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How To Stop Fornicating

I am to be married in six months. I was raped a year ago and I didn't think I could ever get close to someone in a sexual way. My fiance and I slipped and I was scared but I enjoyed it now that we have started it is hard for us to say no. We know it is wrong till marriage how do we stop.

Moderator - First repent and second if you truly have repented then never be alone with each other. Stay in group settings.

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 ---dreab on 10/5/05
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In the first place I don't see how if you have truly been bought by the blood of Christ that God isn't whipping you all over the place. Check and make sure that you are truly saved. Because I have my DOUBTS.
---catherine on 6/27/07


I'm so sorry to hear about what happened a year ago, so so sorry.
I am to be married in four months and we have slipped a few times. I'm not going to patronise you with 'holier than thou' gloating.
I also feel it is wrong but it is hard. I believe the Lord builds us up from the inside if we try to follow His will.
You are committed to your fiance and you are probably still healing from your experience. God does have a perfect Will, seek it from the Word and the Church
---johnandginalyn on 6/27/07


You have to make a decision that you wont do it again before marriage.Sexual sins are first committed in your mind before you go out to act them.After deciding then take practical steps to avoid having sex eg avoid finding yourselves in compromising situations where you may easily sin.You also need to talk about it with your partner.I believe He is saved.Talk about it, draw boundaries and accept your responsibility
---Pkay on 6/26/07


Dreab... Your originally posting was over a year ago. Just wondering if you got married and how you are doing. God bless you.
---Michelle on 10/29/06


Dreab - why don't you just move up the marriage. Have a quiet small Christian ceremony and then save your money and on you first year's wedding anniversary renew your vows with the wedding of your dreams.

If you haven't already done so, seek counseling for the rape. It will probably affect you for many years to come. You might want to include your fiance in the counseling.
---grace3869 on 10/28/06




1 Corinth 6:9-10 neither fornicators shall inherit the kingdom of God. why doesnt someone mention that this person is in danger of eternal damnation?
---r.w. on 10/27/06


Moderator ... I was meaning that this poor girl,has been througfh so much with the rape and the aftermath, I could understand that the tenderness shown by the boyfriend could lead to sexual intimacy, and perhaps she did not have tghe defence that someone would have who had not been thrugh that. As to God's blessing, I meant in the future, provided they now live a pure life until they marry.

Moderator - Thanks for the clarity :)
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/3/05


"... Oh yes, I know it is a sin, but I think God understands and will bless the future for this couple.<
Moderator - Say what?" Not sure Mod what you mean there, but it is of course still a sin.

Moderator - I just couldn't believe you would make the comment that God will bless someone that is sinning. Unless I misunderstand your statement?
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/3/05


You don't have to have an expensive wedding. I had a church wedding and it only cost $200.00 and it was a nice one. I didn't have a regular wedding dress. I used a formal, the guy's wore jeans and shirts that matched, the gals wore dress's simular to the same color. My mom and I made the flower arrangements and she made my wedding cake. If you have someone that can help make the stuff it will save you a lot of money. You can have a nice wedding without all of the expenses.
---beth on 11/3/05


# 2 How lovely at last to make love to a man instead of remembering that fearsome first ordeal. A man whom you trust, whom you will trust for the rest of your life. The nightmares have been driven away.
Oh yes, I know it is a sin, but I think God understands and will bless the future for this couple.<

Moderator - Say what?
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/2/05




# 1 I have been reading through this blog again, and I think perhaps we have none of us quite fully understood what Dreab has been through.
Just think, she was RAPED ... think of the fear the pain the guilt (rapists always make the victim feel she was to blame)the revulsion. The continuing fear that sex will always be violent & painful.Then suddenly here is this real friend, who loves you, who is gentle, and not threatenng, Instead of a man who violated yuo, here's one who cherishes you.
---alan8869_of_UK on 11/2/05


we have not been living together never have lived together but we want a wedding to remember it is both of out first marriage
---dreab on 11/2/05


"How Big Is Your Want To", or how determined are you(?) as a pastor often challenged saint & sinner alike. or as Corrie Ten Boone said, "never give up, NEVER GIVE UP"! She would know!
---bob6749_[Elishama] on 10/18/05


Dreab ... your wedding should be to join you together in God's eyes ... and that does not need o cost you a lot of money

The bit about "doing things nicely" is to do with celebrating that union. If you have been living together etc previously, what is there really to celebrate? That piece of paper?
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/8/05


Dreab, a wedding only needs to be as expensive as you choose to make it. You don't need the dress, the cake, the flowers, the limos etc. Get the witnesses (parents perhaps) and get on with it. You can arrange a party to celebrate it, with family and friends, on your first anniversary instead, if you can afford it then. It is more important to do the right thing now.
---F.F. on 10/8/05


alan: we do not have the money at this time to do a wedding parents are not helping with wedding and niether is anyone else it is gonna be tough enough to do it in six months much less sooner we have thought about it but we want to have a nice wedding being it is both of or first time
---dreab on 10/8/05


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Why not bring the marriage forward?
---alan8869_of_UK on 10/8/05


The Bible says "flee fornication". stay away from any situation that puts you in temptation. Don't spend time alone. Daily present your body to the Lord as a living sacrifice. Ask the Lord daily for grace to live a holy life and expect him to give it.
"submit to God, resist the devil and he will have to flee"
---ann_G on 10/7/05


we both are saved but we failed we know we did and it is tough but we will make it we are doing our best to avoid those situations but it gets tough i have not i have confided in a pastor and she has counseled me when i felt i needed it i am ok with it now i face my perpetrator anywhere from 2 to 4 times a week that is over i still have fear but i am ok. now i am fighting the sin
---dreab on 10/6/05


First, sorry for what happened to you! Second, repent and ask the Lord to give you a pure heart with pure thoughts. Because fornication is already done when thinking about it!
"Carefully guard your thoughts because they are source of true life". Proverbs 4:23
---kalig8456 on 10/6/05


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Have you gotten therapy since your rape? I strongly suggest that you do.

I also echo the suggestion to stop the sex. Confess it, repent of it, and avoid alone situations with fiance.
---Madison on 10/5/05


I am sorry about what happened to you.
Have you believed in Jesus as your saviour?
You can not fight temptation without Jesus' Spirit in you.
Read and learn scripture so you remember it. Why not ask your finace to have devotions with you, pray together, go to church and ask God to help you live Godly lives. These things should help you grow spiritualy. We are not good in and of ourselves, we need the Lord.
Psalm 119:11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
---Ulrika on 10/5/05


Dreab, I am rally sorry that happened to you. Now, I am not a christian, so my point of view might be different than others. If there is love between you two guys, I don't see any problem. I don't think God is going to judge me if I had sex before marriage, but because if I loved my peers and tried to give my best in life.

Moderator - Sex before marriage, fornication, is strictly forbidden for Christians per 1 Corinthians 6:9-10. As a practical matter, people that fornicate will have a tendency to have affairs when they marry due to the ungodly habits formed before marriage which are difficult to break. In addition, when husband and wife perform their conjugal duties they will be comparing their spouse to former sex partners which would be unhealthy for any marriage.
---Mark on 10/5/05


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