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I Don't Love My Fiancee

Me and my fiancee just called off the wedding but he still thinks there is hope for us and I just dont feel in love with him and I have prayed every night about what to do?

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 ---kryst7959 on 10/5/05
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There are three kinds of love: eros, which is romantic love, philos, friendship love, and agape, which in in the Bible means unconditional love. The latter is what is commanded of spouses, so it is possible.

I'm engaged myself. I don't know if I eros my fiance, I care about her deeply, and the thought of breaking off the engagement makes me really sad, but thinking about being married to her makes me depressed, for there are women I'd eros more. I haven't broken it off because I lack the conviction to, and because I felt, through prayer, that I'll grow to agape her.

I have no answer as to what to do, but I think we shouldn't adopt the modern secular culture's standard of "being in love" for marriage without thinking.
---mark on 5/20/09

For your sake and his, stick to your guns! Do not give into pressure from family or friends if you are not 100% sure that you want to marry him!

It is better to be single wishing you were married than married wishing you were single.
---Bruce5656 on 10/26/07

The weddings in the Bible were done without courtship and dating. Many times the people didn't even know eachother and they worked out just great. Brides were ordered in from other places of the world. Love is something we are told to do. We have no excuse not to love our spouses anymore than we have not to love our enemy. Any marriage will work if the 2 will love eachother.
---john on 9/28/06

try being without him for a few weeks and see how you feel without him and then see him after you find out alot in a seperation
---anon on 9/25/06

I feel I am in the same situation, my fiance was much more into the relationship than I ever was, now we are engaged, and I am unsure. I am contemplating calling it off. A lot of money has already been spent, however, I don't know it if is right. He would be the perfect father, provider, etc., however, I don't know if this person is the perfect one for me.... so confused. please advise...
---dawn on 9/25/06

Better now than later. If you know you are not in love with him - it's best you get as far away as possible. This is one case, "where time heals all wounds." If you break ALL contact, even if you have to live or work in the same community, time will heal the situation. Don't do anything that may give him false hope. (Don't speak to him, or contact members of his family, or friends who know him, etc.) Don't contact him, or respond to any contact he makes to you.
---WIVV on 4/2/06

Be glad you know before marriage.My husband & I had a very short courtship & had doubts before the wedding.I didn't back out-I didn't want to disappoint everyone.(They are telling me to leave him now- Ironic.) 8 years 2 kids later & I'm miserable.My husband doesn't believe the same things I did(he lied to me).I don't feel that divorce is the right thing-I made the decision & my kids shouldn't be punished for it.So I'm stuck being miserable & waiting/hoping/praying that God will do a miracle.
---Erin on 10/7/05

I'm going to ask a question, not to start trouble, but because I genuinely don't know the answer. How do you gals end up getting to the point of marriage with a guy when you don't really love him?
---ralph7477 on 10/7/05

If you don't feel love now, it WILL NOT develop after marriage, I married a man I did not really love and our marriage is a disaster, I don't love him at all. Wait wait wait for the one you really love. You were wise to call off the wedding, I wish I had dear sister.
---Uma on 10/7/05

When in doubt don't.You did the right thing.I did the wrong thing years ago,and left after 3 months of marriage.Don't give him false hope what ever he considers to be hope.Continue to pray about it, you just don't what direction God will lead
---missy on 10/6/05

I have been married before and did not have love for my husband and it lead to hate and pain in both of us. Also we brought a child into this hurt and pain and well. Now I am a single motherpaying for the concequences of marrying without the love. Please save yourself and him the pain and do not marry if you do not love him completly. In the end stay8ing single is much better till right one you CAN LOVE comes along.
---Shaz on 10/5/05

I dont know, but seek life mentors in the wise old women of your church. Proverbs-15:22,33, Titus-2:1-5.
Emotions and hormones are fickle and temporary. Paul commanded Husbands, love your wives Ephesians-5:25. Also, see 1John-3:16-18. How can they command an emotion? The world says love is a feeling, but love is a verb. We love others regardless of feelings by our actions and attitudes. Feelings follow. Use a concordance or do a Bible word-search of love for context.
---DavidJ on 10/5/05

Calling off the wedding was one smart move. Your next smart move would be to break off completley. To let him think there is still a chance, is just not fair to either of you. He will not even look for someone else as long as he thinks there is still a chance with you. If in a years time, without contact, you both decide to "try again" fine, but if it doesn't work break off without ever going back.
---WIVV on 10/5/05

You did the right thing in cancelling your wedding. I understand how you are feeling and can tell you that you must stick with your gut on this one.

God bless you as you heal.
---Madison on 10/5/05

You will know when the right one comes along.
---John on 10/5/05

If you do not love him do not marry. Perhaps you are not listening to God when you pray. Perhaps God is trying to tell you that he is not the one for you. If he was the one you would feel the love needed to marry him.
Communicate your feelings to him gently and let him know in no uncertain terms that without the love you can not marry him. You must tell him the truth though and not beat around the bush. He deserves honesty.
---Marla on 10/5/05

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Kryst, the fact is that if you don't love him there is not much you can do. Love is not a choice, it's a feeling that you can't control. My girlfriend broke up with me for the same reasons and I truly understood her situation. But please don't keep contacting him, don't try to be his friend right now, don't say anything about a possible come back in the future, don't tell things that will hurt him! We men need a lot of space to forget.
---Alex on 10/5/05

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