well. Let the Lord shine through you to them.

God Bless
---Lesla3685 on 3/31/09


Unbeliever/Atheist both want to get married whats the problem? You love them and well wish them, attend their maarrige, their at least of the same faith you can do something with that.

Be a friend mother and confidone to them both, don't press them, don't harass them, at least they understand the union of marriage, their not completely lost, you'll have access to them where they will at some point see your not controlling and may well stop the rebellion against Christianity, you at least have a good shot from inside .
---Carla3939 on 3/20/09


At the onset I would had opted for the attitude of the Father
in the parable of the Prodigal Son. The Father did no such
thing as giving the son his portion while at the same time
telling his son to best be running before he called the elders
of the city for a routine stoning!
---Nana on 10/31/07


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This particular case is a "Cold Case" but it is a recurring
issue in the community. Sue and Madison spoke very
well with valuable advice. Head to head confrontation is
not how Jesus ran shop with unbelievers. Those of the
religious authorities whom besides being proud were
comdemning and judgemental, that is another case.
---Nana on 10/31/07


Jesus used parables that only whom had eyes and ears
could see and hear. He did not hold peoples eyes opened
with sticks, nor with his power. I consider atheist and
unbelievers as the same thing and for the same thing.
---Nana on 10/31/07


First off let her know that your relationship with the Lord is more important than she is.
If you are going to be rejected by one it is better that it is her.
Next ask her to prove she is an athiest instead of an unbeliever.
To be an athiest she would have to study all things and know about them to prove there is no God.
God will reveal Himself to her and she will have to reject Him making her an unbeliever not an athiest.
---Elder on 10/30/07


It upsets me to read advice from Christians to turn your back on non-belivers. Thank God Jesus did not turn his back on non-belivers. As mentioned earlier, love your neighbor as you love yourself. May be you don't need to agree support the marriage financially, but I believe you should definitely let your daughter know she is loved; just as Christ loves us, no matter what.
---Sue on 10/17/05


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Lovingly tell your daughter that you love her, but you cannot support her lifestyle. Let her know that you do not want to be separated from her therefore, if she chooses to separate herself from you, your door will always be open. Pray for her and her fiance's from an anti-Christ spirit and allow God to keep your heart that you are not overtaken with false guilt.
---Tonya on 10/13/05


I have a 34 year old daughter, while not claiming to be an atheist, does have MANY unchristianlike ways. I let her know I love her dearly but don't approve of her lifestyle. She got upset and didn't talk to me for a long time. But as soon as she needed mama's shoulder, she called. We still have a strained relationship, but she knows I love her and she also knows I am praying for her. She knows I am a Christian and yes, God does come first. Because without Him being first there is nothing else.
---Elaine on 10/4/05


you did not say if she were a christian. as for your part, paul says not to bid godspeed to an evil person least we become partaker of their evil deeds... to apply that to this, if she is a christian, you would be a partaker of her rebellion. let her be and stand ready to pick up the pieces when it all comes apart. the Lord never said it would be easy to be a christian.
---ron on 10/4/05


Here is a perfect example of being "unequally yoked together with a unbeliever". Notice how when we go against this scripture, which is written in both the O.T. and N.T., the person of the different religion can cause us to leave our faith and follow theirs. i too pray that your adult daughter will return to the fold of our Lord.
---Eloy on 10/4/05


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Marilee,perhaps you can take heart in her wanting your approvel so badly,that may well mean she still knows what she is doing is wrong.The Bible says the Word of God doesn't return void.One day the Word you planted within her will over ride the lies fed her by people who don't know what they are talking about. My prayer,for God to remove those who are atheist from her life quickly and remove her blinders.May her own conviction stir God's Word within her so she cannot forget it.God Bless You
---Darlene_1 on 10/3/05


Marilee, I have told my sons who have chosen lifestyles that are unacceptable in light of scripture the following. "I do not have to approve or disapprove of what you are doing to love you. You are adults. I love you. I disagree with some of the choices you are making. You are free to continue making those choices. I am free to keep praying for you."
---Madison on 10/3/05


I have full trust in God that HIS plan will be fulfilled. A lot of people are praying for her (including some of you!!! Thanks!) and I remember the verse in Proverbs about training up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it. I raised her to love Jesus. She always included God in her life until about 4 years ago. But she has been so adamant & so forceful in her new beliefs... It's been a long emotional struggle. Thanks for all the support!
---Marilee on 10/3/05


