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Husband Woke Up In Another Bed

I have been seperated from my husband 10 months ago. One month ago, he got drunk and slept with a roomate. He says he doesn't remember anything, woke up naked in her bed the next morning. He vows never to drink again. Our relationship was already rocky, what do I do? Biblically, I am free to divorce. Any advice?

Moderator - How does he have a female roomate if he is separated? Has he been having an affair?

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 ---Seperated_Confused on 10/10/05
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A man who is married (even if seperated) has no right to have female roomates. And I myself would have doubts about her just being a roomate. If you have been seperated that long I would be questioning what is going on with him and the females he calls roomates. I was married to man who spent 10 yrs cheating and lying about it. And he will not quit drinking either. He is just telling you what he thinks you want to hear.
He wants to keep you dangling while he has his fun.
---Shaz on 12/22/07


Lee: There was a time when I drank so much that I don't remember a thing. That is called a drunken blackout. It is dangerous. I know plenty of people in AA who have drunk to that point. It is scary because they don't remember how they got home from the bar, and sometimes woke up not remembering where their cars were the next day.
---Madison on 10/26/05


One can get very drunk and really not know what is happening. My father relates the story of this guy who continually got drunk and had to be cared for by his partners. What they did one nite is to put him into a bed with a very fat woman. He was more careful after that.
---lee on 10/26/05


What was the length of time you both agreed upon for separation? I Corinthians 7:5 says to consent for a time, but 10 months seems like a very long time to be separated from each other.
---Eloy on 10/26/05


It might be a good idea to attend Al-Anon to get support from other wives who have been where you are in dealing with a husband's excessive drinking.
---Madison on 10/25/05




My husband has begun going to AA-he's doing the 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days). He is still in counseling and we are attending church together, reading Scripture and praying together...maybe there's hope.
---seperated_confused on 10/25/05


Charles: There is married living together, married but separated, and divorced. Married couples can and do separate. Some separate for the purposes of divorce. Some because a husband is a batterer and the wife is separating till he gets help, or some other reason.

People don't need to lay down ground rules for such a thing. Married people should not sleep with other people. Period.
---Madison on 10/17/05


Did you two have any rules regarding your separation? If you two still have feelings for each pther thsan you two have a lont way to work things out if not legally divorce him-ither you are married or divorced-no such thing as separated
---Charles_Tarkington on 10/17/05


separated-confused- If you want to forgive him, do so. But, I would not even consider reconciling with him till he gets into therapy and works on his drinking and adultery issues. Marital therapy in addition to his psychotherapy is also recommended.
---Madison on 10/17/05


What about forgiveness? Can trust be rebuilt? Is there any other option but to walk away here?
---seperated_confused on 10/17/05




Maynard the Bible also gives the Fornication/adultry clause.
This lady is free to divorce.
A Marriage license is not a license to "Hunt."
It is time for good time Charlie to pay.
How many times can a man commit sin against his mate before she can take action.
When he brings sexual diseases home does she have to summit to him?
Have you ever been involved in something like this?
God is not caught by surprise and has made provision for the unerring mate to stay clean.
---Elder on 10/14/05


Maynard: 1 Corinthians discusses that married people do separate, but should be reconciled to one another. Her husband did commit adultery. There are often times when separation is necessary because of abuse and other problems that come up in marriage. This woman is free to divorce now that her husband is an adulterer.
---Madison on 10/14/05


If you are both professing Christians, you should never separate. It is a violation of your vows to one another to leave your parents and cleave to one another. Separation is unbiblical. Upon separation, both of you refuse to live with eachother, you both have already dissolved the marriage bond. (Judges 19 I Corinthians 7) If he had sex with someone else, all he did was fornicate. You have no grounds for divorce because when you agreed not to live with him, you dissolved the marriage bond.
---maynard_james_keenan on 10/14/05


I left him 11/26/04,we have been living separate but still promised to one another and trying to reconcile.we were taking some time without speaking but promising to be faithful when this happened-i can't trust him ever again.
---separated-confused on 10/14/05


My husband was living with a couple and a friend of theirs moved in, i wasn't comfortable with it-but he claimed he couldn't afford to move out yet. He swears this to be a onenight stand.Drinking has been a problem, now cheating is too.
---seperated-confused on 10/14/05


Ruth_Ann something happened 10 months ago that caused the separation. I'll bet it wasn't snoring.
Now the drunk wakes up nude (with his clothes in the cleaners maybe) in another woman's bed
He is not with his wife.
That is a form of adultery.
He didn't care for his wife proven by his relationship with the woman and his lifestyle.
Where did the other woman come from?
Why was he in her bedroom?
PS. Bridges "R" Us. Wanta buy one?
---Elder on 10/11/05


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I agree with madison.
---sun on 10/11/05


Remember ONLY you can prevent forest fires.
Keep on playing with this guys lame excuses and you will find your body crawling with critters you can't get rid of.
Time for him to pay the cost. Listen to Madison.
Remember this.......He was SOBER before he got DRUNK.
Now you figure it out. If being drunk is an excuse how come he didn't go out and play in traffic and get hit by a Bus? Maybe he was thinking too clearly for that, huh?
---Elder on 10/10/05


I assume he was in your dorm room and got in the wrong bed. How do you know he had sex if he was that drunk? You are only speculating. You need fact.
---Ruth_Ann on 10/10/05


How is it he has a female roommate? What did you expect to happen if he shares a home with a woman and drinks?

Get a lawyer and file for divorce.
---Madison on 10/10/05


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You don't actually believe that ridiculous story do you? A rocky relationship does not give you freedom to divorce, adultery does. I would say being naked in the bed of a woman qualifies as adultery. You can bet there was more going on than just sleeping.
---ralph7477 on 10/10/05


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