No."Full support" has nothing to do with $$. She's very independent & wouldn't let me pay for anything anyway. She wants my full acceptance of what she's doing. She wants me to approve of her choices & lifestyle - & I'm not giving her the "cold shoulder" - I've told her I'm always here for her & that I'll always love her. But I can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's been her choice to give me the cold shoulder because I won't tell her that what she's doing is ok.
---Marilee on 10/3/05


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Set boundaries with your daughter. Lovingly communicate with her and tell her that she cannot have your "full" support (whatever that means) because you are a Christian but that you very much want to be in her life......then my dear, pray very hard that this bondage be broken in her! No matter how long it takes, treat her with respect and always remember her special days and talk to her when she wishes to...but do not give into her atheistic beliefs...these are not of God!
---Elsie on 10/3/05


Jesus NEVER drew anyone unto himself with the "cold shoulder" approach. Wrong move to stay out of her life, but you do not have to embrace her unbelief. You wanna know the only thing that melts the heart of an atheist? The love of God! Exhibit that to her every day, knowing that our Lord does not want her to perish. Eventually, she may be won over. I'll pray for you!
---Crystal on 10/3/05


Do the words 'full support' mean 'pay for the wedding'? or does she want to hear you say that her lifestyle is acceptable to you? This is a horrible situation to be in and I'm in a similar, though not identical, position. I don't know how to advise because I'm not coping too well myself, but I'll pray for you and hope that your daughter becomes aware of what she is doing to you by pressuring you in this way.
---Xanthi on 10/3/05


Marilee,it's hard to be in your place,I will be praying.Can't you take your control back?Maybe tell her again you don't approve of her beliefs, but you respect her right to believe as she chooses.If she wants you at her wedding because you love her, not because you agree, or fully support her beliefs,you will go.I just don't see how cutting ties completely wiil serve any purpose except to make it easier for the Devil to get a deeper foothold.Tell her she has a right to her beliefs, but you do too.
---Darlene_1 on 10/2/05


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I have prayed for the bondage of your daughter and fiancee to be released in the name of Jesus, pray in agreement with me ..all that read this -> Matthew 18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it SHALL be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
---Jan4876 on 10/2/05


I copied and pasted this from another blog I answered -> God dealt everyone a 'measure' of faith-> Romans 12:3 , proof, Helen Keller, she couldnt hear,see, or speak,she was a wild animal, until anne sullivan taught her words in her hand, when she told her about God, Helen responded,she always knew he was there but just didnt know his name.How could she know she couldnt hear someone tell her,(deaf) she could read lips(blind)she couldnt ask( mute) some day every knee SHALL bow Romans 14:11.
---Jan4876 on 10/2/05


Darlene, the adult atheist daughter is not asking her mother for any forgiveness, instead she's telling her mother that she's marrying a live-in atheist with atheist vows, and she wants her mother's full support or she won't talk to her until she agrees. So she is asking her mother to support her wrong decision, and wrongly intimidating her mother to agree.
---Eloy on 10/2/05


The mixed opinions in this blog mirror the struggle in my own heart. I appreciate all of your comments very much! I've made it clear to my daughter that I will always love her, and in fact that I love her too much to support athiest beliefs that lead to eternal terror. What she really wants is to be in control & she wants me to approve of what she's doing. I've made it clear that I'm here for her whenever she wants me but that I will never approve of her current choices. Please pray for her. Thanks!
---Marilee on 10/2/05


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Darlene: It amazes me how many believers support the idea of turning one's back on one's children. I believe we love our children unconditionally, and stay with them no matter what, through the good and the bad. God does that with us. How do we know if our children won't be attracted to God by our unconditional love.

We don't have to condone the behavior by being there for their celebrations and love. We are loving them by being there.
---Madison on 10/2/05


Marilee, all you can do is what God leads you to do. Granted, that's not always the easy way (it's not supposed to be) but , ultimately, you have to make the decision that will allow you to live with yourself and remember that you'll also have to face God one day.
---Heather on 10/2/05


I am surprised at so many people telling this mother to turn her back on a daughter.All the time we see on here people telling others to forgive trespasses against them,so does the Bible,what is the difference.This girl turned on God not Mom.Mother isn't condoning what daughter believes by going.It is no different than a Catholic,Baptist,Pentecost,going to the wedding of a person in another denomination.Love suffers long and is kind.Love thy neighbor as thyself.It doesn't say only if they are Christians.
---Darlene_1 on 10/2/05


As hard as this may be, if you go you are excepting the fact that she doesn't believe in God. She had to believe in God in order to have gotten saved at age 18. I'm sorry but I wouldn't go. If you support her decision then you are just at fault. How are you showing God in you by supporting her decision to not believe in God? She believes in God or otherwise she wouldn't think you are a christian.
---Rebecca_D on 10/1/05


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God's loving kindness leads people to repentance (Romans 2:4).

Telling your daughter that your relationship with Jesus is more important to you than she is, will alienate her. How then will you speak into her life or demonstrate God's loving kindness to her?

She isn't asking you to give up your faith. All she wants is your love & acceptance. You can accept her without approving her lifestyle. You don't have to give up your own convictions to show someone you love them & care about them.
---DoryLory on 10/1/05


Nothing like a bribe to make you do things. It reads like this isn't the first time she's tried this. I would suggest you not get involved. She probably just wants you to pay for the wedding anyway - not you. (I may be wrong - but this is the way I "see it".
---WIVV on 10/1/05


Sounds like a spoiled child to me. Remind her that Jesus still loves her and that you still love her. Pray for her, but tell her that you cannot support her in what she wants to do.
---NurseRobert on 10/1/05


Thank you all so much for your input and prayers! This has been (and continues to be) a long struggle. When she was 18 she excitedly told me she had gotten saved at college. At 21 when she said she believed God didn't exist and she was an atheist I asked her about getting saved and she said it was just something she'd done cause it felt right at the moment but she really didn't believe in God. My brother also claims to be an atheist. It's so hard to think of what eternity holds for them!
---Marilee on 10/1/05


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God gave us freewill and your daughters at an age where she can choose her own belief system and is fully accountable. You dont have to agree with her views but you should support HER as shes your daughter and let her see the Lord in you. Turn her over to God, pray for her and let God deal. You just continue to love her as God believes in atheists and you could be a witness of His love. A.
---Ann on 10/1/05


sweet lady, I wouldn't be in your shoes for a million bucks, but Bro. Elder gives wise advice. I will sure pray for you and your daughter.
---shira_5965 on 10/1/05


God said in Genesis to Satan, "I will have my rematch with woman and her seed." Your daughter is being decieved greatly by the enemy. Pray, intercede like you've never done before. Do not allow any child, things or circumstances come between you and the Son's business. Father God has called you as a mother, the greatest ministry on earth. Intercede for her soul, do not give her your blessing. It would be like selling her soul to Satan himself. Be strong, encouraged by HIS truths in the WORD.
---Kathry on 10/1/05


This is your daughter,you don't just turn your back on your child because they don't believe like you do.Yes,it hurts you,but sinners have never been won yet by Christians leaving them alone.No, you don't stay out of her life.The more contact you have to show her you love her, no matter what,letting Christ's light shine through you,the greater chance she has to be led to the Lord.It wouldn't be very Christlike to punish her by not attending her wedding.She wants you there,thats love,love her back.
---Darlene_1 on 10/1/05


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If you are living for Jesus, you must take up the cross and leave all those behind that do not want to follow... If you put even your father or mother before God, you are not worthy of Him. So choose your battles well...leave this one before Jesus feet and He will take care of it. You should not give in to what she wants...God bless you and I hope for you the best...
---Alicia on 10/1/05


Her choice to discontinue talking to you is 100% her choice and not yours, and therefore it is her loss. Tell her that you are a Nonsin-supporter, and that you do not honor the disobedient. And if your adult daughter becomes beligerant, then tell her to leave your premises.
---Eloy on 10/1/05


Sounds like control and manipulation on her part to have you compromise her own choices. Does she know Christ as her Saviour? You not responsible for her choices. If the truth be known, she isn't asking for your approval. She wants to know if you'll still love her no matter what choice she makes. As a mother you're able to do that. God imparted that into you. Keep praying for her. Ask the Lord to open her eyes and reveal who He is and allow His will be done in her life. BlessU.
---sandi on 9/30/05


No, you do not stay out of her life. You do definitely pray for her, and him as well. To stay away from her would be to alienate her and not show her Christ's love for her.

My son is very similar to your daughter, and he is living with his fiancee. I love them both and show them in very real ways.
---Madison on 9/30/05


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